Josh could’ve gone his whole life without knowing any of that. He felt sick. Was that how Warehouse District was run? Had he earned every win or were the bets rigged? Jesus. His phone beeped, signaling an incoming text message and saving Josh from his spiraling thoughts.
Kip: I forgot you don’t have a car seat. Stop by Styles by Genie on the way to the center and grab mine out of my car.
Josh: On it.
“I have to get Jade,” Josh said, grasping for any sense of reality. He glanced up from his phone, catching the disappointment in Dmitry’s expression before he hid it behind his usual mask. It wasn’t Dmitry’s fault Josh had been born into a crazy mess. Not to mention, Josh really didn’t want to say goodbye yet. “I know how you hate leaving the house in jeans. If you want to change, I can wait.”
Dmitry’s accent thickened when he spoke, proving how moved he was by Josh’s offer. “A sick baby is waiting on us. I’ll survive people seeing me slumming it.”
Without thought, Josh moved closer. He held Dmitry’s gaze as the space between them disappeared. “I love you.” His insides shook at the thought of letting Dmitry into Jade’s life. “She’s just a baby.”
Dmitry’s mouth lifted in the kindest smile Josh had seen in a long time. “Yes, and you trust me more than you’re admitting. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here at all.”
Josh kissed him because he didn’t know if it was true and he didn’t want to admit it. Kissing Dmitry was so much easier than saying the words. If Dmitry let him down again, Josh was scared of what he might do.
*
Jade’s little cherub face was blood red with fever by the time they reached the daycare. The way Jozsua had chewed his bottom lip in worry as they drove out to the ranch had Dmitry on edge. He didn’t spend time with children, but he knew they were resilient. Other than the reddened skin, Jade looked fine. In fact, she was perfectly content sitting next to Dmitry on the couch with her feet in his lap, watching him as if she expected him to do something to entertain her. Of course, that could’ve been due to him pretending to pull off her toes and eat them every time Jozsua looked away. She wasn’t laughing, but she’d made a point of kicking off her shoes and keeping her feet where he could get to them.
“Kip says there’s some fever reducer in the cabinet,” Jozsua said, coming to his feet. “I’ll see if I can find it.”
Dmitry played innocent while Jozsua eyed him. “Okay.”
“Do you want me to take Jade with me?”
Dmitry shook his head. “We’re fine.”
The second Jozsua was out of sight, Dmitry was back to playing with Jade’s tiny toes. “What’s your name?”
Dmitry blinked in surprise at Jade’s adult-sounding question. “It’s Dmitry. Why are you grown?”
She giggled. It was adorable.
Jozsua reappeared, medicine in hand. “These dosage instructions are ridiculous.” He unscrewed the lid. “Never mind. The little dropper thing is marked.” He glanced up and looked back and forth between them as if trying to figure out what he’d missed.
Jade pointed at Dmitry. “Tree is silly.”
Jozsua’s mouth twitched. “Is he now? I don’t think anyone has ever described Tree as silly.” Jozsua choked on the name. Dmitry bit the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. “Look, girlie. You have to take this stuff. It says it tastes like bubble gum.” He sniffed it. “It smells good.”
She dutifully opened her mouth without a fight. Dmitry was impressed.
“Do you want something to drink?” Dmitry asked, just in case it didn’t in fact taste like bubble gum.
Jade rolled from the couch and headed for the kitchen. “I’ll get it.”
With a snort, Dmitry met Jozsua’s laughing gaze. “Why is she grown?”
He shook his head. “She has her dramatic days, but—for the most part—she got Kon’s temperament.” Jade padded back into the living room, juice box in hand. She passed it to Dmitry before climbing into his lap and reclaiming her juice. She yanked at the straw, trying to pull it from the plastic without much luck. Dmitry fixed it for her. He intentionally didn’t look Jozsua’s way. The man’s stare bored into Dmitry’s skin. With Jade settled into his hold and happily sucking down her drink, Dmitry finally chanced a glance at Jozsua. They held each other’s stare. Neither of them showed an ounce of emotion, but there was so much between them unsaid.
Jade’s weight increased in his arms. Her juice box fell, pulling Dmitry’s attention her way. She was asleep. He shifted her in his arms so she’d be more comfortable before settling in for a long haul. Even though she hadn’t cried or complained, it was more than obvious Jade didn’t feel good. He hated to wake her.
“This is what I wanted for us,” Jozsua said, snagging Dmitry’s focus once more. A self-deprecating smile touched Jozsua’s lips. “It’s crazy, I know. You being who you are and me coming from where I do, the thoughts should’ve never crossed my mind.” He held Dmitry’s stare while Dmitry didn’t draw a single breath. “But they did,” Jozsua added. “All the time. Stupid, huh?” Before Dmitry could rub two brain cells together and decide how he felt, Jozsua shifted to his feet. “I’ll go put this up,” he said, motioning toward the medicine before making an obvious run from the heaviness of their topic.
Dmitry carefully stood and transferred Jade into the spot he’d vacated. After making sure she wouldn’t budge, he covered her with a blanket he found folded up on the loveseat. For a moment, he stood still, watching her sleep and wondering what to do. He knew next to nothing about kids. Would she roll off and hurt herself? There wasn’t a coffee table, and the couch wasn’t that tall. It was possible, if she did fall, it would only piss her off. With his inner pep talk out of the way, Dmitry went in search of Jozsua. He found the man leaning against the kitchen sink and staring at nothing. His eyes were unfocused as if lost in thought.
Dmitry closed the distance between them. Every inch. He captured Jozsua’s lips and stole the man’s kiss without giving Jozsua a say in the matter. Having his husband’s tongue stroking his own broke the words loose in Dmitry’s throat.
“I can give you any life you choose,” Dmitry said as he changed angles. For a moment, he enjoyed the sensation of Jozsua’s light touch and the taste of his love before pulling away and holding Jozsua’s gaze. “It doesn’t matter who I am or where you came from. If you want this life, you’ll have it. Say the words, and I’ll give you anything.”
The back door swung open and Cameron stepped in. His gaze swept the room, seeing everything, while his expression gave away nothing. Dmitry took a step back. He hated giving up touching his husband, but neither would he put Jozsua on display. Cameron closed the door behind him before crossing the room with his hand outstretched.
“You must be Dmitry. Kip told me all about you.”
Dmitry accepted the man’s handshake. “You must be Cameron.”
“You can call me Cam,” Cameron said, taking a step back. He focused on Jozsua. “I found someone to cover my patrol and got an appointment for Jade at the doctor.”
Dmitry motioned toward the living room. “Jozsua gave her something for the fever. She is sleeping on the couch.”
Cameron dipped his chin. “I appreciate that,” he said as he headed for the living room, leaving them alone once more.
Once he was gone, Dmitry met Jozsua’s stare. The man’s eyes blazed with unnamed emotion. “One of these days, we’ll get to have five minutes of serious conversation without interruption.”
A smile exploded across Dmitry’s face. “Probably not today.”
“Yeah,” Jozsua said, sounding put out and making Dmitry laugh.
He linked his fingers through Jozsua’s and tugged. “Come on. Let’s go see if Cameron needs any help.”
Jozsua allowed himself to be dragged along. “Should I warn Cam there’s no way in hell you’ll ever call him by anything other than Cameron?”
Dmitry bit his lip to keep from laughing. It took everything he had to hide the laughter in hi
s voice. “Don’t. It’ll be fun to see how long it takes for him to notice and how long after that for him to become annoyed.”
“You’re hopeless.”
He was, but not in the way Jozsua meant. Dmitry was hopelessly in love with Jozsua.
* * *
Night had always been Josh’s favorite part of the day. He loved everything about it. The stars twinkled, making him feel small, but also as if he could ask for anything he wished. The night sky was proof there was something or someone powerful enough to create such beauty. Therefore, they’d have no trouble granting the silent favors he begged.
The phone Josh kept balanced on his knee vibrated a half second before the face lit. He knew before he looked away from the sky and down at his phone who it would be.
Dmitry: Will I see you tonight?
Josh: I’m not sure.
Dmitry: I can come to you, if you’d like.
Josh: I miss you.
Dmitry: Is that your answer?
Was it? Was the fact that he missed Dmitry the only real answer he needed? No. Josh knew exactly what held him back. Dmitry had married him. The man had gotten down on one knee and begged Josh to spend the rest of his life with him. He’d spoken his vows in front of Josh’s family and God. The whole time, he’d been lying about the most basic thing—why he was in Josh’s life in the first place. It felt like the deepest of betrayals.
Now, Josh had questions and only one person had answers. Josh didn’t fully accept, until he’d driven an hour across town to Dmitry’s house, that he trusted Dmitry would tell him the truth if only Josh would ask. The front door opened before Josh had time to knock. Dmitry stood in the doorway, wearing nothing more than a pair of dress slacks unbuttoned at the waist. His feet were bare. For some reason—one Josh couldn’t explain—that detail made Dmitry feel more like the man Josh had married than anything had before now.
He didn’t bother saying hello. “I can’t take the lies sitting between us.”
Dmitry took a step back, letting Josh in. He didn’t look surprised by Josh’s words. Perhaps he’d even been waiting for Josh to say them. Dmitry closed the door behind Josh.
“I never expected to love you,” Dmitry said the moment they were closed away from the world. Josh’s feet froze to the floor at the admission. It seemed ridiculous now. In spite of everything, this was his husband. Josh knew him. The man was a killer—never meant to love anyone, but that had always been part of the appeal. Dmitry had always made Josh feel powerful, because he was the seed of love Dmitry shouldn’t have, but he did. Now he stared at the man he loved and waited, because if Josh knew nothing else, he knew Dmitry would tell him the truth.
Dmitry didn’t disappoint. “Then, one day, I did,” Dmitry added, looking proud of the words leaving his lips. “I’d never thought myself capable of feeling anything at all. Those things had been stripped of me at a very young age by monsters. One night, I looked at you, and this pressure built in my chest. I found myself hoping we both lived to be a grand old age and that you would outlive me because I didn’t want to be left behind without you. More than that,” Dmitry said, sounding fierce. “I wanted to reach inside myself and cut out this dark disease living in me, corrupting me.” Dmitry’s face continued to harden, becoming almost inhuman. “Now I see myself as I truly am. Evil isn’t a part of me I can cast away. I was born bad—a rotted soul.”
The backs of Josh’s eyes burned. He couldn’t deny having similar thoughts about Dmitry, but it hurt hearing Dmitry say such things about himself. Even if there was nothing human about Dmitry, that didn’t stop Josh from loving him. What did that say about Josh?
Dmitry’s eyes snapped into focus, as if coming back to himself. Shoving his hands in his pockets, Dmitry leaned his shoulders against the wall and focused on Josh. With the darkness of the foyer surrounding them, it seemed the perfect spot to spill their secrets.
“I fed the Danshovs every lie and bit of misinformation I could, hoping to keep them at bay. In hindsight, I realize there was no keeping the wolves from our door forever. It’s funny how love and hope can blind you from reality. Once we were married, you were off limits to them and they knew it. At first, that felt like a win.” The way Dmitry held Josh’s gaze, as if he needed Josh to really listen to him, had Josh hanging on every word. “When they ordered Konstantin’s death, the thought of actually killing him never crossed my mind. I was so damn certain I could find a way to keep him alive.” A self-deprecating smile touched Dmitry’s lips. “You were right when you said if the shoe was on the other foot, you never would’ve hurt me like I did you. You have to know I would not have done that to you if life had given me a single fucking way out.” The desperation in Dmitry’s voice almost broke Josh.
He felt the same as he had the night he’d learned Dmitry had killed Konstantin. This time, it was for a different reason. Losing two years of his life, for things neither of them could control, deserved some recompense. Josh wanted his payment in blood and destruction. Dmitry straightened away from the wall and took a step toward Josh. Josh’s mouth went dry at Dmitry’s expression. For the millionth time, Josh wondered if Dmitry could read his mind. The dark hunger flashing in Dmitry’s eyes matched Josh’s rage. Black emotions built inside Josh until he worried his skin would rip apart. He needed an outlet for his rage. The idea of physically harming Dmitry in any way made his stomach churn. There was only one option. He bit his lip until he tasted blood, trying to hold back the words. Dmitry moved closer—like a wild animal, pacing and waiting to pounce.
The demand ripped from Josh’s throat on a growl. “Hurt me, Dmitry. Punish me.”
As if Josh had given him exactly what he needed, Dmitry sprang. Josh’s clothes disappeared in a frenzy of motion. In one quick move, Dmitry hooked Josh’s ankle and shoved, taking Josh to the floor. His head hit the hardwood surface of the entryway with so much force that Josh saw stars. Dmitry’s teeth sank into his chest, hard enough to break the skin. The moans tearing from Josh’s throat were out of his control. If Dmitry was a rotted soul, Josh was the picture of perversion. He wanted Dmitry to fuck him so hard it hurt—make him bleed and beg. Josh hated Dmitry. He also loved him more than life.
The raging desire to kiss Dmitry softly even as Dmitry tore away his skin was pressing on Josh’s brain, twisting him into knots. Reaching between them, Josh palmed his own cock and squeezed—hard. It should’ve crippled him. Instead, pre-cum leaked onto his stomach. He writhed beneath Dmitry, needing more. Dmitry shoved Josh’s knee up and rammed his way inside without warning or preparation. The tearing of skin and burning flesh had an orgasm slamming into Josh without warning. Wave upon wave of pleasure rolled through Josh as Dmitry fucked him without mercy. Josh already knew there would be teeth marks covering his chest and claw marks running down his body after this. A second round of spasms hit Josh at the thought. He knew he was fucked in the head, but his anger and hurt needed an outlet. Not loving Dmitry wasn’t an option for him, especially now that Josh knew the truth. He’d seen it in Dmitry’s eyes. If there had been any other choice in the world for Dmitry, the man never would’ve taken Kon’s life.
Chapter 6
“I need to head to the gym.”
Dmitry looked up from his book and focused on Jozsua at the man’s claim. For the most part, Jozsua hadn’t left his sight since the night he’d shown up at Dmitry’s door, looking for answers. Dmitry had been dreading the moment Jozsua got bored with being with him nonstop. Being as how Jozsua was now dressed to do exactly as he claimed, Dmitry surmised the moment had come. As much as Jozsua loved working out, he was surprised it had taken Jozsua this long, but he supposed he’d kept the man’s body hard and busy in other ways. A smile pulled at his lips at the thought. He swallowed it down, refusing to let Jozsua see his pleasure and mistake it for him being fine with Jozsua leaving.
“Is this the same gym owned by your adolescent want-to-be lovers?”
Jozsua’s lips twitched at Dmitry’s question. He pressed them together, vis
ibly fighting back a smile before answering. “That’s where I pay a membership fee.”
“No,” Dmitry said, setting his book aside.
Jozsua failed to hide his smile this time. It exploded across his face. “That’s it? Just no, huh?”
Dmitry didn’t try sugarcoating things. If Jozsua liked Max and Ryan, he wouldn’t be alone with them again. “We each speak three languages and all three are the same. No.”
“So,” Jozsua said, dragging out the word. “You want me to get fat and lose every match I enter? I’m not opposed to either. Just wondering.”
Dmitry came to his feet. “Your looks matter not at all to me, but in this case, I’ve been hopeful and planned ahead.” He waved for Jozsua to follow as he headed for the stairs. “It wasn’t easy finding someone who could mount your bag properly, but all your equipment has stayed with me since you left.” He glanced over his shoulder. “I told you I left nothing of ours behind.” Dmitry led Jozsua up the stairs to the room he’d converted into a gym. The punching bag, everything Jozsua had used to train in Texas, Dmitry had kept.
Jozsua eyed the steel beam crossing the ceiling and holding the weight of his heavy bag. “Wow. You made sure it wouldn’t fall.”
“Of course,” Dmitry said. “It will withstand your powerful hit.” He winked as he said the words, because—goddamn. Jozsua was sexy and powerful and his. It was intoxicating.
“You know what else would go well with that steel beam,” Jozsua said. His eyes flashed with mischief, fascinating Dmitry. “Chains. Kind of like the ones they have at Affinity.”
Uncaged (No Rival Book 7) Page 8
