by Maya Banks
Page 9
Lauren’s eyes rounded in surprise. “You … Someone—your husband—hurt you?”
Holly nodded. “Lauren, honey, you can’t hide from the world forever, and moreover, you can’t hide from the people who love you. My husbands and my sons are dying to spoil you rotten and treat you like an honorary daughter and sister. Hell, they spoil Callie shamelessly and she’s a married, grown woman. It’s bad enough Max gives her the moon, but her fathers and brothers do as well. I know it’s hard for you to trust right now, but in time your faith will be restored. Not all men are bastards. There are some really good men out there who’d die before ever hurting a woman. ”
Tears filled Lauren’s eyes. “I just feel so stupid. And I’m angry with myself. I should have left him. I made excuses for him. I brushed off the warning signs. I just felt so damn alone and for a while he filled that emptiness inside me. ”
“Oh, honey,” Holly said, pulling Lauren into her arms. She held her tightly and rocked back and forth. “It isn’t a crime to make a mistake. We all make them. Just because you gave your trust to the wrong man doesn’t mean you should punish yourself for the rest of your life. ”
Lauren sighed and wiped hastily at her tears as she pulled away from Holly. “It sounds pretty stupid when you say it like that. What I mean is that I sound stupid and you make complete sense. I just wish it was that easy to believe, you know?”
Holly smiled and ran her hand over Lauren’s damp cheek. “The thing is, you don’t have to endure this alone. You’re surrounded by family, by people who love you. No one in this family thinks less of you. We’re worried about you. My boys want to go kick the little bastard’s ass, but we all just want you to be happy again. Venture out of your shell. We want you to feel safe here. ”
This time Lauren hugged Holly and her slender body shook with sobs as she buried her face in Holly’s shoulder. For the longest time, Holly simply sat there and held her, rocking her back and forth as Lauren let go of the pent-up emotion.
“I miss my mom,” Lauren whispered.
“I know you do, baby. It’s times like these when a girl needs her mother the most. No matter how old you get, the need for your mother never goes away. I hope you’ll allow me to stand in for her. ”
Lauren squeezed her fiercely. “I’d love that more than anything. ”
Holly squeezed her back. “Not only do you have a stand-in mother, but you also have three fathers and three brothers in addition to Max, and you have two sisters too. ”
Lauren lifted her head, her eyes wide in wonder. “I do, don’t I?”
Holly smiled. “You most certainly do. ”
“Oh,” Lauren breathed. “Max and I are so very lucky. For so long it was just us three. Him, me, and Mama. And then just me and Max. I’ve always dreamed of having a big, loving, wonderful family that just surrounded me. ”
“Well, I’d say you got your wish,” Holly said with an indulgent smile.
Lauren wiped at her face again and briefly looked down before returning her gaze to Holly. “Does the self-recrimination ever go away? I close my eyes at night and I’m just bombarded by humiliation. I cringe at the things I put up with. Don’t get me wrong, I’m furious with him. But I’m also angry with myself, and that’s harder to take. ”
“You’re being too hard on yourself,” Holly said gently. “Give yourself time to heal. Distance always provides perspective. The guilt and self-blame will fade. You’ll be able to look back and know that the blame lies solely with him. ”
“I hope you’re right,” Lauren murmured. “I hate wallowing in this cesspool of pity. ”
“My advice? Get out more. Stop shutting yourself away from the world. Take long walks. It’s beautiful up here. Go to town. Buy something fun for yourself. Pamper yourself. Get a manicure. Whatever it takes to give yourself back the gift of confidence. ”
Lauren smiled. “Thanks, Mrs. C. Really, just thank you. I needed this kick in the ass. ”
“Oh, I don’t kick people in the ass,” Holly said. “That’s what my husbands are for. I just hug people to death and then mother them senseless. ”
Impulsively, Lauren hugged her again. “I’m so glad I’m here. This family is the absolute best. ”
Holly held her for a long moment and then eased back so she could rise from her chair. “I’d love for you to come up to the house for dinner. My children are in and out all the time. Our door is always open. ”
“I’d like that,” Lauren said softly.
“And now I better run before the husbands send out a search party,” she said in amusement.
“They love you so much,” Lauren said wistfully.
Holly reached out to stroke her hair. “One day you’ll find someone who loves you just as much. ”
“I’ll walk you down,” Lauren said, rising from her own chair.
Holly gave her a delighted smile. Max and Callie would be thrilled that Lauren ventured down. It was a step. Lauren wouldn’t be taking on the world in the next day, but she’d get there on her own. The Colters would simply close ranks around her and help her get back on her feet again.
CHAPTER 10
LILY waited anxiously for her husbands to get home. They’d been banished to the dads so Holly could come over for her cooking lesson. For the first time, Lily had been impatient for her mother-in-law to leave. Lily was focused on having her men return so that she could make things right.
She thought back over her plan for the hundredth time, reciting the words she’d committed to memory but also knowing that the moment her husbands were there in front of her, she’d forget everything and have to wing it.
The important thing was that she would give them a memory to replace the one of her freaking out and scaring them to death. She’d give them something to look back on when their own children were grown. A happy time, a time to be excited and look to the future.
It had been a wake-up call for her when she’d realized just how much she lived in the now. Not that it was a bad thing. No one wanted to wish their life away, always looking forward and never enjoying the here and now.
But she’d made it a practice to never look beyond the next day. It was almost as if she were afraid to hope for any kind of a future. Or maybe she was just afraid she wouldn’t have one.
Finding out she was pregnant had altered her perception. It had altered her focus. No longer was today the only thing she concentrated on. Now she looked to the future, imagining how their lives would change when they welcomed a son or daughter into their family.
It was … nice.
Scary. Heart-stopping. Nerve-racking. But so very nice.
Her pulse leaped when she heard the truck in the drive. She smoothed her hands down her jeans, wiping her palms before she started toward the door to greet them.
She was there to open the door before they reached the porch. She tried to smile but she was so nervous that she wasn’t sure she pulled it off convincingly.
Michael reached her first, and before he could say anything, she launched herself into his arms and gave him a scorching kiss to curl his toes.
When she pulled away, his eyes were half-lidded and dazed. She smiled and pushed him into the living room.
Seth and Dillon stood in the doorway, observing her cautiously. Not wanting to leave them out in the least, she went into Seth’s arms and kissed him with every bit as much heat as she’d kissed Michael.
Man, she loved the way he smelled. Loved the way he felt. He was still wearing his uniform, and he hadn’t yet taken off his holster with his gun.
All in good time.
She felt a little smug when he was reluctant to let her go, but she pointed him toward Michael and then went into Dillon’s arms.
She tried to take control much as she’d done with Michael and Seth—though interestingly enough, Michael was the more dominant force, especially when it came to sex—but Dillon was having none of that.
He met her hungrily, ta
king over and ravaging her mouth. For several long, breathless seconds, he tasted her, explored her lips, and nibbled teasingly at their fullness.
“How are you feeling?” he whispered.
She put a finger over his lips and then turned to the others.
“I have something important I want to tell you. ”
Seth lifted an eyebrow, then glanced at Michael, then to Dillon, and finally back to her. “Okay. ”
She gestured everyone toward the couch. “Sit. ”
As soon as they were all seated, she moved forward, no longer nervous or edgy. Peace settled over her. Her mind was quiet and no longer contained the painful memories of the past. It was filled instead with images of the future. Of her husbands and a tiny newborn baby. And then an older child, a girl or a boy. And of her husbands doting on him or her, and other children. Their family.
Her heart felt near to bursting. For so long she’d been ruled by the past. She’d hurt for so long that she’d nearly forgotten how to experience joy. Now it flooded her. Seeped into every part of her heart and soul.
She went to her knees between Dillon’s legs and reached with both hands to pull Seth’s and Michael’s hands so that she held them against her heart.
“Guess what? I’m having your baby,” she said, her smile so big that she could barely get the words out.
Seth’s eyes went soft. With love. So much love. And understanding as well. Michael smiled and squeezed her hand. Dillon reached out and cupped her cheek, his expression so fierce, and yet tears glittered harshly in his eyes.
“Isn’t that wonderful?” she asked.
And suddenly she was pulled onto Dillon’s lap. Michael cradled her from behind and Seth pulled her feet onto his lap. They surrounded her, their love warming her to her very core.
“It’s the most wonderful gift anyone’s ever given me,” Dillon choked out.
Seth’s hand caressed a line up her leg to rest on her knee and he squeezed, his smile so big that his face nearly split.
Michael nuzzled her neck and then whispered low in her ear. “Are you happy, Lily? I know you’re scared, baby, but are you happy?”
She turned, leaning into his chest. “I’m terrified, but I’ve never been happier than at this moment. ”
“We won’t let you down,” Dillon said gruffly. “We’ll be with you every second of every minute of every day. You’ll never be alone. ”
She reached up to cup his face as he’d done to hers. “I know, Dillon. I do know. I love you all so much. I’m so sorry I handled this so badly the first time. I wanted it to be special and for a little while, I let grief for Rose overwhelm me. I want this baby. I want our child. So very much. ”
She turned so she could straddle Dillon’s lap and so she could touch Michael and Seth. She could see them and they could see her.
“Before I met you, I would never have believed that my life could be so full of joy and happiness. I’d vowed to never have another child. I wouldn’t risk it. But you give me such strength. You love me, and because you love me, I feel so strong. I feel like I can do anything. Even face my darkest fear. ”
Seth leaned in and pressed his lips to hers and then he cupped the back of her head, simply holding her close.
“We’ll do this together, Lily. Just like Dillon said. You’ll never be alone. We’ll be with you every step of the way. Our baby will be protected, cherished, and loved by every member of the Colter family. No child will ever grow up more loved. ”
“Have you been to the doctor yet?” Michael asked. “Do you know how far along you are?”
They hadn’t discussed the pregnancy since she’d had her little meltdown. She could see the questions they were dying to ask, but they’d purposely not overwhelmed her and had given her time to adjust to the idea.
She loved them for that, but she also knew that it had been difficult for them because they wanted to be able to talk about it. They wanted to be able to be excited. They wanted her to be as happy about it as they were.
And so they’d let her take the lead and had been as loving and supportive as always, content to wait until she was ready to take that first shaky step.
Well, she was there. She might not light the world on fire with her courage or bravery, but she had something going for her that not many others had. She had three wonderful men who loved her unconditionally.
Unconditionally.
Such a strong, powerful word. How many people could say they were loved without conditions? Without strings? No questions. No hesitation. They were loved.
Her heart clutched even as she nodded in response to Michael’s question.
“I went to see Dr. Burton several days ago. I suspected … or rather I had a suspicion, or maybe it was a fear. He did a test there in the office, then gave me a bunch of vitamins to take and scheduled another appointment in a month. My best estimate is that I’m around six to eight weeks along. Probably closer to eight by now. ”
