An Ex to Grind in Deadwood (Deadwood Humorous Mystery Book 5) Paperback – September 4, 2014

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An Ex to Grind in Deadwood (Deadwood Humorous Mystery Book 5) Paperback – September 4, 2014 Page 5

by Ann Charles


  “I already spread my manure, fillin’ Doc’s ears with what I know and saw.” Harvey lowered into Doc’s desk chair. “It’s your turn now.”

  Doc waited for me, one of his dark eyebrows lifted higher than the other. “You doing okay?”

  “All things considered,” reality TV show, dead woman, asshole coworker, lonely nights, “I’m good.” I cinched his jacket tighter since Harvey wouldn’t let me wrap up in Doc’s arms.

  “What’d the lady on the phone say to you?” he pressed.

  I repeated what I remembered, mangling her “nine” comment even more. Clouds passed over Doc’s face as he listened to my account, settling on his creased brow. When I finished, he scrubbed his hand down his face, scratching over his five o’clock shadow.

  “Christ,” he muttered and walked over to the front window, his back to Harvey and me.

  “What do you make of it?” Harvey asked.

  “Something that is going to keep me awake all night.”

  I picked at lint on my black pants, wishing we were sitting around planning a picnic instead of discussing a dead woman.

  Doc’s cell phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket, looked down at it, and then turned to me. “It says you’re calling me.”

  “I am?” Had I butt dialed him when I’d sat down? I felt for my phone and came up empty.

  “Hello?” he answered, his eyes locked onto me. “Yeah, she’s here.” Another pause. “Sure.” He walked over, his phone held out for me to take, and mouthed the name Cooper.

  Crap, right. In my haste to escape without having to take a trip to the police station, I’d forgotten he’d pocketed my cell. “You stole my phone, Detective.”

  “I confiscated it. There’s a big difference.”

  “I call bullshit.”

  “What a coincidence, because I called you, and time and again you’re full of it.”

  He was turning into a real comedian. “I want my phone back, Cooper.”

  “I figured you might. By the way, Natalie called and left a message for you.”

  I pinched the bridge of my nose, wishing I could pinch him instead. “Don’t you need a warrant to go through my phone records?”

  Harvey snickered, which earned him a glare from me.

  “All I did was answer a ringing phone.”

  I growled at him. Doc placed his hand on my shoulder, squeezing slightly.

  “Are you up on your rabies shots, Parker?”

  “What did Nat want?” I cringed in anticipation, wondering if Natalie had had the sense not to let on to Cooper that I’d told her about Ms. Wolff’s creepy call this morning. I imagined having Cooper answer my phone had knocked her back a step.

  “She wanted to check in and see if you had called on her mother like you two had discussed earlier.”

  Whew! She’d gone into code mode. Quick thinking on her part. “When can I get my phone back?”

  “Did you?” Cooper asked.

  “Did I what?”

  “Check in on Natalie’s mother?”

  I hesitated, trying to figure out if he were seriously concerned or being a nosy detective. “Why do you care? Are you working part-time for a nurse hotline now?”

  “Answer the question, Parker.”

  “I don’t know that it’s any of your concern.”

  “It’s a simple question.”

  “Not when it’s coming from you, Detective.”

  “Jesus, Violet.” His voice sounded tired this time, not so barky. “Why do you have to make every conversation we have a battle?”

  I hated it when he let his human side show through. It was hard to be snappy with him when I knew he’d been working day and night on these unsolved cases and probably needed his binky and a nap. “Maybe if you’d use the words ‘pretty please’ every now and then, I wouldn’t feel the need to come out swinging.”

  “You push your luck with me and then bitch when you end up in my jail. You’re so damned hard-headed. How does Nyce put up with your mouth?”

  “Doc’s quite fond of my mouth.” That earned me a wink from the man in question. “Funny, Cooper, I didn’t hear a ‘please’ at all in there.”

  He sighed through the line, sounding more pained than frustrated. “Would you please tell me how many people besides Nyce and your buddy, Natalie, know about this morning’s phone call from Ms. Wolff?”

  “To be fair, when I told Nat I didn’t know anyone was dead.”

  “I need names, Parker. Not excuses.”

  “Natalie, Doc, and Harvey. That’s it.”

  “You’re sure this time?”

  It was my turn to sigh. “Yes, Detective. I’m positive.”

  “Good. Let’s keep it that way then.”

  “You actually think you can keep the town of Deadwood from finding out Ms. Wolff was murdered?”

  “No, but if I can keep you from being connected to her in the public eye, both of our careers may still have a future.”

  Good point. “I’ll be by to get my phone in a few minutes.”

  “Don’t bother. I’ll send it by this evening. Your aunt’s place or Nyce’s?”

  “Aunt Zoe’s.”

  “Before you hang up, I have a couple more questions.”

  Harvey waved at me to hurry up. I pointed at the phone and shook my fist. “I’m waiting with bated breath, Detective.”

  “Is there anything else I need to know about today’s events? Anything you’ve withheld … by accident, of course?”

  I thought about the phone call, the apartment, my conversation with Freesia, all of those clocks.

  “Parker?” his voice had the hint of a snarl to it again.

  “I’m thinking.” I had recounted everything to him, I was sure. I didn’t want to get pulled into this mess, especially not with shrunken heads involved. “No.”

  “You’re absolutely positive.”

  “Cooper!”

  “Okay, okay. It’s just you don’t have the best record for total honesty in the past.”

  That was his fault for being such a frustrating prick. “Will there be anything else, Detective?” Or was he done with his rubber glove?

  “Yes. Why is there a picture of a horse’s skull in your phone?”

  “You looked at my pictures?!!” My cheeks burned as I remembered a picture I’d taken last week of a weird mole on my back where my bra strap rubs and sent it to Natalie to check out. Thankfully Doc and I kept our phone sex to verbal stimulation, not photos of me in compromising positions.

  He chuckled. “Goodnight, Parker.” He hung up on me.

  “I’m going to shoot him in the foot with his own gun, I swear.” I handed Doc his cell phone.

  “That’s been done before,” Harvey said. “If you want to be original, you’ll need to aim for his knee.”

  Doc pocketed his phone. “Violet, tell me again what the lady said to you during the phone call.”

  I repeated what I could recall, including the various “nine” lines, which had now morphed into three garbled possibilities.

  “Does she have one ‘F’ or two in her last name?”

  Harvey and I shrugged as one. “I didn’t ask,” I told Doc.

  “The clocks in her house were Black Forest designs?”

  “Yep,” Harvey said. “Over one hundred of them.”

  “And this Freesia woman who owns the Galena House said the victim made peppernut cookies?”

  I nodded, still worrying about what other pictures I had stored on my phone. I vaguely remembered taking a picture of Cooper’s case board of Jane’s murder in his basement last month. That would surely have made his blood boil if he’d found that one. Had I taken a picture of the crate full of bottles of mead that was stashed at Mudder Brothers?

  Doc leaned his hip against the desk, rubbing his jaw. “She wasn’t saying ‘nine’ like the number, Violet.”

  Wait! Those were all on my old phone, the one I’d dropped in the toilet at the Opera House. I sat back, relieved. Putting aside all worries abo
ut what Cooper might have seen on my phone, I absorbed Doc’s words. “She wasn’t?”

  “No. She was speaking German. ‘Nein’ means ‘no.’”

  “Of course!” Once he said it, everything clicked. “I’m an idiot.”

  “You were distracted by everything going on today,” Doc said. “You would’ve figured it out once the dust settled.”

  “So what does ‘shark trickster’ mean in German?”

  “It means you don’t hear for shit.” Harvey grunted to his feet. “And knowin’ your luck, whatever she said is not gonna help you get some much needed beauty rest anytime soon.”

  I stuck my tongue out at the old bugger.

  “I have just the sleep aid for you, Boots.” Doc said, locking the front door and turning the sign to Closed.

  He sure did. Too bad his bedroom wasn’t just down the hall from mine. “If only Ms. Wolff had been calling about a house. Now there’s a whole new mystery to figure out.”

  “For Cooper or you?” Doc asked.

  “This one is all Cooper’s. I’ll even wrap it up and put a bow on top.”

  “Well, hunky dory, it’s agreed then.” Harvey knocked twice on Doc’s desk. “We’re leavin’ this one to Coop. You ready to go, girl? I have a cow mystery to piece together.”

  I stood, pulling out my keys. “I’m worried about you staying out there alone.”

  “Don’t be. I’m not stayin’, just headin’ out to take care of chores and wait for Coop’s instructions. I’ll be back in a bullwhip snap.”

  “Should I make up the couch?”

  “I’d appreciate it. I’ll twit ya later, Doc.”

  Doc followed Harvey toward the back hallway. “Twit?”

  “Don’t ask,” I said.

  Doc caught my arm. “Hold on, Violet.” He looked at Harvey. “You have your spare set of keys to the Picklemobile on you?”

  Harvey nodded.

  “Why don’t you head out. I’ll take Violet home.”

  “Works for me.” Harvey opened the back door. “Stay out of trouble, girl,” he called.

  “Be careful at your ranch, old man.”

  Doc locked the door behind him. Then he leaned against it and crossed his arms over his chest. “This isn’t good, Violet.”

  I held up the wall at the other end of the hallway. “I know. You’re standing way too far away from me. Come closer.” I tried to make light of a dark subject.

  “You make it hard for me to stay focused when you wear soft shirts that I like to touch.”

  “My bra is even softer.”

  “So is your skin, especially under your bra.”

  “I’ve been told the back of my knees are pretty smooth, too. And my inner thighs.”

  “Stop distracting me, vixen. Have you thought any more about what we talked about last night?”

  Yes, I had, plenty, mostly during the early morning hours when I was supposed to be getting that beauty sleep. “You really think it’s a good idea after last time?”

  “We need to figure out your role in all of this.”

  “I’m fine with being blissfully ignorant.”

  “If that were true, Cooper wouldn’t be pissed off at you.”

  “Cooper needs to get laid, take a vacation, and relax.”

  “Funny, I was thinking about you naked this morning, writing myself a prescription for that very trifecta.”

  “Oh, yeah? Where would we go?”

  “I don’t know. I got fixated on that first part.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “Ms. Wolff didn’t call you on a whim. You must realize that she sought you out for a reason.”

  “Yeah.” I pulled his jacket tighter around me. As much as I wished it wasn’t so, I’d have to be naïve to think otherwise. I leaned my head against the wall. The energy drain of today’s emotional highs was taking its toll on me, making my head ache. “I don’t know what to do, Doc. I feel like I’m tiptoeing through a haunted house while blindfolded. I have to keep feeling my way along, waiting for the next monster to slime my hand.”

  “I do. Call Cornelius.”

  “But what if …” I hesitated.

  There were too many what-ifs for my comfort, the most worrisome being that Cornelius would figure out Doc was the medium, not me. Then word would get out, tarnishing Doc’s reputation and potentially ruining his business.

  “We can what-if this all day long, Violet. We need to know if you are the key, and the only way to do that is experiment.”

  “We’re playing Dr. Frankenstein here. Next thing I know, you’ll be sending me to the graveyard to pick up a fresh brain. Grave robbing will really dress up my rap sheet.”

  “Nah. Your big brain will do fine.” He closed the distance between us in a few strides, grasping the lapels of his jacket. “Violet, please call Cornelius and set up another séance for just the three of us.”

  “What if he finds out your secret?”

  “Trust me, it’s worth the risk.” He ran his finger down my cheek, his gaze serious. “I’ve been dealing with paranormal activity all my life. This is the first I’ve ever come across so much disturbance in one place. There’s something going on here, something much bigger than random hauntings. We can’t let fear stop us from figuring out how you fit into it all.”

  “I don’t think I want to know.”

  “I used to feel that way, too. But if you really do possess some sixth sense ability, the best course is figuring out what it is and accepting it.”

  I rested my forehead on his chest and wrapped my arms around his waist, leaning on him. “Doc,” I breathed his name, his scent calming. “Why did she call me?”

  He massaged my shoulders, his hands melting away the day’s tension. “Maybe Cooper will figure it out.”

  “You really believe that?”

  “Not at all.”

  I pulled back and frowned up at him. “You could have at least hesitated.”

  “We agreed to be honest with each other about everything, remember?”

  “Why don’t you believe in Cooper?”

  “I think this is outside of his realm, but it doesn’t hurt to have him and his guns on our side.”

  “Doesn’t hurt you maybe, since you two are poker buddies now, but he chafes my hide.”

  “Really?” Doc’s eyelids lowered, his smile flirting with me. “Where are you chafed, Boots?”

  “In a few spots.”

  “I should probably have a look at them. Kiss them better.”

  “I thought you said you weren’t a doctor.”

  “I’m not.” His hands slid under my shirt, his palms warm on my skin. “But I’m good at playing one. If only you were wearing one of those gowns that opens in back.”

  I eased my hands around his neck. “Here you are thinking about getting me mostly naked and you haven’t kissed me ‘hello’ yet.”

  “My fantasies vary in the amount of clothing you have on.” His fingers climbed my rib cage. “Take this shirt.”

  “What about it?”

  “No, I meant take it off.”

  “And then what?”

  “We’ll discuss the situation with your bra.” He tipped my head back and kissed me, slow, teasing, tantalizing. “Hello, Boots,” he whispered when he finished.

  “I missed you today,” I said.

  “Good.” His thumbs brushed over me, zinging me clear to my toes. “How about you take me to a magical place that I’ll love coming home to every night?”

  “That stupid billboard!” I huffed at his quiet laughter. “I’m going to hurt you for that one.”

  He backed me into the wall, his hips pressing into mine. “Did you bring your spurs?”

  His cell phone rang, vibrating against my thigh. “You want to get that?”

  “Not really,” he said, but pulled his phone out anyway. “It’s Cooper again.”

  “Damn that man.”

  Doc pulled away from me. “Hello, Cooper.” As he listened, his dark eyes moved from my eyes to my lips and back again. �
�Okay, I’ll let her know.” He listened for another few seconds and then hung up.

  “What now?”

  “Your Aunt Zoe called. She wants to know when you’ll be home for supper and why Cooper is answering your phone.”

  I’d have to figure out a good way of avoiding the truth about Ms. Wolff and that whole mess while trying to explain why Deadwood’s detective had my phone. But more importantly, “Are you joining us tonight?”

  “What are you having?”

  “I saw some pork thawing in the sink this morning. I think Aunt Zoe was going to turn it into pulled pork.”

  “What can I bring?”

  “Yourself.”

  “Plus wine and bread?”

  “I’ve never turned down either.”

  He grabbed my hand and laced his fingers through mine. “I forgot to mention one other thing Cooper said.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Your Aunt Zoe invited him to dinner.”

  “No!”

  Chapter Four

  Tuesday, October 2nd

  Four score and seven years later, Abraham Lincoln called me bright and ugly in the morning. Actually, only two days had passed, and the caller who had the gall to wake me at dawn’s early light was Cornelius Curion, the Abe look-alike who claimed to be a ghost whisperer and also happened to be my single buying client at the moment. The latter fact kept me from wishing ten thousand locusts would swarm his head.

  “Good morning, Cornelius,” I mumbled, my tongue still asleep.

  “I NEED TO TALK TO VIOLET PARKER!” he yelled through my phone, making my ear ring and my eyeballs almost pop out of my skull. Apparently, today he was saving his whispering for ghosts only.

  In addition to the odd belief Cornelius had that he could share sweet nothings with the ectoplasmic crowd, he was also under the misconception that I had a personal secretary—such as Jiminy Cricket in my freaking pocket. No matter how many times we played this game on the phone, the damned man couldn’t get it through his stove-pipe hat that if he called me on my cell phone, I was the one answering the call.

 

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