“You haven’t ever tried to let anyone.”
Asher shook his head. “No. They didn’t try like you have, and that’s how I know you’re it for me. You outshine anyone I’ve ever met. You bring me to my knees.”
Emma shifted in her seat, hissing and grabbing her side.
“I think I should take you to bed.”
“I’m not in any shape for that, Ash.”
“To rest.” He smirked. “To rest and talk more. I want us to lie down and be together. You can help me work through this. You know how.”
He helped her up and began taking small, slow steps to the bedroom. “I should call my dad. He really is outside.”
Asher pulled his phone from his back pocket. “We should do that now. I wouldn’t want to upset my in-law.”
His response had her laughing. “In-law? You’re getting ahead of yourself, aren’t you?”
“Maybe,” he replied growing serious. “Maybe not.”
Chapter 27
Asher
Asher lay next to Emma, left to think while she slept. He wanted to believe everything would be perfect now, and all the darkness was gone. But with the threat of conviction hanging over him he couldn’t quite relax. He wouldn’t allow her to wait around for him while he served his time, but then he refused to give her up. It was incredibly selfish and reminded him far too much of his mother’s situation.
He’d meant to stay away from Emma; told himself that it was for the best, and that he really was no good for her. As usual, Emma had other ideas and as soon as he looked at her his will crumbled. It hadn’t been her injuries that had caused his pause, though they certainly stopped him in his tracks. It was her. Just her, and the fact that she was hurting but could only think of him and how he was doing. That was the moment he’d been willing to accept and acknowledge his feelings for her. Before that instant he’d buried it all.
Alone, he thought about how much she’d changed his life. She’d shoehorned herself into so many aspects of it and he’d done nothing to stop her except offering a weak argument. One she would trample all over.
He grinned, looking down at her. For someone so slight she could sure bulldoze her way into any situation. And right now, staring down at her bruised face, ‘bulldoze’ was all he could think of. William Dearing had hurt her, and from this moment on he would make certain she was safe. Ben would help if he wasn’t around, and Gabe too. He wouldn’t need to worry about William Dearing seeking revenge, he’d already been arrested for his abuse to his brother.
Asher had still to reconcile what any of it meant for the future. Up until Emma he hadn’t given any of it much thought. He’d been happy with his shop, running along the canal and the odd beer with Ben.
He’d been stupid.
“Ouch! How can waking up hurt?”
Asher snorted. “I think that’s going to happen when you’ve been through what you have. I expect every movement you make today is going to hurt. Not just waking up.” He placed his arm around her waist, pulling her gently closer to him. He tried not to grimace when he saw the colours that marred her jaw and eye, but failed miserably.
“That bad, huh?”
He feathered his fingers along the side of her face. “I’d stay away from mirrors today. However, I will let you know that you have a serious case of technicolour going on around your eye.”
“I’ll just hide away here until its better. Is that okay?”
Asher smiled. “Can’t have you scaring my customers away.”
“You don’t have any. The shop’s closed until the police have finished and you’ve cleaned it up.”
“Oh, yes. I knew I was forgetting something. I’m jobless.”
Emma giggled and pushed at his shoulder. “Hardly jobless. You own the place. And the police will be done soon. I can help you tidy up.”
Growing serious, he exhaled deeply before kissing her forehead. “I’m growing tired of cleaning the shop up every few days. It’s getting to be a bit of a habit.”
“But we know who caused it all, so stop feeling sorry for yourself, Asher Harris.”
“This place was mine. All mine. It was my…” He swallowed hard before Emma finished the sentence for him.
“Safety? Your haven? It still is. Don’t allow someone else to tarnish that.”
“How can you be like this?” he asked, astounded by the way she’d dealt with the entire experience. “How can you just carry on? He hurt you.”
Emma shivered.
When he closed his eyes he saw William’s face, saw the way it contorted with anger and disgust. His throat started to burn, and he could see her eyes were glistening. She was recalling the same memories as he was. He’d known she couldn’t run from her emotions forever. He was also aware that all it would take was a little comfort and trust before her emotions spilled free. His touch, his concern, and his own upset mirrored hers as lay in bed both hurting.
“I don’t want to think about what happened,” she finally admitted.
“Ah, learned from me, huh? Bury it all and then you don’t have to address it. Can I tell you that particular plan doesn’t work for long.” He smiled and stroked his fingertips down her cheek. “Someone once told me that we all need someone to talk to, someone who will hold our hand when life’s a bit shitty.”
She wrinkled her nose. “Who the hell would tell you something as silly as that?”
“You. So take some of your own advice and talk to me.”
Bringing his lips to hers, he kissed her, tentatively at first but as she angled her head, he deepened it. His tongue stroked against hers while his hands cupped her face. He loved her. Every bloody bruised part of her.
But he couldn’t have her. Making Emma wait for him was wrong. He’d fucked up and it was going to cost him.
Pulling away, he rested his forehead against hers. “I thought love was supposed to be easy.”
“It is if you let it, and love has got nothing to do with what happened with in the shop.”
“It does.” Exhaling loudly, he shifted to sit on the edge of the bed. Once again, his back was to her. She hated that. “It won’t be long before the police return and take me away for good. I can’t love you from inside a prison cell.”
“Why not?”
He heard her struggle to get up, a hiss filling the awkward silence.
“Asher, why can’t I love you?”
“Forget it,” he said, attempting to defuse the situation. “Are you hungry? I could go and get us breakfast.”
Emma wasn’t buying it. She gripped his chin with her fingers and turned his head to face her. “Talk to me.”
The sense of foreboding thickened the air between them.
“I won’t let you feel the way I do whenever my mother calls. I won’t be a voice at the end of the line who you speak to every couple of weeks, instead of coming home to every night. I can’t be the one who demands that of you.”
“You’re not demanding. I want to be here for you. I want to be the one that waits.” She wafted her hand in the air. “Anyway, that’s not going to happen because it’s all going to be fine. My dad is—”
Asher scowled. “You’ve said that, but you don’t know that any more than I do. We should be practical about this.”
“You mean we should hide? Or kick everyone away who means anything to us?” She gripped his chin tighter, her eyes flashing with annoyance. “You’re willing to push me away even when you have no clue what the outcome is going to be? I love you.”
His throat burned. “That’s the reason I can’t let you wait. It’s selfish.”
“Oh please!” Emma shot back, rolling her eyes to the ceiling. She crawled off the bed to stand in front of him. Every pained movement contorting her face. “So now you’re making decisions for me so that you’re not being selfish? Hypocritical and you know it.” She placed her hands on her hips and stared at him. “Tell me what you want. Don’t lie. Don’t hide. Just open your mouth and tell me what you want right now.”
His palms itched to touch her. She was so close. He was tired. Exhausted from fighting with himself. “You,” he rasped. “I want you.”
Emma wove her fingers into his hair and he pressed his cheek against her abdomen. He inhaled her scent, taking it deep into his lungs and praying he would never have to breathe her out. Holding her close, he focused on her caress and zoned everything else out.
“I’ve told you so many times that I’m here for you. When will you start believing it?” Her fingers continued their smooth journey through his hair.
“I already do,” he said softly. “But that doesn’t negate the situation I’m in.”
Emma gripped his hair and tilted his head up so that they made eye contact. “I’m not listening to your bullshit anymore, Asher Harris. Loving me doesn’t mean you can make my decisions. I’ve been led by people for so long that being with you, making my own choices, was freeing. I won’t go back to feeling guilty because my decision isn’t right by someone else. Well, I chose you.”
His heart threatened to burst with emotion.
“I chose you whether you like it or not, and regardless of whether you get punished for what you did to William.”
She was offering him a future, just as Ike had done. He could almost hear the old man screaming at him to grasp it with both hands. He struggled to speak. He was his own worst enemy.
“I’ve laid myself bare to you. Please say something. Tell me I’m not going to have to leave here. Please.”
Silence stretched as he searched for the right thing to say.
“You’re going to have to leave at some point,” he said, finally speaking. “You don’t have any clothes here.”
A small bubble of laughter burst free from her lips as a tear fell from her eye. Asher tugged on her torso until she lowered herself onto his lap, her brows drawing together because the movement caused her pain.
“I could buy new clothes. Or ask my dad to bring some. If you tell me to go I won’t.” Another tear trickled down her cheek. “I can’t leave you to go through this alone. It was because of me.”
“Tell me that’s not the only reason you’re staying.”
Emma rolled her eyes again. “Jesus, you’re hard work. I need your help dealing with this. You’re the only one who understands what I’m going through—what I’m feeling. But I told you how I felt about you before the shit hit the fan. I was all in long ago, Ash. I was waiting for you to accept that and be on board too.”
He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear, allowing his fingertips to dance along the side of her face and jaw. “None of this should be this way. We should have met up again and then just fell in love. No drama, no ugliness, no violence and no prison time dangling over our heads.”
“You’re right.” She kissed his forehead. “But that’s not how it happened. I hate what happened to us, but this is our story, and I won’t have it ending with me being forced to leave while you sit alone in a cell.”
The image hit him hard. So forcefully it almost took his breath away, and finally he saw what she was trying to show him. “I don’t want that either. Angel, I love you so fucking much. I’m no better than I was when you first met me. I have a million issues and I can’t tell you how I’m going to overcome them. I know you deserve better.”
“You’re wrong. I’m telling you that you’re wrong. Do you trust me?”
His answer was instant. “With my life. Every horrid part of it.”
“Then trust that I’m telling you the truth, and that I’m making the right decisions. You are that decision.”
Asher smirked. “When you bust out an argument like that how am I supposed to refute it?”
“I take after my dad.”
“He’d be proud. And he’d probably say you picked the wrong career.”
Emma reached behind her and linked her fingers with his. “I can’t work through what happened that night without you. And to have any kind of future I have to do that.”
“But by coming here each day you’ll be relieving it when you enter the shop.” He paused, pondering whether he wanted to say what had been swirling in his head for hours. Eventually, he gave in. “And won’t you be risking getting hurt all over again because of the work you do? I can’t see you in that much pain again, angel.”
“So, not only are you wanting to remove yourself from my life, but you’re also saying my job is dangerous? Ash, it was an isolated incident. And you do know why you’re not thinking clearly, don’t you?”
Asher could only stare at her.
“Because letting someone into your life—into your heart, opens you up to feelings you’ve kept buried. You’ve already told me you love me; you’ve taken that leap, so why don’t we walk the path together? It would be a waste for us to carry on miserable and alone. At some point you’re going to have to trust me on this, or just wing it.” She grinned.
The conversation felt far too intense to smile, and he decided to say what he was thinking, rather than bury it. “Will you stay here? When I’ve gone, I mean. Will you move in and take care of my…world…and Gabe? He’ll need you again.”
Her bottom lip trembled. “Asher. Oh god, Asher.” She hugged him fiercely, never wanting to let him go, and as her tears slipped free they mingled with his own.
Chapter 28
Emma
The threat remained over their heads for two weeks. Emma was going crazy with frustration. Asher had shut it out, refusing to talk or even refer to the night in the book shop with William Dearing. He spent his days fixing the shop back up, painting, making new shelves and reorganising the books. The entire store looked fresh and new by the time he’d finished.
Emma understood why that was needed.
Over the last couple of weeks she’d spent each night with Asher, holding on tight while he slept next to her, and unable to stop the tears from flowing. The thought of losing him increased each day and became harder to ignore. She’d phoned her father so many times it was getting embarrassing. He was trying but the case was now in the control of the Crown Prosecution Service. Asher’s fate was in their hands.
William Dearing on the other hand had been charged. The list was long. Many of the charges related to his abuse of Gabe, but he’d also been charged with Emma’s false imprisonment and assaults on her. It went a small way to easing the hurt that had been caused. He wasn’t getting away with all the destruction and hate.
It did nothing to keep the events of that night from replaying in her mind. If she had just kept her cool, she could have gotten through to Asher. If she hadn't panicked she could have let him know she was all right. She knew those thoughts were misguided—William was terrorising her and she was beaten and dazed. She'd dealt with the situation the best way she could, and now she was trying to stay calm, no matter how much she wanted to cling to Asher and never let him go
Her father had insisted that she take some time away from the shelter, and after much arguing, Emma agreed. That hadn’t stopped her visiting though. She wasn’t working but she’d spent most of her days talking to the kids or helping Bolt in the kitchen. She’d even helped Nikki get herself a part time job, hoping they could get her onto a scheme similar to Gabe’s.
Bolt told her she was deflecting—hiding behind the kids instead of dealing with her own situation. He was probably right. Nevertheless, she’d yet to arrange an appointment with a therapist, even after Jack told her to and recommended someone.
She wasn’t ready to relive it all.
“Hey,” Asher rasped, rolling onto his side to face her. The bed sagged, flopping her closer to his warm, welcoming body. He raised his hand, skimming his fingers along her jaw, down her neck and along her collarbone. Emma shivered. “You look like you haven’t slept. Again.”
“I see things I don’t want to when I close my eyes. If I keep them open I see you.”
The side of his lips lifted in a lopsided grin. “Nice comeback. Very smooth but I’m starting to worry, angel. You can’t keep going on so little s
leep.”
“I’m fine, Asher. Time is what I need, so let me deal with this my way.”
He chuckled, taking hold of her key pendant and skimming it along her necklace. “So I have to let you deal with your own stuff, but you’re allowed to get involved with my business? Do I have to point out the major flaw in that argument?”
“Fair point.” She leaned closer and kissed his chin. “I don’t want to lose all this.”
“We said one day at a time. Remember? You’re trying to bottle every second and keep it forever. You don’t need to.”
“Five years,” she cried. “You face five years in prison.”
“And I will deal with every single day knowing that I did what I could to protect you.” He dropped the pendant onto her chest and grasped her hip before pulling her closer. “I love you, and would do it all over again if anyone dared touch you.”
Her thigh hooked over his hip as he raised his hand between their bodies, pressing his palm flat against hers. “It won’t happen again,” she said, her tone flat.
“I spent so long waiting for you. I didn’t even know I was waiting. I thought this kind of happiness was out of my reach.”
“Or that it was me you were waiting for.” She smiled.
“I spent so much of my life alone I know I can cope with whatever gets thrown at me. As long as you’re on the other side when I get out.”
They entwined their fingers. “Why does it have to be this hard? Why couldn’t we have just met and…”
“Had sex? Lots of it?”
Emma laughed again, the sound easing then tension in the air. “That and for us to just be together. To date and enjoy getting to know one another.”
“Sex is getting to know one another. Isn’t it?” He smirked, dragging her on top of him when she shoved at his chest. “And I always thought you liked sex.”
“You know that’s not what I’m talking about.” She kissed him long and deep, memorising every press of his lips, every stroke of his tongue and every groan of his pleasure. She wouldn’t give up on them. Ever. “But it’s certainly part of the attraction.”
Igniting Ash Page 22
