by Louise Bay
“I can go tomorrow night. How about that?” As I was saying the words, I realized that it obviously meant that I couldn’t see Luke if I was out with Haven, and although I didn’t want us to be too much too soon, I wasn’t sure how I would handle a whole day without seeing him.
“Okay, I’ll rebook. Jake might make tomorrow. Shall I ask Luke and Beth?”
“I don’t mind.” I tried to sound casual, but I was conflicted. I would get to see Luke, but Beth was one of the most perceptive people I knew. I wasn’t sure Luke and I wouldn’t give away where we were in our relationship. I was having a hard enough time hiding it at work.
“But you’re okay with Luke? It seemed fine yesterday. He was less grumpy than he’s been in a while.” I could tell she was about to ask for a status update about whether or not I was ready to pursue things with Luke, which I didn’t want to get into. Still, I couldn’t help but grin at the thought she’d noticed his mood had improved yesterday.
“Yeah, everything’s good. Invite him. Seeing him and Beth is always great.”
“We haven’t talked about it for a while. He seems to be over the Emma thing. You know, what with participating in the triathlon and things. Do you think that maybe you’re ready to explore things with him?”
Apparently, Haven wasn’t easily dissuaded from asking me difficult questions. I thought I’d gotten away with it. I should have known better. It would have been the perfect moment to tell her that I was more than ready. But my need to be on more solid ground with Luke stopped me. I just didn’t want to create expectations in anyone, myself included. I needed time. “Haven.”
“Okay, I’ll invite them then. Are you expecting to hear about whether or not you got in to business school today? Maybe they’ll announce it at the mixer. Oh my God, that’s why you’re invited. They’re going to tell you that you got in. This is so exciting. Tomorrow can be a celebration. Oh, this is amazing—”
“I’m going to have to get back to work, Haven.” Her excitement, her every word, increased my guilt. I was lying to my best friend about what I was doing tonight—about Luke and me. I never lied to Haven. She was my family. I just couldn’t tell her, not yet.
Luke
I wiped my palms on my trousers. I was actually nervous. Nervous to go to dinner with a woman I’d known my whole life, and had now seen naked on numerous occasions. It was ridiculous. But I wanted tonight to go well. She wanted to date, and I wanted to do whatever made her happy. She needed to be sure of my feelings. I suspected she thought that part of what brought us together was the sex. And she wasn’t wrong. She was the best sex I’d ever had. Every curve of her body, flick of her hips, drag of her tongue drove me crazy, and the way her words were a little dirty and her sounds a little filthy made me want to keep her naked for the rest of our lives. But it wasn’t just about the physical stuff, and I hoped that dating would help her see that. I wanted Ashleigh Franklin, the whole woman. The woman who made me laugh, who I could talk with for hours, and the woman who made me want to kill any man who had come before me. I even wanted the part of her that cared so much what my sister thought, but wanted me anyway.
I wanted all of her, forever.
One of her neighbors let me into her building. I rapped on the door, clutching flowers in my other hand. She opened the door with a smile, and instantly, I relaxed. That mouth of hers had magical powers in so many ways. Just looking at it soothed me. I had nothing to be nervous about. It was just Ashleigh, the girl I’d grown up with, the woman I couldn’t be without.
“Hey, handsome,” she said. “You’re right on time.”
This was our first official date, so there was no way I was going to be late.
“And you look super smart. You said casual, right?” She gestured for me to follow her inside. I did as she asked, handing her the flowers before she turned around. Should I have tried to kiss her? I wasn’t sure what the etiquette was tonight.
“These are beautiful. You shouldn’t have. I have those gorgeous peonies that you sent earlier, and the flowers from yesterday.”
Maybe flowers three times in three days was too much, but I wanted her to know how special she was. I’d never bought things for girls before, so I’d struggled to think what would be appropriate. I’d bought Christmas and birthday gifts for Emma, but she’d always told me what she wanted and I just went and got it. With Ashleigh, I’d bought her flowers because I liked the thought of her smile when she got them. “I wanted to. These don’t smell as good as you, either, but they look nice enough. You, on the other hand, look stunning.”
“How can you say ‘nice enough’? They’re beautiful. You really shouldn’t have.”
I wondered if she couldn’t take compliments in general, or whether it was that she just ignored the ones that came from me. She’d have to get used to it.
I followed her into her kitchen, where she unwrapped the lilies and set about cutting off the ends and arranging them in a vase. I stood in the doorway watching her as she decided which flowers to place where in her arrangement. She did a double take when she caught me.
“What?” she asked.
I shrugged. “Nothing. I just like looking at you.” Every movement she made was so graceful, so unconsciously sexy.
She smiled shyly and tilted her head to one side. The air crackled around us, and she wet her lips. Jesus, just that simple act had my cock’s attention. I wanted to know what that glossy mouth would look like wrapped around my dick. I shifted, trying to get myself under control.
I cleared my throat. “I think we should go.”
Ashleigh’s smile turned wicked, but she nodded. I moved into the hallway to wait and to tell my cock to stand down. She appeared a minute later, and we headed into the freezing cold, bundling ourselves into a cab as soon as we found one.
“This is a mid-week date, right? So, I’ve not planned anything fancy. Just dinner.”
“I’m not expecting fancy. I just want to spend some time with you fully clothed and in public. I just don’t want to skip the good bit and go straight to me moaning about you leaving the toilet seat up, or cleaning the car on a Sunday. Does that make sense?”
I nodded. Any time I got to spend with her, no matter what we were doing, was all good with me. And the sooner we could tell Haven and Jake the better. Then we could be open about being together. Perhaps by the end of the evening I would have convinced her that we were ready to tell the world.
I laced my fingers through hers and squeezed. “It makes perfect sense. We never have to skip to that part, though. I know that’s what it was like with Emma and me, but Haven and Jake aren’t like that, and we don’t have to be either. We can always do the fun stuff. I want to always do the fun stuff with you.”
“Okay then. And we’re not going to Chiltern Firehouse, are we?”
“We’re not. You don’t like it there? Just so I know for future fun stuff.”
She glanced down at the pavement. “I just . . . I don’t like that it’s where you took Fiona. I know I told you that you should date and everything, but it doesn’t mean that . . .”
Was I an idiot for not going to Ashleigh sooner to tell her I was ready? “I’m sorry. It wasn’t serious, and we didn’t get naked. I guess I was just—”
“You have nothing to apologize for. Seriously.”
“If it makes you feel any better, I’d quite happily murder Richard.”
She laughed. It was one of my favorite sounds. Only topped by the breathy noises she made when she had my dick in her or my tongue on her. I swept my thumb across her wrist and caught her shiver in response.
We arrived at the restaurant, an Italian place in Mayfair that had come recommended by a guy at work. I’d visited during my lunch hour just to see if it was a place Ashleigh would like.
“Murano?” Ashleigh asked.
“Yeah, is that okay?”
“It’s more than okay. I’ve always wanted to come here. I thought you said tonight was nothing fancy?”
I grinned
. I’d chosen the right place.
“Mr. Daniels, nice to see you again,” the host said as we arrived.
I watched as Ashleigh’s face dropped. I could tell she thought I’d been here with another woman. I bent and whispered in her ear, “I came earlier today to check it out. I’ve not been before, and I wanted to make sure it was good enough.”
She turned toward me, wrapped her hands around my neck and pressed her mesmerizing lips against mine. “Thank you,” she said, pulling away.
“What for?” I wasn’t complaining about the kiss, but it had caught me off guard.
“Oh, you know. Just for being wonderful.”
My heart swelled at her words. It was incredible to me that this amazing, sexy, caring, funny and gentle woman could think I was wonderful. I wasn’t about to question it.
By the end of the evening, I was aching for her. Every minute I spent with her made me realize what a fool I’d been for all these years. She had been right in front of me, wanting me, and I’d never chosen to explore it.
Ashleigh
We stood outside my building, and he brushed my hair from my face. “Ashleigh, thank you for agreeing to come out with me tonight. I’ve had a great evening, and I’d really like to see you again. Are you free on Saturday, all day?”
Was he calling time on our date already? I wasn’t sure I was ready to be apart from him. “Thank you for a wonderful time, and I would love to see you again on Saturday.”
He nodded. “May I kiss you?”
My stomach flip-flopped. I slid my hand up his hard chest, taking a half step forward and closing the gap between us. “I would like that, yes.”
He cupped my face and dropped a kiss at the corner of my mouth. My lips parted as he traced his tongue across my bottom lip before dipping inside. His hands smoothed down my back, pressing my body against his, making me feel wanted and safe. He gasped as I trailed my fingers along the top of his belt. We’d already slept together, and I really wasn’t trying to put the genie back in the lamp. Would he stay if I asked? Before I got a chance to say anything, he broke our kiss and took a step back.
“You’re incredible, but I’m having a hard time staying in control.” The thought that I could do that to him still took a little getting used to. “I have an early start, so I’m going to go.”
I nodded, disappointment flooding my veins. He was set on leaving. He kissed me on the cheek and watched as I made my way into my building.
I felt wooed, cherished. And now I was lying in bed with an ache between my legs that only Luke had a cure for. Should I have invited him in? He hadn’t asked, hadn’t assumed, and I’d forgotten where we were with things. Did dating for him mean no sex? Now on my own, Luke was all I wanted, and he’d made it more than clear that he wanted me. What was I waiting for? I had a lot to lose, but even more to gain.
I threw on my coat and ran outside. It was late, and I lived some way from a main road where I could catch a passing cab. It took me about twenty minutes before I spotted a taxi with its light on, and when I scrambled in, I realized I didn’t know Luke’s flat number. I’d been there before, but only once. I spent the journey scrolling my messages, trying to find the text where he’d given me his address. Before I knew it, I was standing on my own outside Luke’s building, looking at the dissolving taillights of the cab. Jesus, I was an idiot. What was I doing here? Maybe he hadn’t pushed to come in because he didn’t want to. Maybe he was feeling unsure about our relationship as well. I started to pace, too panicked to continue my search through old texts. I shouldn’t have come. I should have trusted my initial instinct and let us marinate—let us both get used to the idea of being together. What was I thinking, being so presumptuous, assuming I was the only one holding back?
I missed him.
“Ashleigh.”
I jumped and spun to find Luke walking toward me.
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
“Uh . . . oh. Um. I don’t know.” Was he mad? “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. How long have you been here?” He checked his watch then looked at me. He pulled me into his arms. “Are you cold? I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”
It registered that he’d only just made it home after dropping me off. Where had he been?
“No. I shouldn’t have come. I should go. I didn’t mean to push.” Jesus, I should have just stayed at home. We’d had a wonderful night, and I’d spoiled it by showing up uninvited.
“What do you mean ‘push’? Please don’t go anywhere,” he said into my hair as his arms tightened. “Tell me why you are here.”
I took a deep breath. “I missed you.” It was so good to be held by him. It felt so safe.
“You did?” He kissed the top of my head. “Let’s get you inside. You must be freezing. You shouldn’t be out on your own. It’s not safe, and I don’t want anything to happen to you.
“But if I’m pushing, you have to tell me.”
“Pushing me by being here? Ashleigh, I’m ready to run; I’m just waiting for you to catch up, baby.”
Everything he said made me feel better. Every moment I spent with him made me feel more certain of our future together.
“Am I crazy?” I asked as we headed inside.
“In general or for some particular reason? Because yes and maybe.”
I rolled my eyes and he chuckled.
“For missing you, for turning up here in the middle of the night. I think I’m crazy.”
“Well, if that makes you crazy, I like crazy. I thought you didn’t want me to stay, and I don’t want to push.” His brow was furrowed as if he were trying to piece together a puzzle.
“I know what I said, but I’ve changed my mind.” I glanced at the floor. “Dating should include sleepovers. What do you think?”
He stuck his keys in the lock and ushered me inside. “I think that maybe you’re beginning to catch up.”
He collapsed on the sofa and pulled me onto his lap. “I don’t want to waste another moment without you. I feel like a fool for not seeing what was under my nose for so long. Every night should be a sleepover as far as I’m concerned, but I know you have some doubts and you want to protect yourself. I get all that, and I want to go at your pace, but you never need to worry that you’re pushing. Everything else I want in life pales in comparison to how much I want you.”
My stomach dipped and rolled at his words. Those words had been the stuff of my dreams since I was a teenager. “You’re wonderful.”
“I’m really not. Ask Emma, or Fiona. Any of my exes. It’s different with you. You make me different. Better. I like myself with you more than I do without you.”
I wasn’t sure that I’d ever been paid such a compliment by anyone. It was close to overwhelming. “Okay, so you’re my Mr. Wonderful.”
“I can live with that.” He linked his fingers through mine and nestled his head against my neck. “Are you feeling better?”
I nodded. It wasn’t possible to feel anything other than ecstatic given what he’d just said. “Much.”
“We’ve always been able to talk, Ashleigh, and now that we’re together, it doesn’t mean that should stop. In fact, in my experience, not talking, not saying how you feel, can only lead to pain.”
Now we’re together.
The words played on a loop in my head, mixing with his breath on my neck, making my brain fuzzy and my limbs loose. He sounded so sure. So solid. As if it were a done deal, a one-way street.
“Maybe you’re right.”
“Maybe?” he asked incredulously.
I giggled. “I mean, yes, you’re right about the talking, but also when you told me that we had this. Maybe you knew it all along.”
“I’m pleased the penny is finally beginning to drop. I have wisdom beyond my years when it comes to how I feel about you, and how things will work out with us. You’ll get used to it.”
“No one likes a show-off, Luke Daniels.”
“Well, you just crossed London for me in t
he middle of the night. You seem to like me pretty well.”
“Again with the showing off,” I whispered and dropped a kiss on his jaw. Obviously, I didn’t tell him, but he was on to something. We were together now. It made sense to me, and I felt good—no—amazing about that. “I think it’s time to tell Haven.” I dropped another kiss on his jaw.
“You ready to not care if she’s weird about it?”
“You think she’ll be weird about it?”
“No, but I want you to be sure of this—of me, of us. I don’t want you breaking up with me again if she says something you don’t like.”
He was right. I’d been all too ready to buy in to Haven’s doubts—I’d even enlarged them in my own imagination. “I think she just gave a voice to the feelings I had. Hearing them from her made them bigger than they needed to be. But, you’re no longer five seconds out of a long-term relationship, and I believe you when you tell me that I’m not the easy option for you. It’s like you’ve moved out of some rut and are embracing change for the first time ever.”
“You’re right. I’d tried to make everything around me into some kind of time warp because I thought that was what would make me happy. It’s probably been like that since my parents died. I’ve let go of that need to keep everything the same, and you’ve helped me with that. You’ve shown me how good change can be.”
He couldn’t have said anything that would have made me love him more. “You say the sweetest things.”
“I mean every word.”
“I’m ready to tell Haven.” I reached up and placed a row of kisses down his cheekbone.
“Come on.” He lifted me off his lap. “That’s reason to do some naked celebrating. Let’s get you to bed.” His phone began to buzz.
“It’s Haven,” he said. “It’s late; I wonder why she’s calling.” He silenced the call. By the time we’d made it to the bedroom, my phone was ringing. I knew before checking it would be Haven. It would be too coincidental for our phones to have gone off so close together not to be.
