She sat down at the table, opened a beer and fanned herself as she looked out the large window. "What an amazing view," she whispered. The tree branches moved with the light breeze, bringing woodland scents into the kitchen. For as far as the eye could see, there was nothing. Beyond the grazing land there was thick forest leading up to the foothills of a mountain. Concentrating on the peace of nature’s sights and sounds, she began to relax. The stress drained from her shoulders; she hadn't realized she'd been holding them so high. Taking in deep breaths of clean air, she could smell water and her thoughts went to Will; soap and steam and slippery skin. She slammed her hand on the table.
"Enough of that," she scolded herself.
"Enough of what?" Will stood smiling at her from the doorway.
She startled like a frightened cat.
"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."
"A fly…it was a fly, bothering me."
"I see." He glanced around the kitchen. "Looks like you scared him off."
He walked by and she caught a whiff of that scent that was so uniquely him.
"I didn't take you for a beer girl. Honestly, you strike me as more of a distinguished wine type."
"I'm sorry, I should have asked."
He fluttered his hand. "No, it's fine. That was my sister's. I forgot to throw it out when she left. Hate the stuff myself."
Her eyes flitted down and she felt self-conscious.
"With dinner, however, we must have wine."
She nodded and watched him move around the kitchen, feeling slightly out of place; wanting to help, but not knowing what to do. He was graceful in his movements, especially for a man so tall. And he seemed to know what he was doing.
"Do you like to cook?" she asked.
"If I have a reason to. If it's just me…" he shrugged and made a face. "I just order out."
Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it…her mind screamed.
"I don't suppose you eat alone often."
Dammit, you did it. She bit her tongue hating how juvenile she sounded.
He grinned as if he had heard her thoughts and tapped the side of the refrigerator. It was plastered with takeout menus.
"I stand corrected." Feeling the tension creeping back into the room, she took a sip of beer and then asked, "How's your sister?"
"She's alright. I think the break did her some good."
"You guys sound close."
"When we were kids we fought like fiends. We've gotten a lot closer since our parents died. She hasn't adjusted very well, I'm afraid."
"I'm sorry to hear it."
He shrugged. "When our parents died they left a lot for us to contend with. The stress is a little overwhelming for her."
Katie crossed her legs at the knee and continued to watch him work. "I, however, took the easy road. Or, what seemed easy to me."
"And what would that be?"
"Packed up and moved out. Or, away," he corrected. "Just started over."
"Just like that?"
"Yep. I realized that I would never be happy there and I just packed a bag, got in my car and drove away."
She shook her head. "That's amazing. I've never known anyone who radically overhauled their life like that."
"I didn't overhaul it. I took it back. And, yes, you do."
She looked surprised. "I do? Who?"
He ignored her question, nodded for her to follow him out to the deck. She could smell the newness of the wood. "Did you build this yourself?"
"Last month." He fired up the propane grill. Katie gawked. It wasn't just any old grill. The oversized bright silver man kitchen stood out like a jewel among the rustic and simple. "The trick was working it around the water."
Leaning over the rail, a small lazy stream wound its way out of the woods, under one leg of the deck and then out toward the vast open field. A cow stood in the pasture and raised its head, staring at her.
She sat at the table and folded her arms, waiting patiently. The steaks sizzled as he laid them on the grill. He tossed a few potatoes wrapped in foil on the top rack and closed the lid. Taking her beer between thumb and forefinger as if it were toxic, he tossed it in the garbage. "I'll be right back."
He returned with a bottle and two glasses. "I think you'll like this much better," he said.
Sitting across from her, he settled back in the patio chair. She watched him as he swirled, sniffed and then brought the glass to his lips.
She sipped rather clumsily, but delighted in the taste. "This is so much better than the last time I tried it."
"I'm glad you like it."
She sat back and crossed her legs, holding her glass close. "It's so peaceful here."
"I almost didn't get it. I was in a vicious bidding war with someone else who wanted it. A writer, the agent said."
"I could see why they wanted it. But I'm glad you won."
"The Millers’ children were thrilled to make so much on the place. Speaking of old houses…" He set his glass on the table and went to the grill to check on the steaks. "Have you decided what to do with yours?"
"I think I'm going to sell it."
"As is or are you going to fix it up first?"
"That depends."
He looked back. She could see the slightest bit of eagerness in his eyes.
"On whether I get the guts to ask my mother if I can move back in for good."
"And if she says yes?"
"Then I'll probably try to fix it up."
He tossed her a teasing a teasing grin. "All by yourself?"
"I told you, Will, I can't afford you."
"What if I said you could pay me out of the profits from the house?"
She took a sip of wine, contemplating.
"That way, it's not charity."
"I'll think about it," she said. Her tone, however clearly said that she didn't want to think about the house, or anything that reminded her of her disaster of a life, at all.
They had moved to the point where a few moments of silence were not awkward. Beyond that, she began to scrounge for something to say.
He moved to refill his wine glass.
"Be careful," she warned. "You're a lightweight, remember?"
He flashed another breathtaking smile. "Oh, I remember. I'm just afraid that's what it's going to take."
"What it's going to take for what?" Her heart sped up and her hands went cold.
He motioned with his glass to the corner of the deck, void of anything except a dead plant. "To get that elephant off the deck."
She laughed and stared at him, confused. "One glass and you're seeing elephants?"
"Oh, you know. The elephant in the room…only we're on a deck. And we have our very own elephant."
"Something we don't want to talk about," she said cautiously.
He nodded, his eyes smoldered. "Something we want to pretend isn't there." She bit her lip and cast her eyes down.
"Did you leave anyone when you walked away from your old life?"
He grinned with strained patience. "I did, actually. Why?"
"Just curious."
"I was engaged."
Her eyebrows went up with interest. "It wouldn't have worked. She was in it for the wrong reasons."
"What reasons?"
"Every wrong one you could think of." He went back to the grill and opened the lid. "Medium rare okay?"
"Perfect." She was dying to know more, but his rigid body language told her that the subject was closed.
Hardly fair, she thought, finishing off her wine. And then the thought occurred to her. Just because this woman was in it for the wrong reasons, didn't mean his heart wasn't broken. Sadness washed over her. Finding out things are not what you think they are…she knew too well about that.
He set a plate in front of her. "I didn't think to make a vegetable. I'm sort of a meat and potatoes guy, myself."
"This is fine. Wonderful."
Eating was a good excuse for silence and Katie enjoyed both. The sun was beginning its retreat and the t
rees and leaves took on a reddish glow.
Katie pushed her plate away and sat back. "I don't think I could eat another bite," she said. "Thank you, that was probably the best steak I've ever eaten."
"You're welcome." He topped off his wine and caught her grinning at him. "Would you like some more?"
"What the hell," she said, holding out her glass. With enough to drink, they might get that damn elephant off the deck after all. She darted a frustrated look at nothing.
"He's still there," Will said without looking up.
Sipping, she sputtered and then laughed. "I know."
Slowly he raised his eyes to her. "Did anyone ever tell you that you were terribly stubborn?"
"Yes, actually." She tossed her hair behind her shoulders. "It's a family trait, unfortunately."
He ran his finger around the rim of the glass. "That's okay. I like challenges."
"Right…that's why you bought this place."
"Right."
She felt the effects of the wine sneaking up on her and touched her forehead, realizing she shouldn't have had two glasses before eating.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes. It's just that I don’t drink that often."
She shook her head feeling stupid.
"It's okay. How is Jacob."
"Really good. My mom adores him. She jumped at the chance to watch him tonight." Her smile faded into solemnity. "I'm glad he's so small, you know? That he has no idea what's going on."
Will nodded.
"Have they found who did it?"
She shook her head slowly. "I don't want to talk about that, Will. I don't want to talk about anything heavy or real or depressing." She drew her shoulders up tight. "Basically, anything that has to do with me."
"Do you want to talk about us?"
She was hesitant. "Is there an ‘us’?"
"Do you want there to be an ‘us’?"
She laughed. “I want you to speak slowly and use small words," she said.
Way to dodge, Katie girl, she thought. Why thank you, she answered herself.
"Those were all small words," he said with a mocking grin.
"Fine." He stood up and took a few steps toward the cabin. "So, the elephant sits…" he said as he walked inside.
She dropped her head as soon as he was out of sight. She knew damn well why that elephant was there and she was as anxious for it to be gone as he was. But, damn man, he was going to make her bring it up. She groaned internally. It was as if he identified two of her worst traits, pride and stubbornness and he's playing on both. Tipsy and slightly irrational, she felt herself getting irritated. 'If he'd just say something, we could get past it.' And then what? So they were attracted to each other, so they kissed…now what. She growled as the elephant in the corner blurred into two. “Great,” she said, flopping her hand down to the table.
Music, slow, relaxing and not a little romantic flowed through the house.
He walked out and turned on the deck lighting, small soft lights that went all around the railing.
Extending a hand, he asked quietly, "Would you like to dance?"
She gripped the arms of the chair. "Sure." She pushed herself up and swayed. He grabbed her waist as she righted herself.
"Careful not to step on the elephant," he whispered as he led her to the center of the deck.
Chapter 21
He pulled her in close but not touching. She nervously adjusted her hands several times, moving them from his chest to his shoulders and his neck and back again. God, it'd been years since she did this. She stared at the collar of his shirt.
The very last of the sun played on the land surrounding the deck. Some foliage was muted and shadowed while some flowers seemed to stand out vibrantly alive. As the music drowned out the frogs and crickets, the world seemed very surreal to her. Strangely, it felt like home.
He was watching her, and she knew it. He pushed the hair back from her shoulder and let one finger linger on her neck, tracing the length of it slowly. Was it romantic, or was he looking at the bruises? she wondered. He answered her question by leaning in and leaving a trail of soft kisses from her ear to her collar bone and back up.
Her knees went watery and a chill went up her spine. A tight knot formed in her stomach, anticipating his next move. There was no further advance as he simply put his head next to hers; she could feel his hot breath on her shoulder.
Giving in she wrapped her arms around his neck and he held her tighter. She could feel he was more than a little affected by the moment as well. She was grateful her arousal wasn't as obvious.
"What do you want, Katie?" he whispered, trailing the length of her back with his fingertips.
Right now? Or eventually. Because right now she wanted very badly to.
"I need to know. And I need to know why."
She sobered momentarily, understanding his meaning. Why did she kiss him. It was time to kick the elephant off the deck. She realized he matched her in stubbornness and he was not going to outright bring it up.
"Because I could." Not terribly romantic, but brutally honest. "Nothing else mattered at that moment and I could. So I did."
He didn't move; he hardly breathed. "Do you regret it?"
"Kissing you? No." One elephant disappeared, leaving only the one holding the sign, "What now?"
"I'm glad to hear that." She realized they had stopped dancing and now simply stood, holding on to each other.
"What…do…I…want…," she said, tilting her head back. The stars were beginning to show in the dimming sky.
He planted three small kisses on her throat.
"It's very hard to think when you're doing that," she said, grinning.
"Sorry. I swore I wouldn't," he said, nuzzling her neck.
"Then why are you?"
"Because you're irresistible."
"Well, I don't mind," she said, unable to keep a smile off her face as she looked at him.
"What do you want?" he asked again. She saw the fiery desire in his eyes and found it very hard to think.
"Do you remember the conversation in the kitchen about my walking away from my life?"
She flipped through fuzzy memories and then nodded.
"And you said you'd never known anyone to do that?"
"And you said I did. Who?"
He touched her cheek with a long, slow stroke. "You. Your in the process of it right now. You're whole life is a blank slate, Katie, but I think you see that as a bad thing."
"Shell shocked, depressed and directionless seem like bad things to me."
"You can't look at it that way. You have the rare opportunity to redesign your life anyway you want it. You can do anything you want. But you have so many choices that you are frozen with fear."
She began to stiffen, knowing his words to be true. "You made some bad choices. We all have. But you get a do over. You get to reclaim Katie. Who she is and what she stands for. It shouldn't be scary. It should be exciting. So, what do you want?"
It was a weighty question and she found herself mute.
"When you stop worrying about what people will say and think and start deciding what will make you happy, it'll get a lot easier. I promise."
She felt a surge of confidence. "I want you," she said. Gripping his shoulders in conviction. "I can start with that one decision, right? An easy one. I want you."
"That's a good start. And one I happen to like very much." He’s smile was laced with seriousness. "But I want you to come back and tell me that tomorrow. When you’re sober."
"What? You don't trust my judgment?"
"I want you to be sure."
"Of course I'm sure!"
"You're sure while the music is playing and the stars are out. You're sure that you're attracted to me and I'm attracted to you, but are you sure there's more than that? That you want more than that? When the sun comes up and all the worry and stress comes back, will you feel the same way?"
"I will," she said, looking him square in the eye.
"Then you won't have a problem coming back tomorrow and telling me in the daylight."
She narrowed her eyes at him. "Do you not trust me, Will?"
"I trust you fine. But I know you don't trust yourself."
He had her there. She had been questioning herself all the way through her second glass of wine.
"Fine. I'll be back and I'll tell you again."
"I hope you do," he said softly. His eyes searched her face for a long moment. Leaning in, he kissed her with such slow intensity the knot in her stomach burst into flames. While his hands wandered, hers went to his shirt, slowly unbuttoning in a silent invitation. When his shirt fell open and her hands ran up the length of his chest, he grabbed them and broke the kiss.
"What's wrong?" she asked, breathless.
"We can't do this. Not yet." He shoved a hand through his hair and blew out his breath.
"Why not?" she nearly whimpered. "It's what I want."
"When you come back tomorrow and tell me in the light of day that you want me…that you want us to be together, then, we can."
Passion fizzled into frustration. "Will, I told you that—"
"I can't be another one of your regrets," he said. "You mean too much to me." His mind was made up. For tonight, she would be denied.
She growled in frustration. Her mind was reeling and the deck was spinning. She could walk, barely, and pulled away from him, wobbling to the chair. She needed to put some space between them but didn't want the night to end.
"Don't hate me," he said, sitting beside her and taking her hand.
"I don't," she sighed.
"That's good. Because I sort of hate myself right about now." He adjusted in his seat and she glanced over. Grinning, she could see he was plenty worked up below the shirt and reveled in being wanted again. Maybe dragging it out was a good thing. Increase the anticipation. Just for a bit. She looked up into the night sky, still smiling.
The silence was welcomed now as she took everything in. She was acutely aware of his presence next to her, listened to the sound of his breathing and counted shooting stars.
Reclaiming Katie Page 15
