“That’s impossible. Thinking of you is the only way I’ll survive this day.” He leaned down and kissed her forehead.
“Try to have a good day.” She raised the window and watched him get into his car.
* * * *
Ten hours later, she’d managed to keep her focus throughout work. Afterward, she grabbed some very unhealthy take-out for dinner then packed up a bunch of clothing. She lugged two big suitcases to Colin’s, one full of only shoes, the other a variety of her wardrobe, and unloaded all of it. The rainbow assortment of heels looked great in the closet of the kinky bedroom.
But the night was still young. She threw in a load of dirty laundry and mixed up the casserole she’d had in mind. After adding garlic bread to the grocery list, she loaded the dishwasher. Standing in the kitchen, she had a mini-flashback. When her mom was sick, it was all on Minny to cook and clean. She’d learned fast and never minded it.
Any other day she’d have loved playing the domestic goddess. The calendar on the fridge mocked her. She couldn’t fly all the way back to South Carolina today to visit her mother’s grave. She had work tomorrow. Mom wouldn’t approve of her screwing up a job…Minny had learned to work hard because of her mother’s example.
Minny jumped when her cell phone beeped. She prayed it was Colin coming home soon. She had to tell him all of her pent-up feelings and history. No man wanted to deal with a dump of emotional baggage from their girlfriend, but he had to know eventually. Plus Colin wasn’t like most men.
The text was from the sorority president, unfortunately, not Colin. They needed another judge for the men in underwear competition, and she was invited.
As she was about to text “no, but thanks anyway,” she looked at the clock. It was past ten and not a peep from Colin. At least at lunch he’d texted her he was thinking about her. Now those rich old women were probably fawning over him.
Odds were she’d be back before Colin got home. It wasn’t far, and she needed a distraction. This would lift her spirits at least. She texted she was on her way but couldn’t stay long. The haunting voice of Colin in her head irritated her as she drove over to her old apartment and left her car there.
Colin was right about showing off her body and teasing men. But this was neither. This was judging young men, and she had more experience than most of those girls, she hoped, when it came to the male package.
Her light green dress and heels got looks as she headed up the steps of the frat house. Young men got out of her way, but a few pressed close as she passed. The packed place had sorority girls and frat boys drinking and dancing. Finally, Minny found the sorority president and a lineup of men in tight, white briefs. Their hard bodies had nothing else on, and Minny grinned. “Very nice.”
“Judges get to work!” the sorority president shouted.
Minny quickly picked her favorite, a well hung guy who wasn’t as smug as the rest. The other men winked and flexed. Immaturity surrounded her. Looking around at the room, Minny suddenly felt out of place. One of the men pushed the white briefs down and showed it all.
Applauding with the rest, she wished she was at home getting spanked by Colin or even just watching TV with him. She had wanted to go to college, but she couldn’t turn back the clock. As she eyed the door, the other men stripped down to nothing and ran around the frat house naked. Girls grabbed their tight asses and cheered them on. Damn! Colin was right. Minny was too old for sorority games.
* * * *
Colin was trapped with a rich old couple who wanted to know about the chemistry research he was doing. Neither of them understood it, but he explained it for a third time. They’d donated a large sum already tonight, so it wasn’t as if he could ditch them.
As they asked the waiter for more coffee, he checked his phone. A text from Nelson of all people. Colin tapped the screen and didn’t like what he saw at all. Somehow Nelson had found out Minny was at a frat house tonight doing some judging.
“I’m sorry, I have to go,” Colin said to the couple.
“Why? We’re having a nice time.” The older woman tapped her spoon on her coffee cup.
“My girlfriend has an emergency, and I have to handle it. I do apologize.” He couldn’t believe she’d do this over one night alone.
He drove to the frat house in a blur and couldn’t believe the time. It was later than he thought. Parking out front, he marched up the stairs and ignored the looks and comments. A formal suit wasn’t what one wore to a keg party, but he wasn’t here for fun.
Spotting Minny, he cut through the crowd of drunken kids.
“How did you know?” she asked.
He didn’t answer. Instead, he picked her up and slung her over his shoulder. All her protests and pounding on his back did no good. He walked her to the car and settled her in the passenger side. She didn’t try to escape, and he felt relieved and empowered. It was all a stunt for attention.
Driving back to his place, he stayed silent as she ranted.
“You don’t own me! I’m a sex submissive, and there was no sex going on there. At least none that involved me. I was only judging some underwear contest. Fair is fair because I won that other contest. You weren’t home, so I found something else to do.”
As he parked the car, he said, “You need some female friends your own age.”
He carried her inside the house and dropped her on the bed. The vanilla one. Her face scrunched in confusion. “Aren’t you going to punish me?”
He began to undress. “No. You’re right. You didn’t break any rules. But if you want to be a college kid, then you don’t want to be with me. You can pretend to be twenty or accept your life where it is.”
“People go back to college all the time. I could do that. You’re the one who made a big deal about why I didn’t go.” She kicked off her heels and peeled her dress off, letting it fall on the floor.
“So go back to school. Test in. There are options, but you don’t get to go back in time. I’m not going to chase you all over campus because I can’t play with you for one night. This is an adult relationship, all around. I want a woman and a sub who is thirty and has maturity and life experience. If I wanted a twenty-year-old girl, I’d have one.”
“I’m sure.” She sat on the bed naked. “Punish me so we can get beyond this.”
He sighed and rejected that immediately. “No, the only punishment that’d do any good is putting distance between us. Not playing with you. I know you’re strong and independent, but something else is going on, and if you won’t tell me, I won’t force you. I’m not sure where we are right now.”
“Should I go? My car is at my apartment, damn.” She buried her face in her hands. Minny tried not to show it, but the shaking shoulders and short breaths told Colin she wasn’t just angry or annoyed.
Seeing her cry was something he couldn’t stand, unless it was the cathartic release during play. This was pain. He hugged her and pulled her into bed. “You’re not going anywhere until we sort it out. But I think we both need to sleep on it first.”
“You’re mad.” She tried to pull away.
“I’m displeased at you acting out. If you had an emergency, I had my phone. Whatever this is, you need to tell me. I’m pissed you’re keeping things from me.” He held her tightly to him.
“It’s not like that. This isn’t your fault or mine. It’s just bad timing. And I didn’t show off my body or compete. I only looked.”
Her attempt to change the subject didn’t work. “And that won’t hurt your job if someone finds out? Someone texted me you were there. So people know. Do you want to be my girlfriend or a campus joke? If you need a twenty-four seven dom, I’m not into that.”
“I don’t need that, but this happened too fast and on the wrong day.” She buried her face in his chest.
“I don’t know what that means.” He wanted to understand but getting at the true issue was akin to solving an impossible riddle. He suppressed the urge to shake her and, for a split second, thought of taking her t
o the other bedroom and restraining her. A little paddling and he’d have her confessing the truth tonight.
But he wanted her to be able to talk to him without bondage. She needed to feel safe and free with him all of the time.
“I can’t now.” She looked at the clock and closed her eyes.
Not quite midnight. They’d stayed up far later playing on a work night in the past, but it was clear she was drained. He reached over and turned out the bedside light. She relaxed on him in the dark. Angry or not, he couldn’t resist cuddling her when she was hurting. They had been moving fast, and a little more patience wouldn’t kill him.
Chapter Five
The next morning she woke early and got ready. He slept as the dead, and for a moment she watched him. Colin had had a rough day at work, and she’d made it worse, not better. That wasn’t going to happen again. Still, he hadn’t asked her to leave or punished her. No games or drama.
Maybe he was too good to be true? Packing and leaving on her own was an option but as she looked at the framed picture of her and her mother on the nightstand, she knew it was the wrong one. He hadn’t noticed the new addition of the photo yet, but he never missed anything for long.
She took the picture into the kitchen and set it on the table. After making coffee, she quietly pulled out the ingredients she’d need. As his alarm went off, she started cooking. She felt his gaze was on her, but she didn’t turn as she made cheese filled omelets.
“You look very nice. You’re up early.” He yawned and stretched.
“Sit down, we need to talk.” She nodded to the table and set a cup of coffee down at his usual spot.
“I don’t want to end things,” he said.
She kissed his cheek. “I know. Me neither. But I didn’t give you all the information, and it bit me in the ass. So now you have to hear it all. Early or not. Like it or not.”
“I’m ready when you are.” He nodded and picked up the picture. “Your mom?”
Minny nodded. “I was ten there. When I was a freshman in high school, she was diagnosed with lung cancer. She smoked big time when she was young. Anyway, it was okay for a while. She had friends who helped her go back and forth for chemo and all that. She insisted I go to school. It went into remission, and that was nice. Money was tight with the medical bills the insurance didn’t cover, but we managed.”
“Your dad?” He pulled her into his lap.
“Not around. They divorced when I was a baby, and he went on to a new family that stuck I guess. Never heard from him much.” She slid from his grasp when she heard the eggs sizzle.
“Bastard,” Colin said.
She flipped the eggs and dished them onto a plate. Sliding the breakfast in front of Colin, she sat next to him. “I agree with you. I could’ve used some help when the cancer came back my junior year. Mom wanted me to go to the prom and all this stuff.”
“You didn’t?” he asked.
“I tried. Borrowed a dress and everything, but half the night I was worried about her. I had a part-time job in the summers and looked after mom the rest of the time. She fought it all over again. The woman never gave up. Even came to my graduation.”
“I’m sorry I assumed wrongly about your grades and college.” He ignored the food and grabbed her hand.
“I’m not mad about that. I understand. And you’re right. I’m acting out because I missed out on so much stuff. It’s terrible I feel cheated. I got that time with Mom, and I’m missing it now. She hung in there another couple of years, but it got worse. They couldn’t operate anymore, and it’d spread. I got a job right after graduation and took over the bills and everything.” She shook her head.
He pulled her into his lap. “When did she die?”
“Ten years ago, yesterday.” She hugged him tight and buried her face in his shoulder.
* * * *
Hell! He’d screwed up so royally he couldn’t believe it. Not intentionally, but she should’ve left him and never spoke to him again.
“Yesterday? God, Minny. I’m so sorry.” He held onto her.
She shook her head. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t know. How could you? I didn’t tell you. All this drama is history. It’s not something I bring out when I’m first dating someone. I thought I’d find the right time. I thought I’d be okay.”
“You needed a real distraction, and I couldn’t be there.” He should’ve asked more questions or called off work. “If I’d known, I’d have found a way.”
“I know. I just didn’t want to be super-needy girl. I mean it’s been ten years. Last year it was hard, the first year I couldn’t go to the grave. But it was a new town, and I pretended she was with me on an adventure. This year I wanted to be with you, and I don’t know. I freaked out because she’ll never get to meet you.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. “I didn’t want anything BDSM to distract me. I just wanted you so I could tell you about her.”
“You can tell me now. Next year, I promise. I’ll block my whole day.” He wiped her tears away. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. Please, it was my fault. It seemed too fast then the day was here. Bad timing, that’s all. I don’t need you babysitting me or spanking me every day. I am an adult, but just this one day a year, I’m extra needy.” She blotted the tears on his T-shirt.
He chuckled. “I love you. If you have a month of needy days, I can handle it. Don’t hide them from me.”
“I know.” She paused. “You love me? Don’t say that now.”
“Tough. It’s true.” He kissed her.
“No, I don’t need you to go there because of this. You didn’t know. I’m really not mad. I just wanted it all out there. It is now.” She moved from his lap.
He shook his head. “I know that. I don’t blame myself. I’m not a mind reader. We’re moving fast, and this is a big thing to share. I’m not mad about last night. I get it.”
“It was dumb to go to that frat house. I knew it was wrong when I was there. I just needed any distraction. You calling to say your battery died, and you needed a ride home would have worked, too. Anything to get out of my own head. I cooked, I cleaned, and I even unpacked. I brought her picture here. Hell, I have more shoes here than you do.” She poured them more coffee.
Instead of responding to her, he picked up the picture. “Hi, Mrs. Burgess. Sorry you’re not here to approve of me, but I promise your daughter isn’t going to be alone anymore. You don’t have to worry about her. I screwed up last night, but I’m going to make sure I know everything, so that doesn’t happen again.”
“Stop it.” She grabbed for the picture.
He kept it out of her reach and stayed perfectly serious. “No, I’m having a conversation here.” He nodded as if he was listening. “Got it. Thanks.”
“Don’t make fun of me.” She grabbed for the picture again.
“I’m not.” He set the picture down and got up from the table. Colin grabbed the sharpie from the top of the fridge and marked the date on the calendar. “Mom’s anniversary.”
“Colin.” She hugged him.
“Now when is her birthday?” he asked.
“You don’t have to. I’m fine.”
“I know. She wants a cake. In exchange, she says it's okay for you to like my mom when you meet her at Thanksgiving.” He tapped the marker on the calendar.
Minny laughed and shook her head. “October thirty-first.”
“Halloween. Cool. Themed cakes. I won’t forget.” He flipped through to October and marked it down.
“I love you,” she said.
He put the marker down and wiped more tears away. “I know, and if there is anything else you’re keeping from me, I want to know about it this weekend. No excuses. No ‘it’s too early.’ No ‘it’s about an ex’ or whatever.”
She kissed him hard. “There’s nothing else. Really. My dad was a big nobody in my life. But I had plenty of friends who barely ever saw their fathers. Mom’s health was a much bigger issue. She raised me on her
own. I learned not to depend on men except for sex and stuff. You’re different.”
“You’re stuck with me, and I expect you to go to lunch with me today on campus. We need to start letting people in on the fun.” He nipped her neck.
“You’d better get in the shower. You’ll be late.” She pointed at the clock.
“They’ll live. This was more important.” He gave her ass a smack and knew his world was right again.
Chapter Six
After dinner Friday night, she wondered what he had planned for the weekend. As she loaded the dishwasher, she heard him rummaging through the closet in the kinky bedroom.
She’d brought her role-playing outfits, in addition to her regular clothing, but hadn’t said anything to him about them. Slowly she walked to the room and caught him looking at a red sequined, strapless and very short dress.
“Like it?” she asked.
“What fantasy is this for?” he asked.
She giggled. “Actually none. A friend of mine from high school wanted a Vegas wedding. Full glitz and gaudy fun. I’ve never worn it since, but I can’t get rid of it.”
“Why not?” He held it up to her.
“I like it. Red is my favorite color, and if I’d gone to my senior prom, I’d have picked something close to this. Not as short, floor length and maybe a halter neck instead of strapless but red and full of bling.” She touched the dress. “I had to tape my boobs down into that thing, so they didn’t pop out. But it was a fun, trashy Vegas wedding. They’re still married.”
“Is that the sort of wedding you’d like?” he asked.
She froze for a second. Men talking about weddings? He really wasn’t like other men, and they were just talking about themes anyway. She shrugged it off. “I’m not sure about Vegas. Something simple, definitely.”
Love and Chemistry Page 5
