by Virna DePaul
She wasn’t entirely surprised to hear the door open and close behind her. She waited for him to speak.
“I don’t understand how they’re all so happy today.”
Erica closed her eyes when she heard the pain and uncertainty in his voice. “I understand that,” she murmured.
“No, you can’t.”
“Can’t I? Are you sure? We’ve never talked about my parents, have we?”
A pause. “No, we haven’t.”
She turned to him, taking a deep breath. “Mom mom’s in Indiana. Remarried. Happy. But my dad died, too, you know.”
Riley’s blue eyes flew open wide. “Oh, shite. I didn’t know that. I’m sorry. Jesus, what an idiot I am.”
“You’re not an idiot. I’ve never talked about it. That’s all.”
“Can I…may I ask…?”
“He was sick,” she explained. “The funny part is, he was always the picture of health. Everybody in town thought he would live forever—always running, always walking the dogs, full of energy, full of vitality.”
“Same with my Dad,” Riley observed. “Though he spent most of his time at The Crazy Yankee, our family restaurant in Dublin.”
“From all I’ve heard, our fathers were a lot a like.” Her father had always been afraid of poverty, after being raised in it. He used to spend his nights worrying about where the money would come from for the bills, no matter how comfortable they were. “What If” plagued him until the day he died. What if he were injured on the job? What if he got sick? How would the family survive? When she heard of the untouched nest egg Ian left behind, she’d immediately thought of her father.
Erica continued. “It was as big a surprise to us as it was to anybody else when he went into the hospital—actually, that’s not really true. We knew there was something wrong with him for a long time. He used to complain of chest pains, only even when he had a stress test, it came back clean. He didn’t have any heart trouble. Still, the pain was always there.”
“What was it?”
“Pancreatitis. Acute. His pancreas dissolved, basically.”
“Shite.” Riley looked horrified.
“By the time the crisis happened and the medics rushed him to the hospital, they thought he was actually having a major cardiac event. He was in so much pain, he was vomiting and convulsing. But he didn’t die that day. It took three months.”
“Oh, God. How awful. I’m sorry. It sounds so inadequate, doesn’t it?”
Erica nodded. “But it’s all you can say. I know. So you see, I know how you feel. A little, anyway. It’s been five years and I still can’t pass his birthday without crying. Or my parents’ anniversary, or the anniversary of his death, or even the anniversary of the day he went into the hospital. He never went home after that, you know.” Erica’s chin quivered, and a single tear fell. “It’s still really hard for me to be happy when I think about him. Other people tell stories and laugh, and I can do it if I have to. But most of the time, when I think of him or his favorite song comes on the radio, I cry my eyes out. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over it.”
The relief on Riley’s face was like balm on Erica’s heart. If she could help him feel better just by understanding what he went through, her own pain didn’t seem worthless. It was all for a reason, even if that reason was only to help him.
“I don’t blame you for not wanting to be in there,” she murmured, moving closer to him. “I just wouldn’t want to see you miss the party, either. You never know. It might be fun.”
He frowned, looking at the ground. “I don’t know. We were all close with dad, but for me… The others went to Mam for advice. I went to dad. Whenever a decision needed making, whenever I needed help with school, girlfriends, shams, anything—I’d sit with Dad by the telly and we’d talk. He pretended to keep his gaze on the show, because somehow he knew it was easier for me to talk to him that way, but he always listened. He always cared.”
“It’s good you know that. It’s good to remember that. If you change your mind, I’ll be there,” she whispered. “The whole time. I’m with you.” It was a chance, talking to him like that. She didn’t know if he even wanted her to. It seemed like a pretty intimate thing to say, that she would be there to support him through the heartbreak. She’d felt compelled to say it. There was no stopping it.
“Thank you,” he murmured.
“I have to go back in.” Erica took Riley’s face in her hands and kissed him, briefly but firmly. She wished she could stay with him all night, that she could hold him and take the hurt away for a little while. He flashed her a quick smile, and she went back inside.
By the time she returned to her place behind the bar, most of the pub had broken out in song. “My Way.” Another Sinatra classic. She grinned when she saw the three O’Neill boys singing at the top of their lungs, arms around each other’s shoulders.
Sean’s eyes lit up, and he waved someone toward him. Erica turned, her eyes filling with tears as Riley entered from the kitchen. He joined his brothers, his voice blending with his brothers and the rest of the pub, including Erica’s. When he looked at her, Erica saw grief, but she also saw happiness.
And maybe it was trick of the light or just her wild imagination, but she also thought she saw love.
Chapter Seventeen
“I think we need to have a talk, brother.”
It was a few days after Dad’s birthday celebration, and Riley had just been in the middle of a quiet, teasing conversation with Erica when Quinn and Brady came out from the kitchen.
“What’s this?” he asked, looking from one of them to the other. Their faces wore semi-serious expressions.
“This is something we should discuss in private.”
Riley glanced at Erica, then stood straighter. “I don’t have any secrets from Erica.”
Quinn smiled. “Is that so? Fine. We wanted to know if you’re taking your break up with Lucy harder than you think.”
“What?” Riley said, his voice incredulous.
“It’s the way you’ve been living like a monk all these weeks,” Brady began.
Riley froze, feeling like a snared animal. He didn’t dare glance at Erica, afraid she’d burst out laughing and give the two of them away.
“Maybe I should go, after all,” she said, edging away from the bar.
“No, it’s all right,” Riley assured her, never taking his eyes from his brothers. “Is that what you’re thinking?” he asked them. “That I’m living the clean, celibate lifestyle because I’m heartbroken over Lucy?”
“What else is it, then? You go to see her, you break things off for good, then you show no interest in any of the women who come in here flirting with you.” Quinn shook his head, his arms crossed over his chest. With his reading glasses on, he looked very serious and very much the oldest brother.
“We’re only asking to be sure you’re all right. You’re a young man. If you’re having regrets about Lucy, you should act on them.” Brady clapped Riley on the shoulder with his open hand. “Isn’t that right, Erica? You tell him. You’re closer to his age than we are. He needs to go after her, don’t you think?”
Erica bit her lip, and Riley could tell she was having a difficult time not laughing. Then she wiped her expression clean and nodded solemnly. “If Riley’s in love, he should definitely act on it. Poor guy. I’ve never seen him so despondent.” She looked at Riley in wide-eyed innocence.
“See? She thinks so, too,” Brady said.
Riley barely heard him. He was too busy boring holes into Erica with his eyes. She barely managed to contain herself. “Is that right? So you think I should declare my feelings of love, do you?”
“Yes. In fact, you should call Lucy right now. What time is it in Ireland?” she asked.
“Oh, it’s not Lucy I’d be calling to declare my love to,” he said.
At his statement, she inhaled a breath and her expression grew serious.
“Riley?” she asked quietly.
He glanced
at each of his brothers. “I’m not in love with Lucy. I’m not grieving the end of our relationship. And I’ve been far from celibate all this time. I am in love, however. I just haven’t had the nerve to tell her before now.”
Erica made a sound like she was having trouble getting in enough air.
“But now that you all have given me the perfect opportunity…”
He looked at Erica. Walked up to her. And took her hands in his. “I love you, Erica. And I don’t care if my bloody brothers know it. In fact, I want them to know. I’m sick of sneaking around. Sick of pretending I don’t want to touch you or kiss you every moment of the day.”
The room fell silent. The first person to make a sound was Brady, who snorted.
“Like you’ve been doing a good job of hiding that for all your pretending.”
Riley frowned. “You knew?”
Quinn laughed. “Of course we did, maggot. You weren’t exactly subtle. In fact, you two are the most obvious pair of idiots ever. Sneaking off to the pantry, out behind the kitchen. Come on.”
“So all that shit about me not being over Lucy?”
“What’s the fun of having a little brother if you can’t take the piss out of him from time to time?” Quinn asked, gasping for breath in between bursts of laughter. “Oh, your face was priceless!”
“Riley?”
He turned back to Erica.
“I love you, too.”
She pulled him closer and he wrapped his arms around her waist. Her body was warm, firm, alive in his arms. When they kissed, he sensed his brothers moving away.
It was several minutes before they finally parted. Then, without another word, Riley grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the front door. “We’re taking the rest of the day off,” he called, not bothering to wait for his brothers’ answers.
“Riley!” Erica squealed, her face bright red. “We can’t just leave in the middle of the day.”
“Why not? I’m part owner of the restaurant and you just told me you love me.” He stopped and cupped her face in his hands. “And I told you I love you. Isn’t that worth celebrating?”
She smiled and leaned up to kiss him. Then she whispered. “Let the celebrations begin!”
In mere minutes, they’d reached Riley’s cottage and practically fell inside. They couldn’t tear their mouths from each other, and Riley was already removing her clothes when Erica pulled back. “Mmm…” she whispered, while his mouth traveled down her throat. “There’s something I’ve been wanting to do, and since we’re celebrating…”
“What’s that, now?” He reached down to fondle her ass, marveling at how round and ripe it was.
She slithered from his arms without a word, dropping to her knees. He groaned appreciatively at the touch of her hands on his bulge. She rubbed it through his jeans for a minute, before unbuttoning and unzipping him.
“So nice,” she whispered, pulling his length from his shorts. The touch of her hands on his stiff cock made him gasp. She stroked gently, softly, her tongue circling the throbbing head.
“Yeah, baby,” he replied, moaning. He plunged his hands into her hair, holding her head still as he thrust slightly into her mouth. She groaned in approval, sending vibrations up his shaft. He gasped, thrusting deeper.
Erica used her hand to stroke what her mouth couldn’t handle. The sensation was overwhelming, pure pleasure, and he closed his eyes to take it all in. He thrust harder, faster, in and out of her wet mouth. Her tongue rubbed the underside of his shaft, her lips fastened around him, rubbing up and down, caressing the head before plunging down again.
“Oh, shite…Erica…” He was so close, the tension building, almost ready to explode. He tried to pull from her mouth. “I’m gonna come,” he whispered. She held him fast, shocking him, and knowing that she wanted to keep him there was enough to finish him. He gasped, jerking, groaning quietly as he came, shooting into Erica’s waiting mouth.
He couldn’t believe it. When he finished and his thoughts came back to him, he pulled himself from her and took her by the shoulders to stand her up. “You’re amazing,” he whispered.
“Just when I think you can’t surprise me, you manage it.” He wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tight. He kissed her forehead, her cheeks. “I want you to keep surprising me forever.”
She sucked in a breath. “Forever, huh?”
“Yeah,” he said seriously. “You’re the first woman I’ve ever loved. The first woman I’ve said the word forever to, Erica.”
“Then we need to do more celebrating, don’t you think?”
Chapter Eighteen
Riley was tending bar, thinking about the night before with Erica, when his phone rang. He smiled as he pulled it from his pocket. The boys were all there with him, which meant it could only be one other person. Nobody else ever really called.
Only it wasn’t Erica. The smile faded from his face when he saw the name “Lucy” appear on his ID.
He looked around, panicking a little. Then he reminded myself it was just Lucy. The Lucy he always knew. He couldn’t imagine why she’d be calling, though. When he picked up, it was with an apprehensive heart.
“Hey,” he said, hoping he sounded casual enough.
“Hey, yourself,” she said. Her voice was as familiar as his own, or his brothers’.
“How’ve you been?”
“Pretty good. Yourself?”
“I can’t complain.”
“How are the guys?”
“They’re well. We’re at work at the moment.” He hoped that would give her the idea he was trying to put forward, that he was busy. It wasn’t a good time. It would never be a good time again, actually. Why would she call out of the blue?
“Sorry to disturb you,” she said. “There’s something we need to talk about, you see.”
“Oh?” Riley was suddenly very sure he didn’t want to hear about it. Something in her voice told him it wasn’t good news.
“Yeah. You see…I’m pregnant."
He put out a hand to hold onto the bar, trying to steady himself. he looked around again, praying none of the others would come in and see him half-undone.
“You’re sure?” he asked. It was only words coming out of his mouth. He didn’t know what he said. He was too deeply horrified to hear himself. His brain screamed, even as he stayed calm.
“Very sure,” Lucy confirmed. “I took the test and it turned positive right away.”
“Jesus,” he muttered. His heart pounded like a bass drum in his chest, threatening to burst out. A baby. “I don’t want to sound like a prat, but…”
“It’s your baby, Riley. You’re the only one I’ve been with.” he highly doubted that, but he had to take her word in the moment. No sense starting a fight about it.
“Jesus.” It was all he could seem to say. “We used a condom. And I thought you were on the pill. Did you stop?”
“No, but remember the sinus troubles I was getting over when you came? Doctor put me on an antibiotic. I didn’t know it could mess with the pill. I just looked it up.”
“Shite. You’d think he would have told you.”
“He didn’t know. He’s not my gynecologist.”
He wanted to hit something, or somebody. He stepped outside, into the alley.
“What do you want to do?” he asked, pounding his closed fist against his other palm.
“I wanted to talk to you first, of course,” she said. Her voice was filled with worry. Riley closed his eyes—if she were really pregnant with his baby, he didn’t want to upset her.
“You’re talking to me. What do you think?”
“I don’t know. What do you think?” She sounded just as anxious as he felt. She wasn’t one of those smug girls who held it over a guy’s head when he knocked her up. She legitimately didn’t know what to do. Riley knew then that it was all an accident—she didn’t plan it, as he first thought she had. He couldn’t help it.
“I’m okay with whatever you want to do.” He didn’t kn
ow what else to say. His whole world was falling apart, and his future—his relationship with Erica, for God’s sake—was suddenly crumbling before his eyes.
Why the hell had he slept with her to begin with? In his head, he’d known he didn’t want to recommit to her. He’d known he was falling for Erica. But he and Erica had still been friends, that was all. And even though he hadn’t meant to sleep with her, he had gone to Ireland to be sure. Sure he didn’t have a single shred of doubt about wanting to be with another woman, especially a woman like Lucy who’d always been able to draw him back to her time and again.
“I need a little time to think about it,” she said, slowly. “I don’t want to terminate, though. It wouldn’t feel right.” They were both Catholic, as were most of the people they knew, and it was a big enough issue for her to be on the pill to begin with. The doctor had first prescribed it to help with her monthly, which was considered acceptable by their local priest.
Riley pictured the old man in his head, sneering down at him. Telling him how he had to live up to his responsibilities and marry the girl. The girl he liked, but had never really loved. Not the way he loved Erica.
“I’m with you all the way,” he managed to choke out.
“I’ll call you tomorrow, yeah? It’s awfully late here, and I’m exhausted.”
“Sure, yeah. Call me then.” He hung up, feeling completely numb. The anger was gone, the frustration and shock were gone. There was nothing in him but a blank, staring numbness.
A baby. he was going to be a father. Just when he finally got everything in order, when he found a woman who made him happy and gave him faith in the future. I knew I didn’t deserve her. I knew I would disappoint her.
Chapter Nineteen
The minute Erica walked into the restaurant that night, she knew something was off.
Before then, it had seemed like any other night, though a bit less crowded than usual. She was looking forward to having a few minutes to relax, chat with the customers. She thought she might even have the chance to get some private time with Riley. The thought filled her with a warm, glowing joy, the way it always did. She couldn’t wait to see him again, and was already making up excuses for them to sneak off together when she walked in, even though they had no reason to sneak around anymore.
