by Elin Wyn
Nyheim was out, but maybe I could head toward one of the smaller settlements.
I could blend in and start a new life there. With the way things were nowadays, I doubted that the smaller settlements would have any kind of reliable broadcast system...and that meant they probably wouldn’t have heard of the attack on General Rouhr. To them, I’d be just another faceless drifter. I’d use a different name, and no one would ever know about my past.
“Are you the lead strategist?” I heard someone say, and I raised my eyes to meet Ilkay’s gaze. He stood right in front of the fire I had built, a kind smile on his lips.
“Lead strategist?” I asked, not sure what he meant.
“You just look like you’re thinking hard,” he continued, stepping around the fire to sit beside me. “I noticed you’re one of the few thinking in practical terms around here, so I figured you were thinking about what our next move is going to be.”
“Our next move?” I snorted. “Let’s not die of starvation. How’s that for a next move?”
“It’s a reasonable one,” he replied, his voice completely neutral. This guy was so damn hard to read. He was agreeable to a fault, but I never knew what the hell he was really thinking.
“Reasonable but difficult,” I sighed. “No one’s rationing their food, and food is scarce around these parts. There are no small animals we can hunt, and even the edible plants seem to have withered away. It won’t take long before we’re starving.”
“Let’s just try and not starve today,” he smiled, and then produced a small packet of camping rations from inside one pocket. He threw it to me and I grabbed it midair, surprised. “I was saving that one for myself, but I noticed you still haven’t eaten anything…”
“Thank you,” I whispered, still looking down at the food in my hands. Hesitantly, I tore the wrapper apart and took a small bite of what looked like a protein bar, my stomach growling happily.
“Don’t mention it.” Holding his hands up to the fire, his eyes focused on the dancing flames, he waited a moment before continuing. “Don’t let fear get the best of you, Stasia. The situation might look like a hopeless one, but there’s always help to be found - even when you don’t expect it.”
With that, he stood up and left.
I watched him head toward his small shelter on the other side of the clearing, feeling even more confused about him than I was before. Ilkay was a strange one, but I was starting to like him.
Smiling, I lay down and rested my cheek on my hands.
A few seconds later and I was fast asleep.
Iq’her
When the camp woke up the next morning, the people that had slept in the ‘buildings’ complained about the bug bites they had. Meanwhile, the ones that had slept under the lean-tos complained about the cold and how sore they were.
My first thought was about Stasia.
Was she safe?
Did she keep warm overnight?
Roddik’s rabble were irritable, and with no food to eat, they were going to be even more so. I noticed that the plants around us were beginning to become even browner, odd for the middle of a wet summer. That meant there would be less food and more anger and stupid decisions.
Several of the group had their hands on their weapons, angry at everything that was being said. While they had had no plans, and no clue, for how to survive in the wilderness on extremely limited supplies, they certainly had enough weapons to spare. Almost every one of them had a knife of some sort strapped to their hip, others had a second knife strapped to their thigh.
The axes and hatchets we had used yesterday were certainly sharp, and they had proven they knew how to use them. Finally, a quick look around at everyone prepping to move out showed that nearly two-thirds of the group were armed with rifles and handguns.
Whatever they lacked in the ability to plan, they made up for in the ability to shoot, cut, or stab.
“Uh, does anyone have an issue if I go out and look for some food? I might get lucky,” I said loudly.
“Do whatever you want, but if you do find food, you better bring it back for all of us. Got it?” Roddik said, his hand resting on the butt of the gun at his hip. I knew he was trying to be threatening, and I had a feeling that of his ‘many’ talents, he really did know how to shoot and would be quick on the trigger if I pissed him off.
I held up my hands. “Of course, of course. I wouldn’t dream of keeping anything to myself.” I grabbed my pack and looked over at Stasia. “Want to come with me?” I asked. “You found the nuts and berries yesterday, so maybe you could help me find more food.”
She agreed without a look at her brother.
I had to get news to Rouhr about this group. They were going to be trouble. Some people say that a rebel with a plan was dangerous, but even worse was a group of people with no plan. They would resort to a mob mentality, following the one with the loudest voice, no matter how idiotic their ideas were.
And this mob had enough weapons to seriously hurt some people. I had to find a way to get them back to Nyheim to be placed under guard, and if I couldn’t do that, I had to tell Rouhr and get Stasia out of here.
However, in order to do that, I would need help. I was certain I could count on Stasia, but what if she didn’t help? What if she was too afraid of betraying her brother that she didn’t help me, she helped him. No, she wasn’t going to be that dumb. She loved her brother, yes, but I was pretty confident that she loved her brother enough to make the right decision. To protect him from himself, she would help me.
I hoped.
I felt another wave of guilt for placing the tracker on Stasia without her knowing. But these were desperate measures for desperate times, I told myself.
After we traveled for a few miles, she finally stopped me. “This is where we found the little bit of food,” she told me, her hand grazing mine as she pointed.
Her fingers lingered on mine for just a second longer, and we shared a glance for a moment. She looked at me and I was lost in her gaze.
I wanted nothing more than to touch her, to caress her and kiss her.
“Do we know each other?” she asked, her brows drawn together.
“I would never forget you,” I answered, hoping it would be enough for the moment.
I looked around. Whatever she had found must have been all that was left. This portion of the forest was nearly dead. The trees had no leaves and were starting to turn gray. The undergrowth and bushes were brown and dry. I touched one of the bushes and the leaves crumbled beneath my touch.
“It wasn’t this bad yesterday,” she whispered in awe. I looked at her and saw the fear and recognition of what was happening grow. “This is terrible.”
“It is.” I put a hand on her shoulder, and Stasia put her hand on top of mine. I gripped her and she looked at me.
Her eyes widened.
“This is crazy,” she muttered to herself. It’s as if she could see through my holobelt.
I looked around to ensure we were alone, then listened carefully. There were no suspicious sounds, so I made a decision and decided it was time to take a calculated risk. “Can I show you something and have you not say anything about it?”
“You mean,” she started as she looked at me, an eyebrow raised. “Like keeping a secret?”
I nodded.
She did a one-shoulder shrug. “Yes. I’m actually pretty good at secrets.”
“Good.” I said. I took a breath, then reached down to my belt, dropping my hand from hers. Her fingers trailed over me for a moment and I was shocked at how much I liked the touch.
I worried for one moment how she’d receive me once she saw me. But then I shrugged mentally and turned my holobelt off. When recognition dawned on her face, I turned it back on. Didn’t want to risk someone following us and seeing me in my real form.
“You…you’re...” she stuttered, stepping closer to me.
Closer. Not away.
“I am.” I brushed a stray hair from her face, let my fingers ling
er a moment longer than absolutely necessary.
“Why are you here? What was that? How are you able to look like that?” she rambled off quickly. Then, something inside her seemed to go off and her eyes went wider. “Are you here to kill my brother?”
I put my hand on her shoulder again and rubbed. “First, I’m not here to kill your brother. Or you,” I quickly added in case she started thinking that. “This is my holobelt, it emits a holographic image on the surface of my skin in order to disguise how I look.
“As for why I’m here… I’m here to stop your brother and the rest of the group from doing anything that will result in people getting hurt, to monitor the situation, keep things from getting out of hand. I don’t think this settlement idea of his is going to go the way he wants it to,” I explained.
“I don’t think so, either. How do you plan on stopping them?” She turned, but didn’t move my hand away.
So far, she was taking my disguise in stride. That was a good sign.
“I haven’t gotten around to that part of the plan yet. I was trying to gather some intel first, but with everyone pulling out their weapons, they’re far too well-armed to be left to their own devices.”
“Oh.” She looked into my eyes again. I could see in her face that she had hoped I already had a plan in place. Then she started to get a questioning look in her eyes. “How did you find us?” Her hand pulled my hand off her shoulder. “And don’t tell me you just followed behind us. If I know anything about how you guys work, you took care of the injured first. That means we had a lot of time to get away.”
I opened my mouth to answer, then closed it. Guilt wracked me. To lie to her again would not be smart. So I didn’t. I closed more of the distance between us again. “Do you remember when we ran into one another at the restaurant and I put my hand on your shoulder?”
“Yes,” she said slowly, then bit her lower lip.
“I placed a small tracking device on your neck that allowed me to pinpoint your location after you left the city,” I said quickly.
She took it well, as long as complete anger and betrayal were what you were hoping for in a reaction.
“You did what?!” She walked away from me, running her hands through her hair. “You put a tracker on me?”
“Yes. I was trying to make sure you were safe,” I said. It seemed to be the wrong answer.
“Safe! Safe! You thought you were keeping me safe?” she shouted. “Of all the… you… my brother has co-opted every part of my life that he possibly can. The only things that I had that were mine, truly mine, were my body, my mind, and my privacy! And you had the unmitigated gall to think you had the right to invade two of those!”
Her voice rose with every other word until she was nearly shrieking at me. I was a bit surprised at her reaction, but it actually made sense. I had violated her privacy, and while I didn’t exactly believe that I had violated her body, I could see how she might think that.
“I’m sorry. I… I didn’t think it through,” I started to apologize, reaching a hand toward her but dropping it. I felt only pain as she turned away from me.
“No shit.” Stasia turned away from me, avoiding my gaze.
Yeah, I deserved that. “I was only thinking about the overall safety of the citizenry and what your brother and his group might do to them. I didn’t take into account how using you without permission would make you feel. I really do apologize for that. I just wanted to keep you safe.”
“Whatever.” Her eyes glared into mine now. “You’re just as bad as my brother, trying to talk me down like that.”
From her point of view, I deserved that too, but I tried once again. “I’m sorry you feel that way. I truly did not mean to make you feel like that. However, if you’re willing to help me, we can hopefully shut this down before anyone gets hurt.”
That sort of calmed her. I could see that she was on the same pathway of thinking as me. She wanted to stop this before people were hurt just as much as I did. “You really want to stop anyone from getting hurt?” She put her hand to my face, both to make me look at her and signaling to me that she was more trusting of me again, having taken the time to hear me out.
Asking me the truth and listening to what I said, trusting in the honesty in my words now.
I nodded. Grateful, I noted she could have good reason not to trust me, but I wanted her to.
“And you’re not here to harm my brother just because he’s an asshole?” Her hand dropped from my face and I wished for it back.
I smiled. “If we arrested or hurt people for being assholes, as you put it, my entire crew would have been arrested a long time ago.”
She thought about what I had to say, then hit me with a determined look. “If I help you, you take that damn tracker off me, deal?”
“I’ll take it off without your help,” I offered. I stepped towards her, and while she seemed to be hesitant and wary of me, she let me get close. I stepped around her, found the tracker, and pulled it off, showing it to her. I slide it into my pocket, but kept the channel open.
The need for Rouhr and the rest of command to know what Roddik was up to hadn't ended.
In fact, the more time I spent with his entire group, the more worried I became.
“See?”
“Fine. I’ll help, but I’m still pissed off at you for using me like Roddik does.”
I nodded in understanding, rubbing her shoulder. “I was wrong.”
Stasia paused and considered me, cocking her head to the side. “If only all men could say that.” A smile crept over her lips. It was like warmth reaching me from the cold.
“I’m sorry.”
Her eyes widened. “I don’t think most species have mastered that one.” She laughed, another sound that seemed to induce a warm feeling throughout me.
I nodded, smiling at her. “Shall we gather food?”
“Yes.” She hooked her arm with mine. “Not everything is dead out here.”
The hope in her voice was pleasant.
I turned around to face her. “Life is what we make of it.”
“Maybe it’s time to make something new,” she responded, her eyelids drooping.
I leaned in and pressed my lips to her forehead so quickly that perhaps she missed it, or so I thought.
But Stasia wasn’t holding back now. Cupping my face, she pressed her lips against mine, closing all space between us. She parted her lips and my tongue danced over hers. We broke away quickly.
But things had changed between us.
There was more than one kind of hope present.
Stasia
“Nothing,” I sighed, pointing toward the withered plants in front of us. “This time of the year, before the Xathi came, there were always a lot of wild berries around...but now, look at this. Everything’s dead. No wonder even the birds have left this place.”
Moments earlier, I’d been foolish enough to be hopeful. Now reality threatened to bring despair.
The stolen moment of a kiss seemed lightyears away.
Had I really been foolish to kiss him? Was I destined to make bad decisions about the men in my life?
I was loath to compare Iq'her to my brother, because while I loved my brother, he was a total asshole.
I bit my lip and brought myself back to reality.
“This is not good,” Iq'her agreed, hands on his hips as he looked at the bush. Using his hatchet, he pruned the large bush in the hopes we’d find at least a couple of berries deep inside it. Of course, there were none to be found. The forest was slowly dying… and so would we, if we didn’t find any food.
“This is it.” I shook my head. “We’re all screwed. The little food they’ve brought is now gone, and I doubt the other foragers are going to find anything. Even if they do, it won’t be enough for all of us.”
“You’re right.” He nodded.
Even though I didn’t like the fact Iq'her had lied to me, I had to play along. If I was being honest with myself, I’d admit that part of me really
wanted to trust him, too.
If Roddik found out about what he was doing… yeah, that would be a complete disaster.
And as much as I hated the fact that Iq'her had been tracking me, I wouldn’t let him become another victim of my brother’s insanity. Because that’s what it was — pure insanity. The food reserves were gone, everyone was in a terrible mood, and soon enough it’d be chaos.
People would be at each other’s throats and, if they didn’t die of starvation, they’d end up killing each other. That scenario was a far cry from Roddik’s promised utopia, no two ways about it.
“We must continue,” Iq'her said.
I followed after him, venturing deep into the forest. The only sound around us was that of our own footsteps, or the one coming from the dry twigs we crushed under our boots.
There were no birds in the sky, and the forest seemed to be completely devoid of animal life. It was an eerie atmosphere, like walking in a graveyard during the night, the dead your only company. No, scratch that — even a graveyard would be livelier than this forest.
Here and there, though, we somehow managed to find a couple of berries and edible roots. That was a small blessing, but I was too painfully aware it wouldn’t be nearly enough. Even if we found some more, there was no way we’d feed the whole group with a handful of berries. Still, it wouldn’t be long before night fell, and so we were forced to make our way back to the camp.
“Eat some,” Iq'her offered, a few roots in his hand. “Your brother will probably take everything we’ve gathered, so you must eat before. You have to keep your strength up.”
“No.” I shook my head. “They’re all a bunch of idiots, but I’m not going to stuff myself while they’re hungry.” I almost laughed at my own comment: it would be pretty much impossible to stuff myself with the few berries and roots we had found.
