Six Shades of Romance

by Darling, P. K.

  I didn’t realize Robert was staring at me, expecting an answer. He had reeled off the next eight months like a shopping list. In the process, sucking all the air out of my lungs and causing the walls to start moving in on me.

  And was he really expecting me to move in with him? I wasn’t ready for that, I wasn’t ready for any of it. He had stated all the practicalities of having a baby, but not once had he mentioned how it would feel to be a parent or what it took to nurture a new little life.

  Just like our relationship, Robert had approached being a father like a lawyer. You took care of business, you got the job done, regardless of emotions or tenderness.

  I had initially loved that kind of assertiveness. I liked it when Robert told me what to do and assumed he knew better than I did. He had been the one to approach me after my car accident lawsuit. He had insisted we went out for a drink to celebrate the small settlement that barely covered my medical bills. All I had really done was gone along with it.

  If felt good being looked after and not having to think for myself back then. Now, it felt suffocating.

  “I, uh, don’t know. We have a while to work it all out,” I finally replied.

  He snatched the wineglass from the table, pouring the contents into his own glass. “You won’t be needing this. Have you started on your vitamins?”

  “Vitamins?”

  Robert rolled his eyes, like I should know exactly what he was talking about. When did he get so much better at being pregnant than I did? “You need to take vitamins to make sure the baby is healthy. You can’t have a baby with defects.”

  “I’ll get some,” I promised, knowing I would love a defective baby regardless. But I still wanted to give it the best shot at life as possible so I would follow his orders.

  He started reeling off a list of other things I should be doing, insisting I write them down and take notes.

  I listened, and I took notes, because let’s face it, I didn’t have a clue what I was doing. Apparently Robert was an expert, his qualification was trying a case against a drug addicted mother whose baby was born with a heroin addiction and was sued by the father. I hoped that didn’t mean he was already putting together a case against me.

  I left his apartment dazed and confused before the walls could completely crush me. Despite his clinical ways, Robert would be a good father. He was stable and that’s what a child needed. He would be able to make the decisions when I couldn’t. Hell, he would probably make all the decisions.

  I walked home, knowing I had made the right choice. He didn’t have to know about Brady, he would never have to know the baby might not be his. He would love it like a daddy and that would be enough. Right? Or would that make me the worst person in the world?

  I pulled out my cell phone and my thumb hovered over Brady’s number. I needed to call him and break it off – permanently. If I did it over the phone, I wouldn’t have to look into his deep dark eyes which meant I wouldn’t get mesmerized by him.

  That was the plan anyway. I couldn’t do it. There was something about Brady that kept drawing me back to him, like we were tied with a bungee cord. My finger hovered over his number but it just wouldn’t press the button.

  When I arrived back at my apartment, things only got worse. Standing at my door was Brady himself. Great, just what I needed.

  Chapter 4

  I shouldn’t have let him in the door, that was my first mistake. Mistake number two was letting him undress me. Mistake number three was listening to the sweet nothings as he whispered them in my ear and gave me the shivers.

  I could go on, but the list of mistakes I made was very long and they all ended with Brady talking me into bed – just like he always did. The man was my kryptonite and I kept going back for more.

  “Hmm. How about I make you breakfast?” Brady said as he stretched his biceps. His hair, which was normally messy anyway, had that just-got-laid style. Every time I looked at him, my heart was sent into a flutter. Apparently my heart hated me because it was torturous.

  The thought of bacon and eggs made my stomach churn but I couldn’t exactly tell him I was suffering from morning sickness. I needed to get him out of my apartment, I needed to break up with him, I also needed him and just him. Damn it.

  “Sure, breakfast sounds good.” I flashed a fake smile, hoping it looked like a regular one. I held the sheet against my chest as he climbed out of the bed. His body was glorious, all manly and rugged. My body hummed for him, it responded like a magnet and there was nothing I could do to control it.

  He picked up his underwear and slid it back on as he left the room. I was always a little sad when he was clothed, he definitely did his best work between the sheets.

  When I was sure he was gone, I peeked under the covers at my belly. It was only a little rounded, nothing too noticeable – yet. Hopefully Brady was blissfully oblivious. Just because we had spent the night together, it didn’t mean I had changed my mind. Brady was not father material, Robert was. It didn’t matter what I wanted, it was what my offspring needed. I had to do something responsible.

  I threw on my robe and shuffled into the kitchen, breathing through my mouth so the scent of frying bacon didn’t make me throw up.

  “Almost ready,” Brady said, giving the eggs one last flip. By the time I sat down at my tiny dining table, he had served up two plates. “Eat, before it gets cold.”

  I picked up a fork, the eggs were staring at me. I poked at them a bit. “So have you got any gigs today?”

  “Not until tonight. I have the entire day free.” He wiggled his eyebrows. Normally that meant we would spend the day in bed, indulging in every pleasure we could give each other.

  “I have things to do.”

  “Do you need a hand? I could help.” He couldn’t help with my problem.

  “No, but thanks. I’ll be fine, just errands and stuff.” I was lying my butt off. I had nothing to do except panic over what was to come. That was a job for one though, so it wasn’t all wrong.

  We ate in silence, except it wasn’t awkward. We were comfortable with each other, we didn’t always need words. Unlike with Robert, he always found something to say to fill the quietness.

  “Do you mind if I take a shower?” Brady asked after the meal was thankfully gone.

  “Of course you can, you don’t need to ask.” Normally I would have followed him into the shower and continued our fun. I wanted to, but I didn’t dare. Last night was the biggest mistake of all, I needed to end it.

  I cleaned the dishes while listening to Brady singing in the shower. He always did that, and I always loved it. It was going to be so hard telling him I didn’t want to see him anymore. It would be even harder staying away from him. The water shut off just as I was draining the sink.

  “What the hell’s this?” Brady demanded as he stormed back into the kitchen, clutching the towel around his waist with one hand and my pregnancy test in the other. Did he seriously go through my trash?

  “It’s nothing.” I threw it out there, doubting it would actually work.

  “You’re pregnant?” His saucer-like eyes kept flicking from the white stick to me, like he couldn’t reconcile the two things.

  Truth or lie? I needed to think quickly which apparently wasn’t my forte. My head started nodding before I could find the words to do either.

  He stood there for a moment longer before rushing toward me. Brady threw his arms around me, pulling me into a bear hug so tight I could smell the soap lingering on his skin.

  “This is fantastic,” he muttered, still holding me. “We’re going to have a baby. I can teach it to play music, and sit in the park watching the world go past. Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I was going to… eventually.” Another lie, I sure was racking them up.

  He finally let me go, his hands sliding down to find mine and intertwining our fingers. “How are you feeling? Are you okay? Do you need anything?”

  Tears stung my eyes because he was being so sweet about it. So
not what I had been expecting. His excitement was infectious. For the first time since I saw those two lines, I was actually excited about the prospect myself. I was going to be a mother, and I was going to do everything in my power to give my baby a chance in the world.

  Which meant being an adult and coming clean. “Uh, Brady, there’s something you should know.”

  Panic quickly crossed his face. “What is it?”

  I shook my hands free, I couldn’t pretend everything was great between us while he was caressing my knuckles with his thumbs. “You might not be the father, there is another possibility.”

  His dark eyes clouded over, but they didn’t storm altogether. “Who is it? What’s the chances?”

  So many questions, so little answers. “It’s a guy I’ve been casually seeing. You made it clear we weren’t exclusive.”

  He nodded decisively. “I know. When can we find out who is its father?”

  “Do you even want it to be you? I’m offering you an out here, you can walk away now and never have to deal with this again.”

  “That’s not an option.”

  “I can handle this, Brady.”

  “I don’t want you to handle it. I want to help you. Why is that so hard?”

  It shouldn’t have been hard. The problem was, helping me was Robert’s specialty. I wasn’t expecting it from Brady, he should have been running for the hills by now. Definitely not standing in front of me and telling me he wasn’t going anywhere.

  “You don’t need to help me,” I said quietly. “You don’t need to be tethered to me because of this. I know it’s not what you want.”

  He stared at me, those intense black eyes were unreadable. In the entire time I had known him, I don’t think we had had such a serious conversation before. Normally our discussion was limited to ‘your place or mine?’

  “You have no idea what I want,” he finally replied. Then, just like I expected, Brady gathered up his clothes and left without saying another word.

  The slamming door made me jump, opening the floodgates as tears ran down my cheeks. I brushed them away angrily, trying to reign in the dramatics. I had got myself into the situation, I didn’t get the right to cry about it. Damn baby hormones.

  There were so many things I regretted but getting involved with two guys was definitely up there as one of the biggest. It was supposed to be some fun, nobody was meant to get hurt. And now I was hurting everyone.

  The next day, I tried to remember the most important person in all of my mess and that was the one growing inside me. I took myself to the doctor to get checked out. It was time I started being responsible.

  “So no history of any genetic conditions?” Dr Clarkson asked. I didn’t have a regular GP, but ancient Dr Clarkson seemed to be okay so far. At least his bushy white eyebrows were somewhat of a distraction.

  “Not that I know of.” Was being crazy a genetic condition?

  “What about the father?”

  Now, it was about to get awkward. “It’s a bit complicated.”

  “I’ve heard complicated before, go ahead.” Great, apparently I had to reveal all my nighttime habits to the nice doctor. How did I get myself into this situation?

  “I, uh, I’m not really sure who the father is.” He crooked an eyebrow at me, I practically felt the breeze. “There are two options.”

  “Okay,” he strung out every letter of the word. “For the two, what are their medical histories?”

  This was just going to get worse. “I, um, I’m not sure. They both seem healthy.”

  “Okay, you can hop down from the table now.” He took off his gloves and made a few notes on his computer after sitting behind his desk.

  I joined him, only imagining what was going on in his mind. “How long do I have to wait to have a paternity test?”

  “The earliest you can try is at ten weeks but that would only be for extreme cases and I wouldn’t recommend it for you. Your other option is having one at fourteen weeks via an Amniocentesis, however there are significant risks in doing that. I would suggest the only safe option is waiting for the baby to be born.”

  Wait for the baby to be born? That seemed like an eternity away. Especially for the two daddy candidates. I wasn’t sure if I would last that long. We might all end up killing each other in the meantime.

  While I was inwardly having a meltdown, my outward self simply nodded. I already knew I wanted to do whatever was safest for the baby. It was my priority, nothing else compared. “I’ll wait, then.”

  “A wise choice, Miss Smith.”

  I went for the blood tests and sat with a nurse to plan out my medical care for the next seven months. Apparently I was eight weeks along.

  Eight weeks wasn’t that far back and I had a good memory. If they could have been more precise, I might have been able to work out who the father was on my own. But apparently that was the best they could do.

  So I guessed I would have to wait for good old science. Only another thirty-two weeks until I could find out the truth.

  Chapter 5

  I wasn’t sure if there were always extremely happy families everywhere, or if I was just noticing them now. Whatever it was, it seemed like everywhere I went, I saw a mom and dad doting over their children.

  They would look at each other with admiration, practically cooing at each other like lovestruck doves. I hated them. Okay, that was probably harsh. More accurately, I wanted what they had. I didn’t want to be carrying my groceries home by myself as I struggled to work out what the hell I was going to do. Which is exactly what I was doing.

  By the time I got to my apartment, I was ready for a nap. At least there was one good thing about having a bun in the oven – I could blame the pregnancy for being lazy.

  I turned the last corridor and stopped in my tracks. Brady and Robert were standing at my front door. And they looked like they had been there for a while. I felt the urge to turn away and run. I would have, if they hadn’t seen me.

  “Caroline!” Brady said, racing over to take my groceries from me. I let him take half as Robert took the other bags.

  “You shouldn’t carry heavy weights in your condition,” Robert scalded. I was still too shocked to speak, my worlds were colliding and I had no idea what they had talked about before I arrived.

  I rifled around in my handbag for the keys and opened the door. Both of my baby-daddies followed me in and placed the shopping bags on the counter.

  “I’ll help you put things away,” Brady offered. He started taking my groceries out of the bags and opening cupboards.

  Robert did the same. “I can do this.” As he moved, he asked, “How are you feeling, Caroline? Did you get those vitamins I told you about?”

  Brady stopped, a tin of carrots in his hand. “Wait, how did you say you knew Caroline?”

  “I’m her… boyfriend.”

  “I thought you were her boss or something. You didn’t say that outside.”

  Robert stopped to stare at him. “I don’t go around telling strangers my relationship status. How do you know her?”

  Brady ignored the question while I held my breath. “You’re the other potential father?” Oh my God, I was seriously about to have a heart attack. I should have said something, what was I supposed to say?

  “What do you mean other potential father? I am the father,” Robert replied. They both had a canned good in their hands, a potential weapon if ever I saw one.

  Brady looked at me. “He doesn’t know?”

  The floor never swallowed you up when you wanted it to. “Uh, Robert, meet Brady. Brady, this is Robert. There may have been some overlap while seeing you both. So, uh, yeah, you both might be the father. I’m really sorry.”

  Robert’s mouth hung open. “But you said-”

  “I failed to mention it. I’m so sorry, Robert. I didn’t mean for you to find out this way.”

  “You lied to me? When were you going to tell me?”

  “Chill out, dude,” Brady interjected. “We can be civil
about this. They can do a test to see which of us is the lucky winner.”

  Proving that I was completely right about keeping them separate, chaos suddenly erupted in my tiny kitchen. Brady and Robert started arguing – loudly.

  “You lay another finger on my girlfriend and I will kill you,” Robert said through gritted teeth.

  “I can do whatever I like,” Brady shot back. It only spiraled downward from there. I stepped back, trying to think of a way to undo some of the damage I had caused. My mind kept drawing a blank. All I could think of was how small the kitchen was with my entire world stuffed into it.

  I staggered back until I found a seat, suddenly needing to sit down. Something didn’t feel right, my head swam as everything spun around me. I was either tripping out or about to faint. I didn’t like either option.

  Before I knew it, Brady’s concerned face was in front of me. “Care, are you okay? Look at me.” My eyes flicked up to meet his, they were so black and deep. I tried to focus on them as I took a few deep breaths.

  “Look what you’ve done to her,” Robert spat out.

  Brady ignored him. “Care, you want to lie down?” I nodded, getting out of the kitchen seemed like a good idea. Anything to stop the world spinning around me.

  He helped me into the bedroom, Robert at our heels, and lowered me onto the bed. I rested my head against the pillow and took a few breaths. My eyes closed as I drowned everything out.

  My apartment grew silent as the front door slammed closed. Someone was still sitting at the end of my bed, I wasn’t sure who it was or who I wanted it to be. There was only one person responsible enough to stay and that was Robert.

  I opened one eye. It was Brady. Perhaps I was still hallucinating? I closed my eyes again and drifted off to a chaotic sleep.