“I guess, but since when is mating logical? I guess fate thought you were the perfect person for me regardless of your gender. I don’t think we would have been paired if I’d been against having a relationship with a guy. Fate obviously knows more about me than I do myself.”
“Yeah, well. I just hope fate knew what she was doing. I don’t want to lose my one chance at mating.”
“Me either, Clea. Me either.”
* * * *
Clea wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do once they got to the enforcers’ building. Should he invite Christian in, or would that be too straightforward for Christian? Clea didn’t want Christian to go, though. He’d finally gotten him to talk to him, and he was scared Christian would retreat into his shell as soon as Clea was out of sight. Christian had said he wanted to get to know Clea, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t freak out anyway.
Clea put a hand on the front door and turned to look at Christian. “I heard you want to be an enforcer.”
Christian shrugged. “I thought about it, yeah. Even put a request in, but I’m not sure it’s a good idea anymore.”
Clea was surprised, and he wanted to know more. “Want to come in? I’m never sure who’s in, but we can go to my room if you want privacy. To talk. Only talk.”
Christian grinned. “Sure, let’s go in. I have to go see Alpha Rhett in a bit, though.”
“Sure.”
Clea led the way into the house. It was noisy, just like always. Clea didn’t usually mind. He’d lived with his tribe for most of his life, then had moved to Gillham. The tribe had been a lot quieter, but then they lived in a different way. They didn’t have warriors, not really. A few tribe members knew how to defend themselves and the tribe, and that was all.
That was why Clea’s mother had been so surprised when he’d told her he wanted to be a council enforcer. He’d never told anyone he wanted to be more than one of the people who gathered food for the tribe. He’d never told anyone he wanted out of that life, but he hadn’t known it was a possibility. It hadn’t been, not until the council had been created.
The council had given a lot of people a way out of a life that was too tight for them. Clea loved the fact that he was doing something useful, but Christian’s presence was making him doubt things. Could he really leave his mate for long periods of time? He knew some of the enforcers had no problems doing that, but he wasn’t sure it would be easy for him. At least Christian seemed to want to stick around the pack rather than be an enforcer.
Angelo stumbled out of the living room, a smile on his face. His eyes widened when he noticed Christian, and Clea narrowed his eyes at him in a silent warning to keep his mouth shut
Angelo made the gesture to lock his lips and throw the key away and Clea rolled his eyes. “Angelo, this is Christian. Christian, this is Angelo.”
Angelo and Christian shook hands, and Clea noticed Angelo watching Christian. He knew what was coming before it came, but he wasn’t able to stop it.
“So,” Angelo said. “You’re Clea’s mate.”
Clea groaned and looked at Christian, but to his surprise, Christian didn’t look angry. A bit uncomfortable, but not angry. “I guess news travel fast here.”
“Doesn’t it in every shifter group?”
Christian chuckled. “Yeah, I guess it does.”
Angelo leaned against the wall and crossed his arms on his chest. “You’re the reason why Clea left the enforcers, huh?”
Christian looked at Clea. “I don’t think he left the enforcers.”
“I didn’t,” Clea intervened. “I just took a break. I told you that.” He looked at Angelo. “I should be back soon enough.”
Angelo’s gaze slid from Clea to Christian, then back to Clea. “Yeah? I guess that’s good if it’s what you want.”
Clea had no idea what he wanted right now, but he nodded anyway. “We’re going to my room.”
Angelo grinned. “I’ll make sure no one comes knocking then.”
“Not for that, asshole. We’ll just... talk.”
“That’s what they call it these days? I didn’t know.”
Clea resisted the urge to throw something at Angelo’s head and headed toward the stairs. He hoped Christian would take the hint and follow him, but he paused at the top of the stairs to make sure anyway. Christian was behind him, and he smiled. Clea’s knees went weak and he wondered how he was supposed to stay away from Christian. He didn’t want to. He wanted to touch Christian, to kiss him, and to do so much more to him.
Damn, having to wait was going to be hell. But he’d do it. Of course he would.
“Come on, it’s this way,” he said, gesturing at the hallway.
“How many people live here?”
“I guess it’s hard to say. People are always in and out, you know?”
“Uh-huh. What about your team? You have a team, right?”
“Yeah. They’re out there right now, on a mission. I don’t know where, but they should be back soon.”
“So you’ll start going out with them again.”
Clea sighed and opened the door to his room. “Honestly, I don’t know.”
Christian’s eyebrows rose on his forehead. “You don’t know?”
Clea gestured at the bed to let Christian know he could sit on it. There wasn’t much else in the room. They were all pretty basic—a bed, dresser, nightstands and a small bookcase. A tiny bathroom. That was all. Clea didn’t need much else, so it didn’t matter, but now he kind of wished he had something more to show his mate.
“Why aren’t you sure?” Christian asked when Clea didn’t answer.
Clea leaned against the wall and crossed his arms over his chest. “Well, I took some time off to be with you, but when you refused to talk to me, I thought it meant you didn’t want me. I didn’t want to stick around for no reason, and I thought being away would make it easier.”
Christian sighed. “I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean to make you think I was rejecting you.”
Clea waved Christian’s words away. “It’s fine. Like I said, I understand.”
“Does this mean that now that you know I’m not rejecting you, you want to stay here?”
“I guess. I know being an enforcer would make things hard on us, and they’re already hard enough as it is. I trust you, but I’m not sure we could build anything if I spent weeks at a time away from Gillham.”
“I get that, but I don’t want you to step away from being an enforcer just because you think I’ll freak out and run. If that’s really what you want, then I’m not going to stop you.”
“Didn’t you want to be an enforcer as well?”
“Not really, but I don’t know how to do anything else. I’ve been a fighter for my colony since I was a teenager. I know how to protect the pack. I thought about being an enforcer, but if Alpha Rhett accepts me into pack security, I’d be happier.”
Clea slowly nodded. “So you’ll be pack security and stay here.” Kameron’s job offer seemed more appealing now. Clea was proud of the fact that he could defend himself and that he was good enough to be an enforcer, but he wasn’t sure it was what he wanted to do for a living. He’d done it until now because it had been a way out of his tribe, but he wouldn’t miss the fighting and the wondering if he’d come back alive every time he went on a mission.
“I hope so. What about you? Do you want to stay? Or would you rather be an enforcer? I don’t mind either way.”
Clea didn’t know how to read Christian yet, but he could tell he wouldn’t try to stop him if he went back to being an enforcer. Clea was fucking confused. He wanted to stay close to Christian, but what would happen if Christian decided he couldn’t be with a man? What would Clea have left then?
“I don’t know. I want to stick around the pack. I, well, Kameron offered me a job as his PA, but what if you...”
Clea wasn’t sure how to finish that sentence. He didn’t want to accuse Christian or to pressure him into making decisions he probably wasn’t ready to
make, but he also wanted to protect himself.
What the fuck was he supposed to do?
* * * *
Christian could tell Clea was torn, and he wasn’t sure what to do about it. He wanted Clea to do whatever he wanted to do with his life, but it was obvious that decision would depend on Christian, at least in part. He didn’t know how to help Clea, though.
“I know I’ve been an asshole,” he said.
Clea smiled. “I won’t deny that.”
Christian couldn’t help but smile back. He wasn’t sure why he’d been so scared to talk with Clea, or of the idea of being mated to the man. He liked Clea. He was nice, and his smile was gorgeous. He needed to smile more, and Christian wanted to do whatever he could to achieve that.
He needed to be clear before he tried that, though. “I can’t promise I won’t freak out, but I’m not one to usually do that. Once I make a decision, I stick to it.”
“And what decision did you make?”
Christian took a deep breath. “I want to give us a try. You’re my mate. There has to be a reason for that, and I don’t care what’s between your legs.” Christian could feel his cheeks heat, and he was grateful his skin was dark enough that he didn’t usually blush. “I can’t say I won’t be weirded out by it the first few times we have sex, but I don’t have anything against you, Clea. Actually, I like you. I never thought about being with a man, but you make me want to try.”
Clea licked his lips, and damn did Christian want to kiss him. “So you want to have sex with me?” Clea asked, looking surprised.
“I guess. Like I said, I never thought about having sex with a man, but I never really had an alternative to being straight. I never let myself think about it. I guess I’m not as courageous as Iggy and Alexander are.”
Clea shook his head and finally pushed away from the wall. That meant he was now close enough to Christian that Christian would be able to touch him if Christian reached out, but he didn’t. He didn’t want to do anything Clea didn’t want, or to do anything that would make him decide something he didn’t want to decide right now.
“Being out isn’t a question of courage, Christian,” Clea said. “It’s a question of being ready. It doesn’t matter if you’re not, or if you weren’t until now.”
Christian chuckled. “I don’t really have a choice. I think most of the pack knows you’re my mate, and that’s pretty much a coming out.”
Clea’s smile slipped from his lips. “I’m sorry.”
Christian shook his head. “It’s fine.” And it really was. His family didn’t care about his mate being a man, and since a lot of pack members were mated to men, he was pretty sure it wouldn’t be a problem for anyone. The only problem had been himself, really, but now he was ready to try to get past it.
Who cared if Clea had a dick? He was still a nice person, someone Christian wanted to know. Someone Christian thought he could come to love. He believed in fate, and he believed fate didn’t make mistakes when she paired mates up. If Clea was his mate, there had to be a reason, and it meant that Christian would accept him and love him like he deserved to be loved.
Christian leaned forward and took Clea’s hand. He played with the fingers, amazed at the difference between Clea’s hand and a woman’s hands. Clea’s fingers were long, but the skin was rougher. Christian guessed it had more to do with the fact that Clea was a fighter rather than with the fact that he was a man. He’d never been with a warrior woman. It hadn’t been their place, not in his colony.
“I want you to do whatever you want to do,” he told Clea. “If you decide you want to be an enforcer, then I’ll wait for you to come back every time you go on a mission, and I’ll be here, worrying about you and praying you don’t get hurt. If you want to become Alpha Rhett’s personal assistant, then I’ll wait for you at home at night and, I don’t know, massage your feet or something. If you want to become part of pack security, then I’ll probably do my best to see you as often as I can and sneak away from my own job to do that. I’ll accept whatever you want to do, just like I know you’ll accept what I want to do.”
Christian looked up, and Clea’s eyes were wide.
“You sure talk a lot,” Clea said, making Christian laugh. “I didn’t think you did.”
“I don’t, not usually. I’m the quiet one in the family.”
“Yet you just talked a whole lot.”
Christian shrugged. “You needed to know this. I hope you believe me when I say I won’t run away anymore, but I understand if you doubt me. I’ll do my best to show you that now that I decided to be with you, I’ll dedicate myself to it.”
Clea cocked his head and stared. “It’s that easy for you?”
“It’s not easy. It took me weeks to come to this conclusion, Clea.”
“So if I did this,” Clea said as he let go of Christian’s hand and straddled his thighs. “You won’t freak out?”
Christian swallowed and put his hands on Clea’s hips. It was different from what Christian was used to, yet similar. Clea’s hips were slimmer, but they were hips.
Then Clea rocked his lower body, and something Christian definitely wasn’t used to brushed against his groin.
He looked down, not surprised to see that Clea’s dick was pushing against his jeans. It was hard, at least partly, and Christian had to deal with it. He wasn’t sure how, but he didn’t want to let Clea down.
“I’m not freaking out,” he answered.
Clea laughed. “You are, but I have to give it to you, you’re not pushing me away.”
“I don’t want to. I like having you here.”
“You do?”
“Yeah.”
Christian slid his hands around Clea’s back and down, grabbing his ass. That wasn’t that different either. Clea’s ass was smaller, but it felt damn good in Christian’s hands. He squeezed, and Clea rocked forward again. His cock was harder now, and Christian’s was answering in kind.
At least he knew that wouldn’t be a problem. His dick definitely liked Clea and what they were doing. Maybe it wouldn’t be as hard or awkward as Christian had thought it would be. Maybe he wouldn’t have problems after all.
“You realize we haven’t kissed yet, right?” he asked, his voice soft and rough.
“It’s time to change that, yeah?”
Christian nodded. “Uh-huh.” He leaned forward as Clea leaned down.
Their lips brushed together and Christian shuddered. He knew how to do this. He knew how to kiss. It wasn’t any different from kissing a woman, but what made it different was that Christian was kissing his mate.
He tightened his hands around Clea’s ass and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. Clea opened his mouth and their tongues met. Christian wasn’t sure who groaned, whether it was him or Clea, or maybe both of them. It didn’t matter.
The kiss was everything Christian had expected and so much more. Clea wasn’t as shy as Christian had thought he’d be. He obviously didn’t have any problems taking control, and Christian had to resist him when he tried to push Christian on his back. He wanted to take things slow enough that he’d be sure he wouldn’t freak out.
Kissing was good. Christian could kiss Clea for hours, and it didn’t bother him that Clea was a guy. In fact, he didn’t even think about it. Clea was Clea, period. Kissing him was heaven, and it made Christian wonder how full-on sex would be.
The idea both terrified him and made him feel elated.
Chapter Three
Sei flopped onto Clea’s bed. “You need to call your family.”
Clea looked up from the contract Kameron had given him when he’d told him he was thinking about accepting his job offer. “What?”
“Call your mom.”
“Why?”
“Because my mom just asked me if I thought you’d like a spring bonding ceremony.”
That made Clea put down the contract. “She what?”
Sei sat up. “You haven’t told your parents about Christian yet.”
Cl
ea shook his head. He’d meant to, but he hadn’t called home yet, so he hadn’t had the opportunity. Besides, he and Christian had been doing whatever it was they were doing only for the past two days, and they hadn’t seen much of each other yet.
Christian had been busy talking with Kameron first, then being engulfed into the pack security system. Clea had talked to Kameron too, which was why he now had a work contract in his hands. He needed to finish reading it and sign it if he wanted to be Kameron’s PA. The only problem was that he wasn’t sure he wanted that particular headache yet.
“You should before you find yourself bonded to someone you don’t want. Besides, what would Christian say if he found out your parents are organizing your bonding to someone else?”
Clea sighed. He knew he had to go tell his mom to stop it. She wanted him to be happy and she thought being bonded would achieve that. She might be right, but the only person Clea wanted to bond with was Christian, and they were far from that particular step for now.
Clea didn’t mind. Christian hadn’t ignored him since they’d finally talked the other day. It was weird, but a good weird. He wasn’t too affectionate just yet, at least not when they were around other people—mainly Kameron for now—but from what Clea was starting to see, he thought Christian would be the perfect man to share the rest of his life with.
Clea put his contract on his bed and reached for Sei. Sei’s eyes widened, but Clea didn’t give him the time to pull away. He shimmered both of them into his parents’ living room, letting go of Sei once they were there.
“What are you doing?” Sei hissed.
“I thought it was obvious.”
“I don’t want to be here. You know your mom and mine will start asking questions about our lives, and once they find out you’re as good as mated, they’ll try to make me bond instead. That spring bonding will become mine!”
Clea thought Sei was exaggerating, but he didn’t have the time to say it. His mom came in, her eyes widening when she saw them. Sei looked like he’d rather die than be there, but now that Clea’s mom was there, he couldn’t shimmer out, not without having to explain himself later on and having to face the disappointed faces his aunt would make. Clea knew those all too well.
Clea (Gillham Pack Book 17) Page 4
