“Whatever made you say that?” she said, with a look full of apprehension.
“Because you were together for so many years. I assume he was your first lover. He is obviously still madly in love with you. Why didn’t you marry him? Was he abusive from the beginning? If he was, I don't understand why you stayed with him for so long.”
Jess pulled away, kneeling upright. “I don’t want to talk about this, Sam. You have no right to cross-examine me.”
“Have you had other lovers?”
“Sam! I don’t need this. Why the questions?” Jess was dismayed to find her bottom lip was trembling. She put her hand over her mouth so Sam wouldn’t see, but he already had.
With a curious groan he lifted her against him, holding her on his lap. Taking her hand, he pressed his lips into the soft palm. He kissed her quivering mouth, his lips warm and tender. “Jess…Jess, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m asking you these questions. I guess I’m jealous,” he said, his voice deep with regret.
Jess hesitated. “Jealous? Why? I’m here with you.”
Sam gave a hollow laugh. “Don’t worry; it’s just a physical thing. I’m jealous he touched you and kissed you and made love to you. Every time I think of him with you, I feel bloody angry,” he ground out.
Jess stared at Sam in amazement. Sam was jealous. It gave her an odd feeling. Should she tell him how cruel Tom had been; how he had hurt her physically and mentally; how she was afraid of Tom and hated him? And what about Sam’s women! Tanya, Pauline and God knows how many others. He was jealous! His jealousy was nothing compared to the way she felt. She swallowed. She had to stop this terrible feeling eating away at her.
Sam lifted her so they were both standing. “Go and have a shower Jess, while I start dinner.”
Jess turned blindly away. Why was he behaving like this? What had made him think of Tom? They were in a beautiful pristine wilderness, thousands of miles from those influences and he had spoiled everything. She felt bewildered.
Jess soaked herself under the blissfully hot shower, her mind whirling, trying to rationalize Sam’s behavior. It is physical, she decided despondently. Sam had admitted it himself. He couldn’t bear to think another man had been physically involved with the woman he lusted after for the moment. There had been no other reason. In fact, now he’d had sex with her, he was happy to dismiss her. I’ve reached my use-by date already, Jess thought miserably as she swirled the soap over her stomach.
She jumped when two hands came around her taking the soap from her. She turned to face Sam, her eyes widening as she watched the stream of water cascading over his superb body. He smiled as he rubbed the soap into lather across her shoulders and neck.
“I decided you may like some help,” he said as his hands soaped and massaged her, gradually covering every part of her body. She quivered and felt faint with longing when he stroked her most intimate parts. Embarrassed at the strength of her feelings, she took the soap from Sam and reciprocated, enjoying the wonderful feel of his hard muscles and silken skin beneath her touch. His arousal left her in no doubt Sam wanted her and after a moment’s hesitation, she administered loving caresses to him there until he pulled her against him. Every part of her body pressed into his as they stood under the steaming water. His kisses were passionate and Jess responded with all the unleashed fire within her.
“I want you, Jess,” Sam said at last, his breath ragged. He pulled her from the shower alcove and dried her with soft, warm towels before quickly drying himself. Jess shrieked and laughed when he picked her up in a fireman’s lift and carried her to the huge bed. She sank into the soft doona and pillows and held her arms up to him. Sam’s eyes smoldered with hungry desire as he lowered his head, kissing her face and breasts, teasing her nipples until she gasped with pleasure. His tongue caressed her stomach and then his head moved lower and Jess' body jerked as Sam created fires of sensation through to her very core.
When Sam paused, Jess knew he had fitted a protection barrier and then, he pulled her to him and entered her. Jess moaned in ecstasy. She marveled at the wonderment of it -- the feel of him inside her. She wound her legs around his hips clasping him more closely to her and her body rose and fell to match his rhythm. Jess cried out with the sheer pleasure of sexual sensation as she clung tightly to Sam as with a hoarse cry, he reached his own fulfillment.
“Sweetheart. Oh, my love, you are gorgeous!” he murmured as he lay back on the bed.
Jess kissed his still-heaving chest, her hand resting on his hard, flat stomach. She was so happy but she would have to keep reminding herself that these were a few stolen days in a lifetime and for Sam at least, it was a physical relationship. The bonding of two bodies.
“So, what else are you not going to tell me,” Sam said, turning so he could see her face. His hand stroked her white shoulder.
“What do you mean?” Jess' eyes widened.
“Well, you managed to tell me exactly nothing about Tom.”
“You haven’t told me anything about yourself. Why should I be the one who has to tell you everything?”
“Okay. What do you want to know? Ask away.”
Jess stared into amused green eyes. Sam was relaxed and at his charming best. He had recovered from his bad mood regarding Tom. Jess decided this was the time for some important questions of her own. “Why did you and Tanya divorce?” she began.
“Because she was having an affair with Mark, who is now her husband.”
“Why did she have an affair?”
“Because I neglected her.”
“Were you having affairs?”
“No. I was working hard and quite frankly, Tanya and I had nothing in common. We had already drifted apart and she turned to Mark, who is one of my best friends.”
“Were you in love with Tanya when you married her?”
“I thought I was. I’m ashamed to say it was also a marriage of convenience. She was the daughter of a wealthy, upper class Sydney family. Her father had invested money in World Watch, which I was setting up, and I was considered the social catch of the season. It just happened.” Jess watched the shuttered expression on Sam’s face as he, in turn, studied the effect of his brown fingers against the pearly skin of her breast.
With a look of resignation, he continued. “Tanya is a lovely woman. She is totally uncomplicated and I hurt her badly when we were married. It only took a matter of weeks before I discovered we had nothing in common. Her constant social chit chat and gossipy friends drove me crazy. Gradually I withdrew from her and all that involved her. I pretended it was because I was working hard, and that was true, but it was mainly because I realized I was not in love with her and never had been. I’d made a terrible mistake. At first Tanya was bewildered and deeply hurt by my neglect. Then she turned to Mark. I had taken so little notice of her I didn’t even realize she was having an affair and when she eventually told me, I was glad she’d found someone who could really love her for the worthy person she is. I offered her a divorce immediately and as you know, they married. They adore each other and the three of us are good friends although I rarely see them now they live in Melbourne.” Sam paused and the echo of his rich, clipped voice hung in the air. What a sad story, Jess thought, pressing her lips against his arm as he pulled her more tightly to his side
“The hot rumor at the time was that Tanya left you because you were unfaithful,” Jess said quietly, wondering whether she was pushing the point too much, but she wanted to hear the truth from his own lips.
Sam’s expression was cynical. “That is a typical journo’s question. I knew about the rumors and I ignored them,” he replied, his tone abrupt. “All I will say, is that I very much respect the sanctity of marriage and I would never be unfaithful to my wife whether I loved her or not.”
Jess closed her eyes to hide her relief.
“If you are going to press the point, and I have a feeling you are,” he continued. “I am no angel and I’ve dated a few women but I wouldn’t wish myself on any woman
with regard to a permanent relationship,” he said, with a brittle laugh.
Jess hid her face in his arm not willing to show how much his words affected her, but Sam caught her jaw with his hand so he could look directly into her eyes. He sighed at the expression he saw there.
“Jess... enjoy our relationship for what it is,” he said, a frown crossing his handsome features. “You are recovering from what appears to be a fraught relationship with Tom and you need time to adjust. You should date different guys and realize there’s an exciting world waiting out there for you. You’ve had the courage to break with Tom. Now use that courage and move on.” Sam groaned inwardly feeling that every word he uttered was sounding a death knell to any hope of a serious relationship between them. But he pushed on knowing he had to let his lovely ice maiden free to fly.
“Physically we attract each other. I have wanted to make love to you ever since the first day in my office when you swore you would sue me for sexual harassment. You had no idea how beautiful you looked and I ached for you right there and then. But as for anything more serious, it won’t work. I am impossible to live with. I am moody, short tempered and extremely selfish. I’m not good at relationships so, please … don’t fall in love with me,” he pleaded, his voice now husky as his lips touched hers.
Jess' heart lurched with pain at his words. Too late. Too late, her inner voice wept. I already love you and all the words in the world won’t change it. But to him I’m another of his relationships, as he calls them. She blinked away burning tears as Sam kissed the hollow at the base of her neck and pressed butterfly kisses along her jaw. Her hand smoothed the silky hair at the nape of his neck as she fought to gain control. Damn him! He was so conceited correctly assuming she was in love with him. She must salvage her pride.
“Don’t worry, Sam,” she murmured, forcing a flirtatious lilt into her voice as she returned his kisses. “Falling in love with you is the last thing I would do. It would be a recipe for disaster. You forget I already know what a moody, cankerous brute you are.” She laughed a tinkling, happy laugh.
She continued in the same vein. “I assure you I consider my relationship with you to be purely lustful in nature and very short term. The only thing you should worry about is breaking your own rule about not getting involved with a member of your staff,” she finished brightly with a beaming smile.
“Did I say that?” Sam queried innocently. “Well, I lied,” he said with a mocking smile as he pulled her beneath him and proceeded to make love to her with an urgency which left Jess breathless and falling even more in love with him.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
That evening, Sam cooked the two huge King Salmon steaks on the gas ring in the cozy kitchen. Jess at last moved from the warmth of the bed where their passion had again flared, reaching extraordinary heights. She was drugged with love but kept reminding herself she was only sharing with Sam the ultimate joy of the joining of two bodies -- but, his passion and tenderness and the way he skillfully pleasured her and taught her how to please him, only made her love him more.
His mood was teasing as he set an excellently cooked dinner in front of her apologizing because there was no wine to accompany it.
Later, Jess made hot chocolate drinks and they sat on the rug in front of the roaring fire wrapped in a doona. Sam pulled Jess against him and she rested her head contentedly on his shoulder.
“Do you realize you have effectively torn me asunder and managed to expose my weaknesses?” Sam said, with a smile in his voice, his hand rhythmically stroking her hair.
Jess stared into the flames. Here it comes, she thought. He just won’t let this go. He will cross examine me, ask me again about Tom and I can’t bring myself to speak about him. I can’t! Not here, not in this wonderful, magical place where Sam is mine. I don’t want to share him with anybody or anything.
She turned in his arms her eyes wide, her mouth vulnerable. “Sam, please don’t ask me about Tom,” she said quickly as he raised quizzical eyebrows. “One day I will tell you about him but not now, not while we are here.” Her voice cracked with unexpected emotion and Sam’s hands instantly caressed her face, holding her tenderly.
“Shh -- baby. You don’t have to explain anything. It’s okay. This isn’t a kiss and tell show. I don’t want to know what went on between Tom and you--it obviously distresses you."
“Oh Sam, I would like to stay here for ever,” Jess whispered against his lips.
That night Jess listened to Sam’s quiet breathing as he slept peacefully, one arm possessively across her waist. She thought about what Sam had said regarding his romantic relationships. I lied; he'd said meaning it was all right to have a love affair with Jess, a member of his staff. This meant it was okay with other staff. People like Pauline. Jess' body stiffened with anger and jealousy as she imagined Pauline in Sam’s arms. Had Sam lied about Pauline as well? The feeling of jealousy was so strong Jess' stomach cramped with nausea. She turned her head despairingly into the pillow trying to rationalize her extremes of emotions. What did it matter anyway? Sam had already told her in no uncertain terms he didn’t want another permanent relationship and certainly not marriage. And she had shown her vulnerability earlier, but not again. Never again. Jess at last slipped into a restless sleep full of strange images.
The next morning Sam and Jess had a rip-roaring row. It began as they ate a hearty breakfast of eggs and bacon. Jess was euphoric after Sam had woken her and made love to her with exquisite tenderness. She again followed his lead, matching his physical demands with her own but was careful to mask her true feelings.
Sam’s mood had turned black when he looked out of the window and saw how the weather had changed. No longer blue sky and bright sunshine but a grey, miserable morning with flurries of snow hurling against the window.
“This is going to mess up my filming of the mine sites,” he cursed as he re-stoked the embers and piled some logs on the fire. The cabin was also heated by a large gas burner, which Sam had left on during the night, so the cabin was still delightfully warm. Jess looked with dismay at the unwelcome scene outside.
“Perhaps it will clear in a little while,” she said cheerfully, as she prepared their breakfast. Chief Notaki would pick them up in less than an hour to drive them to the mine sites a few kilometers away. Sam grabbed his towel and disappeared into the bathroom closing the door firmly behind him. Jess sighed. It was going to be a difficult day.
“You won’t change the weather by getting angry,” she said twenty minutes later as they sat opposite each other at the small dining table.
“If the weather doesn’t improve, it will alter our whole schedule. We need to be in Anchorage by lunchtime tomorrow to meet Kevin.” Sam jabbed at his bacon with his fork.
“Let’s wait and see, shall we?” Jess said soothingly.
“Don’t placate me, Jess. We are working to deadlines and I know we can’t help the weather, but it is damned annoying.”
“You’re being ridiculous. The weather could have been bad for the whole time, let alone today,” Jess responded, returning his glare.
There was a sizzling silence between them. Then Sam pointed an accusing finger. “While we are speaking so frankly, I don’t particularly like the way you’re handling this story, Jessica.”
“What! Why not?” she exploded, driven to an angry response at last.
“You are not impartial. You have already made up your mind that the Inuits are the losers in all of this and Kevin Harris is as guilty as hell.”
“I have not! That isn’t true. I allowed the Elders to present their case fairly yesterday and I haven’t even met Harris yet,” she burst out, irate at his accusation.
“You paved the way for them with your phrasing of questions. It was very obvious that I will have real difficulties in presenting this story ethically.”
Jess jumped up furiously pushing her plate aside. “There you go again -- inferring I am not an ethical journalist. Look at your own ethics Sam, seeing Harris is relate
d to you. Perhaps you have a lot more riding on the outcome of this story than you’re telling me,” she shouted, hating him at that moment for spoiling their paradise.
Sam stood up slowly, towering over Jess. “Be careful, Jess. Because you have slept with the boss doesn’t give you the right to tell him how to run his business.”
Jess gasped at him hardly able to believe her ears.
“You bastard, Sam. You ruthless bastard!” she breathed, a look of mortification on her face. She turned abruptly and ran to the bedroom. Furiously, she gathered her towel and fresh underclothes and locked herself in the bathroom. Standing under the hot shower she let the tears pour down her cheeks.
Jess had a long shower giving herself time to calm down. How dare Sam speak to her in such a disparaging way. At least it showed Jess what he thought of her and confirmed her own concerns about their relationship. “A short, sexual fling is all he wants and I’ve fallen for it,” she muttered as she scrubbed her body.
When she returned to the bedroom, Sam was dressed in his outdoor clothes and pulling on his heavy boots. He stared at her and Jess turned her back as she hurriedly dressed in the layers of warm clothing she had set aside. She tensed as his hands grasped her shoulders.
“I’m sorry, Jess. That remark was uncalled for and I apologize,” he murmured, his lips nuzzling her neck. Jess moved away and reached for her anorak on the bed. How like Sam to turn on the charm now when she had hardened herself against his appeal.
“It’s all right,” she replied, her voice cool. “It’s no more than I deserve. Your remark merely reiterates what everyone thinks of our relationship. You have confirmed their opinions.” She faced him, her head held high, her eyes defiant.
“You have a way with words,” he said, his eyes on her pouting mouth. “And I always seem to be apologizing to you, something reasonably alien to me, I regretfully admit. But, I do not apologize for the remarks about the handling of this story. Just take heed, Jess,” he finished, turning away to retrieve his camera equipment.
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