Ailyn headed inside to meet Mia. “Yeah, she does. And then there’s gymnastics, she has her father and her uncle Cordero’s drive with sports.” Ailyn bit the inside of her mouth, letting out a frustrated sigh. Out of the entire dance and Cheer Moms, Mia was the most down to earth. She greeted her friend with a hug and shut off her phone.
“Hey, you okay?” Mia placed a friendly hand on her shoulder and gave an affectionate squeeze.
“I’m in a bit of a pickle. Hell, I’m a mess period. It’s nothing. I don’t want to drag you into my newly popped up drama.”
“Sure seems like a big something. Tell me, there’s no judgment here.” Her friend probed without prying for answers.
Ailyn lowered her head. “I left home and moved across the country to finish school and give Eva a good life. To protect us.”
“I know and you’ve done fabulous.” Mia led them to a quieter place to talk.
“My past collided with the present today, catching me off balance. I’m not sure I’ll recover.”
“Eva’s dad?” Mia asked in a hushed tone.
“Am I that transparent?”
“No, you have the I-saw-a-ghost look on your face. Anything that deep has to be about your kiddo.”
“Yes, I saw her father but pretended I didn’t know who he was. I shook his hand and watched the glimmer of disappointment flash in his eyes when I couldn’t place him. I wonder if he knows I was faking the entire time.”
“Why did you fake?” Mia eyed her shrewdly. “My God, he doesn’t know he has a daughter does he?” Mia stood and tugged her to get up. Together they headed outside for some privacy. Exiting into the bright sun, Ailyn shoved her glasses on her face and followed her friend over to her SUV. Once seated, she turned to face Mia.
“No, but it’s a long and complicated story. I have my reasons for keeping my mouth shut then. The only two people who know are my sister Rianna and my brother Cordero.”
“Hold the front door…is he a firefighter?” Mia’s mouth dropped open once she pieced the puzzle together.
“Yes.”Ailyn watched her new best friend’s mind churn.
“But my husband’s team responded to the school, that’s how I knew right away and wanted to make sure you were okay.”
Ailyn removed the sunglasses. “Seeing him shocked the shit out of me. I’m states away from where I grew up. I don’t understand what he’s doing here. How we both ended up in the same town by chance. This is crazy and unnerving.”
“Would you tell me who he is?”
“Are you sure you want to know? I would feel bad putting you in the middle of my mess. Your husband works with him. I don’t know if I should.”
“Come on. Dire doesn’t have to know everything. I’m your friend. Trust me to keep the boundaries set and let me help you find a way to deal with this new roadblock in your life,” Mia insisted.
“Officer Mahone.”
“Seth? He’s not old enough to have a tween. What were you guys high school sweeties?”
Ailyn snorted. “Promise me you won’t tell anyone a thing before I go any further. Talking to my siblings about this is different, you know, than talking to a friend. I’m so weighed down by life that I feel like I’m drowning and I’m tired of hiding, it’s exhausting.”
“Of course. To the grave.” Mia offered a consoling smile.
“It’s mortifyingly embarrassing. I don’t really know where to begin.” Taking a deep breath, she opened Pandora’s Box. “Seth and I, well we met one night at Club Hurricane. Both of us were out with a group of friends. The dance floor was packed, the bar lines too. I saw him and he drew me in immediately. There was this instant magnetic pull. His smile disarmed me, but his eyes melted my walls, of course with a bit of liquid courage. I’d never met such a large man and his insane physique caught the eye of every female in the place. He had eyes for me all night. I kept running into his gaze. Since college is where people explore who they are, I chose to explore with him.”
“Slutty little minx.” Mia winked.
“Shut up or I won’t continue. I will totally cancel our Mango Margarita date.” Ailyn huffed and leaned her head back against the window. “God, his kisses lit me on fire. I came close to giving up the goods the first night but held back. By date three he had me out of my panties, by date four he had me hooked. His passion consumed me. I fell hard…we fell hard. Were inseparable. We went on so many dates, where he paid. Out to dinner, spent weekends out of town. Our love was more than just sex, or so I thought.”
“What changed your mind? How did you know it wasn’t real? Seems like he treated you like a princess.”
“I stupidly assumed he went to a junior college close by and knew he played ball. When he wasn’t playing or practicing and when I didn’t have classes back to back we’d hook up. Then cloud nine was yanked out from underneath my feet and I plummeted. Life as I knew it wasn't the same.” A single tear leaked from her eye. Damn the pain still existed when she brought it up. “Time doesn’t heal all wounds.”
“You don’t have to continue if this hurts you too bad.”
“I…uh, called his house one day and got his mom. When I asked for him, she said he couldn’t come to the phone. They’d put him on punishment for skipping school. I didn’t get what the big deal was. I mean I skipped a few college classes, a lot of students do now and then. I asked her when he’d be back to campus and she got quiet, then she told me he was a senior in high school. I asked her how old he was, she told me sixteen. She offered to take a message and I declined. There was no need. I felt like the biggest fool of all. I didn’t even know I could get so angry.”
Mia inhaled sharply. “Oh. No.”
“Yeah. I hung up the phone and cried for two days. A month later I found out I was pregnant with Eva. I didn’t have a choice. We packed up and moved. He took even that from me. My parents think I met some asshole at a frat party who got me pregnant and turned his back. I never corrected them because, I didn’t want them to look at me like a—”
“Oh Ailyn, I’m so sorry. He played such a cruel trick on you. Maybe he fell so hard he didn’t know how to fess up. I do know Seth is crazy smart. It’s common knowledge. He must’ve skipped a grade or two to be graduating early like that.”
“When he was able to call me he tried to talk to me but I refused to listen. Even changed my number. What could he say to make what he did all right? How could I risk letting anyone know without losing my daughter, job or education, not to forget possible jail time? He broke my heart and ruined any trust I’ve ever had in the male species.”
“So what’s next?”
“I don’t know, move again. Avoid him. This can’t come out. Anyone smart enough to do the math will figure out when Eva was conceived. I’m close to four years older than him and I couldn’t tell he was a fucking kid. What does that say about me?”
“Nothing that happened was your fault. I mean he had to have a valid looking state id to get into that club. Either he had a friend on the inside at the DMV or, he had one hell of a contact who knew how to fool people. At least now clubs have those swanky machines to scan every driver’s license. Unfortunately, there’s nothing you could’ve done to avoid this situation. I feel bad for both of you. He had a choice to fess up before things went too far. I doubt any prosecutor would even touch this situation, if brought to their attention. This isn’t an easy case they’d be able to win.”
“Mia, what would you do? Eva asks about her father or lack of sometimes and I have no answers. Now he’s here and if I don’t tell her and she finds out, she’ll hate me, but I’m not ready to deal with Seth.”
“I’ve only known Seth since I met Dire. He’s a great leader who takes care of his team. On and off duty. Maybe you should get to know him before making a choice. He doesn’t have to know right off that he’s a father.”
“I could do that, I don’t want to date him though. The one flaw in your plan is Eva. She may carry most of my genetics, but she has his eyes and ears, sh
e even has his birthmark on her shoulder.”
“Then make sure they don’t run into each other. Meet him instead of having him pick you up. You can set the boundaries this time, Ailyn. Let him know you’re not up for dating, but aren’t totally against seeing what he’s like. If things move too fast, stop seeing him. If you feel like you want him physically, a no-strings-attached, straight up screw, do him. Go to his place if you want to reconnect. Do you want to reconnect?”
“Yes. No. I want to break his neck and then, God yes, I want let him take me to the place only he has. How sick am I. Remembering having mind-blowing, unforgettable sex with him. Wanting to be wanted like that again. There’s this intensity about him, not only in bed but out. I’d forgotten until I watched him flawlessly take charge at the school, assess and bark out orders to his team, at the same time calming the administration. I keep returning back to wanting him, not to date him, but what I wouldn’t give to be in his bed just to see if it’s still the same or better with time. I’m twisted and going to hell on the fastest elevator down.”
“Okay. Stop the presses. Do not make this your issue. Don’t put in your sweet head you’re some type of sexual predator. You. Are. Not. You were a beautiful young woman who got sucked into a relationship with a charming horny guy. Face it sweetheart, he probably stopped getting carded in junior high with his size. Be glad he made your first experience a good memory. My first time was botched, uncomfortable and blah. It took me a year to find a guy who could fuck worth a damn. Most guys his age only want to stick it in and move onto to the next.”
“It’s just, even after I found out I still wanted him physically and I was still unequivocally in love with him. I couldn’t turn that off even though everything in me told me to. Loving him was amoral. What does that make me then?”
“A young woman in love.” Mia reached over and grabbed her hand. “I hate to think all of these years you’ve been suffering alone in so much self-doubt and pain.”
“For ten long years this has been dead and buried. Now after seeing him again, I can’t quit obsessing about what happened and how I had blinders on so thick that I couldn’t see, couldn’t tell. I look at my daughter who I love so much and my heart breaks because she deserves to grow up with two parents and I cannot give that to her.”
“She has a great mom. I get that you’re torn right now. I wish I could offer you sound advice, but this is so far from anything I’ve ever been dealt, I can’t.”
“I try.” Ailyn sighed. “I am exhausted today. Thank you for listening. Now I just need to figure out what to do and find the courage to seek him out. Then tell my sister and brother he’s reappeared in my life.”
Mia leaned over and hugged her tight. “He is a man. Trust me, he’ll search you out. Just hang tight. Don’t stress yourself any more over him tonight. Now let’s go in and get our girls, they should be finishing up soon.”
“Okay. Give me a minute to pull my head together. I’m not ready to go back in yet.” Ailyn shook her hands and exhaled deep and slow. Mia handed her a bottle of water and ibuprofen.
“Cheer up. The men don’t get off work until seven tonight and Seth will be doing paperwork for hours after everyone else leaves. He won’t have time to find you tonight. He’ll have to go home and sleep first.”
“I thought they slept at the station in bunks during their shift. Isn’t that what Dire does?”
“Yeah, well they may sleep in shifts, or bunk down but trust me it’s more of a nap than a good sleep since they never know when the tones are going to sound.”
“I don’t know how you cope with such odd hours.”
“I know. But don’t forget my first husband was in the military and he’d deploy sometimes nine months out of the year. When he was home, he’d go directly to field training in preparation for returning for another tour. This is a compromising change. Don’t get me wrong, the danger is just as real, but getting word on what’s going on is almost instant. I can pop on the television and watch. Dire blows a gasket when he hears that I have, and gives me the have faith talk, because seeing the danger on television puts me on edge. Knowing he’s doing his job without visualizing each call makes things easier to stomach. We all have an expiration date that we don’t know when it’s coming.” Mia checked her watch. “Let’s go.”
Ailyn stepped out of the vehicle and waited for Mia to join her on the sidewalk. “You are an amazing wife and momma, girl. I always know Eva is safe with y’all.”
“You too, Ailyn.” Mia linked her arm in hers. “Come on my Dominican beauty.”
Ailyn laughed and headed inside to pick up her daughter. She waited on the sidelines, as the coach gave last minute instructions before letting the girls go. A sweaty girl tumbled over to her and latched on for a quick hug.
“You should’ve seen me cheer and dance.” Eva skipped over to grab her backpack and dance bag before they weaved out of the crowd and building.
“I see you almost every day.” Ailyn unlocked the door. Mia waved at her from her vehicle. She waved back as Eva climbed into her seat and buckled up.
“I am starving, can we stop for fast food?”
“You are what you eat. So no. I’ll whip something up when we get home,” Ailyn said, as she slid into the driver’s seat and started the car.
Two hours later, long after dinner had passed, the kitchen made spotless, and an exhausted ten year old finally fell asleep, Ailyn stretched out on the couch with the remote, turning the television on to her favorite comedy show. Twenty minutes into the viewing, she strained to focus on the plotline. With a sigh, she gave up and plucked up her cell phone from the coffee table, then typed the station house into a search engine. Once the company emblem popped up, she hit go. A few clicks later, she stared at Seth’s picture.
Even though time had passed, he still looked almost exactly the same. Perfect messy hair, silky strands you just wanted to thread your fingers through. Light stubble stretched over a strong jaw. The same vivid green eyes she remembered drowning in. He’d grown taller, leaner with a large frame, broad shoulders, coiled muscle, tapered hips, and thick thighs. The boy held nothing on the man he’d become. She greedily ate up the information about him on the site.
Her breath left her when she combed through his educational background, eating up every tidbit on the page. A double major in fire science and fire engineering. After graduating he applied for the fire department, completed NFPA Firefighter I and II certification, earned a paramedic certification, passed state exams, physical exams, then mental screenings, supervisory training, and course work in fire administration. After completion, he passed the fire lieutenant entrance tests. She had no idea the training was so intense or held such a high level of dedication and skill. From his page on the website, he worked hard to gain the level of responsibility, promotion, and respect of his team.
Therein lay her dilemma, separating the boy she knew from the man she’d undoubtedly come to know. She loathed who she remembered, finding the current struggle to reconcile the new Seth from the old or forgive how his lie.
Dozens of images of Seth flashed across the screen. In some he comforted victims, others showed him providing patient care or assessing the situation. Confusion clouded her mind as all she saw was a liar. He may have them all fooled. To believe he changed so much seemed impossible. And while she hated him on one level, her heart ached for him, her body craved his presence, his missing touch. A want she’d have to deny, and resolve not to breakdown and give in—ever. And while he had no justification for breaking her heart, she had the right to keep him in the dark. He lost his right to know about her life and their daughter ten years ago when the ugly truth came out.
As a mother, her only option was putting her daughter first. In no way would she let him find out what his actions wrought. In this instance she wouldn’t take Mia’s advice. His duplicity showed her he couldn’t ever be trusted, not even with the knowledge they’d created a kid together. Better her daughter never knew her papi live
d in the same town as them. What if she told Eva and then he perished in a fire?
For a long time, she’d played the ‘what if’ game. What if he’d been who he said he was, what if they’d survived college, got married and raised Eva together. Alone in her room, she questioned if he’d ever had the same conversation in his head. Did he know she pretended not to know him? Too many rampant thoughts flooded her mind, too many memories swamped her. Seth possessed a devastating effect on women. She was sure she wasn’t the first or the last. She logged off her phone. With the fire, school was out for a few days while waiting for transitional trailers to be brought in.
The ring of her house phone interrupted her from beginning the next chapter of the fantasy she’d hoped to disappear into. She looked at the caller identification and froze. Seth Mahone flashed across the screen. She snatched up the receiver and let her finger hover over the talk button, not sure she had the guts to answer. By ring four she pressed the button, not wanting Eva’s sleep disturbed.
“Hello.” She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and attempted to still her shaking hand.
“God, it’s been so long since I’ve heard your voice.” His deep voice murmured into her ear.
“We just met today. How did you get my phone number?”
“You’re listed in the phone book, darlin’.”
She’d have to rectify that. “Don’t you think this is stalking behavior?”
“Ailyn, did you really believe I wouldn’t recognize you?”
“I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about. I have to go, it’s late.” Why did his voice have to sound so good, seductive. So sure.
“Come to the fire station. We need to talk. Tomorrow morning, first thing.”
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