by Ivy Jordan
“Mmm, I missed you too, especially when Tommy and Gus were giggling over shirtless pictures of you, and I got to think about how much better it looked in person.”
“Wanna see if your memory is correct?” I ask as I kick the door closed and nuzzle her neck.
She giggles. “Tempting, very tempting, Cade, but I was hoping we could talk over dinner.”
My heart thuds. She wants to talk. “Uh, yeah, sure. It smells good. Dinner, I mean.”
Serena looks at me and begins to laugh. “It’s nothing bad, Cade. I’d just like to have a little more to drink before I tell you about the rest of my day. Now come on.” She grabs my hand and tugs me forward to the kitchen. “Wine?”
“Yes, please.” I pull the flowers out. “Oh, and these are for you,” I say with a wink and hold them out.
“Awww. They are beautiful. That’s so sweet.” She wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me again before taking the flowers, holding them to her nose and smelling them. “I’m just going to put these in some water.”
She moves around the kitchen as I take a seat at the breakfast nook and watch her put the daisies in a vase, then finish dinner. She pours me a glass of wine and brings it over, kissing my cheek before turning away. She grabs a bowl of salad and brings it back, setting it down near me. She makes two more trips, one carrying dishes and silverware, and the other a plate of garlic bread.
“Let me get that,” I say, hopping up and grabbing the bowl of spaghetti as she starts to make her third trip.
“Thank you, Cade,” she says as she sits down. I set the bowl down on the table and take my seat again as Serena begins to serve herself. I follow suit, filling my plate with food. We eat in in relative silence, which is both comfortable and welcomed. An image flashes through my mind of doing this every night with her, and I smile at the thought.
“What was that smile for?” she asks, breaking my thoughts.
“Nothing,” I reply. “Just thinking about how nice this is.”
“It is nice,” she agrees. “And quiet.”
“Maybe a little too quiet. When does little man get home?” I ask.
She glances at the watch on her wrist, “Actually, it should be any minute now.”
As if on cue, we hear the front door open and then little feet running through the house. “Serena! We’re home!” Ashley calls out.
Alan enters the kitchen before her; he has a streak of orange paint dried on his cheek and another streak of green in his hair. “Mommy!” he shouts, skidding to a stop at Serena’s side and hugging her. Serena laughs as Ashley enters the room.
“He wouldn’t let me try to clean him up after class,” she apologizes. “Said it was his war paint. Wonder who taught him that,” she adds while giving me a look.
I shrug. “He wanted to know about the eye black I used to wear when I played,” I explain.
“Mommy, look!” Alan shouts, holding up a small canvas. He points at the squiggly lines and shapes. “That’s me and Cade, and we playing football! And, that’s you and Aunt Ashley cheering for us!”
Serena stands and hugs Alan properly, stooping down to kiss the top of his head. “It’s beautiful, my sweet boy. Do you want to put it with the others?”
He shakes his head. “I want Cade to have it.”
I look up with surprise as Alan turns to me, thrusting the picture out to me. “Thank you, Alan. This will look fantastic in my house,” I grin.
“Cade, you wanna play cars with me?”
I look up at Serena who smiles and nods. “Sure, buddy,” I tell him as I stand. “Lead the way.”
Alan and I play in his room for thirty minutes until Serena appears and takes him to get a bath. I help as best I can and after his bath, Alan gets into pajamas, brushes his teeth, and heads to bed. Serena sits beside him and reads him a story and then he begs for me to read one, too. After my story, Serena kisses him goodnight, and I follow her out of the room and downstairs. We head into the living room, and I take a seat on her couch. Serena falls into the spot beside me and I pull her under my arm.
“You’re really good with Alan,” she says after a moment of silence.
“I’ve always liked kids, but being with Alan is different; it just feels natural. Is that weird?”
A look I can’t quite describe crosses her face, but she forces it neutral again almost as quickly as the look came. I want to question it, but I know Alan’s dad is not a subject she likes to discuss and I don’t want to push her. Maybe in a few more months I will, but for now, I let it go.
“You never finished telling me about the rest of your afternoon. How was your day after going out with Gus and Tommy?”
“Yeah. Still probably need more wine,” she smiles. “But, I had a visitor after I got home.”
“Oh? An old friend or something?”
“Not even close to a friend. Josephine.”
“Josephine?! Josephine my ex-girlfriend?” I am floored.
“Yep, that would be her.”
“What the hell?! She was here, in your house?” I question.
“Showed up on my doorstep and barged inside.”
“That woman is obviously unstable. She showed up at the studio a few weeks ago thinking I was just going to fall back into the mess we used to have. And when I refused her, she threw a fit. I threatened her with security, but I should have threatened her with a restraining order. Jesus, Serena. I’m sorry. I don’t even know how she knows who you are.”
“You don’t have anything to be sorry for, Cade. And, I really don’t think you need a restraining order.”
“What did she say?”
“That I wasn’t pretty enough or good enough for you. That she is the love of your life, and that if I didn’t break it off with you tonight, I would regret it.”
My eyes grow wide and I’m positive I am turning red with rage. “No, we definitely need a restraining order. Do you think Ashley will come back over and stay with Alan? We can go right now. My lawyer can meet us at the police station.”
Serena reaches out and grabs my hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “Seriously, Cade, we don’t need to do all that. It’s fine.”
“It’s not fine. She showed up at your house and harassed you. It’s one thing for her to harass me, but she can’t show up here and do that to you. How can you be so calm about this?”
“You’re a good man, Cade, and she’s just upset about losing you. She can’t hit back at me the way she’s used to. I’m just a regular girl, not some Hollywood starlet with skeletons in her closet. There’s nothing scandalous she can leak to the press because the press won’t care about me. And there’s nothing in my past that would cause me to lose my job at the university.
“So, she can threaten as much as she might like, but she’s got no way to ruin me like she’s used to. I don’t have a shady past, my dad isn’t also my uncle, and there are no videos of me doing lines of cocaine. They’re empty threats, and she knows it, but she hoped it would intimidate me. She doesn’t. She’s hurt she lost you and that it wasn't her choice. It’s all about ego. I might not know a bunch of celebrities, but I do understand the way a woman’s mind works.”
“There’s no way in hell I could be this unbothered if some ex of yours showed up at my door. I’d throttle the guy.”
“I won’t lie: I absolutely wanted to punch her in the throat. But that would’ve gotten nothing but bad press, which is exactly what she wants, something to spin in her favor. I won’t give her that satisfaction.”
“I guess that’s true. Promise you’ll tell me if she comes over again, though, or if she finds some other way to contact you,” I insist.
“I promise,” she assures me. “If I even see her anywhere and she looks at me funny, you’ll be the first person I tell.”
“I just don’t want my crazy ex to be the reason anything goes wrong between us.”
“Trust me, she won’t be. We’re good.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” she says softly, mo
ving to straddle my lap. “You and I are definitely good, Cade Thomas. You make me happy.”
“You make me happy, too. I haven’t felt like this about anyone before. Well, I mean, I thought I did, but now I know that wasn’t real. There’s always just been space fillers in my life, but you are so different than that – so much more. I hope that makes sense,” I add.
“I know what you mean.”
“I kinda wish you had a crazy ex, though, so I wasn’t the only one. You sure there isn’t anything you want to tell me about Alan’s dad?” I joke.
She tenses up and slides from my lap to sit beside me. I don’t understand why the mention of Alan's father always has her pulling back a little from me, and again, I want to push to learn more, to understand that part of her, but I don’t. Instead, I wait for her, to see if this will be the time she decides for herself to open up to me.
“Sorry to disappoint, but there are no crazy exes in my life. Josephine’s brand crazy is enough for both of us, anyway.”
“True, but for the record, whatever guy left you and Alan behind, that’s a whole other special kind of crazy. He’s gotta be to let a woman like you walk away and to not love Alan. If you ever decide to tell me about him, leave out his name, otherwise I might seek him out and punch him for being so stupid.”
Chapter 30
Serena
It’s been a couple of weeks since my encounter with Josephine at my house and, thankfully, I haven’t heard anything from her since. I suspect Cade probably called her and told her to back off, but he won’t admit it if he did.
My conversation with Cade from that night replays over and over in my head. Things have really started to become serious between us and I know I am falling deeply for him, as is Alan. I love watching Cade and Alan together, but I am also racked with guilt because I cannot find the words to tell Cade the truth, a truth he deserves more than anyone.
I’m in my office grading papers when my phone rings. I glance at the screen and seeing Ashley’s name, so I pick it up. She doesn't usually call me during the middle of the day so I’m curious.
“Hello?”
“Serena! Where are you?”
She sounds frantic. “Ash, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, just, where are you?”
“I’m in my office.”
“You need to go to XYZ right now.”
“XYZ? The gossip site? Ash, what are you doing on a site like that?”
“How else would I understand the celebrity psyche, Serena?”
I laugh lightly as I turn on my computer and click around. “What kind of psyche are you trying to unlock, sis? Is this for a new project?”
“It’s my guilty pleasure, you caught me. Now, hurry up.”
“Okay, okay, I’m going as fast as I can. You know my internet is terribly slow in here.”
“I know. You’d think a major university could spring for better Wi-Fi.”
“Okay, what am I looking at?” I ask as the page begins to load.
“You’ll see.”
“Or you could just tell me.”
“No, you have to see it for yourself.”
I sigh at my sister’s level of cryptic avoidance, but let the page load. As it does, my eyes grow wide and my jaw drops. There on the front page of the world's most popular gossip site is an incredibly grainy photo of Cade and I out to dinner last week. And in between us, thankfully hidden in the shadows is Alan.
I feel the air rush from my lungs and my heart pounds like it might beat out of my chest. The headline screams out at me in bold. “CADE THOMAS SECRET LOVE CHILD REVEALED!”
The article isn’t any better, full of speculation and innuendo, and you can’t clearly make out Alan in the photo. I’m still the unidentified woman – which I’ve never been more thankful for in my life, to be just some unknown notch in Cade’s bed post.
“Are you still there?” Ashley asks, breaking my thoughts.
“Yeah, I’m here,” my words stumble out.
“You’ve told him, right?”
“Actually, no, I haven’t.”
“Serena!” she gasps. “You haven’t told him?” she whispers.
“I don’t know how to. And why are you whispering?”
“Because this is scandalous and isn’t that what you’re supposed to do? Serena, you have to tell him.”
“I know, but-”
“No buts,” she cuts me off. “He’s Alan’s father and you have to tell him before this gets any worse.”
“How do you think he’ll react?”
“I don’t know. He adores Alan.”
“Yeah, but right now he’s just his little buddy, his girlfriend’s kid. He doesn't owe him anything right now, but when I tell him the truth, what if it changes everything?”
“I just can’t picture it changing things for him, Serena. Cade seems to be pretty solid about you, and I’ve seen him with Alan. He loves him.”
“Yeah, but most guys find out about the kid after they're out or right before and it’s why they leave. How do you suppose a guy takes the news upon re-entering your life?”
“I don’t know, but whatever you think is going to happen, I don’t think it will be that bad. You should have already done it so you weren't in this predicament, but what’s done is done.”
“I know. God, I just told him I didn’t have any skeletons in my closet. I’m the actual worst,” I lament.
“You’re not,” Ashley reassures me. “You’re trying to protect Alan...and your heart.”
“I’ve tried to protect it too much. Cade has asked about Alan’s dad, but he’s never pushed for the story. If he had, maybe I would’ve told him. Instead, he gave me an out every time, and I clammed up.”
“Well, now you have to woman up and tell him.”
“I will.”
“Where have I heard that before?”
“I mean it this time. The next time I see him, I’ll tell him. It's not something I want to do over the phone. He deserves to hear it from me in person, and I deserve whatever happens when I tell him the truth, good or bad.”
“It’ll be fine, Serena.”
“You don’t know that,” I argue.
“No, but I feel it. Just have faith in what you guys have. It’ll work out.”
“I hope so. I need to get back to grading these papers. I’ll call you later.”
“Okay. Serena?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t think about it too much. It’s going to be okay. I love you.”
“I love you, too, Ash. Bye.”
I hang up and set my phone aside, but instead of returning to my work, I start to re-read the article and then the comments. I know it’s a mistake, but I can’t stop myself, and soon I am down the rabbit hole of internet gossip. I feel tears burn at my eyes, and finally I turn the computer off, taking several deep breaths to try and calm my racing heart.
There is a knock at my office door, and I swipe quickly at my eyes. Before I can call out, the door cracks open and Gus peeks his head in. “Hey, I thought you might need this,” he says, opening the door and stepping inside, quickly shutting it behind him and walking to my desk. He passes me a coffee cup before he sits. “You okay?”
“You saw it?”
He nods. “Tommy saw it and texted me. Those guys are slime balls, Serena. Putting a picture of your kid on the internet like that. Just like cockroaches, you know? Just don’t read the comments.”
“Too late,” I admit.
“It’s a bunch of lame asses sitting at home passing judgement. They don’t know shit.”
“Yeah... Thank God they don’t know who we are.”
He frowns. “About that...”
“What?”
“Some kids from your class last year, the one Cade crashed? They posted pictures online and then some other students started connecting the dots and they all think it’s you in the picture. It’s all anyone is talking about on campus, and it’s starting to gain traction on social media
. If your accounts aren’t already private, I’d make them that way fast.”
“Oh God,” I immediately go back to my laptop.
“Have you talked to Cade?” he asks.
I shake my head. “Not yet.”
Gus looks at the stack of papers from the intro to physics class and scoops them up. “I know you like grading these, but I’m your TA; let me handle these and you go home. Or if you need to, I’ll have Tommy meet us for wine.”
“Wine sounds really awesome right now, but I think I just need to go home and hold my kid, you know?”
“I get it. I’ll finish grading these tonight. Go home and be with Alan.”
I nod. “Thanks, Gus. You’re a great TA and an even better person.”
***
I manage to get off campus without drawing any extra attention and make the drive home. Ashley picks Alan up for me at daycare, and I start dinner for us while I wait. Cade calls, but I ignore his call. He texts, but I ignore those, too. I hear Ashley in the driveway then and turn my phone off as she and Alan enter the house.
Alan heads upstairs to his room, leaving Ashley and I alone.
“How are you?” she asks.
“I’m just trying to decompress and process still.”
“They know who you are,” she informs me.
“I know. Gus told me. He stopped by shortly after I got off the phone with you.”
“Have you talked to Cade, did he call you?”
“He called. I didn’t answer.”
“Why not?”
“I’m not ready. This is a lot to take in.”
“I get that you being on a gossip site is a lot, but it’s going to be a whole lot more if you don’t talk to Cade and tell him the truth before someone else manages to find out and do it.”
“I know, Ashley. You don’t have to remind me.”
“Oh, but I think you do need reminding because you are two months into this relationship with Cade, and you have yet to tell him he’s Alan’s father. That’s not right, Serena.”
“I know it’s not right,” I hiss at her hotly. “But it’s my life, Ashley, and I can't just take a damn wrecking ball to it. What if this thing with Cade doesn't work out? What if he walks away when I tell him?”
