by Ivy Jordan
My eyes focused on the arch in her back, the dip in her spine that led to her beautiful ass. Her blonde hair was starting to dry and flowing down her back. Sweat beaded up on my forehead, not from physical activity, but from the mental strain to stop myself from ejaculating too soon. I never wanted this feeling to end, this beautiful sensation of pleasure and satisfaction.
Her moans grew louder and higher in pitch as her body began to grind against me at a harder and faster pace. Fuck. She was coming again, and there was no way I could hold my climax back once she started to throb, I knew that.
The first throb was small, leaving me feeling confident that I could handle what was next. Soon the next throb started, and then a pulsation that was sporadic and fast paced. Her body clenched around my cock, squeezing it hard and then releasing for only a split second before grabbing again. My back arched towards her as her moans softened and her body began to twitch. There was no fighting the release of my orgasm, and in that moment there was nothing that made me want to. All of my muscles tightened and flexed as warmth radiated throughout my body, blasting from my cock and into the condom barrier between myself and Maddie.
My breathing was rapid, and my grip on Maddie’s hips tightened as I growled and groaned against my will from the sheer pleasure she’d just unleashed through me.
Maddie’s body fell limp, rolling to her side. I hated the abruptness of her warmth pulling away. I jumped from the bed, rushed into the bathroom, and cleaned myself up before returning. She was snuggled under the sheet, her long hair flowing down her arm, and her eyes filled with what appeared to be happiness. “You are so beautiful,” I whispered, making my way to the bed.
I pulled up the sheet, slid in behind her and pulled her into my chest to spoon.
The warmth radiating from her body onto mine was soothing, comforting, and I never wanted to let go. I couldn’t imagine losing her. I couldn’t tell her now; she’d leave for sure.
“Have you thought any more about the trip to Portland?” she asked softly.
Her back was turned to me, so I couldn’t see her face, but I imagined it was filled with hope.
“I have,” I said without offering any other details. I hadn’t thought about it, not really. I dreaded it, and I wanted to prolong it as far back as possible.
“Well, when do you think?” she probed, her head shifting to turn towards me. There they were, those beautiful blue eyes, filled with hope. Fuck!
“I was thinking after Christmas,” I replied, not wanting to disappoint her. I couldn’t take the look of disappointment in her eyes, not right now, not ever.
“So, right after Christmas?” she beamed.
Christmas was only a little over a couple weeks away. I wasn’t ready for this to end, and her visiting Portland would indeed end this. I’d secretly paid for her apartment after tracking down the landlord with the address on her driver’s license, and now I wished I hadn’t. It would be so much easier to tell her she’d been evicted and all her personal stuff donated to charity.
“Sure,” I agreed.
So, that’s that. I get to spend Christmas with Maddie, and then it ends.
Chapter Fourteen
Maddie
I snuck out of bed early to surprise Isaac with breakfast. I stood in the kitchen, staring at the ingredients in the fridge, wondering what he would like. I didn’t know him at all, or myself, and that feeling was so strong hovering over me that even in moments where I was truly happy, a dark cloud still lingered over my heart.
My eyes closed, and I tried with everything I had to remember my life with Isaac. Flashes of the photographs blew through my mind, but I couldn’t make a connection, one of my own. Tears began to flow down my cheeks as I strained for my memories to return when suddenly hands rested on my shoulders. “What’s wrong?” Isaac asked.
I turned, embarrassed that I was having another meltdown, and feeling guilty that I’d put him through so much. “I wanted to make you breakfast, but I don’t know what you like,” I sobbed, falling into his strong arms.
His chest lifted and fell, his laughter growing loud and uncontrollable. I didn’t see what was so funny. “You never made me breakfast, so how would you know?” he said softly.
His hand brushed my hair stuck to my cheek with tears, and I pulled away so I could look into his green eyes. “We’ve made some amazing new memories; why dwell on the past ones that brought us together,” he smiled.
Maybe he was right, but he still had all those memories. I had none.
“Let me take you out to breakfast,” he suggested, leaning in to kiss me on the forehead.
I nodded, unable to argue, unwilling to stay in this gloomy mood. Maybe getting out for a while would do me good.
After quickly dressing, Isaac held the door open for me to exit the house. He was so kind, so sweet, and so patient that my heart melted from his warm smile. He helped me into his Escalade and walked around to his side. Once he got inside, my mind began whirling into a storm of thoughts about how he was killing the planet with his giant vehicle. “So, what do you get in this? Eleven miles to the gallon?” I snipped. My tone startled me, unclear where exactly it came from.
Isaac laughed, “Fifteen.”
My blood was boiling as we pulled out of the driveway and onto the road. Why would anyone need such a large vehicle, especially someone without kids? Kids? My heart started to ache at the thought. Were we planning on having children? I suddenly wanted them, but maybe I didn’t before.
“Did I want children?” I blurted out.
“Yes, you wanted three: two boys and a girl,” he responded, his eyes narrowing on mine as he spoke. “Where is all this coming from?” he asked.
“I don’t know. I just have all these feelings suddenly,” I admitted.
“Feelings?” he questioned.
I didn’t know how to explain it, but it was a surge of random emotions that seemed to be triggered by very small details surrounding me. “Like memories?” he asked.
I shrugged. Maybe. I couldn’t really say they were memories because they weren’t, but they were feelings that were connecting me to who I truly was, who I once was. “Just feelings,” I sighed, pushing back into the leather seat.
I had to admit, the cool morning air was chillier than I liked, so the heated seats on his gas guzzler were comforting. “I used to love the cold,” I blurted out.
Isaac pulled into the parking lot of a small café. He turned off the truck and turned to me. “Yes, you always loved the cold,” he agreed.
“And the snow. I loved the snow,” I gasped. “I wouldn’t move to Florida; I’d never see the snow again,” I verbalized my epiphany.
My eyes were glued to Isaac, waiting on his response. I couldn’t explain the sensation I was having, but it was strong and clear. I knew I loved winter months, and Miami was summer all year long; that wasn’t what I wanted. So, why am I here?
“I didn’t know you felt that way,” Isaac replied.
How could my fiancé not know I felt that way, would I have told him? “I never told you I didn’t want to live in Florida?” I questioned. He shook his head, his eyes filled with a strange fear. “And I agreed to come here to live?” I probed.
“This wasn’t going to be permanent. We talked about moving to New York,” he said quickly, somewhat easing my worries. Maybe I didn’t tell him I wouldn’t live in Florida, just that I wouldn’t do it forever.
He got out of the truck and walked over to my side. He opened the door, took my hand, and helped me to my feet. His body pressed into mine, warm, hard, and comforting. I felt foolish for being so cynical all the time and always looking for holes in his story, or doubts about our relationship. “You hungry?” he whispered, his warm breath pushing against my neck.
“I am,” I smiled, and let him lead me into the small café.
I didn’t take any time with the menu, quickly ordering an egg white omelet loaded with veggies, wheat toast, and a small orange juice. Isaac looked impressed at my qui
ck decision. I cringed as he ordered a large bowl of biscuits and gravy, stack of pancakes, and a side order of bacon. “You have to start eating healthier,” I insisted.
“There’s the old Maddie coming back,” he laughed.
It felt good to have these feelings. They were a great sign that my memories would soon return. It was a couple weeks until Christmas, and then I’d get to take my trip to Portland. I knew in my heart that the trip would bring me back from this blank mindset I’d been in for so long. It was the key to getting myself back.
“Did you book the flight yet?” I asked while my mind was on the topic.
“No,” he replied and gave me an apologetic look.
“When do you plan to do that?” I pushed, knowing if I didn’t stay on him, he’d never do it. Why didn’t he want to go to Portland? What was there that was scaring him so badly? Was it the man in my nightmare? Was he hiding the fact something horrible happened to me out of fear I couldn’t take it. I could take it. I am a big girl, and obviously I lived through whatever the horrible event was, so why hide it now?
The waitress brought our drinks and then disappeared back into the kitchen. My eyes were still glued to Isaac’s, waiting on the answer. “I’ll book them this afternoon,” he promised.
My lips stretched into a wide smile, grateful that he planned on keeping his word, and anxious about the upcoming trip. “I think this is all I need,” I blurted out eagerly.
He smiled, but his eyes shifted. Yes, there was something he didn’t want to face in Portland.
I asked about a couple of his cases, and he gave me vague details. One I found extremely interesting was the one where he was trying to catch a woman’s violent ex stalking her. “Aren’t you stalking her in order to track him?” I teased.
“Essentially, yes,” he laughed.
It was nice just to talk about normal things, things that normal people talk about. “Does Beth go on late night stakeouts with you?” I asked, suddenly experiencing a twinge of jealousy. Isaac smiled, his cheeks turning a light shade of red. “She has,” he admitted.
I didn’t like the feeling I was having. My gut twisted, and my eyes began to twitch. “There’s never been anything between us,” he quickly assured me.
My cheeks started to heat up as I realized how my jealousy must’ve been so visible to him. Am I a jealous person?
“I’m sorry,” I whispered as the waitress brought our meals. Isaac laughed and told me not to worry about it as he gripped the syrup container and began spilling it all over the cakes. Wow, he is not a healthy eater. “I’m going to have to break you of this eating style,” I teased.
“You’ve been trying for years,” he chuckled.
A flash opened in my mind, something new, not what I was shown in the pictures. Isaac was tall, blond, and wore a football jersey while I strolled beside him. The ground beneath our feet was dirt, and noise was everywhere, screaming, laughter, music, and loud bells. I closed my eyes to get a better view of this new image in my mind. A fair: we were at the fair. I couldn’t have been more than sixteen, and Isaac eighteen. “Your heart’s gonna clog with that,” I said with a snarky tone. Isaac laughed, turning his head towards me as he bit into the corn dog in his hand. “I have,” I sighed, opening my eyes to Isaac across the booth.
“You have what?” he asked confused.
I shared with him the memory I’d just had, and he quickly confirmed it was true. “That’s the summer before I took off to college,” he sighed.
A warm, comforting feeling fell over me as he talked about that day. Most of what he said was still lost on me, but some, some of it I could actually remember. “This is amazing,” I exclaimed.
“Yes, it is. See, the doctor told you it would start happening,” he smiled.
“Tell me more about our past together,” I pleaded.
Isaac shook his head. “I can’t interfere with your natural memories,” he insisted.
“This isn’t like telling me I like to mop the floor twice a day, or that I love baking apple pies so you can have a clean kitchen and a belly full,” I joked. My eyes pleaded with him, but he still said nothing.
I sighed. “These are real memories, and knowing more from you may help me to remember on my own,” I added.
Isaac was hesitant but finally gave in. He started back when we were super young, and my family moved in next door. “We used to use flashlights to signal each other at night,” he chuckled at the memory.
“What kind of signals?” I asked, eager to learn more about how close we’d been all these years.
“One flash was to say goodnight, two was to say meet me in the backyard, and three was to warn of a parent coming,” he explained.
I watched his eyes dance as he spoke. It was obvious those memories were very close to his heart. I felt a tug on my heart strings as he talked, simply from looking at the excitement in his eyes.
The waitress dropped our bill off at the table, and Isaac quickly took it. “I need to start working again,” I insisted.
“Not until you’re ready,” Isaac stated firmly.
“I’m ready,” I said, anxious to get out of the house all day. He chuckled and winked in my direction as he slid out of the booth. “Let’s get through the holidays, and then we’ll talk,” he smirked.
All these feelings were making me anxious; I didn’t know if I could wait until after the holidays. I wanted to go now, today.
“I promise, I’ll book the flight today,” he assured me.
Chapter Fifteen
Isaac
Beth was up my ass as soon as I walked into the office Monday morning. “You tell her yet?” she asked.
Damn, she nipped at my ankles like a small dog wanting attention as I made my way to my private office. “No,” I admitted, but didn’t want to indulge her on why.
“Isaac, you have to; things are going too far,” she insisted.
I knew that, I wasn’t an idiot, but I loved this woman with all my heart. “I can’t risk her getting hurt,” I snapped, moving towards my safe.
“You don’t think you lying to her all this time is going to hurt her?” she persuaded.
“I don’t trust this guy, Beth. He’s a bad man, and with the nightmares Maddie’s had, there’s no way I can allow her to run back to him,” I snarled.
Beth sat down in the chair facing my desk. She crossed her long legs, tapped her knee with perfectly manicured red nails, and pursed her lips into a pucker. “How are things going between you two?” she asked.
“They are going great actually,” I smiled, pulling Maddie’s phone from the safe.
“Has he called anymore?” she asked, motioning to the Motorola in my hand.
A green light flashed at the top of the phone, so I slid my thumb across the screen to see what message was waiting. My stomach churned as I noticed four more missed calls from Rob, and several texts begging for her to come back. “This guy isn’t going to leave her alone,” I sighed, sitting in my tall leather chair.
“What’s he saying?” Beth asked.
I handed her the phone and let her read the texts herself. Her nose crinkled as she stared at the screen, and then looked up at me. “Yes, he’s good,” she sighed, handing the phone back to me.
I clicked on the voicemails and let them play. His voice was sincere and filled with worry. “Baby, I know you wouldn’t just take off like this; please let me know you’re okay. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat. I just really need to hear your voice,” Rob pleaded on the phone.
“You think she wouldn’t buy into this?” I asked sarcastically.
Beth shook her head. “I always fell for it,” she admitted.
“Then you agree, I can’t tell her,” I growled.
“I didn’t say that. Maybe if you helped her remember on her own how bad this man is,” she suggested.
“She’s already remembering. Yesterday at breakfast, she had several breakthroughs remembering us as kids,” I sighed.
Yeah, she remembered. Fuck. Our t
ime together is already shrinking.
Beth seemed excited about the memories, but I wasn’t so sure they were a good thing. I loved that she was remembering us, but that meant soon she’d remember him, and that there was no us at all.
“I booked us a flight to Portland for after Christmas,” I blurted.
Beth stared at me with her dark eyes, her lips still pursed together, and her chin shifting from side to side. “That’s a good plan,” she said with little confidence.
“Yeah, until she walks into her apartment and sees all the pictures of her and Rob,” I whined.
My head was spinning as I pictured the look of confusion on Maddie’s face when she realized we weren’t a couple and that I’d lied to her.
“Maybe she’ll remember how he hurt her once she sees his face,” Beth encouraged.
Maddie’s phone vibrated across my desk. I picked it up, seeing it was another call from Rob. “What am I going to do about this?” I asked, holding the phone up so Beth could see the name of the caller.
Her eyes widened and her head shook as she stared at me with dark eyes. “See if he left a voicemail,” she suggested after the ringing stopped for a minute.
I hit voicemail, and of course, he’d left another one. “Maddie, or whoever the fuck this is, I need someone to answer me. Your landlord said some man was paying your rent; where the hell are you, and who is this man? Are you safe? Please tell me you’re safe, or I’m coming to find you, and whoever this is that’s holding you against your will,” Rob’s voice threatened through the phone.
His threats made me uneasy, mainly because I knew if the cops got involved, I’d be thrown in jail. “I can’t let him find her,” I told Beth.
“You can’t let him find her, or you,” she stated.
I knew that was a true statement.
“What do I do?” I asked.
