Sarah felt stuck. She didn’t know where to turn or what to do. She did want to go see a friend, she had several in Wickenburg. Her closest friend, Alice Collins, lived on a small farm on the edge of town. Sarah didn’t think Jason knew where the Collins family lived, because he had never been there and was not a friend of Alice’s husband, Adam.
She thought about Alice and Adam. They had a marriage that withstood many trials. Alice was helping Adam raise his two children, Riley and Max, who were actually Alice’s niece and nephew. She had married Adam after his first wife, Holly, passed away. They had another on the way of their own.
Adam was one of the most upstanding citizens in Wickenburg. He was a gentle, kind, strong man who would never hurt his wife or children. He was the total opposite of Jason.
Sarah wept uncontrollably, using the napkin she’d placed there for her own lunch, which she had not eaten, to catch her tears. Her stomach wouldn’t let her eat anything normal the way she had before. She didn’t know if it was because of Jason’s behavior or from being pregnant. It didn’t matter the reason, neither was about to change anytime soon.
Her mother had warned her to be careful of Jason. She’d said there was something in his eyes that disturbed her. Sarah hadn’t seen it, though. She thought he was just tired from working or perhaps was in some kind of pain. They had put him up in the loft of the barn, fixing a cot there for him with a table to do personal work at and for his wash basin. He had eaten breakfast and dinner with her and her mother for several years before her mother passed on.
“Oh, Mama,” Sarah cried out. “What am I to do now? I cannot have this child here in our home and let him defile it. I cannot let my child see me treated this way. Oh, Mama, I don’t know what to do.”
She rested her forehead down on the tops of her hands and continued to cry. Before she knew it, she was asleep. Her dream was chaotic. She was running from Jason, but no matter how fast she ran, he was always on her heels, just about to reach out and grab her. She could feel his thick fingertips on the back of her hair, ready to yank out a few chunks of her hair and pull her off her feet.
Just as he grabbed her hair, she woke up screaming. Her head went backwards, her neck stretched out. She opened her eyes and looked into Jason’s. He had come in and found her asleep.
CHAPTER THREE
SARAH ON THE RUN
SARAH ON THE RUN
“Shut your mouth, woman.” Jason clapped his hand over her mouth and she reacted to the pain. He grabbed the back of her head with his other hand and pulled her to her feet. “What are you cryin’ about? You don’t have time to cry. You have work to do.”
He released her and grabbed the napkin to wipe the tears from his hand. She stumbled back and caught herself on the back of the table chair. She was breathing hard, as if her dream had been real and she was tired from running. She glared at him.
“Why are you here? Why aren’t you at the saloon?”
“They told me to leave,” he answered in an angry and bewildered voice. “I don’t need them. I can drink right here in my own house. And this way, I can watch you do your work and make sure you don’t leave the house.”
“I wasn’t planning to go anywhere, Jason,” she repeated herself from earlier. “I don’t need you watching me work. I am not a child.”
“Oh, but you are,” Jason hissed. “You are a child. And you don’t work when you should. You can’t fix a meal on time to satisfy your husband. You can’t keep a clean house. You go off and see friends when you should be concentrating on making this place look good for me. You are a terrible wife.”
“You’re not the best husband, either,” Sarah retorted without hesitation. She was tiring of being pushed around. She had already done a wonderful job keeping her Irish temper in check. She knew it wasn’t going to last much longer.
Her words sent him into a rage. He balled his hands up into large fists and placed them on his hips. His eyes were narrow and his voice came out deep and angry. “What did you just say to me?”
“You have been very mean to me for a long time, Jason. And you shouldn’t be. You should be kind to me. You should be nice like so many of my friends’ husbands are.”
“You don’t have any friends!” He yelled at her.
“Yes, I do!” she yelled back. “You just don’t know who they are! And I don’t want you to know who they are! I would be ashamed to tell them you are my husband. They know what you do to me!”
“Oh? Who have you been talking to? Tell me who!” He demanded, approaching her. She backed away from him and found herself pressed against the back wall of the kitchen. She scooted to the side to avoid him and backed through the doorway to the living room.
“I will not tell you who they are! You don’t need to know!”
“I will treat my wife the way she deserves to be treated!” Jason’s rage was boiling over. His face was red and he spit when he spoke. She kept a few feet in between them the best she could. He was coming at her very slowly, in a menacing way. She tried to glance around her to see if there was any way she could shield herself from him, or perhaps use something as a weapon if he came at her.
“I don’t deserve to be treated this way!” She screamed. “I have been a good wife to you, even if you don’t deserve it! Just being my husband doesn’t mean you deserve anything. I will give you what you give me, and you have given me nothing! Except…” she had been about to say “a baby” but stopped herself just in time. “Except a lot of trouble! So that’s what you will get in return!”
“You aren’t going to give me trouble, Sarah,” he said in a low voice. “I don’t think you understand your place here.”
She nodded. “I know my place, Jason. I know exactly what I’m worth and I’m worth a lot more than what you give me.” Sarah prided herself that she was able to say those words to him. She had not been feeling confident about herself for a long time. She had grown up with a strong mother and a wise, kind father who built her up and gave her what she needed to live in the world as a successful woman. She had many talents, from being a fine seamstress and painter to giving of herself to others who needed help whenever she could. She liked who she was but did not like who she had become. It was because of the man looming over her that she had lost her self-confidence. She wanted to regain it. She wanted to be the woman she used to be. She wanted to love and be loved.
She suddenly realized that it was what she would receive from her child that would fulfill her. She would love her child and raise her child to know that she loved it.
She wouldn’t be able to do that with Jason. He would make sure she couldn’t.
“You?” Jason laughed in a dark way. “You are not worth the horse manure on the bottom of my shoe. You are only worth cleaning up after me and serving my food.”
“You are lucky I don’t poison your food!” She cried out, unable to control her words.
Jason’s sneer deepened and he closed the gap in between them so fast, she was unable to back away in time. He grabbed both her arms. His grip was painful. He was much bigger than she and she dropped her head so that she didn’t have to look up into his face. She stared at his chest, holding back the tears the best she could. Her arms would have deep bruises from where his fingers pressed into them. She already wanted to rub them. She wanted him to let her go. She pulled away from him but he held on tight.
“You aren’t going anywhere until you tell me you haven’t poisoned my food,” he growled. “Because if you have, you will die today.”
She shook her head vigorously. “Of course I haven’t poisoned your food, Jason.”
“Then why did you say that?”
“Because it just came to my mind, that’s all.”
“So, you plan to?”
“No!”
He shook her violently. “You had better not be lying to me!” He yelled.
She tried to keep her head from snapping back and forth, injuring her neck. The shaking made her head hurt. She couldn’t hold back the t
ears as they slid down her cheeks. “I’m not going to! Please stop shaking me! You’re hurting me! You could harm the…” Once again, she almost slipped and told him about the baby. She knew she would have to tell him eventually. However, that day was not the best day for it. It was so prominent on her mind; it was all she could think about. She didn’t want any harm to come to the child. If he wanted to kill her, he could do so after she had the child. Not before.
He shoved her back against the wall and blocked her in so she had nowhere to go. “What?” He came within inches of her and scanned her face. “You are being mysterious, Sarah. What are you hiding from me? What have you done?”
“I haven’t done anything!” She cried.
“What have you done, Sarah?” He yelled.
She brought her hands up and covered her face, sobbing. He wrapped his large hands around her wrists and pulled them down so that he could see her. “What have you done!?”
“I haven’t done anything!” She repeated.
“You are lying! You got yourself pregnant, didn’t you? Now you’re worried about me hurting it?”
She turned away from him, holding one hand over her belly as if it would protect the child from anything he tried to do. Fear gripped her. She stared at him in terror, lowering her eyes to his fists, watching for him to try to hit her.
“I did not! A woman doesn’t get herself pregnant! It takes a man to do that!”
He became eerily silent, stepping back from her, still staring at her through furious eyes. She watched him, wondering what he was going to do. He paced around the room for a time, obviously in deep thought.
“Are you sure you are pregnant?” he asked finally, stopping in the same spot he had been in originally.
She nodded without saying a word.
He began pacing again. She wished he would say something, yell something, do something. This was not the reaction she expected. Her legs were wobbling. She needed to sit down before she fell down. She was on the edge of passing out.
Since the information had been spoken, she decided there was nothing worse she could do so she moved to the couch and dropped down on it, pressing her hands together between her knees. She tried to breathe calmly, intensely aware that he was still pacing about the room.
“Something will have to be done about this.” When he spoke, it was in a voice that terrified Sarah. She widened her eyes and stared at him.
“What do you mean?”
“You knew I did not want to have any children. My father and mother showed me what it was like to have a child, what a burden it is, how much strife it brings to a marriage.”
Sarah grunted. Theirs was not a marriage worth saving by any means. There was already plenty of strife in it.
“This is not a good home for a child,” Jason growled.
“This is not a safe home for a child,” Sarah corrected and was not surprised when he reached out and slapped her across the face. She reeled from it, falling to the side on the couch. She pressed her hand against her burning cheek, fresh tears flowing from her eyes.
“You make this harder than it has to be.”
“I can’t get rid of this child, Jason. I won’t! I won’t!”
“You will find a way. If I have to beat it out of you, there will be no child in this home.”
Sarah crossed her arms over her belly, shaking her head. “You will not take this child from me, Jason. I am going to have my baby. There is no way not to. It is conceived, it will be born.”
He shook his head. “You do not understand me, Sarah. It doesn’t surprise me, since you are about as dim-witted as they come. You are not going to have this child. It is either your life or the life of the baby.”
Sarah stayed half-laying on the couch, staring at him through wide, shocked eyes. “I can do nothing about the fact that I am pregnant, Jason. No matter what happens, I must have this child!”
“I will find a way to get rid of it. Even if you give birth, it will not live long after.”
“No! You won’t do that! I won’t let you do that!”
“You can’t stop me. There’s nothing you can do.”
Sarah jumped to her feet, suddenly filled with energetic fear. Her weakness was gone and her mothering instinct had kicked in. She faced off with him as she tried to get around him but he moved to the left and the right, holding his arms out so that she could not go around him.
“No, Jason! I won’t let you hurt me anymore! I won’t let you hurt me or my baby!”
“There is no baby,” Jason laughed. “You may as well give up on those thoughts, woman, because you will not have that baby. I said no babies! I meant it!”
“I didn’t conceive this baby on my own, Jason! You know the consequences of having sex. This is what happens. It happens whether we want it to or not! I didn’t do this and you won’t take my baby from me!”
He came at her quickly but she reacted in time, grabbing a lantern from the table next to the couch by the handle and swinging it at him. He blocked it but the glass shattered and sprayed over him. He shielded himself. She ran to go past him but he reached out and grabbed her around the waist.
He slammed her to the ground on her back and jumped on top of her.
“No! No!” She screamed, wiggling with all her might to get out from under him. He grabbed at her flailing arms, pinning one down and reaching around in the air to get the other one. She tossed her head from side to side, lifting up with her hips to buck him off of her, screaming all the while.
“Shut up!” he yelled in her face. “Shut up!”
Sarah slapped at his face with her free hand, making him turn his head away. She tried to scratch his eyes and cheek with her fingernails, grabbing his hair and yanking on it as hard as she could. He began cussing loudly at her, slapping her hard across the face.
She felt dizzy for a moment. Everything went black, then gray, and then cleared again. Her eyes caught sight of the fallen lantern she’d used earlier beside her on the floor. It was within reaching distance. She slapped the floor, trying to get her fingers around the handle. Once she felt it, she pulled up on it and swung it hard in the direction of his head.
It made perfect contact that time, the hard metal slamming against the side of his head, knocking him off of her. She pulled her legs out from under him and scrambled to her feet.
As quickly as she could, she dashed to the door and was out, slamming it behind her before he could follow her. She ran down the pathway, tears streaming back from her eyes, filling up her ears and soaking her hair. She ran with her hands over her belly.
She ran for her life.
CHAPTER FOUR
ALICE AND ADAM TRY TO HELP
ALICE AND ADAM TRY TO HELP
Sarah looked back over her shoulder several times but Jason wasn’t following her. She was amazed that while the street was normally ridden with people doing various chores, it seemed no one was outside at that time. No one saw her running, her fingers clutching the fabric of her dress up so that she could run faster.
Her shoes were small flat slip-ons that she usually only wore around the house. She wondered if they would wear out before she reached her destination.
The only place she knew of to go, where she thought she would be safe, was the Collins' house on the edge of town. Their farm was large and they had built extra rooms on the house for a guest and for the new nursery. They would surely let her stay the night and maybe for a few more days so that she could figure out what to do.
She passed through town, slowing down some so that the people she now saw would hopefully not say anything to her. It didn’t stop them from looking. The men watched her closely, looks of curiosity on their faces while the women looked on with concern. She only needed to go down two streets. On the second street, a man driving a wagon pulled up slowly beside her.
“Hello there, young miss,” he drawled, leaning forward, the reins held loosely in his hands. He pulled on them, making the horses come to a halt. “You look like you could
use a ride. Where ya headed?”
“I’m trying to go to the Collins' house on the edge of…”
“I know where they are. Climb aboard. I’ll take ya. I happen to be going out that way myself.”
Sarah highly doubted he was really going out that way, since the Collins' house was the only one in the vicinity and there were no stores or other places to visit anywhere near it. However, she climbed up into the wagon gratefully, her legs weak from running and then walking several miles.
She settled in the seat next to the man, who held his hand out to her. “I’m Mark. And you are?”
“Sarah. Sarah Engles. I live back up the street and up that hill back there.”
He nodded. “You Jason’s wife?”
She raised her eyebrows. “Yes. How did you know?”
“Not to be impolite, miss,” he shook his head, snapping the reins to make the horses move along the dirt road. “Ya kinda look like ya’ve had some trouble with a man and he left the saloon looking like a big cat ready to pounce earlier. And his last name is Engles. So, I just put two and two together and made four, ya know?”
Sarah nodded without answering. She turned her head away from him, embarrassed. Her cheeks flushed, making the side Jason had slapped burn painfully. She lifted one hand, remembering it, and gently rubbed the cheek. It was a bit swollen. She realized Mark and anyone else who saw her must be able to see her injuries.
She was even more humiliated and dropped her head down, covering her face with her hands.
“Now don’t you be embarrassed, Miss Sarah,” Mark said, gently. “That man should never have gotten himself a wife. He never treats anyone with respect. I don’t know how you or your mother put up with him all these years. Much less that ya married him. I feel bad for ya.”
An Uncivilized Romance Page 3
