by Mercy Amare
I lower my head and bang it against the table. “My life is over.”
“Your life isn’t over,” she says. “Just your sex life.”
She’s right. How am I ever going to bring home a guy? That must have been Dad’s plan all along.
I feel my phone vibrate, so I pull it out, expecting it to be Ty or Gabe. Instead, I have a text message from a private number.
Blocked ID: I’m always watching.
A few seconds later, my phone vibrates and a picture of Andrea and me sitting across from each other comes through. I look around to see if I can spot Brian, but he’s long gone. Another text pops up.
Blocked ID: Nobody you love will ever be safe.
I slip my phone into my pocket and look up at Andrea. She’s looking at her own phone, probably checking her Snapchat.
“I have to go,” I tell her, standing up.
She frowns, looking up at me. “So soon?”
“Yeah, sorry. My dad needs me to call him,” I lie.
“Okay,” she says, believing my lie.
I hate how good I’m getting at lying.
“I’ll talk to you later,” I say, throw some money onto the table, and then walk out of the cafe. By the time I get to my car, there are tears running down my face, probably smearing my mascara. I can’t bring myself to care.
7 p.m.
Crazy person.
By the time I get to Gabe and Ty’s building, I am a sobbing mess.
Andrea is probably the best girl friend that I have ever had, and now I have to stop being friends with her.
Who am I supposed to plan on exercising with and then ditch the gym five minutes in to eat ice cream with? And who I am supposed to complain about my ex-boyfriends to? Who will I get boy advice from? And who is going to tell me when I’m being stupid? Nobody else will be as brutally honest as she is.
I wipe under my eyes, trying to clear away the mascara, but then I realize that I don’t care. I just get out of my car and walk towards Gabe and Ty’s dorm, not caring who sees me with mascara running down my face. I don’t even care that I look like a crazy person right now.
There isn’t anybody in the common area, but I pass a few people on the stairs and in the hallway. Nobody is paying attention to me. I’m just trying to keep it together. It’s times like this that I hate being a girl. Why can’t I be strong right now? I’m just letting Brian see that he’s getting to me. That’s absolutely the last thing I want. I hate how weak and defenseless he has made me.
When I get to their dorm room, I hesitate for a second and consider knocking, but then I just decide to walk in. I’ve seen them both naked before, so it really doesn’t matter if they are now. Thankfully, they are both fully dressed. Gabe is sitting on his bed with a text book in front of him and his phone in hand. He has a big smile on his face, so I can only guess he’s texting some girl. Ty is typing something on his computer, but stops when he looks up and sees me. He doesn’t say anything, he just gets up from his bed and I walk into his arms. It’s amazing how safe I feel here with him.
“What’s wrong?” I hear Gabe’s voice from behind me.
“My phone,” I tell Ty. My voice is shaking and it’s so low that I’m not sure if he heard me, but he reaches into the back pocket of my jeans and pulls out my phone. He hands it to Gabe and holds onto me tighter.
“I’m always watching. Nobody you love will ever be safe,” Gabe reads out loud. Ty looks over my head at the screen and I feel his body stiffen.
“I thought this was over,” I say, trying to control my sobbing. “I just want to be safe. And now it’s happening again, and I don’t understand why.”
“We have to turn this in to the police,” Gabe says. “We made the mistake of keeping it quiet before. This time, I want every single thing to be reported. Whoever is doing this will be caught soon.”
“Who could it be?” I ask, pulling back from Ty’s embrace. He keeps one arm wrapped tightly around my waist as I stand beside him. “It can’t be Mike Newman. I mean, Brian is obviously capable, but he doesn’t have the money. How can he afford to stalk me? Where does he live? How does he still eat? He can’t be doing this alone.”
“I don’t know who it is, but I promise I will figure it out,” Gabriel says, and I believe him.
Gabe may have been a terrible boyfriend, and sure, he lied to me a lot, but I know that he cares a lot about me. I care about him too. He will do whatever it takes to keep me safe, and I love him for it. I hate the circumstances that have forced Gabe and me to become friends again, but I’m glad he’s here. I missed having him in my life.
Ty and Gabe are the reason I don’t regret what happened to me last year. Without going through what I did, where would I be? Probably nowhere near the two of them. I can’t imagine a life without them. So, as crazy as it sounds, I’m sort of glad it happened. I have two of the most incredible people by my side. It feels good to know that when I need them, they will always be there.
Gabe calls the detective while Ty comforts me.
Suddenly, I’m not so afraid anymore.
Wednesday, November 3
6 p.m.
Apartment shopping.
Ty and I have been looking at apartments for over three hours now.
Gabe has class, and I’m really jealous. I never thought I’d actually want to be in class. But apartment hunting sucks!
I really thought this whole process would be easy. I imagined looking at one place and instantly falling in love. But, no. Every place so far has sucked. The last one was nice, but I saw a mouse crawl across the floor and then I couldn’t get away from there quickly enough.
Now, we are stopping at the last apartment for the day. If this one isn’t a match, we will be looking again tomorrow.
I really hope this is a good place.
When we pull up to the building, I notice there is a large parking garage beside it. Most of the other places we looked at only had one or two parking spots available and most of the parking was on the street. As soon as the relator says we can rent up to five spots, I am sold. Well, you know, if the inside doesn’t suck.
Ty and I follow the realtor to an elevator, and we go to the top floor. The building is only twenty stories high. If the electric was ever out, twenty flights of stairs would be a killer, but not impossible.
The elevator opens up to a hallway.
“There are only two apartments on this level,” the realtor explains. “This one is open now and ready to move in. If you want it, we will have to do this today, because it will go fast.”
He pulls out his keys and opens up the apartment. I walk in first, follow by Ty and the realtor.
I like the place immediately. There is a big, open space. There is a floor to ceiling window that shows the amazing view. And it’s very bright.
There are cherry-colored hardwood floors through the open area. The kitchen has stainless steel appliances. There is a large dining area to the right of the kitchen by the window. There is a bar separating the kitchen and living room, which I love. I feel like this would be a great place to host small parties.
The living room is pretty massive. I’m already envisioning a sectional couch and a large screen TV. There is also an electric fireplace, which will be nice when there are cool winter nights.
We walk down a hallway where the bedrooms are. Each room is spacious. There is also a large bathroom.
At the end of the hallway is the master bedroom, which would be mine. It’s big. Not as big as my room in Mountain View, but much bigger than my small dorm room. There is even a balcony.
I also have my own bathroom, which is a must have. There is no way I could share a bathroom with two guys.
This place is perfect.
“I want it,” I tell the realtor.
“Do you want to know how much it will cost a month?” he asks.
“Her dad is paying,” Ty says.
“Oh, right,” the relator says. “Mark Evers. Well, he definitely won’t have a problem paying.�
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“How much?” I ask, out of curiosity.
His answer makes my jaw drop open. I almost consider asking to see cheaper places. Almost. But I do really love this place. It’s perfect.
“Do you think Dad will mind?” I ask Ty. “That seems like a lot of money.”
“Your dad would do anything for you,” he answers.
“I know, but... this just seems like a lot,” I say. “It almost feels like I’m using him. If I tell my dad I want to live here, will he think I’m spoiled?”
“Kihanna, you are the least spoiled person I know,” Ty says. “This place is perfect. Your dad won’t even blink an eye at the price.”
I sigh. “Fine. Let’s do this.”
The realtor smiles. “I’ll email the paperwork to your dad and I should have an answer for you by tomorrow morning. I’ll be honest, I don’t think you’ll have a problem getting this place. I expect you to be moved in by Friday.”
I grin at that.
Because, really, Ty and Gabe’s dorm is small. I’m so ready to not be sleeping on their futon anymore.
I feel my phone vibrate. I pull it out of my back pocket and see a text from Micah.
Micah: Hey, what’s up?
I am not sure how I am supposed to explain what’s going on right now, so I put my phone back in my pocket without replying. Really, how I am supposed to explain that I’m getting an apartment with two of my ex-boyfriends? I can’t, not without explaining what is going on with the whole Brian situation, and I’m not ready for that.
We leave the apartment and head back out of my car. I send my dad a quick text letting him know that I found the perfect place. I also let him know that if it’s too much money, I can pick a cheaper place.
Dad: It’s not too much... not when it comes to you. Tomorrow, you should go pick out some furniture. Just use your credit card.
Me: Thanks, Dad. I love you.
Dad: Love you, too.
“Want to go furniture shopping tomorrow?” I ask Ty.
He laughs. “Maybe you should take Andrea with you for that.”
I don’t respond to that.
I totally would ask her to go with me, but I am scared to. I don’t want anything to happen to her.
“Crap, I forgot,” Ty says. “Sorry, Kihanna. I’d love to go with you.”
My phone vibrates again.
Veronica: I am coming tomorrow to go furniture shopping with you. Kailee will be staying with Mark. What time is your last class?
I reply to her text, then turn to Ty.
“Veronica is coming, so I guess I don’t need you,” I say. “I should have known she wouldn’t give up an opportunity to shop.”
“Don’t let her pick for you,” he says.
“I won’t,” I answer. “If I don’t like something, I’ll tell her. But she will make the whole thing easier.”
The thought of going furniture shopping with Veronica excites me. In my head, I always pictured going with my mom. Of course, I also pictured that she and I would be going to thrift shops, and if I know Veronica, we will be going to really nice places. I miss my mom like crazy, but I’m so thankful I have Veronica to go with me.
“I’m just glad I don’t have to go,” Ty says.
I laugh.
Ty is such a guy.
Before we get back to the dorms, the realtor calls to let me know that we got the apartment. My dad wasn’t even done with the paperwork, but the second he told the owner who was renting it, he knew Mark would be good for the money.
So I move in Friday.
And Friday can’t come quickly enough.
7 p.m.
My feelings are complicated.
As Ty and I are about to walk into his building, Micah walks out.
Of course.
“Kihanna, hey,” Micah says, then looks at Ty. “Hey, Ty.”
Ty nods at him, then looks at me. “I’m just going to go up. I’ll meet you up there, I guess.”
“Okay,” I say awkwardly, and then watch him walk inside.
I look at Micah, waiting for him to say something. It’s obvious he feels just as awkward as I do.
“So... you and Ty?” he asks.
I shake my head. “No. No. It’s not what it looks like.”
“What is it, then?”
“Gabe, Ty, and I are getting an apartment off campus,” I explain. “Ty and I were just with a relator. We found a great apartment real close to campus. We are moving in on Friday.”
“That’s... cool,” he says. “I guess. I mean, it’s a little weird that you’re moving in with two of your ex-boyfriends.”
“It’s just because of everything that happened last year,” I explain. “My dad is over protective, and he wouldn’t let me get a place on my own. He wants Gabe and Ty there, because he knows they’ll look after me.”
“And you’re not dating either of them?”
“No,” I answer, honestly. “But I trust them. The three of us went through a lot last year. They will always be my best friends.”
“I don’t understand, because I didn’t go through it with you. But Kihanna, I like you a lot. I will accept them if that is what it takes to be with you,” Micah says. “I know we aren’t together right now, but I’d like to be.”
I don’t know what to say to that. The thought of being in a relationship makes me feel sick, because I’m not over Ty. Or Gabe and Brian for that matter. How am I supposed to explain something to Micah that I don’t understand myself?
“I know you’re not ready,” he continues. “And maybe you won’t be for a while, but you are the kind of girl worth waiting for.”
“But, what if you wait for me and I don’t reciprocate the feeling?” That is my fear, because Micah is a sweet guy. I don’t want to hurt him. At the same time, I don’t want him to go anywhere. I like him a lot. But I don’t like him enough. Not now. Maybe not ever.
“You’re worth the risk,” he says. “What’s meant to be will happen, no matter what you or I might want.”
“Between now and then, you might see that there isn’t anything special about me.”
“I highly doubt that.”
“I don’t.”
“Kihanna... in my world, it’s rare to find a girl who isn’t spoiled and stuck up,” he says. “I honestly never thought I’d find a girl I actually like and my parents approve of. I assumed either I would be happy or my parents would be happy.”
“You like me because your parents will approve?” I ask.
“No. No, that didn’t come out right,” he says. “I just mean it’s a bonus that my parents do approve. But that’s not why.”
“Your parents never would’ve approved of me as Kihanna Foster,” I say.
“Kihanna Foster?” he asks.
“Foster was my name before Mark Evers came into my life,” I explain. “I lived in a two bedroom house in St. Louis. My mom was a teacher. I was a straight A student who preferred to hang out with my mom on the weekends. I had never had a boyfriend, drank a beer, or been to a party. I was the girl everybody ignored at school. I sat at a table with other people, but we never talked. I always read a book or listened to music just to avoid talking.”
“That doesn’t seem like you,” he says.
“It’s not now. But then, that’s who I was.”
“I don’t think you were ever that girl,” he says. “I think that coming here forced you to come out of your shell. This is where you were always supposed to be.”
“Still, even if I was exactly the person I am now in St. Louis, you wouldn’t have given me a second glance. You just like me because I’m the daughter of the creator of Staying Connected,” I say. “I never would’ve dated Ty or Gabe.”
Maybe Brian.
You know, if he wasn’t crazy.
I think that’s why I liked him. He was normal. He reminded me of who I was before I came to California. Too bad that was all a facade.
“Your social status wouldn’t change how I feel,” he says. “Someh
ow, you and I would have met. It wouldn’t have been at your coming out party, but we’d have met. And it would have been magical. Meeting you was magical. Watching you walk down the stairs at your dad’s house, my heart literally stopped.”
“Why?” I ask.
“Because you’re beautiful,” he answers.
“It was the dress, the make-up, and the hair. If you had seen me on campus and not known who I was, you wouldn’t have looked twice.”
“I’m looking now,” he says. “I actually prefer you in jeans and a ponytail.”
I grin at his words, but I wish he wasn’t so sweet. The less people I have in my life, the better. Until Brian is behind bars, again, it’s best not to let people get close. It’s bad enough that Ty and Gabe refuse to leave my side. I hate the thought of putting them in danger, and I don’t want to worry about Micah too. I just need to figure out how to convince Brian that I don’t have feelings for Micah, which will be hard. He knows me better than I know myself sometimes. He watched me for nine months and dated me for three of them.
“So, where should I pick you up on Saturday night?” he asks.
Oh, right.
Our date.
“I’ll text you my address when I know it,” I answer.
Even though I shouldn’t go out with him, I want to.
“It’s going to be awkward, isn’t it?” he asks.
“What will be awkward?”
“Picking you up,” he answers. “Both of your ex’s will be there.”
I laugh. “Maybe a little awkward. But Ty knows about our date. I told him.”
