by Mercy Amare
Fuck.
I didn’t want my dad to know. I’d almost rather go to jail than have him know that I was caught in public naked.
“Thanks,” I say, getting out of the car.
A few minutes later, we are all surrounding my car, fully clothed.
“Great idea, Kihanna,” Andrea says. “Let’s go skinny dipping.”
“Whatever, it’s not like you got in trouble,” I say.
“Thank God, I didn’t. My mom would kill me if she knew what I did,” she says. “Especially since I was with a bunch of guys.”
“Speaking of parents, I’m going to call my dad,” I tell them. “Do you guys mind waiting in the car for me?”
Because, I need this conversation to be over.
They all nod, getting in the car, and I pull up my dad’s number. I pace back and forth by my car, waiting for him to answer.
“Hey,” Dad says, like all is right in the world.
“Hey,” I say back. “Umm... thanks for bailing me out of almost jail.”
My dad laughs.
“It’s not funny, Dad,” I say. “I almost went to prison.”
“You went skinny dipping. That’s hardly an offense that would send you to prison,” he says. “Next time, don’t get caught.”
“I’ll try,” I say, feeling relieved. “I really thought you’d be mad.”
“Naw,” he says. “I went skinny dipping with your mom when we were your age. If I remember correctly, it was that night that we conceived you. I can’t be mad at you for doing the same thing I did.”
“Ew,” I say, laughing.
“Maybe next weekend, you can come visit me,” he says.
“I will,” I say. “When I come home I will be there through Thanksgiving.”
“Perfect,” he says. “We’re going to New York City this year.”
“I’ve never been there.”
“It’ll be fun,” he says. “You’ll love the city.”
“I will,” I say. “I guess I should get off here. We’re going to drive back to campus now.”
“Have fun and be safe.”
“Love you.”
“Love you, too,” he says.
I hang up the phone and get in the car.
I pretty much have the coolest dad in the world.
Sunday, November 14
10 a.m.
I am happy.
When I wake up on Sunday morning, I am in a really good mood.
And why shouldn’t I be? Life is great.
I stretch out on my bed.
And then I jump when I open my eyes.
Brian Asher is sitting at my desk.
“I was wondering when you were going to wake up,” he says.
“What are you doing here?” I ask.
“You went to our spot last night,” he says. “The spot that I showed you.”
“How do you know?” I ask. “Oh, right. You stalk me, that’s how.”
“I’m not stalking you,” he says.
“No, just your extremely mentally ill sister,” I say. “Why would you cover for her? She’s sick. She needs to be locked up, getting help for her illness.”
“When my dad was dying, he told me it was my job to look after my little sisters. Brandon was married with a couple of kids of his own, and I was the one left in the house,” Brian says. “Olivia had so much ahead of her. She had a full ride scholarship to UCLA. I wasn’t going to let anything stand in the way of her and the future.”
“Yet, she still ruined her future,” I say.
“I don’t know where Olivia is,” Brian tells me. “After she got kicked out of UCLA, she fell off the map. I can’t find her. That’s why I came here. I figure that if she’s going to blame anybody for ruining her shot at UCLA, it would be you.”
“Why me? I didn’t do anything to her.”
“After our dad died, Olivia had a really bad time. Lily was the one who helped her through it. When Lily died, something inside Olivia snapped,” he says. “A year later, you came into town. It so happens that both of Lily’s boyfriends were into you. I don’t know why, but Olivia fixated on hating you. When Mike Newman saw just how much Olivia despised you, he offered to pay her money to make your life miserable.”
“Well, she definitely did that well.”
“Enough about Olivia,” Brian says. “I want to know why you and your friends went to the spot that I showed you.”
“And I want to know why you followed me there.”
“You first,” he says.
I roll my eyes, but decide to answer anyway.
“I’m tired of living my life in fear,” I tell him. “I don’t want to focus on the fact that there is somebody stalking me and that there’s a pretty good chance I’m going to die young. I guess I went there because I have good memories there. Even though you’re not the guy I thought you were, I’m not going to let that tarnish every memory I have of us. We had a lot of good times.”
“We did,” he agrees.
“Part of me wishes that I had meant more to you than Olivia did,” I admit. “I know that sounds selfish, but I wonder how different things would be now.”
“Me, too,” he says. “I try to convince myself that what I did was for the best, but I know it wasn’t. I regret what I did for her. I regret not staying with you.”
I don’t say anything, because I don’t know how to respond. He fucked up, and he knows it.
“I thought Olivia was going to do better. She promised me,” he says. “I’m sorry.”
“I don’t know what you expect,” I say. “How can I ever accept your apology or forgive you? If it wasn’t for you, Olivia would be in prison right now and I would be safe.”
He frowns.
Probably because he knows I’m right.
“Why did you follow me?” I ask.
“A few reasons. The number one reason is to keep you safe. I feel responsible for you,” he answers. “I mean, it is kind of my fault you’re in this situation. Also, I followed you because I am hoping to find Olivia. I want to talk some sense into her.”
“I don’t understand why she’s doing this to me. I thought she was my best friend. What did I do to her to deserve this?”
“It’s not anything you did personally,” he says. “Olivia is sick. She saw you move to Mountain View and basically take Lily’s old life. I mean, you did take both of her ex-boyfriends. I guess something inside her just snapped.”
“Ty and Lily were never in a relationship,” I say.
“No, but Lily wanted to be,” Brian says.
Part of me wishes I had gotten the chance to know Lily, but the other part of me is glad I didn’t. I don’t think we would’ve gotten along.
“So, you and Ty, huh?” Brian asks.
I nod.
“I don’t like it,” he says. “You deserve better than Ty and Gabe.”
“Somebody like you?” I ask, not bothering to keep the sarcasm out of my voice.
“No,” he says. “You definitely deserve better than me.”
“We finally agree on something,” I say. “Ty and I are good together, not that it’s any of your business. But I am happy. Like, happier than I’ve been in a very long time.”
“Good,” he says. “That’s all that matters.”
“Brian, you have to stop showing up like this,” I tell him firmly.
“Is that what you really want?”
“Yeah,” I answer. I have finally gotten the closure that I needed. That part of my life is just a distant memory. A good memory.
“Okay,” he says.
“For what it’s worth, I’m pretty sure that I was in love with you back then,” I say.
“I know you were,” he says. “I was definitely in love with you.”
Brian goes to my balcony door and opens it.
“I live on the twentieth floor,” I say as he climbs out onto the ledge.
“I know.”
“How do you get out?” I ask.
“I have my ways,” he says, then disapp
ears.
I don’t watch him leave, but I am glad he’s gone.
4 p.m.
More than like.
Micah: So, are you through avoiding me, yet?
I stare at the text from Micah on my screen for a few seconds before responding.
Me: Yeah.
Micah: Good. Tonight the band is playing at this 18 and over club in town. Will you come? You can bring your boyfriend.
I’m glad he knows about Ty and me. I mean, it was kind of hard to miss the Staying Connected post about our changed relationship status, but Micah doesn’t get on social media that much. I am too chicken to tell him myself.
I walk out of my room and knock on Ty’s door.
“Come in,” he yells.
I open the door and find Ty sitting on his bed with a text book in front of him.
Huh.
Ty is actually studying. I never thought I’d see the day.
“Wow,” I say.
“Studying sucks,” he says. “I’ve never had to study before in my life to get an A, but this one teacher sucks. She’s been extra hard on the class.”
“Are you going to be studying all night?” I ask.
He looks up at me and grins. “I think I could take a break for you. Actually, I’m about thirty minutes from being done for the night anyway.”
“Okay,” I say. “Well, I know you don’t like Micah, but he kind of invited us to watch his band play. I keep avoiding him and making excuses for why I can’t come, so I feel like I need to go tonight. Micah is my friend. So are Simon and Chelsea. I want to hear them.”
“And you really don’t have a crush on him?” he asks.
I shake my head.
“Micah is... well, I hate to admit it, but he’s kind of awesome,” Ty says. “I can’t compete with the whole guitar playing, voice thing.”
“I never asked you to compete.”
“I know,” he says. “But you have to admit, there was something between you.”
“I freaked out,” I admit. “I was falling for you and that scared me.”
“Why did that scare you?”
“I don’t know. I’m, like, love cursed,” I say. “You were right about the whole three month thing.”
“I never should’ve said that,” he says.
“But you were right.”
“I want us to last longer than three months,” he says.
“We will,” I say. “This is going to sound weird, but seeing Brian and talking to him was exactly what I needed. I was questioning my judgment and my ability to love somebody. I mean, look at my parents. My mom was single through all of her adult life and my dad’s marriage isn’t exactly great. I don’t even know what a normal, healthy relationship is supposed to look like.”
“And I do?” Ty asks. “My dad’s marriage with Angela lasted because of his checkbook. And you know how things ended between my mom and dad.”
Right.
Death.
Mike Newman killed Julie Newman because she had an affair with my dad. It’s the whole reason I spent my senior year scared. I guess Mike thought the best revenge he could get on my dad would be to come after me.
“We have really fucked up families,” I say.
“Yep,” Ty agrees.
“So, are you okay with going to see Micah’s band play?” I ask.
“Are you in love with him?”
“No.”
“Then, yeah. Let’s go,” he says.
“Just so you know, I think I might be in lo—” I cut off, not wanting to finish my statement just yet. “Well, I definitely more than like you.”
“I know,” he says. “I know exactly how you feel about me, even if you are scared to admit it out loud.”
“I just don’t want to say it too soon and ruin everything.”
“It’s okay,” he says. “I don’t have to hear it. Knowing is enough.”
“I don’t know why I can’t say it to you. I told Gabe that I’m... you know... with you,” I say. “Why can’t I just say it to you?”
“Maybe because, for the first time, you actually mean it, and that scares you,” he says.
He could be right.
I loved Gabe—love, still. But not in the way that a girl is supposed to love her boyfriend. I love him in a best-friend-he’s practically family-kind of way.
And Brian. Well, I’m not exactly sure if I was in love with him. I loved having him as my boyfriend. I loved his family. I loved hanging out with him. But I don’t think I ever allowed myself to truly fall in love with him. We didn’t date long enough for that.
With Ty, things are different. I’ve known him for a long time. And what I feel for him is unlike anything I’ve ever felt before.
He’s right.
It does scare me.
I am head over heels for this guy.
“I think you know me better than I know myself,” I tell him.
“Good,” he says. “That’s how it’s supposed to be.”
If Ty and I hadn’t been so stupid a year ago, maybe things would be different now. Maybe we were always meant to be together, but just couldn’t see it then.
“I think us together is a very good thing,” I say.
“Me, too. After pining for you for over a year, we are finally back together,” he says. “It’s almost been one whole year since we broke up.”
“Just a year?” I ask. “It seems like it was such a long time ago.”
“I know. It’s crazy how much we’ve both changed since then,” he says. “After everything happened at homecoming, I didn’t think you’d ever give me another chance. I’m glad you did.”
“Well, you’re very persistent,” I say. “I’m going to go get ready for the concert while you finish your homework.”
“Okay,” he says.
I start to walk out of his room.
“Hey, Kihanna,” he says.
I turn around.
“Just so you know, I am in love with you,” he says.
I just smile at him and then walk out.
I love hearing those words from his mouth.
6 p.m.
Frustrated.
All I seem to wear lately is jeans. Occasionally, when Ty and I go out, I get to wear a cute dress. But most of the time, I’m going to class, so I don’t get the chance to dress up and be cute. Surprisingly, I actually miss it. I decide I want to look cute tonight, so I spend extra time curling my hair, putting on makeup, and even pick out a cute dress. Veronica bought this one for me. I’ve never worn it and it still has the tags on.
I pull the dress on and zip it halfway up, but can’t reach the zipper to finish it. I try to get it a few times, but just end up frustrated.
Good thing I have a roommate who can help me zip it up the rest of the way.
Ty’s door is shut. I don’t bother knocking. I just walk in.
He’s just got out of the shower, and he’s not wearing anything but a towel.
Damn, he is sexy.
“I... need... help?” It comes out as a question, because somehow, seeing Ty in a towel has made the part of my brain that forms words stop working. But my hormones are working just fine. In fact, they’re pretty much working overtime right now.
He smirks, like he knows exactly what I’m thinking. He probably does.
I turn around so he can see my zipper.
I hear him step towards me. He’s now close enough that I can feel the warmth from his body on my back.
“Is it bad that I’m thinking I’d rather help you undress, instead?” he asks.
No. Because I am thinking that too.
I don’t say anything, because I seriously can’t. I just sigh.
Ty groans. “You’re supposed to be the good one. You’re the one who made this no sex for one month rule. How am I supposed to resist you when you’re this turned on?”
I open my mouth to apologize when I feel his lips on my shoulder.
I suck in a breath and hold it. I like his lips there. In fact, I’d like h
im to kiss every inch of my body right now.
Ty’s hand covers the zipper and he slowly drags it up. I let out the breath I was holding.
When he’s done, he spins me around and looks me in the eyes. Then he looks at my mouth. And I want nothing more than for him to kiss me. Just for him to never stop kissing me.
He takes a step back and sits on the edge of his bed.
“Fuck,” he says.
I stand there, watching him, barely resisting the urge to climb into bed with him.
“I want you so bad,” he says.
My heart melts into a puddle right there.
With that one sentence, he has my heart pounding, my knees weak, and my body aching.
“Maybe one month is too long,” I say, finally forming a complete sentence.
Ty laughs. It’s a tortured laugh. “No. I promised you I would wait a month, and I will. It might kill me, but I will do it.”
“Twenty two days,” I say. “Until December 6.”
“That’s twenty two days too many.”
I nod my head in agreement.
Ty looks at me, and smiles. “By the way, you look beautiful tonight.”
“Thanks.”
“And that was all your fault,” he says. “You were looking at me like... well, you know how you were looking at me.”
“Sorry. You’re just really sexy in nothing but a towel,” I say.
“And you’re sexy in nothing at all,” he says. “But, we should stop talking about this, because we’re just making it worse.”
“We could do other stuff.”
“If we did other stuff, we wouldn’t stop, and you know it,” he says.
He’s right.
“I think I’ll just let you get ready,” I say, and turn around, leaving his room. I walk back to my own room, wondering why the hell I suggested that Ty and I not have sex for a whole month. It was a really, really, stupid idea.
8 p.m.
I just swooned.
Gabe decides to take a break from trying to find Olivia and comes to the show with us. Part of me is sad that he’s coming, because I do want some alone time with Ty. But the other part of me is glad he’s coming. He deserves a break. Plus, Ty and I are kind of in need of a babysitter.
