"No problem," Devyn said.
Holding her breath, Alix watched them depart.
Irn paused at the edge of her vision, and the glare he gave her made his intentions more than clear. He would be back. She shuddered, her hands shaking with dread.
As soon as the Keepers and Irn had left, she turned to face Devyn and Sway. In Devyn's eyes she met her worst fear. Hatred glowed in the darkness of his eyes, flashing at her with such an intensity that she thought she might collapse.
"I'll collect my things and leave."
Devyn grabbed her by the arm, his hold so tight she was certain a bruise would form. "You're not going anywhere."
Sway stepped forward. "Devyn—"
"Leave it be, Sway. This is between me and Alix."
Alix looked at Sway, who offered her a sad smile, shook his head, and walked back inside the ship.
She swallowed the lump in her throat and faced a man she knew wanted to beat her. Would he? Could he be the same caliber as her father? Had he only been gentle in the past because he thought her a freewoman, not a slave?
"Devyn, please, you're hurting me."
Her words shocked him. Devyn loosened his hold a degree, but not enough to allow her to escape. No, she'd lied to him, deceived him, almost cost him his freedom, and he wasn't about to let her get away. "Why didn't you tell me?"
She wrenched her arm from his grasp and frowned. "Why?" she repeated, her voice heavy with sarcastic disbelief. "Isn't it obvious?"
Devyn wanted to throttle her, to tear her apart for not telling him the truth.
Was there not one woman alive who didn't manipulate men? Or was he just the unlucky buffoon who kept finding the ones who weren't trustworthy? "Get inside your room and stay there until after we've cleared orbit."
Anger leapt into her eyes. "You can't keep me!"
"No?" he asked, his fury making him more than, unreasonable. "By your own words, you belong to me. Or would you rather run back to Irn?"
Panic flashed across her face a moment before she could recover herself, and a twinge of guilt tore through him. He stifled it.
"You bastard," she snapped.
Devyn grabbed her shoulders, pinning her back against the wall. "You've never seen me really pissed off, but if you don't get inside right now, you're about to learn why the HAWC called me a piece-hacker."
Alix's eyes widened and Devyn knew he'd finally found something that could bring her under heel. At least now she knew what his job in the HAWC had been—military executions. Granted, it wasn't the hands-on killing of an assassin, but either way the victim ended up dead.
Tears welled in her eyes, but she blinked them back and didn't even so much as sniff. Lifting her chin with pride, she cast him a menacing glare, then pushed him away, turned around, and sauntered into the ship.
Tempted to rush her along, Devyn knew it would be best to leave her alone for a while. He had to sort through this whole mess—and his feelings—before he could deal reasonably with her.
Pain tearing through his heart, he secured the ramp. Why was it every time he cared for a woman, she ended up lying to him, using him?
"When are you going to open your eyes, Kell?" he sneered. "At least this time you didn't get shot." His scar itched as if in reminder, not that he needed it. He'd more than learned his lesson the night Onone had called him a fool and aimed her blaster at his heart.
But the wound Alix had given him ran much deeper.
He was a fool. Twice he'd let a woman get to him and twice he'd been deceived. There wouldn't be a third time.
Sighing, he raked his hands through his hair. What was he going to do? He had three months' supply of food and medicine for the Jaruns in Paradise City who were in desperate need of his help. If he didn't get there soon, more people would die and it would be his fault.
He ground his teeth as guilt slashed at his conscience. He never should have stayed here this long. If only his mother hadn't been so insistent. If only Alix hadn't been so beguiling. For a few hours' pleasure, how many people had died? His gut knotted. No more delays.
But Alix needed him. He cursed the wave of protectiveness that ran through him. How could he still want to protect her? "What is wrong with me?"
He clenched his fists, impotent fury running through him. Alix a runaway slave. Who would have thought? Did Irn really own her? Had every single thing she told him been a lie?
He slammed his hand against the wall, pain slicing through his soul. Why had she made love to him? He remembered her smell, the way her hands felt sliding down his back. Closing his eyes, he trembled from the force of his memory. And once more he asked himself if it had been a lie, too.
Onone's face flashed before him and he damned himself multiple times for a fool. At least with Onone he'd had the comfort of being young and stupid. Now he was old and stupid.
Women. None of them was worth a damn. No doubt they were born with the skills of an accomplished liar.
If he had any sense at all, he'd hand Alix over to Irn and get on with his mission. But he couldn't. No matter how much he told himself to let her go, he knew he had to help her.
Growling low in his throat, he made his way to the bridge. First he needed to get them out of here; then he'd deal with Alix.
Alix stared at her face in the mirror. She'd scoured her skin until all traces of makeup had been removed. Gone was the temporary beauty Zarina had provided along with her tentative safety.
"You should have listened to yourself," she sneered, wringing out the rag, wishing she'd left on their arrival as she'd originally intended.
Now Devyn hated her and she was trapped.
Her gaze focused on the scar under her eye and anger burned through her. Damn it! She was a human being, a sentient creature, not a piece of property or cattle. She would not be owned. Not anymore. No one would ever again hold her down and beat her, tell her what to do and when. No one would ever again have final say over her and her life. So help her, she'd kill Devyn if she had to.
Suddenly, bright, horrifying images tore through her—her mother begging her father to stop beating her, her brother's face the day her father sold him on the block, the way the buyers groped her brother's naked body and degraded him, the laughing face of her father while he allowed potential buyers to fondle her.
Hundreds of memories spiraled through her head in a dizzy kaleidoscope that brought pain, despair, and rage. The bathroom walls around her seemed to close in, to force the very air from her lungs. Panic dimmed her sight and she knew she'd lost control of her life.
"No!" she screamed, throwing her washcloth aside. "This is my life. You can't have it."
She had to get out of here. It didn't matter where she went so long as she was in control. No one could be trusted. No one. She must have her freedom! Light-headed, Alix ran from the room toward the ramp.
Before she reached the hatch, Devyn grabbed her from behind. "What are you doing?" he asked, his arms wrapped around her like thick ginjy vines she couldn't escape.
"Let me go!" she shrieked, trying to kick and squirm from his grasp. "I'm not staying here anymore. You don't own me. I won't let you!"
Devyn swallowed at her hysterical tone. She acted as slanted as the worst lunatic he'd ever seen. "Calm down," he said gently, trying to soothe her with his voice. "You're all right."
"No!" she said. "I want to get off this ship. Now."
She elbowed him in the throat. Devyn let go with a curse, his Adam's apple throbbing. Grabbing his neck, he was tempted to knock sense into her.
What was wrong with her? She was acting every bit as psychotic as Onone.
She ran to the ramp, pushing at the controls.
Devyn caught her hands and pulled her away. "We've already launched. If you want to eject yourself into the outer atmosphere, fine. But don't smear blood and guts all over my air lock. I don't want to clean up after you."
Alix wrenched her arms away from him and slapped at the hatch, her panic melting beneath a wave of defeat
ed tears. She was trapped. Dear God, would she ever escape? Why had she signed on with Devyn? Leaning against the wall, she sobbed into her hands, all her dreams shattering. Why was freedom too much to ask?
She should have run the first time she saw Irn on Nera. After her father had died, she should have sold their ship and settled for working in a small shop, or some other job that kept her out of space and out of Irn's reach.
She should have . . .
Sliding to the floor, she allowed her tears to fall unchecked. She was tired of fighting. So very tired. And why should she even bother? Where had any of it gotten her?
She wiped at her tears, hating herself for the weakness. Tears accomplished nothing; she'd learned that long ago during the nights she'd cried after her beatings. Tears hadn't brought back her mother or brother; they hadn't healed her bruises. All they did was swell her eyes and make them burn, and point out the fact that she was utterly alone and vulnerable.
Alix drew a trembling breath. Like it or not, this was her fate. A slave to be bought and sold on the whim of whoever owned her. And at the moment, that person was Devyn.
Devyn knelt beside her, but she refused the gentle touch he offered.
She curled her lips, and pushed him away. "I don't want your pity, laigron."
"I'm not your master," Devyn whispered.
She looked up at him, his face blurry through her tears. "Then what are you?"
"I used to be your friend."
She scoffed. "Slaves don't have friends. Oh, I forgot. You wouldn't know about that, would you? No one ever beat you or had your back branded. You grew up in your wonderful little family with all the money and freedom you wanted."
He couldn't have looked more shocked or hurt had she reached across and slapped him. "I don't know why you worry about my pity. You've got enough for both of us."
He rose to his feet, his eyes guarded. "Sit and wallow in your grief. When you're ready to talk this over, I'll be logging in my cargo."
Alix watched him leave, her heart heavier than it ever had been before, and she wished she did possess the courage to open the air lock and toss her useless self into space. No one would even miss her. Why couldn't someone just hold her once? Just love her for one tiny moment? Must she always be alone?
Devyn checked the logs and did his best to ignore Sway, who sat on a nearby crate eyeing him.
"They're all counted. I don't know why you're still down here," Sway said.
"I want to double-check the seals."
Sway snorted. "You only want to double-check the seals when there's something you don't want to think about."
Devyn set the computer ledger down and glared at him. "Thank you, Dr. Porrish, and to think I might have paid an analyst several hundred cronas for that type of deduction.
"Don't be sarcastic. I'm not Rina or Alix."
Devyn tensed; he knew Sway's next words before the dorjani spat them out.
"The least you could do is talk to her. You know I don't like to meddle, but—"
"But you are meddling."
Sway smiled. "Yeah, I know. But you've got to understand how much I hate seeing you tear yourself apart for something you couldn't help. I remember how much you used to enjoy life. Ever since Onone, you walk around like a corpse looking for its grave. The only time you're happy anymore is when you've got a squadron of Probers on your tail, or when you're around Alix."
Devyn looked up at him, his heart hammering over the fact that his emotions were so obvious. His mother had always commented on how easily anyone could read him. And he'd always hated himself for that.
Sway cleared his throat in an attempt to regain Devyn's attention. "Do you remember what you said to me eight years ago when I almost made the biggest mistake of my life?"
Devyn closed his eyes. He remembered his words only too well. When there's something you want, you should go after it no matter how impossible or difficult the journey seems. Better to be defeated trying than to grow old wondering if you gave up too soon. His father had said the same to him too many times to count, and he had relayed the message to Sway when Sway had walked out on Claria during their first year of marriage.
"This is different," he said, tugging at the seams of the nearest crate.
"Dammit, Dev, I don't know why you're being so stubborn. You need Alix, you know you do."
Devyn snarled and turned to face Sway. He noted the wariness in Sway's eyes, but not even that could quell his temper. "She lied to me!"
"She's a slave. Think of how she felt, what she must have gone through."
Devyn clenched his fists, wanting to tear something apart—like Alix's black, conniving heart.
"She should have told me. I had a right to know what I had taken on board my ship!" And into my bed, he added silently. "She used me like Onone did and now she can't even face me."
"I'm not a coward, Captain."
Devyn turned around to see Alix standing in the doorway. Restrained anger glowed in her eyes as she moved forward with that competent grace that still had a way of unnerving him.
"I think I'll go check the helm," Sway said, pushing himself off his crate.
Devyn returned to checking the crate seals, his soul torn between wanting to kill Alix and wanting to protect her. But what he really wanted was just to block her completely out of his mind and get on with the mission he needed to finish.
She moved to stand on the opposite side of the crate he was checking. "I'm ready to answer all your questions."
He looked up at her, but couldn't stand to see the emptiness of her swollen eyes. "Does Irn own you?"
"No."
Retrieving his ledger to make notes, he snorted. "And how can I believe you now? You lied to me."
"I had no choice."
Devyn paused in his writing and looked up at her. "Just like you have no choice but to lie if Irn really does own you."
Her gaze narrowed. "Believe what you will. I can't control your mind."
"Right," Devyn scoffed, finishing his tally and setting the ledger on top of another crate. "Now that I think back on it, it looks like you've played up to me from the very beginning. You knew which buttons to push to bring out my protectiveness. That simpering little smile, the way you keep your head cocked like you're afraid of cruel words. You really should give lessons."
Her lips trembled. "I never played games with you."
He slammed his ledger back on its peg. "Save it for the next fool you find. This one has retired."
Grabbing his arm, she turned him to face her. "How can you say that after what we've shared?"
The bittersweet memory almost sent him to his knees. She had done him far more damage than Onone. Onone had been the first woman to show him desire. Alix had restored his belief in the goodness of people. She had given him hope, then brutally snatched it away.
Now she brought up the brief time when he had actually thought she might care for him. He wanted to hurt her, to make her feel the pain that pounded through his body with every beat of his heart. "No doubt that was part of your hoax, too. What, did you have your virginity restored before you signed on board my ship?"
Alix tried to slap him, but Devyn caught her hand before she could strike his cheek. Blue eyes blazed at him and he almost felt guilty for his words, but the agony of betrayal kept the guilt at bay.
Dropping her arm, he curled his lip. "Don't ever try to hit me again. The way I feel, I might tear your arm off next time."
She lifted her chin, her eyes swimming in tears, and Devyn's control slipped. God help him, he still wanted to protect her, care for her, pull her into his arms and make love to her.
Once more he had the impression that she stood ready to take whatever slings life threw at her. "Don't worry, Captain. I'll keep myself out of your way."
She started to move away, then stopped and turned back toward him. "May I be excused?"
Her supplicant voice tore through him, wrenching his gut. "Yeah," he whispered.
When she reached the
door, Devyn spoke the words that had been stinging his throat since the moment he realized she really was a slave. "You know, I could have helped you if you'd told me the truth when we met."
She looked back at him with the steeliest stare he'd ever received. "And now that you own me, your desire to help me has faded. How typical."
Angry with himself and the universe in general, Devyn glared at her. "I was—"
Something hard struck the ship and rocked them to port. Devyn caught himself against a crate, but the impact sent a wave of pain down his ribs. He pushed himself to his feet and started for the door.
The League 3: Paradise City Page 13
