by Anthology
“Hey,” I call out to her just before she pushes through the door. Her head turns and she looks at me over her shoulder. I quickly close the distance between us, taking the steps two at a time and stalking over to her.
She eyes me suspiciously when I come to a stop in front of her and I know that it is a long shot, but I cannot stop myself from asking, “How about I take you out? Tonight? Say, seven?”
Her eyes widen and her perfect mouth falls open in surprise and I cannot help but smile.
“Lucan. What’s your name?” I say, as I extend my hand out to her.
“Thamar.”
THREE
Thamar
I DON’T KNOW what the hell possessed me to agree to the date, but I did. Well, that’s not exactly true. I know what possessed me to do it.
He’s hot!
I mean the man is so hot that I want to lick every damn inch of him. It really should be illegal to be that good looking. When he asked me for the date it seemed like a sin to turn him down.
But now, as I am pacing around my apartment replaying the whole damn thing in my head, I realize just how fucking ridiculous this is.
All I can think about are the final words my ex left me with. It plays over and over in my head while I continue to pace around in a panic.
If a regular person like Jason felt he couldn’t be with me, this guy’s going to run the second I tell him about my condition.
The phone rings and I contemplate letting it go to voicemail, but at the last second, I decide to answer. “Hello?”
Gio’s voice booms over the receiver and I inwardly groan. I don’t have the energy to deal with him right now.
“I’m on my way to pick you up and don’t you dare say no,” he says in a rush and it takes everything in me not to scream.
“Gio, not tonight. Tonight of all nights, I don’t need any shit from you. I’ve already got one mess to deal with and unfortunately he’ll be here in an hour,” I groan, taking a seat on the couch in my living room. I tuck my legs underneath me on the as I hold the phone between my head and shoulder, massaging my temples in an attempt to alleviate the tension I feel building.
This stress can’t possibly be good for my HS.
“He who? What are you talking about?” Gio asks, and I can tell by the sound of his voice that he’s going to be pissed.
Gio has been holding out hope that I’ll one day give him a chance to sweep me off my feet. I’ve tried to tell him that it isn’t going to happen, but Gio’s always been an optimist and he never gives up on anything he wants. It’s just my luck that he’s been my only friend—one that I keep at a safe enough distance.
“I met this guy earlier today and he kind of asked me out,” I begin to say, all the way feeling like a complete bitch. Gio’s silence is telling and I hate hurting him like this. “I don’t know what the hell made me say yes, but now…” I continue before trailing off.
I sigh and my hands to fall away from my head to my sides.
“I’m still coming over. Just to make sure he’s not some punk trying to take advantage of you,” he finally says after a very long stretch of silence.
I should tell him that it isn’t necessary, but knowing Gio, he’ll come over anyway so I let it slide.
“Gio, I’m—” I start to say, but he swiftly cuts me off.
“Forget about it. I get it. See you in a bit, yeah?” he says and hangs up before I can respond.
Shit, shit, shit. I should have just kept my mouth shut. He didn’t need to know that I had a date tonight.
Glancing up at the clock, I realize that Lucan will be here soon and I still haven’t figured out what I am going to wear. Heck, I’m not sure if I even should bother dressing up since this won’t last more than just this one date with him. Once I tell him about my condition, he’ll be a distant memory—just like Jason.
With only a half an hour before Lucan arrives, I make a mad dash to the bathroom and take one of the quickest showers of my life. Grabbing a towel, I make my way to the closet and pull out a few outfits I’d long since forgotten I owned.
God, it’s been forever since I’ve been on a date.
I’m not even sure I know the mechanics of dating anymore. Do I offer to pay my share of the bill? With it being a more feminist world now, I can’t be too sure that isn’t the standard now.
I decide on a black dress that’s casual enough that it doesn’t seem to appear that I am trying too hard and dressy enough that if he takes me to a nice restaurant, I can feel comfortable. I pair the dress with nude pumps and minimal makeup, only playing up with lips with a light burst of pink.
Stepping back to take a good look at myself in the mirror, I almost don’t recognize myself. It has been a long time since I’ve seen the woman staring back at me and I have to admit that seeing her against makes me a little sad.
Damn you, Jason.
I grab a small clutch bag and start to put in my cell phone and lip-gloss when there is a knock on my door.
My breath hitches as I realize that it must be Lucan.
FOUR
Lucan
“WE HAVE A shipment coming in tonight. I need you there to oversee the transport since my brother is no longer with us,” Petrov says the second I answer my phone. I had just arrived in front of Thamar’s brownstone when my cell rang.
“Absolutely, Pakhan. I will be there. What time is it coming in?” I ask, hoping that I would not have to cancel my plans with the woman that has held my mind captive the entire day.
I know that this date will not lead to anything. The brotherhood is no place for a family or even a girlfriend. Moreover, Thamar does not strike me as a woman who would accept a casual arrangement. Still, I feel a bit excited at the thought of seeing her again.
“They’ll arrive at one. I trust that I can count on you to handle things. I am in no mood to be disappointed tonight.” Petrov voice is brusque, laced with displeasure and I know that though he has killed his brother without hesitation, he feels the weight of his loss.
He will never admit it. Never show any sentiment over killing his brother in cold blood, but I know Petrov better than most. I had studied his every move. While he is the most ruthless man I have ever been made to know, Petrov doesn’t kill lightly. He feels each death, accepting the weight of the monster inside of him each and every kill.
I had heard him once. A few years ago. Screaming in his sleep. Nightmares plaguing him for the murders he had committed. The blood that seems to be forever stained on his rough calloused hands. He felt the pain of his victims, accepted it as his own, only to repeat the process again when needed.
It was that night that altered my perception of the boss. Yes, he was still a merciless bastard. Feared by all and rightly so. Nevertheless, when all was said and done and the light of day was made to turn to night, alone with only himself to contend with, he agonized for what he had become.
For that, I respect him even though I will never know what events propelled Petrov into this lifestyle, for there was no way he will ever confide in me.
“Yes, Pakhan. I’ll be there.”
He ends the call without another word and a heaviness settles over me. It has been a while since I have personally handled the transfer of a shipment and after Petrov’s display this morning I feel a bit uneasy.
Heaving a sigh, I exit my car, trying to push all thoughts of the brotherhood to the back of my mind. For a few hours, I will focus on the young, feisty Thamar.
I only knock once before the front door swings open and the enchanting woman herself is standing before me. Dressed in a short, black, dress that hugs her ample curves, I take her in. My breath stolen as my gaze travels down her body and settles on her endless, lean, legs. Legs meant to wrap around my waist.
I inwardly groan at the thought and bring my gaze back up to her beautiful face. I smile at the sight of her. “You look wonderful, Thamar. Are you ready to go?”
She nods and bites her bottom lip nervously and the display of her shyn
ess makes me want to suck on her lip. However, I suppress the urge. No use scaring her off by coming on too strong.
Taking her hand in mind, I lead her to the car and open the door for her. She is too short to climb my SUV, so I happily help her in, loving the feel of my hands around her luscious hips.
I round the hood once she is settled, and buckled.
“I hope you like Thai food?” I ask once we are on own way. She nods her head and smiles at me, but I can see that she is tense. The tight pull at that bottom lip a clear indicator.
Wanting to put her at ease I say, “So, should we play twenty questions now or later?”
She laughs, and swats my shoulder. “Seriously?”
Her smile is beautiful, both warm and calming and I want to keep her smiling for the rest of the night.
“Yes, why not? Is that not customary on a first date? It has been a while, but I think it is a given that we get to know one another, no? Tell you what, you go first. Ask me anything you want.”
She shifts in her chair so that she is facing me, a thoughtful look on her face as she thinks of her first question.
“Okay. You said that it’s been a while since you’ve had a first date. How long is a while exactly?”
It is then that I realize that this is a game I should not play. I cannot tell her about my life. Not about the brotherhood. Not about my work with the FBI or anything else that could potentially put either of us in danger. It is why I have not made any effort in dating over the last few years. Why I had simply ingrained myself completely to this mission.
Petrov likes his men dedicated and women are a distraction. He turns a blind eye to a casual fling, but anything more would unacceptable. Our lives, the one of my fellow brothers, we're dedicated solely to the brotherhood, to Petrov. Everything and everyone else was secondary, including ourselves. The other Bratva families, I am told, are not as strict in this regard. However, Petrov is not a man to walk along the paths best known; he is one to make his own rules, as he seems fit. His power and rule is all that matters and all that follows must always show themselves loyal.
The mantra that had been drilled into my head since the moment I had stepped foot into the Bratva, comes to mind. The same mantra Petrov repeated just this morning before killing his own flesh and blood.
The brotherhood takes second place to nothing. Our Pakhan is the beginning and the end for all those who fall under my rule. You have no mother, no father, no sister, and no brother. Your life, is no longer your own. You no longer exist. Your only concern is that of the brotherhood and the will of our leader and father, Petrov.
Pushing the oath out of my mind, I glance at the woman beside me. “Going straight for the kill, yeah?” I chuckle, but really I am buying time, wanting to come up with an acceptable answer—one that is not a complete lie. “I guess it’s been a few years. I haven’t had much time to date.”
I do not turn to look at her, even as I feel the weight of her stare. Silence falls over us and I have a strange feeling that she does not believe my answer even though she does not call me out on it.
Clearing my throat, I decide to ask her a question of my own. “How about you? Surely you must have many suitors?”
She sighs and settles back in her seat. “Yeah, every week. I have to beat them off with a stick just to get some peace,” she says sarcastically, her attitude suddenly gloomy.
It is clear that something is bothering her, but I am not sure if it is wise to press her. Instead, I allow the silence to stretch on as I make my way through downtown Brooklyn, turning onto Court Street before finally stopping in front of one of my favorite restaurants, Joya.
FIVE
Thamar
DAMN IT. I’VE already ruined this date.
The drive to the restaurant is a disaster and I have only myself to blame. Lucan had been charming from the minute he picked me up, breaking the ice with his silly game of questions and I messed it all up.
When he rounds the car to open my door, I try my best to smile at him, hoping that we can somehow start over, but the look he gives me is unsure. I want nothing more than for tonight to go well. If not only to prove that I am capable of having a normal life for one night.
Yes, Lucan and I will probably never see each other after tonight, but at least we’d enjoy this date and have it to think of in the years to come. I’m pretty sure whomever he ends up with, will erase this night from his memory, but that won’t be the case for me. There won’t be a future husband to sweep me off my feet or even a boyfriend, not so long as I am not cured.
We walk into the restaurant to find that the place is packed. The atmosphere is light and inviting. Warm, soft lightening give the place a cozy feeling. The expose brick wall on the right side of the restaurant is unique and gives the place a trendy vibe with the left size of the restaurant has a hibachi feel, the cooking area in plain view for all to see.
Each table minimally decorated with brown paper in lieu of tablecloth and a single candle glistening at the center. It’s not fancy, but judging from the amount of people waiting for a table, I can tell that the food here is enjoyed by many.
Lucan maneuvers us through the awaiting patrons at the front and quickly obtains the attention of the host, who recognizes him immediately judging by the way her eyes widen at the sight of him.
We are seated quickly, but the energy between us is charged with awkwardness. Wanting to shift us back on comfortable ground, I attempt to continue what was supposed to be a fun game.
“So, what is it that you do?” I begin to ask, but quickly hold my hand up to stop him from answering. “No, no. Don’t tell me. I’m pretty good at guessing these things,” I say with a smile.
He visually relaxes and flashes me a grin that makes my stomach dance with butterflies. “Ah, a psychic, are we?” he teases in a low sexy voice.
“Most definitely.” I jest, playfully.
I can tell he’s very interested in what I’ll come up with. There is a confidence in his eyes that says he doesn’t think that I’ll be able to guess correctly. He’s wrong. I have a solid 8 out 10 success rate. I’ll figure him out.
“Hmm… You work out. I can tell. So your job must involve you keeping physically fit.” My eyes roam over his broad shoulders, down to his chest and I remember just how solid he felt under my touch. My sex clenches at the memory. His clothes look expensive, but not so much so that I think he is loaded. It’s just enough that it’s apparent that he has a well-paying job. No, no. Not a job, he seems like he’d have a career. Something important even.
“You’re observant. I know this because you’ve glanced around the restaurant at least five times since we step in.” He doesn’t deny it, only quirks a brow at me and smiles.
“Go on,” he encourages and I am thankful that the mood has lightened.
“You’re well respected, I’d say. Almost feared, but I’m not sure why that is,” I tell him, noticing how his face contorts in confusion. “The hostess,” I explain. “The way she responded to you. It was…I don’t know. Weird as fuck? She barely looked at you in the eye. She stiffened at the sight of you and rushed off as quickly after seating us. Is there something you want to tell me, Lucan? You’re not secretly in the mafia or anything, are you?” I joke, smiling at him.
For a split second I swear I see a hint of discomfort him Lucan’s eyes, but just as quickly as it’s there it’s gone, replaced with a bright smile. “Of course not,” he replies, his voice giving away no hint of what I thought I saw.
I smile at him and pat his hand, which rests between us on the table. “Uh huh, well then my guess is law enforcement. You’ve got that sexy good guy with a dangerous bad guy thing going on,” I blurt out and instantly throw my hands to my mouth. “Shit, I so can’t believe I just said that.”
He chuckles, genuinely amused by my confession. “No, do not be embarrassed. I happen to think you are very sexy, Thamar.” His voice is smooth like velvet and the slight accent when he says my name almost makes me moan.
Damn, he’s sexy. How in the world is this man single?
He shifts his chair closer to me, leaning in closer. He’s so close that I can feel the warmth of him, enveloping me, his musky scented cologne a temptation in itself.
I want to lean away, just to guard myself against him, but my traitorous body doesn’t. Instead, I find myself leaning into him.
“So you find me sexy, huh?” I whisper, my breaths shaky as his hands come up to caress my face. The touch sends a jolt of heat through me, and I clench my thighs together.
His lips find the sensitive part of my neck, the area between my neck and my collarbone. His breaths sensually caress my skin as he responds, “Very sexy.”
Dear Lord, how am I going to end this…whatever this is between us?
The waiter comes over, greeting us and I silently thank him for relieving me of Lucan’s obvious power over me. I can’t remember the last time I’d been so turned on. My ex had never been this…sensual. This magnetic… This fucking hot.
Lucan pulls away from me slightly and I feel the loss of his distance. He picks up his menu and surveys it before deciding on the Koong Pad Khing, which consists of sautéed shrimp with mushrooms, peppers, cabbage, carrots and onions in a fresh ginger sauce.
I’d been nervous in the car when he mentioned that we’d be going to a Thai food restaurant and for good reason it seems as nothing on the menu fits into my new regiment. I sigh as the waiter patiently waits for me to decide. Finally, I choose the Pak Pad Thai, which consists of sautéed rice noodles with mixed vegetables, bean curd, peanuts, egg and bean sprouts. I’m not sure how my body will react to having this meal, but it’s one night and I can’t very well order a fucking salad. I’ll never be one of those chicks.
Lucan grabs my hand when the waiter turns away and looks me in the eyes. His touch sends another jolt of electricity through me and I wonder if he can feel it too. He studies me closely as he slowly leans forward as if to tell me a secret. My breath hitches as he does. God, he smells so fucking good. I could totally come just from his scent alone. I groan at the thought.
