I can tell by the pained expression on his face that’s far from the truth. “It’s okay to miss her—”
“Enough!” he snaps. “Damn it. Are you always this nosy?”
“Are you always this evasive?” I fire back, unable to stop myself.
He directs his stern blue eyes to me in what I’m sure is a look that’s meant to get me to back off, but it doesn’t scare me. Not one bit.
“I just think that if you talked about her—”
“That what? I’ll suddenly be a better person. News flash, beautiful, that’s not how shit works in the real world. Dragging up things from the past only fucks with people’s heads more. It doesn’t magically heal them. People don’t talk about certain things for a reason, and believe me, I have mine.”
“It’s still not healthy. If you would just—”
“Why don’t you follow your own advice, huh? I saw the bruises on your arm that first day. Why don’t you tell me what made you really run away from home? What was so bad? Did your boyfriend beat you? Your father? Who?” The air whooshes from my lungs and he takes in my panicked expression. “It’s not so easy to talk about something you don’t want to, is it?”
Memories of the day I left home flood my mind. Thoughts of what I went through just to make it out of there cause a sob to rip out of me. Damn him for making me feel this way—for making me remember the hellish life I left behind.
“Damn it.” Xavier closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before opening them and reaching out to embrace me. “I’m sorry, Anna. I shouldn’t have…fuck.”
I shake my head as guilt washes over me, finally understanding why he didn’t want to talk about his past. The pain of my own past is hard to bear, and I can only imagine what he must feel like if his was worse than mine.
“I’m sorry too.” I bury my face in his chest and continue to cry softly.
We stay like that for a few minutes—both quiet and unmoving. For a moment it feels like whatever wall Xavier has built around himself comes down a bit, allowing me to see inside, if only for a brief moment. The memories that haunt him aren’t something he obviously wants to discuss, so I’ll respect that, but I hope one day he’ll trust me enough to let me in all the way.
Quinn clears her throat. “Everything all right in here?”
Xavier pushes away from me and takes in my tear-stained face. He grimaces, like the sight of me causes him physical pain, before stepping back. “I’ve got to go.”
Panic fills me. He’s pulling away just as I thought we were getting somewhere, and it scares me. I don’t know him well enough to know whether I’ll ever see him again, if he walks out this door right now. “Xavier…wait. Please.”
He shakes his head. “I can’t.”
I swallow hard as he zips past Quinn in the doorway and possibly out of my life forever.
I bite down on my lip and try to force the tears of abandonment away. It’s crazy to feel this way about him, but I can’t help it. There’s so much more to him than the tough persona he presents to the world. He’s hurting, and I just wish I knew how to help him.
“What was all that about?” Quinn asks the moment Xavier is out of earshot. “You sure you two aren’t sleeping together, because that felt fucking intense.”
I sniff and grab a tissue from Andy’s desk. “I think I just pushed him away.”
She tilts her head. “How did you do that?”
“He told me that he doesn’t talk about his family, and I couldn’t stop myself from prying. He got upset. We both said some things…then apologized, and now I’m not sure where we stand.” I wipe under my eyes, the black mascara staining the tissue. “I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again after this.”
Admitting out loud that I might not see him again causes another sob to rip through me. My cousin is instantly at my side, hugging me.
I wrap my arms around her, and she sighs. “Oh shit. This is worse than I thought. You have feelings for him already, don’t you?”
While it must be obvious that I do, saying it out loud makes it real, and I’m not sure I’m ready for that. But I have to give her something. Quinn won’t stop pushing me for details unless I do.
I close my eyes, and tear rolls down my cheek. “I don’t know what’s going on between us. All I know is the idea of never seeing him again…it scares me.”
She nods. “I completely understand. Things are still new between the two of you, and it’s hard to dig into heavy issues at this stage, but you can’t let him leave Detroit with this weight hanging between the two of you. You have to let him know you’re here for him.”
“What if he doesn’t want to see me again?”
Quinn smiles. “He does. Trust me. You should go after him.”
“Now?” I shake my head. “I can’t. What would Andy say if I just left in the middle of my shift?”
She waves me off. “I’ll tell him your leg hurt, and you needed to go home and rest. He’ll be so worried over the worker’s comp claim he won’t bat an eye about you leaving. Here,”—she digs in her pocket—”take my car.”
I furrow my brow. “Do you want me to come back and pick you up?”
“No.” She grins. “Brock will give me a ride.”
I raise my eyebrows. “I take it you two are getting along now?”
Her grin widens, and she licks her lips. “You could say that. We’ve been working on it the past two nights in the parking lot after work in the backseat of his car.”
I laugh and hop off the desk with only a minor stinging pain on my knee. “You guys are too much. Call me if you need a ride, and I’ll come back for you.”
“Will do. Speaking of calling…” Quinn pauses for a beat. “Did you call Uncle Simon yet?”
“No,” I whisper. “I’m still not ready to talk to him yet.”
Quinn frowns. “Okay, but you should consider doing that soon. Ma says he’s worried sick and been talking about flying out here so you’ll talk to him. It’s been a week, Anna. I don’t know how much longer Ma can stall him.”
I sigh. “I’ll do it tomorrow.”
That answer seems to satisfy her because she nods. “Good plan. Two overly emotional men in one night might be too much for you.”
I roll my eyes. “Goodnight, cuz.”
“Night. Don’t do anything that I’d do.” She winks.
“Isn’t the saying don’t do anything that I wouldn’t do?”
“That’s exactly my point. If you were like me, you’d fuck that man into submission. Your ‘friends first’ tactic seems to be working, so don’t be like me,” she teases before she struts by the two cooks, smacking Brock’s ass as she passes by on her way to the dining room.
Brock stares after her and says to no one in particular in a dreamy voice, “I love to watch that girl go.”
Sooner or later I’m going to have to get the scoop on those two.
The moment I lock myself into Quinn’s Honda, I scroll through my phone to find Xavier’s number. If he’s on his bike he’s not going to answer, so it’s pointless calling right now. There’s only one place that I know he likes to go, so I crank the engine alive and head in the direction of the diner.
Nerves jitter through me as I drive through the city. What in the hell am I suppose to say to him? Am I supposed to tell him that I’m sorry again, or do we drop it and move on? What if he sees me and walks away, angry that I didn’t get the hint the first time?
I sigh and keep driving, because I have to at least try. I don’t want our friendship to get crushed because I couldn’t take a hint and back off a touchy subject.
I pull into the parking lot, and there’s no sign of Xavier’s bike. My shoulders sag as it occurs to me that I have no clue where he lives. We’ve only ever met in public places, so I don’t even know how to attempt to find him. I pull out my cell and dial his number but it instantly connects to his voice mail. “It’s Anna. Call me, please.”
I drum my fingers on the wheel and debate my next move until I spo
t Nettie through the window, serving tables.
She’ll know where I can find him.
I hop out of the car and shove my phone in my back pocket as I make my way toward the diner’s entrance. It’s then, in the distance, I hear a motorcycle rumble. I stop in my tracks and wrap my arms around myself as I stare in the direction of the sound.
Xavier pulls into view, and my eyes glue to him. His dark hair blows back while the dark sunglasses he’s wearing hide his eyes from me. The material of his black t-shirt strains against the defined muscles in his chest and arms, and his jeans hug his powerful thighs perfectly. He’s sexiness personified, and I can’t tear my eyes away.
He parks next to me but because of his glasses I can’t get a good read on his expression. Xavier flicks down the kickstand and swings his leg off the bike. “What are you doing here, Anna?”
I hug myself tighter. “I didn’t like how we left things.”
He leans back against his bike and crosses his arms over his chest, still hiding his eyes behind the dark plastic. “Don’t sweat it. It’s over. Let’s not rehash the bullshit.”
There’s no doubt the small crack I broke through has now been bricked shut, and I’ve learned pushing him doesn’t always end with the result that I want.
I readjust my arms and nod. “You’re right. No need to discuss things we’ve dealt with.”
His lips pull into a tight line. “Then why are you here?”
I take a step toward him, feeling the pull that connects us drawing me to him. “I wanted to make sure we’re still all right.”
“We’re still friends. Nothing will change that.” Coldness rings through his voice and it scares me. I don’t want him to push me away.
I take another step, unable to stop myself from getting closer to him. He raises his eyebrows as I straddle one of his legs and place my hands on his sides. “Nothing?”
Xavier shakes his head. “No.”
An overwhelming need to taste his lips flows through me, and I can no longer fight against it.
“Then I’m breaking rule number two of our friendship clause.”
And with no clue what in the hell I’m doing, I lean in and press my lips to his.
His entire body tenses for a moment—muscles contracting beneath my touch before relaxing as he wraps his arms around me and pulls me against his hard chest. His tongue flicks across my lips, begging to be let in. The instant he thrusts his tongue into my mouth, he emits a low growl from the back of his throat. My sex clenches as I find myself more turned on by him than ever.
A wave of pure, unadulterated lust washes over me, and I curl my fingers into the fabric of his shirt, wanting to hold him next to me forever. Large fingers slide over my collarbone and up my neck before finally cradling my cheek, locking me in place. There’s no going back now. I have most definitely crossed a line, but I don’t care. I want this.
I want him.
He pulls away and leans his forehead against mine. “Spend the night with me.”
I swallow hard and hope to God that I’m ready for this, and that I can handle the outcome of what all this will mean for me. What it will mean for us.
“Okay.”
Xavier kisses me one last time before he orders, “Follow me.”
The moment we pull apart, I shiver while my body craves the return of his warmth. I turn away, clenching my hands into fists as I head toward Quinn’s car, and when I hear Xavier’s bike fire up behind me, the gravity of what I just agreed to hits me. On one hand I can’t believe I’m doing this, but on the other I’m so excited and turned on I can’t stand it. This is soon. I know that—the little voice in my head that keeps repeating it over and over is pretty loud right now—and promiscuity isn’t exactly something my conscience condones, but that voice needs to just shut up and allow my body to have its moment. It’s been tortured by Xavier’s close proximity long enough.
I follow Xavier on his bike, running through in my mind how I think this is going to go down. Do we sit in his living room and have drinks first like they do in the movies, or do we just get right to it the moment the door is shut?
I tap my thumb on the steering wheel as we come to a red light. I wish Quinn was here right now. She’d be able to give me some pretty solid advice since this is all new territory for me.
The moment the light turns green Xavier takes off again, but quickly slows down and pulls into a hotel parking lot.
Apparently he can’t wait either.
After I park beside him, I kill the engine and take a deep breath, removing my seat belt in the process.
I can do this. He’s not a stranger anymore, and I trust him. But my pep talk doesn’t do much to settle my nerves. This is a huge step and will change everything.
Suddenly the door opens, and I gasp and clutch my chest. Xavier rests his arm on the top of the car and leans down so he can see my face. “You all right?”
“Yeah—yes. I’m good. I’m ready to do this,” I say with confidence.
Xavier smirks. “You sound like you’re trying to psyche yourself up. Is being alone with me really that scary?”
I swallow hard as I stare into the deep-blue pools of his irises. “I’m not afraid of you.”
His eyes roam over my face, like he’s searching for answers to some unspoken question that he has in his mind. “You know, just because we broke rule number two, it doesn’t mean we have to go after number one next.”
My mind suddenly goes blank. “Remind me what that one is again?”
Xavier’s plump lips pull up into a devilish smile. “You—naked in my bed.”
My eyes widen. “I, um…”
Oh my God. This man has me completely flabbergasted. If I can’t even respond to him talking dirty now, how can I believe I’m ready to move on to the next level with him? Maybe he’s right. Maybe I am rushing things.
I stare up at him, unsure of what to say.
He smiles and nods, like he understands my plight. “It’s okay, beautiful. You don’t have to explain, and you’ve always got the right to change your mind. How about we watch a movie at my place instead?”
Relief floods me, and instantly I’m thankful that he’s not making a big deal about this. Most men would be pissed. “A movie sounds nice.”
Xavier holds out his hand. “Come on.”
I take his hand, and he leads me toward the hotel entrance. I furrow my brow as we walk through the door and right past the front desk. “When you asked me to come over to your place for a movie, a hotel isn’t exactly what I had in mind,” I tell him honestly, still a little confused as he presses the button for the elevator.
We step inside and Xavier presses the button for the twentieth floor. A number of things flow through my mind. If this city is his permanent place of residence, him staying in a hotel doesn’t jive.
When we step onto our designated floor I can’t stop myself from asking, “I thought you said you’re from here.”
He leads me down the hall. “I am from here.”
“But you don’t live in Detroit permanently?” I try to clarify.
“I do. I have a permanent address here,” he answers.
I twist my lips as we stop at the last door. “Then how come you’re staying in a hotel, instead of your own place?”
He sighs as he fishes his room key from his wallet and slips it into the slot. “The property I own is my family home, but it’s not really a place I feel comfortable to actually stay in.”
So many questions stem from his one simple statement. I want to know what about the place makes him feel that way, but I know from my experience that sometimes home isn’t always a good place to be. I opt for a simpler approach. “Do you still have family living there?”
He holds the door open and motions for me to go inside. “Let’s not talk about my family. Please?”
I tense instantly and wish I could take back being so nosy. We’ve fought about my prying enough for one night.
The hotel suite is amazing. I’ve never
been in one that looks more like a small apartment before. The sitting room has a couch and two formal armchairs pointing at the flat-screen mounted on the wall. A small, high-end kitchen with dark wood cabinets and stainless steal appliances flows into the sitting room. “This is really nice.”
He nods. “I stay here every time I’m in town.”
I turn back toward him. “How often is that?”
“Not often—every couple of years.”
My heart instantly sinks. “Who takes care of your house if you’re gone so often?”
He shrugs. “I pay someone to look after it.”
I sigh. “I can’t believe you’re leaving soon. Am I ever going to see you again?”
He leans against the wall and stares down at the floor. “It’s probably better if you don’t”
“Says who?”
His head jerks up, and he meets my stare. “Me.”
I shake my head and step toward him. “If we’re going to continue being friends, you have to stop with the self-loathing attitude. You aren’t a bad person. If you were, I wouldn’t be here right now.”
Xavier reaches out and grabs me by the waist, effectively pulling me to him. “You don’t know how badly I wish that where true.”
Intensity radiates off him and my heart pounds against my ribs as he leans in to kiss me. My hands press against his chest, and I close my eyes, allowing my mouth to drift open as I wait for lips to meet mine.
“Well, well…what do we have here?” A distinctly female voice purrs behind me. “Are you going to be done playing with her soon or will she be joining us this evening? I’m lonely back here.”
I turn just in time to spot Deena stride out from the bedroom, wearing a couple of red strings and pieces of fabric that I believe she considers to be lingerie. I can’t help but stare at her. She’s practically naked in front of me and seeing her undeniably killer body, I understand why she was unimpressed with me at the bar the other night. She belongs on a magazine cover.
How can I compete with that?
Xavier’s muscles tense beneath my fingers. “What are you doing here, Deena?”
Phenomenal X Page 11
