by Cydney Rax
“You told me you try to get into his phone account, find out who he’s calling and where he’s going. Stop all that nonsense. It’ll only make you feel sicker and crazier. This too shall pass.”
“I wish I could take back every unwise thing that I’ve done since May; because right now I feel real low; like knocked-down-to-the-ground-can’t-get-up type of low.”
“That means there’s nowhere else to go but up. And God will lift you like he lifts the birds he created. Kiara, one day you will soar again. He’ll give you wings to help you fly, and feet to help you land.”
Immediately after her visit with Mama Flora, Kiara had one last important trip to make. Moments later, she was standing at Eddison’s front door. He looked surprised and happy to see her. He invited her in, but she declined.
She pointed to her nearby car, which still had the motor running.
“Eddison, this won’t take long.” She took a deep breath and let the words spill.
“I made a mistake. We shouldn’t have gotten involved—”
“Kiara, no need to apologize—”
“Wait, let me explain. I gotta clean up my side of the street, really clean it up. God is looking at me, my actions, he knows my thoughts. I must do everything I can to be good to the man I married, instead of putting all my hope in a man who I didn’t marry. I hope you understand.”
Eddison looked crushed. “But what about the child?”
“As far as I’m concerned,” she said firmly, “this baby will be Rashad’s. It will have his name on the birth certificate. That’s my story and I’m sticking with it.”
“But Kiara, with all due respect, if it’s mine, I’d want to know that it is. And I’d want to be involved.”
“I understand but—”
“Do you understand that I love and care about you . . . and this child?”
“You’re making this hard for me.”
“It doesn’t have to be hard.”
“I need time to process, okay? I’m in a difficult situation. I put myself in it.”
“We did it together.”
She nodded unable to deny Eddison’s truth.
She told him, “If it’s meant to be, I will see you again. I gotta go.” She turned around to leave.
“Kiara, please. Wait a minute.”
“I wish I could, but I can’t. Good-bye for now.”
Her legs felt like sticks of lead as she walked to her car, waved at him, got in and drove away.
The time had come.
Kiara prayed that her marriage would be given one more chance. She wanted to act more civil and loving with Rashad. So that very night she prepared a delicious steak and potatoes dinner for her family. She cooked homemade gravy and cut up some green beans in a pot. She even baked some homemade rolls, something she hadn’t done in three years.
Rashad’s eyes enlarged when he got home from work and his nose led him to the kitchen.
“What’s all this for?”
She took a deep breath. “Hello, Rashad. I just wanted you to know that I love you. I do. I’m sorry for my insecure ways and crazy behavior, and I really want us to make it to our forty.”
“You do?”
“Yes. I mean, that’s my biggest hope, and it can only happen if we both are on the same page. And I know it can’t happen if I keep acting like you’re the devil, and if I keep being spiteful.”
Rashad was stunned. She hadn’t ever blamed herself for any of the problems in their marriage. A marriage never disintegrated as the result of one partner’s actions.
He felt touched and could see the sincerity in her eyes.
He reached out and hugged her. “Thanks. Um, and if I have acted like the devil, and sometimes I do, I swear I don’t mean it. I can’t explain it. I guess I am just a fool sometimes. But it’s only because I don’t want to lose you.”
“Are you serious?”
“I am.”
“Thanks for saying that. I have to process it.” She nervously laughed. “But later for that. I’ve got a big announcement to make.”
“What’s that?”
“Have a seat. Here’s your beer. Um, Myles, come on and wash your hands for dinner. Your daddy’s home.”
Rashad beamed at her and winked. He made her feel twenty-something years old. He still looked so handsome. Things felt good for the first time in a long time.
Once they were all seated, Kiara stood at the head of the table.
“We are a family. And we need to start acting like one. Loving and trusting each other. And doing all we can to be a strong family unit.”
“Can we eat, please?”
“Myles, hush. I need to say the blessing. Y’all bow your heads and close your big ole eyes.”
Then she said, “Lord, thank You for this food we are about to receive. Let it nourish and strengthen our bodies. And let it especially strengthen me. Now that I know we are about to add a precious new addition to our little family.”
Rashad’s eyes popped open.
“You pregnant?”
“Amen. Yes!”
“How long have you known?”
“I just wanted to make sure it was really happening before I told you.”
“How far along are you?”
“Um, about nine weeks now.”
“Nine weeks, huh?”
Rashad was stunned. He remembered telling his wife that he didn’t want to have another child.
“This is why I wanted us to use protection that time. Remember?”
“Yes, but I didn’t think I could get pregnant back then. Remember?”
He nodded. Feeling dazed he repeated, “Nine weeks.”
“Yeah, so that’s my little breaking news.”
“I wasn’t expecting this at all. And I still can’t believe it.”
“Trust me, Rashad. I can’t believe it, either.”
Chapter 19
Kiara was getting a little excited. After her husband got over the initial shock, he seemed to accept that the baby was on the way. He even surprised Kiara and brought home a teddy bear bouquet. She was pleased that Rashad accepted the news of her pregnancy so well. She had hope. Maybe it would be a new beginning.
It was almost time for them to get away for their anniversary vacation. Kiara couldn’t wait. All she did was work most of the time, and she stressed the rest of the time. She deserved some relaxation.
Rashad was just as hyped. He told her that he paid the remaining balance of their cruise including adding the AT&T cruise ship package so they could stay connected in case of an emergency. Myles would be cared for by Mama Flora. All the preparations were set.
In early October, a few days before their trip, Kiara was in their bedroom partially naked after having just taken a soothing bubble bath that Rashad drew for her.
She stared at herself in the mirror. “How do I look? Do I look fat?”
“You look fine.”
“I wonder if I’ll be able to get rid of the baby weight this time.”
“It won’t matter, you will still look hot, Kiara.”
“For real, Rashad?”
“Of course; there’s nothing ugly about you. Hey, I know you think I’m an ass. That’s what you always say, ‘I love you, but you’re an ass.’”
She laughed. “True.”
“I know this sounds strange, but maybe instead of calling me one, because that could be why I’ve acted the way I do, how about calling me a name that you really want me to be? Words have power, right?”
“Oh, I know you did not say that.”
He grinned at Kiara, relieved that she didn’t look like she wanted to punch him. “I’m just saying that if you want positive things, it may help both of us if we both started speaking the same language.”
“I cannot believe what I’m hearing. Are you a changed man already? Just because I announced I’m pregnant?”
“Kiara, I’ve been thinking.” He lifted her chin and stared into her eyes. “You’ve been through a lot of shit. And I know I’
m responsible for most of it. I guess I shouldn’t have acted so surprised, considering. But, I am willing to try and do better, really try. I gotta clear some things up first—”
“Yes, you do,” she told him. She thought about Eddison and hoped he was doing well since their last conversation. But even if he wasn’t, she knew she had to let go. Her husband was her main concern now.
“I cannot tell you how happy this makes me, babe,” she told him.
“I could never predict I’d be this hyped about Myles having a little sibling. I’m happier for him than you will ever imagine.”
He told her that he looked forward to being with her during their getaway. They both agreed they needed to keep the home fires burning.
Finally, the time had come for the Easons to celebrate their ten-year anniversary with a week-long visit to the Western Caribbean. They had just gotten onboard their ship at the Port of Galveston. The atmosphere was filled with energy. Some first-time cruisers were walking around and exploring the ship. But Kiara and Rashad bypassed the tour and went directly to their cabin. They were issued their identification cards and couldn’t wait to settle in their mini suite.
Once they found their room and got comfortable, Kiara rolled her big brown eyes. Rashad was lying around on the couch, then hopping up every few minutes to look out the window to the balcony. He opened the sliding glass door and sat on the lounge chair and became lost in the view of the ocean. She joined him.
“So like I was saying, it makes me feel damned good to know that I can leave the business in the qualified hands of some of my workers. That means I trained them right. It doesn’t make sense for a man to work so hard but rarely get to enjoy his coins. That’s got to change.”
“Everything will change now that we’re having another child.”
“Yeah, and I’m cool with that, but I’ve been thinking. What if I have to keep up the pace of my schedule? Babies cost way more now than they did when Myles was born.”
“That’s true. Every day these manufacturers coming up with something new that they trying to sell to us parents. But making yourself increase your hours? Nope. More work won’t work.”
“But what about the cost of diapers, equipment, child care?”
“You’re getting ahead of yourself, Rashad. Where is your faith?”
He said nothing.
“Babe, I think we’ll be still okay if you reduce some of your projects. Just think, Rashad. Now is our time to prove that love and family are what’s most important. Chasing money? Not so much.”
Rashad, unable to keep still, got up and Kiara followed him inside their cabin. He walked with a confident bounce in his steps fueled by the pride he had in being a business owner and in carrying on the legacy started by his late father.
“But what I’m doing is more than about stacking coins or paying bills. I consider my work very important. That’s what you don’t understand.”
“Help me to understand.”
“Kiara, do you know how good it feels to know I don’t have to punch a clock for ‘the man’? The man who tells me I gotta work twelve hours a day and thinks he’s doing me a favor by giving me a thirty-minute lunch and two fifteen-minute breaks? It feels hella good to know I can call my own shots, and know that every hour I work, that money is going towards me and mines. When you work for someone else, times moves slow. But when you work for yourself, there ain’t enough hours in the day.”
“Okay, great. Your paycheck has your name on it instead of the government, but at what price? By neglecting your family and not having enough time for them? By breaking your promises to your son and teaching him that lying is the way to go?”
“I don’t care what you say. I love y’all, but I can’t afford to let my business fail. I gotta take all the jobs I can get and hustle as hard as I can. Just like Fred Sanford and Lamont, I’m out there every day to make sure there will always be an Eason & Son. It’s Myles’s heritage, my new child’s heritage, and I won’t let anything, even a marriage, interfere with that. I’m going to do all I can to keep my kids off these streets and out of a white man’s prison.”
“That’s cool. That’s commendable.”
“But?”
“We need your presence, babe.”
” And you need my presents, too! P-R-E-S-E-N-T-S.”
“Ha! Nice try.”
“See, that right there lets me know you don’t get me. You don’t understand all I’m trying to do.”
“I don’t get you?”
“No! You don’t.”
“Thing is, I really want to,” she said in a soft voice. She gave Rashad an encouraging smile. She loved that he was opening up to her. That’s all she ever wanted: clear communication.
“You know what, I agree with you, Rashad. I agree that I don’t allow you to be you. And that’s not right. I am going to listen to you and stop trying to change you into the man I want you to be.”
He shouted and yelped. “That’s what I’m talking about. All I want you to do is hear me out. If we both agree the decision won’t work, we’ll find a better solution. Together.”
“I’m all for that, my king!”
By the grin on his face, Kiara knew she had done the right amount of ego stroking that her man needed. If only she could remember to keep this up, then it was possible her marriage could be saved.
“Now,” Rashad said, “we have seven freaking nights on this Love Boat wannabe. Let’s start having some fun.”
“Let’s.”
A knock could be heard on their cabin door.
Rashad answered. It was a smiling middle-aged man whom he and Kiara had met when they boarded the ship. They’d promised to eat together at the Windjammer buffet. The guy was recently divorced, and was taking the cruise to get his mind off his heartbreak.
“I didn’t mean to disturb you.”
“No problem, buddy. We weren’t talking about anything.”
“Cool. You ready to go do something?” the man asked.
“Yeah, let’s get outta this cabin. From now on, I just want to concentrate on having a great time. The best time of my life. Let’s go.”
“When we’re done eating, I want to chill on the lounge chairs by the pool and have lots and lots of drinks,” said their new friend.
“I want to play Putt Putt golf,” said Rashad.
“All right.” Kiara shrugged. “But after that, we gotta go to the casino. I need to take a gamble that I know I can win.”
“When you gonna put on those sexy swimsuits?”
“When I’m good and ready.”
After they ate a fabulous meal at the buffet, Kiara found the courage to dress in her swimsuit, but she covered herself with a maxi robe. She left the room and found Rashad by the Flowrider, where he was standing on a surfboard. He held out his hands as he tried to maintain his balance.
“I’m the king of the world,” he yelled.
“Yes, you are . . . my king.”
They were more than halfway through their cruise, which took them to Cozumel and Grand Cayman. Kiara was feeling better than she had in a long time. She and Rashad seemed to bond on the first five days of the cruise. By the time the sixth day came, Kiara felt she could make it.
They were headed back to Galveston. The weather had suddenly changed for the worse. The Gulf of Mexico waters turned choppy. Kiara prayed they would make it back safely. It was nighttime. They were in their room after a long day of cruise-ship activities including watching a Broadway play, swimming, and getting in the Flowrider. Kiara and Rashad had several drinks with their new friend and were feeling tipsy. Once they told the man good-bye for the evening, Rashad decided to take a shower.
“You want to join me?”
“No, you go right ahead. I’m feeling tired and nauseous. I’m going to lie down for a minute.”
“Okay.”
Kiara went to rest on the bed. And she had fallen into a light sleep when she heard a beep. She looked at the night table. She saw an unrecognizable watch. S
he knew it wasn’t hers. It had to be Rashad’s. She picked it up. She realized it was a watch phone. A message popped on the screen:
Say hello to your newest child.
Then an ultrasound picture loaded: a grainy photo of an embryo.
“What the fuck?”
Her feet felt unsteady as a wave of nausea settled over her.
Kiara threw the watch on the floor.
At the same time her own cell phone was beeping. She went and picked it up. A text came through from Alexis.
I hate to bother u but NG is telling ppl she’s preggers. She told SP and SP of course told me. She showed me an ultrasound photo. This is so wack.
Kiara began hyperventilating. Her breath came in spurts. She felt beside herself. All her hopes and dreams were swiftly disappearing. Did wanting love mean being eternally gullible? Her husband would never change.
Kiara went to her toiletry bag. She removed a tiny bottle of shampoo. She quietly went out to their balcony. She looked both ways and above the balcony. She saw no one. Then she twisted open the bottle. She squirted all the liquid on the floor of their balcony and watched it spread across the surface.
She went back inside their cabin and waited for Rashad to return from his shower.
He smiled at her when he emerged completely naked.
“You want to cuddle for a minute before we do something fun?”
“Um, cuddling sounds good, but no. I have something else in mind. Let’s go out on the balcony.”
“Cool. Let me get dressed.”
“Just wrap a towel around your waist.”
“Oh, okay,” he said.
Kiara opened the door to the balcony. She invited him to go outside first.
She knew it was impossible for him to fall off the balcony, but maybe she could hurt him some other way. She wanted Rashad to feel pain, to suffer, to know what it felt like to be vulnerable and helpless.
When he stepped onto the balcony, he started out walking around normally. But he didn’t notice the spill. And his bare feet stepped onto the slippery liquid. Rashad lost his balance. He crashed to the floor. He looked up at Kiara. She just stood there watching him with no expression on her face. He tried to stand up, but flipped over with a loud thump.
