by RR Haywood
‘No thank you, Mr Howie,’ the bugger then moves off back into the group to watch Mo Mo open the door and leaves me standing with a mouth wide open.
Room clearance is continued, up and down the corridors of the hotel. Dave doesn't overcomplicate the instruction but keeps everything basic. The only downside is that we can’t risk the noise of firing live weapons. That will have to wait until tomorrow.
An exhausted group finishes the last room and heads wearily down the corridor, through the main room and into the kitchens.
‘No gas,’ Nick says twisting the dials on the various appliances, ‘no power either…probably a generator somewhere I can jack up.’
‘Tuna, baked beans and more fucking pasta,’ Cookey comes out of the store room holding big catering size tins of food and bags of dried pasta.
‘You ain’t cooking,’ Blowers says in alarm, ‘he isn’t cooking,’ he repeats to the group.
‘What? I’m a good cook,’ Cookey scoffs.
‘I puked up from your meal.’
‘No, you puked up from running after eating,’ Cookey replies.
‘I puked up from eating that abomination you bloody made.’
‘Abomination? What like that snowman?’
‘Abominable you dick,’ Blowers says trying to wrestle the tins from his mate, ‘you ain’t cooking, Cookey.’
‘Lads,’ Paula calls out in a tired voice, ‘long day…’
‘Can’t we just start a fire on the floor?’ Marcy asks, ‘the room is big enough and those metal shelves can be dragged over it…we can use them to heat pans for water and make coffee…’
‘Coffee?’ I perk up immediately, ‘someone say coffee?’
‘We need fire,’ Marcy says.
Furniture is broken up and brought in and paper taken from the office is used to ignite a fire that is gently brought to life until we have a nice bonfire blazing away on the tiled floor of the kitchen. Pans are filled with water and set to boil using the metal shelving dragged over. It’s crude but it bloody works. One pan to cook pasta and one for water for coffee. Everyone does something. Finding bowls, plates, cutlery. Getting mugs for coffee, finding the coffee, sugar, milk portions. The pasta is loaded into the boiling water and takes ages to cook. Tins of tuna are opened, baked beans and tinned tomatoes. Meredith gets fed a huge bowl of food and still snuffles round looking for more.
We eat in turns. The pasta is drained and placed in a bowl while we work down the line of tins adding what we want. A comradery builds, a sense of team work and people chatting. Suggestions and counter suggestions and slowly that bond starts reaching out to take in the new people in our group.
A few minutes later and we’re pulling chairs up round a few tables and easing tired legs and backs down to rest and drink coffee. Nick hands the cigarettes round and the few of us that smoke light up and inhale pleasurably. Meredith moves round the table searching for the last morsel of food and finally flops down beside Nick to commence a very noisy cleaning session complete with much licking and sucking noises.
‘Tomorrow?’ Clarence asks in his deep rumbling voice.
‘Is another day,’ I reply, ‘but,’ I pause to sip my coffee, ‘we’re all bad motherfuckers now so…’
‘What?’ Marcy spits her coffee to a response of chuckles, ‘we’re what?’
‘Bad motherfuckers,’ I say with a firm nod, ‘s’wot we are.’
‘Are we?’ She asks while mopping the coffee from her legs.
‘Yep, we’ll find somewhere to fire the weapons so you two can get some practise,’ I say with a nod to the girls, ‘you both okay?’
‘Yeah,’ Blinky scoffs with a grin, ‘this is fucking awesome.’
I laugh and look to Charlie, quieter and more pensive than her friend, ‘Charlie? You okay?’
‘Fine, thank you,’ she says politely.
‘Okay so tomorrow is another day but we’ve got tonight to get through first,’ I say to the group, ‘my thoughts are that we’ll all sleep in here so everyone is together in case something happens. Agreed?’
‘Makes sense,’ Clarence says, ‘unless Paula and Roy want some privacy.’
‘Use a condom though…’
‘Alex!’
‘Alex…’
‘Sorry, Dave, Sorry, Paula.’
‘We’ll be fine in here with everyone else,’ Paula says.
‘Will we?’ Roy asks.
‘Yes, Roy. We will.’
‘Apparently we will,’ he mutters.
‘Lookouts,’ I say, ‘we’ll need lookouts for the night…there will be no arguments about this but some of you are exhausted and need a solid sleep. I’ll take first watch, Clarence after me then Dave…everyone else sleep…I said no arguments!’ I cut through the voices and stare at the exhausted faces.
‘Mr Howie,’ Roy says politely, ‘I’m fine and can take my turn.’
‘Clarence, if you feel tired wake Roy up…everyone else is to sleep and get rest. We’ve been non-stop for too long and you’ll burn out if we’re not careful.’
A sullen silence envelopes the room but I can see even the lads look drained with bags under their tired eyes, ‘listen’ I say in a softer tone, ‘I’m asking a lot from all of you…I know that and I also know we’re going to be very bloody busy for the next few days so we’ll get what rest we can…if we don’t get rumbled tonight we can sleep in and take our time in the morning. We’re not at the fort now so we can do what we want when we want. Right, go get the bedding and get some rest.’
They head off into the hotel rooms to drag back mattresses, blankets, pillows and covers. The blinds on the windows are closed against the night sky and the pelting rain driving against the glass. Candles from behind the bar are brought out and a few lit to give some light and the room takes on a cosy feeling.
I watch the dynamics of the group with interest and notice the way the lads make camp further down the dining room and draw Blinky and Charlie with them. Clarence, Reginald and the older ones set up at the other end and I can’t help but chuckle at the sight. I feel bad for Charlie, she’s quiet and withdrawn but then anyone would be in a group like this, but I also know that being with the easy banter of the lads will be the best thing for her. They’ll be respectful and gentle and slowly bring her into the group.
Meredith is funny too, running from bed to bed sniffing and wagging her tail with every stroke and fuss of her head. She takes ages to decide but I already knew she’d head back to the younger ones and after getting more fuss she finally settles down on Charlie’s bedding and flops down on her side.
‘She likes you,’ Nick says with a smile.
‘She’s lovely,’ Charlie says pushing her hand through the thick fur and getting a contented grumble in response.
Boots are eased off and they settle into low chat and laughs as Cookey plays expertly to his audience. Whatever they talk about I don’t know but this is their time to relax. They’re so young and need to have these stolen minutes to be young. Soft candle light, muted voices and the atmosphere blends to a relaxed warm environment.
Paula and Roy slightly off to the side and I smile softy at the sight of them cuddling up on the big mattress, both of them already asleep with Roy’s arm held protectively over her. Words cannot explain how relieved I am that Paula is staying, the strength she brings to the team is something we all need. A natural organiser and driven to find solutions in any situation.
Clarence stretches out on his back with his hands behind his head chatting quietly to Reginald. That the big man likes Reginald is obvious. Dave waited until my bedding was put down before putting his own between me and the main entrance. Now he sleeps or rather he lies down with his eyes closed. Does Dave sleep? Does he know how much we rely on his abilities and instincts?
Sitting on a chair away from the group I light a smoke and look from person to person. How are we all together? Dave and Clarence in one place is an incredible thing, but to add Paula into that team then Roy too. The man is gifted with his abil
ities with a bow and arrow and even now those weapons are beside him on the floor. Then the lads, the central core to the group. Blowers, Cookey and Nick and now Mo Mo. I can’t understand it and truthfully I know there must be a reason for it. A dog that can smell them and kill with ease. Some of us are immune and a strong suspicion that most of us probably are.
I can’t grasp it. I can’t understand it but it’s a real thing. When we were separated earlier it felt wrong, like a part of me was missing. They all felt the same and the primary objective was to get back together as soon as possible and that feeling, that feeling when I burst into the room and the battle was underway. That energy between us at being together and fighting as one. It surged like a real thing, like a drug pumped into our veins.
Ah fuck it. It’s late and the soft flickering candle light is making me think too deeply. I need to move because as much as I keep looking at the people in our team, I also keep looking at Marcy. The way her hair sweeps back from her head onto the white pillow. The contour of her body from shoulder down to waist and the flare of her hips. Her golden skin and plump lips. I look away, forcing myself to look somewhere else but within seconds my eyes are back on her and on those lips that I kissed earlier. The warmth of her body as we lay on a sodden bathroom floor clutching each other, holding onto each other.
Lani died last night. The guilt sweeps through me and I force myself to stand and walk away. The assault rifle slung across my back and my beloved axe held at my side. I head out into the near perfect darkness of the reception and let my eyes adjust to the night until I can make out the squat form of the Saxon outside.
Christ I feel like an utter prick. Lani died last night but I can’t shake Marcy from my head. Marcy. Always bloody Marcy since the first time I saw her. I pace up and down and light another cigarette.
Back to the matter at hand. Tomorrow. Tomorrow we will go after them and start our guerrilla campaign. Yep, we’ll work out a way of hunting them down and killing them
But did you see her when she came out of those toilets all dressed in black? My god she looked incredible.
We’ll find a new van for Roy so we can take some of the shit out of the Saxon. Things to do, tasks to be done.
She held that bloody door closed though. Any doubts I had about her vanished at that point. She was real, the emotions in her were real. The remorse, the guilt, the abject misery of what she’d done but then the flirting and when she was feeding me in the kitchen.
Ah, stop it. We’ve got to find a new van and…and…and kill zombies, find radios. Go places and do things.
‘Want some company?’
‘Huh?’ I turn round guiltily and hope to hell the darkness hides the blush on my face, ‘dunno,’ I say stupidly.
‘Pardon?’
‘Er yeah, yeah course, can’t sleep?’
She walks in and lets the door close quietly behind her and stepping wide to make sure her rifle doesn't knock on the frame.
‘Not yet,’ she says, ‘you were deep in thought.’
‘Er, yeah, yeah you know…lot to think about.’
‘Such as?’ She stops and leans back against the reception desk and I wish she wouldn’t because the poor light from outside captures her too well, ‘Howie?’
‘Huh?’
‘What’s got into you?’
‘Nothing,’ I shrug and casually move to lean on the desk beside her then worry that I was too casual so I stand up and then lean back against the desk.
‘Just relax,’ she chuckles, ‘I didn’t come out to get you.’
‘I’m fine,’ I announce bluntly, ‘you?’
‘Me what?’
‘Er, you er…you okay?’
‘You asked me that.’
‘Did I?’
‘So,’ she looks at me full on, ‘I have a question,’ I swallow and wait, ‘does my bum look big in this? You never answered.’
‘So vain,’ I tut and roll my eyes.
‘If you’ve got it….flaunt it…’
‘Oh my god did you really just say that?’
‘What?’
‘It’s just…you’re so…’
‘Chilled you out a bit though,’ she says with a quick grin.
I chuckle and concede the point, ‘fair one.’
‘What a day,’ she says after a pause and letting the tension release from the air.
‘Get used to it, always the same.’
‘Really?’
‘Really.’
‘What do you want with me?’
‘Eh?’
‘Relax,’ she tuts, ‘I meant why are me and Reggie with you?’
‘You know why. Because…’
‘So that’s the reason? To find scientists and figure out why you’re immune and we turned but came back?’
‘Er, yeah.’
‘Nothing else?’
‘Fishing.’
‘I’m not, I just want to know.’
‘You’re fishing.’
‘Just be honest.’
‘So vain.’
‘Not vanity, Howie. I want to know the reasons.’
‘How the hell do I know?’
‘You know everything, you’re Howie…’
‘Ah piss off.’
‘Apart from if your weapons work in the rain.’
‘I found that out.’
‘Only after it started raining.’
‘But I still found out.’
‘Okay.’
‘Okay what?’
‘Nothing. Just okay.’
‘Fine.’
‘So,’ she says, ‘we’re just going to ignore it then.’
‘Yep, don’t know what you’re talking about.’
‘Okay,’ she sighs, ‘you’re in charge.’
‘Yep, still don’t know what you’re talking about.’
‘Hold my hand,’ she holds her hand out and I don’t hesitate but entwine my fingers in hers, ‘that’s nice.’
‘What is?’
‘You’re a dick, hang on,’ she lets go of my hand and pulls herself up to sit on the desk. I do the same and sit beside her and make a point of holding my hand out.
‘What’s that for?’ She asks staring at it.
‘Fuck you then…’
‘Joking, give it here,’ she grabs my withdrawing hand and pushes her fingers between mine holding tight, ‘and stop swearing at me.’
‘You called me a dick!’
‘Oh yes, I did didn’t I? Okay, no swearing at me from now on.’
‘Okay, Marcy.’
‘Okay, Howie.’
We sit in the dark watching the front and the rain on the windows. Holding hands. Sitting in the dark and that guilt I had a minute ago is gone. Completely gone. There is only the now and every path we took led us to this point and if this is wrong then I am wrong and, like before, I will take that judgement on the chin.
For now though, I’ll sit in the dark holding hands with a beautiful woman who offered her own life so I may live. I’ll take that comfort and even edge closer so our bodies touch and even when her head leans over to rest on my shoulder I won’t move or flinch.
I’ll see this day out and wait for the next and all the shit that comes with it because all that we are, all that we were and all we will ever be is now, in this moment.
