Gathering Lily in his arms, he carried her to the bed—blanket, robe, and all. He pulled up the quilts at the bottom of the bed and tucked her in, then discarded his own damp clothes. Leaving them lying on the floor, he climbed beneath the covers and hugged Lily's huddled body into the curve of his own.
He could feel her sobs lessen as exhaustion claimed her, and as she quieted, Cade allowed slumber to cover his senses. There would be time enough in the morning to survey their choices.
Lily woke feeling thoroughly ill. Her head hurt. Her throat was raw. But there was nothing wrong with her nose. The disgusting smells of wet, charred lumber filled her nostrils.
Her stomach stirred in protest, and she squirmed in the cocoon of wrappings around her legs. She needed the chamberpot. A hand pulled at the quilt muffling her head, and Lily leapt fully awake.
Cade bent over her, concern evident in the depth of his eyes. The previous night flashed through her mind, and she stared back at him, grief-stricken.
"Are you well enough to get up? I can carry you to the kitchen where it is warm."
She didn't want to get up. She didn't ever want to get up again. Why couldn't her father have been taken when there were a thousand miles of distance between them? Why did it have to happen now, just as they were coming to know each other again? Just as he seemed ready to start a new life?
Lily's eyes hurt too much to cry, and she shook her head. "I need to get dressed." There were certain demands of the body that had to be met. She couldn't linger here feeling sorry for herself.
The child within her stirred in agreement, and she realized she was hungry. Unwrapping from the cocoon of covers, Lily pressed a hand to her restless insides. Cade's hand instantly covered hers.
"The child moves?"
"Can't you feel him? It is early yet, but already he uses my stomach for a kicking post. I think he will be as large as you when he is born." It made Lily feel better to speak of the babe. She had wanted another child for so long, she couldn't lose her joy in this life even in the presence of death.
Cade burrowed his hand beneath her robe and covered the hard pear shape of her abdomen with his palm. He stroked her there, and the child eagerly responded.
"Let me bring you breakfast. There is no need for you to get up now. It is early yet."
He swung out of bed before Lily could register surprise. She watched as Cade pulled on one of his old chambray shirts and searched for his denims. Someday she would have to buy him some long johns. He kept his back to her, but she could very well imagine what he tried to hide. It had been a month since they shared a bed, but her needs were buried beneath grief right now. Cade was doing his best to respect that.
She would have to match his thoughtfulness. If she wanted this to be a partnership, she would have to shoulder half the burden. She could do it. It was just a matter of setting her mind to priorities and not wallowing in guilt and grief.
"I want him buried on the rise near the oaks." Lily threw back the covers and stood up. She wouldn't think about the empty, charred room across the dogtrot. There were more important things to consider. "We need to find some way to thank your brothers. They saved our lives."
Safely buttoning his pants, Cade watched her worriedly. "I have promised them a buffalo hunt. They do not expect more than that. If you are truly grateful, you might give my father permission to camp where he is now for as long as he likes. I think he is ready to accept the fact that he cannot fight both Comanche and white men."
"How could I object?" Embarrassed by her distorted body, Lily pulled her drawers up beneath her nightgown. "Your brothers have saved Roy and now everyone in the household. I do not understand why they were out in such miserable weather, but I am grateful for their quick actions."
Cade didn't think she would appreciate knowing his brothers had been watching her since he left. He merely nodded agreement and then impulsively reached for her nightgown and pulled it off before she could hide any more of herself beneath it.
Cade stared in satisfaction at the fullness of her breasts and the slope of her belly. "Don't hide yourself from me. Your beauty is one of the pleasures of my life."
He bent and kissed her, then left her staring after him. Lily looked down at herself, then back at the door Cade had closed behind him. The man was definitely mad.
She tried not to look at the ruin of her lovely house as she scurried through the slashing rain to the privy. She needed to talk to the children and see that her father had a decent burial. Then she would need to notify her sisters. There would be time to take stock of the situation when all that was done.
She kept herself going, one task at a time. The men had to be fed. She ignored the way Travis and Cade talked in low tones between each other, leaving her out. She was getting work done. She would find chores for them to do soon enough.
The men built a coffin out of scrap lumber, and Travis scaled the dangerous upper story to see if any decent clothes could be salvaged from Ephraim's wardrobe for his laying-out. Lily scrubbed the ones he brought her and methodically hung them in front of the kitchen fire. The tiny kitchen would be crowded if they all had to stay in here for warmth, but rebuilding the fireplace was far down on her list of things to do.
The rain let up enough by afternoon for the men to carry the makeshift coffin and its heavy burden out to the grave that had been dug in the mud that morning. Lily concentrated on holding Roy's hand and the words she wanted to say. She couldn't break down again. Too many people depended on her.
Tears rolled down her cheeks as Travis read a few passages from the Bible and said a few words of his own. Cade accepted the book next and quoted a psalm without opening to it. Roy sobbed, and Lily knelt to hug him. Any words she had wanted to say disappeared with her tears, and she didn't mind when the men kept the Bible and nodded for the first clods of dirt to be thrown in. She couldn't speak now if her life depended on it. Perhaps, just occasionally, she didn't need to do everything herself.
Serena was too young to understand death, and she danced in happiness at having Cade home again as they made their way back to the house. She talked incessantly, saying nothing, filling the silence.
They were almost back at the house when the first rider appeared over the horizon. Lily wouldn't have noticed, but Cade caught her arm and his grip warned her. Several of the ranchhands ran toward the road. The rider came from the west, from the direction of San Antonio, and they hadn't had news in weeks.
Cade glanced at Travis, and Lily intercepted the look. This time she wanted explanations. There was so much wrong in her life right now, she didn't want to be surprised by more.
"What is it? What are you keeping from me?"
"I think you are about to find out." Cade gestured toward the road where already several more riders could be seen, followed by a wagon rolling at a reckless pace guaranteed to destroy every joint in it.
"Santa Anna," Lily breathed, not even needing to question. "He's arrived, hasn't he?"
"He laid siege to the Alamo well over a week ago. I've not seen any Texan reinforcements marching in that direction." Cade guided Lily toward the kitchen and warmth.
"The men out there are running away from him, aren't they? Does that mean we've lost already?"
"The Alamo couldn't win without reinforcements. I know nothing more than that. You will have to make choices, Lily."
Lily could hear the furious shouts of the first refugees as she reached the kitchen. "There was thousands of them Mexicans, like ants! They kept on coming, but our boys mowed 'em down. When their soldiers tried to run, their own men ran them through, so they kept marching. There's dead everywhere, and the Mexicans marched right over their own. They say Crockett and Bowie were fighting them barehanded towards the end. But Houston never sent reinforcements. They're all dead. Santa Anny murdered them all."
Lily turned wide eyes of horror to Cade. When he didn’t speak, she started toward the stranger, but Cade caught her arm and jerked her toward the kitchen.
&n
bsp; "The men will report back soon enough. You don't need to hear the details."
To her own surprise, Lily didn't protest. She really didn't need to hear the details. The larger picture was all too clear. The gallant young men holding San Antonio had died a horrible death. That was all anyone needed to know.
"What happens now?" she whispered as the children ran to take the warm milk Juanita poured for them.
"Those people out there are running for the border. If they can get across to Louisiana, Santa Anna won't dare follow. I expect his troops won't be too far behind, although he's more likely to head for Goliad first. If he has as many men as they're saying, he may split them up and send them to Gonzales, too. I doubt he'll send any this way, but we don't know for certain."
Cade studied Lily's face to see if she comprehended what he was saying. It was difficult to tell. The grief and horror were plain, but they had been there all day.
"What do conquering armies do to innocent citizens?" she asked, proving she understood.
Cade was uncertain how much to tell her, how much would be too much, but she had to understand what they were up against. He had known it when he rode in last night. He had hoped to have a little time to make a decision. The speed with which events were proceeding was rapidly eliminating all alternatives.
"I have it from a very good source that Santa Anna is not quite rational,” he told her. “He is taking opium and is beyond the point where anyone can guess what he will do next. I don't think it will be safe to stay anywhere that he might send his armies. He may intend to wipe out all Americans for all I can tell."
That definitely wasn't rational. Lily attempted to digest this information as Travis returned from talking with the runaways. He confirmed what Cade had said, and both men looked solemn as they took seats at the table, forcing Lily to sit with them.
"You can't stay here, Lily," Travis said first. "As the news spreads, the whole countryside will empty. The nearest army is at Gonzales and they can't protect you. There are rangers at Bastrop, but there's not enough to hold back a thousand Mexican troops if they come up the San Antonio road. We have to get you and the children out of here." He threw a stony look at Cade. "And I'm going wherever you decide to go."
Letting the men play their games, Lily considered what she had been told. They were hundreds of miles from the Mississippi. The river was already overflowing its bed. She finally looked at Travis with incomprehension. "How? How can we run through the mud and the floods and stay ahead of an army riding horses? I have two children to consider. There has to be another way."
Since Cade had offered no objection to his company, Travis left it to him to reply. Cade waited until Juanita had poured a hot cup of coffee and shoved it into Lily's hands.
"Two ways," he spoke abruptly. "We can join my father in the woods and hope the army does not leave the road. They will see the ranch, but they will not come looking for what they cannot see."
Lily looked uncertain, but she did not reject the opportunity out of hand.
"Or we can try to follow the prairie and reach my grandfather's house. The journey is shorter than going to the border, but it is very dangerous. The only reason I suggest it is that my grandfather is a man of influence. If Santa Ana wins, he may be able to save your land. And you will be more comfortable there than living with my father."
"Save the land" was the key phrase, and Lily almost immediately responded to it, but she probed for more information first. "Your grandfather?"
"Antonio de Suela, my mother's father. He has returned to Bexar." Cade sat at the narrow plank table usually used for cutting and mixing. His big hands surrounded his mug, and there was no nervousness in them as he discussed this question so vital to their future.
Lily looked from those steady hands to Cade's expressionless eyes. He would give her no clue as to his choice, but she knew it without his saying. For some reason, he wished to make the terrible journey to San Antonio again, against the onrush of fleeing settlers and a victorious Mexican army. She wasn't certain she understood his reasoning, but she was beginning to trust it.
"How will we get there?" she asked.
And the men immediately began to plan.
Chapter 27
"The men are going to join Houston at Gonzales." Lily tried not to look as desperate as she felt as she rummaged through scorched chests for blankets and quilts they could take with them. "Are you and Travis planning to follow them?"
Cade gave her a sharp look as he packed supplies into a canvas bag. "We will decide what to do next after we see you and the children safe. Are you worried which side my loyalties are on?"
"I don't care about men and their damned loyalties. I will fight for my land in any way I have to, but it is men and their damned talk and arrogance that started all this. They knew the Mexicans didn't want slaves, that's just one of their excuses to grab land that isn't theirs. If the men left things alone, someone would have shot Santa Anna in another year or two and they might have someone more reasonable to deal with. And everyone knows the government in Washington was trying to buy Texas. There had to be other solutions besides this."
Anger was better than grief. As she left the lovely, delicate linens that had been her mother's in the chest and closed the lid, knowing they reeked of smoke and damp and she could do nothing, Lily stoked her anger further. They could lose everything.
She stared at the gutted room, at the charred timber that had scarred her carefully polished table, at the soaked baby clothes lying in a pile and covered with soot and ashes, at the three-legged stool Roy and Jim had so proudly worked on. Some of these things could be saved were she given a chance to stay and undo the damage.
But she was being driven out of her home by men and their stupid arguments.
She wanted to kick and throw things, but she quietly bundled up the blankets she had retrieved and crossed the dogtrot to her bedroom, where she had gathered the rest of the necessities they would take with them: blankets and food. They were crossing the prairie in a cold March rain with nothing but blankets and the clothes on their back.
The others fleeing down the road had filled their wagons with possessions, carrying as much with them as they could pile in. But the refugees were following the road, and even then they would lose much of their loads before they reached the border. Cade had said they would have to avoid public roads if they were going in the opposite direction, and a wagon couldn't be pulled across fields of mud.
Lily had to believe Cade knew what he was doing. She didn't want to lose her land. She didn't want to flee back to Mississippi with nothing to show for these last nine years. This was her life. She would defend it in whatever way seemed best. Right now, following Cade seemed the most reasonable solution. And the activity relieved her mind of thinking of the endearing smile she would never see again, of the affectionate hugs she would never feel again, of the man who would never be there again for her to turn to.
When they mounted her on a broad-backed mule the next morning, Lily wasn't so certain that this solution was as reasonable as she had thought. With no sidesaddles available and her condition making it dangerous to ride astride, she had no alternative but to accept this means of transportation if she wanted to follow the others. Glaring at the mule as it turned a beady eye on her, Lily kicked it into motion.
The mule had no intention of responding to her lamentably one-sided kick, but he reluctantly stepped into line when the horses moved out. Cade had abandoned his high-pommeled saddle for an Indian blanket so he could prop Serena in front of him as he rode. Unable to manage a horse, Juanita had also been given a small mule, and she cursed hers as vividly as Lily did. Behind them two packhorses carried their worldly possessions and pulled the travois carrying Cade's tepee, thanks to his brothers' quiet efficiency. Travis and Roy brought up the rear.
The cattle had been driven as far back on the prairie as was possible before they left. Lily glanced over her shoulder when the little caravan rode off, praying they would return
in time to keep the entire herd from going wild and drifting away. It was all the livelihood she had now. The chances of spring planting this year looked mighty slim.
The rain poured steadily as the day wore on. Every so often they came close enough to the road to hear the noise and clatter of others fleeing toward the Sabine, but mostly Cade kept them to the ridges and out of sight. They stopped under some trees for the noon meal, stretching their legs and filling their gourds from a torrential stream.
Cade watched Lily with concern as she held her back and tried to walk away the cramp, but she refused his suggestion to cut their day off early. They mounted and rode on while there was still daylight.
It didn't seem likely that they would meet Comanches or thieves in weather like this, but that night they used the old trick that every traveler learned of making a campfire and eating at one place, then packing up and setting up camp several miles away. Cade seemed to have no difficulty reconstructing the tepee even in the dark, and Lily accepted its shelter with relief.
They had no privacy. Travis and Cade took turns keeping watch while Lily and Juanita slept with the children between them. The men lay down wherever there was an inch to spare. All that mattered was that the buffalo hides kept them dry.
When they rose in the morning, Serena was as bubbly and cheerful as if she had just risen from her trundle bed in the warmth of their home. Roy played games with her while Lily and Juanita tried to cook over the sputtering flames of the fire. The rain didn't promise to let up anytime soon.
"Who's that?" Playing an old game, Roy pointed at Juanita.
Serena grinned and raced to plant a kiss on Juanita's cheek. "'Nita!" she cried triumphantly.
Juanita pointed her toward Lily. "Quien es?"
"Mama and baby!" Serena climbed into Lily's lap for a hug.
As Cade bent his large form beneath the flap to join them, Lily pointed in his direction. "What's his name?"
Texas Lily Page 23
