Lily glanced worriedly to the feverish streaks around his wound and continued to hold tightly to Cade's fingers. She was just coming to know this man. She couldn't lose him before they had time to explore what could be between them. She hadn't dared hope since that day Travis had disappeared from her life. Please, Lord, don't destroy that hope again.
Chapter 33
"He sleeps?" Cade's father asked in his heavily accented Spanish.
The grass lodge was nearly empty except for some of the smaller children. Lily looked up in surprise at the Apache’s entrance, then answered hesitantly, "Si." She certainly hoped Cade slept. Travis had said that Cade had ridden here like a man obsessed. She didn't know how to interpret that action, but his sleeping seemed natural. "His body must gain strength."
Her Spanish was awkward and equally accented, but Cade's father seemed to understand. She could not pronounce his Indian name, but his Spanish one was El Caballo, The Horse. At one time, the description was most probably apt, particularly if one could see the father through the son. El Caballo was older now, and some of the muscle had turned to flab with the sedentary life of his wife's tribe, but he was still a large man.
"I talk with him. You go." El Caballo sat down cross-legged beside the pallet where Cade rested.
Lily hesitated. "He needs sleep," she warned uncertainly. She didn't wish to anger this man. She felt fairly certain the other women would not argue with him, but Cade's health was more important than this man's pride.
El Caballo scowled and gestured for her to leave, but Lily thought there might be something of amusement in his eyes as he replied, "I wait. You go. You sleep."
His broken Spanish was quite clear, even to Lily. Rising, she glanced uncertainly at Cade's sleeping form. She wanted to be there when he woke again, but she supposed that was selfish. El Caballo had as much right to be there as she did, and she had the child to think of. She needed sleep.
Despite the fact that his father waited, Cade slept longer than Lily did. She was up and about when Travis returned for a second time that day. Standing in the doorway, he just shook his head without speaking.
Terrified, Lily was beside him instantly. "What is wrong? What can I do?"
Travis grinned and gave her an admiring look. "I wish I'd been there to see you grow that big with Roy. A woman never looks better than when she's carrying a man's child."
That was Travis talking, but Lily let the words comfort her. Her sisters had always made her feel less than feminine, and the shame and humiliation of her first pregnancy had erased any womanly notions she might have had at the time. But Travis had touched on an emotion she had only recently begun to recognize. Lily truly felt like a complete woman for the first time in her life, and her hand proudly touched the bulge of life growing within her.
Ignoring Travis's smile, she demanded, "Will Cade be all right? Is there something I should be doing?"
Travis grew serious as he threw a glance toward the large man lying still on his pallet and the old man sitting beside him. "I would say that his body needs rest, but it also needs nourishment. Has he eaten at all?"
"No." Lily frowned and stared at Cade. "Should I wake him?"
"Damned if I'd try. Even with that shoulder he's likely to come up out of that bed with murder in mind if we startle him. There were times when he was fevered that I thought he'd throttle me. For a man who likes children and animals, he's got a lot of violence in him."
"I daresay he has his reasons." Lily had never spent much time questioning Cade about his past, but what she knew of it was enough to give her some understanding.
She considered the problem. Food was plentiful. She had helped often enough over the cookfires when needed, but her pregnancy apparently gave her special dispensation to stay with the children most of the day. The other women in the lodge did most of the cooking. Since the day was warm, they were outside, but Lily could smell the broth now. It was just a matter of getting it into Cade.
She didn't know what would work, but she could experiment. Leaving Travis to find his own way out, Lily went to the small satchel with her few possessions and removed the flute that Cade had given her. It was a little more worn now, the polish developing a patina from use, and Lily regarded it with satisfaction. It had taken hours of practice, but she was learning its use.
Sitting on the opposite side of Cade from his father, she began to play. El Caballo frowned. Music was not woman's work or something to be taken lightly, but Lily knew she played well. Even the man in the bed thought so; he began to stir.
Cade's eyes opened and sought Lily. The opaque depths that had once kept everyone out softened as he watched her with the flute. Then sensing they were not alone, his gaze turned unreadable again as he turned to his father.
Lily didn't need El Caballo's warning look to know when she wasn't wanted. Putting down the flute, she awkwardly found her feet and went in search of food. Cade's father had better learn to speak quickly.
"I owe you my life," Cade said, expecting this man to understand that his life was Lily. He didn't know how Lily had come to be here. He knew nothing of what had transpired these last months, but he knew she was safe and his father was the one who had offered safety.
"There are no debts between family." El Caballo said. "I have lost three sons to war. I would see my last ones live in peace. I do not teach them to be warriors. You, I would have taught. That is why your mother took you from me."
Cade contemplated this latest piece of the puzzle that was his past. Although he had no memory of it now, he knew his father had taught him much of the Apache way. At the time, it had been boy's play and meant little to him. Still, he knew he had none of the bloodlust that was necessary for a good warrior. Whether his mother or the priests were responsible, he could not say. All his life he had known that his greater size intimidated, and that had been all the protection he had ever required.
"I am a poor warrior," Cade admitted. "But I know the white man's ways and can take care of my own."
El Caballo made a gesture that indicated the whole camp, then another that encompassed just the lodge. "These are your own. Their future is yours."
That was a huge responsibility to lay on a man who wasn't even certain he was capable of taking care of his immediate family. Cade knew what his father meant, but it seemed a hopeless task. He had lived in the white men's world, knew their hatred for Indians and their reasons for it. He also knew the other side of the argument. Two diverse cultures living in the same land were bound to clash. How could he possibly stand in between?
Cade knew the instant Lily entered the lodge, and he grunted with relief. Here was the reason his father had hopes of living in peace, although Lily didn't realize the expectations she had raised. Were there more people like Lily, perhaps the impossible could be done. Unfortunately, his wife was unique.
Carefully, Cade shifted onto his one good arm and took in the aroma from the bowl she carried. His stomach rumbled in appreciation. Lily's answering smile made his insides tumble. She wasn't mad at him. He would pin his hopes on that.
"Travis did a very poor job of keeping his patient in bed. I will have your promise that you will stay put until I tell you, or I will drug your food so you can't get up."
Since she was managing the awkward business of settling her unwieldy body on the floor while holding the steaming bowl, Cade could assume she wasn't planning on drugging anything just yet. Forcing his injured arm into motion, he took the bowl so she could sit.
"Do you expect me to watch that performance regularly and still lie here?" Cade asked, returning the bowl to her when she was settled. "We will have to go back to the cabin just so you can have a chair to sit in."
Lily looked askance at Cade's father, apparently unwilling to argue in front of him. El Caballo managed an inscrutable expression even better than Cade, but his words indicated his appreciation of her problem.
"My son is like the oak, but sometimes it is better to be a willow." In his own language, he t
urned to Cade and said, "You will lie here or I will have you strapped to a travois and carried home."
The idea of being strapped humiliatingly to a travois like an old man or an invalid made Cade scowl as his father walked away. He turned the expression to Lily, but she simply held out a spoon of stew for him to eat.
"I hope he said he would hold you here at knifepoint. You are of absolutely no use to anyone dead, and that's where you'll be if you strain yourself any more. I don't think the cabin will be any more comfortable than this."
Remembering the disaster of that once comfortable home, Cade had to agree, but he wasn't ready to give in. "I will have Travis find someone to start rebuilding. I wish our child to be born in our bed."
"Our child was conceived in an Indian bed. There is no reason he cannot be born in one. Besides, here there are women who can help me when the time comes. There are none at home."
"I will bring Dove Woman to you when your time comes. A lady should lie in her own bed." Cade swallowed the food she shoved into his mouth.
His promises were very appealing, if Lily were truthful with herself. She longed for a bed off the floor, with clean linens instead of the innumerable fleas that resided in furs, but Cade's health wouldn't permit any exertion. She set her jaw stubbornly. "You may tell Travis to do as he wishes, but you cannot go anywhere until you are well. What if Ricardo should return?"
That was a touchy subject, one Cade did not dare broach entirely. If his grandfather was in danger, he needed to go to him. But he had no desire to frighten Lily now that it was so close to her time.
"Ricardo is a bully who picks on the helpless. He will cause us no harm. What did he say to drive you from my home?"
"He threatened the child. And Juanita is terrified of him. We could not stay where he was welcome." Perhaps they should have. Perhaps they should have driven Ricardo from the hacienda that Cade claimed as his, but Lily had thought first of the children. They had to be removed before she could fight, and the child within her needed that same protection.
"And my grandfather did nothing?"
"What could he do? He is one old man against half a dozen bullies. He does not see Ricardo the same way a woman does."
It had been coming for a long time. Cade ate silently as he contemplated the man who had smashed his boot heel into Cade's face at every opportunity. Over the years Cade had come to understand that Ricardo was probably responsible for not reporting the return of Cade's mother to Bexar or Cade's existence to his grandfather. There had to have been communication between Antonio and Ricardo during that time, if for no other reason than that Ricardo made regular trips to Mexico City. Cade couldn't know at what point Antonio had become aware of his existence, but it certainly hadn't been through Ricardo's good intentions.
Every misfortune of his life had been prefaced by Ricardo's arrival. It was like being haunted by an evil genie. Cade didn't believe in genies or coincidences. Ricardo wanted him dead, but he didn't mean to sully his own hands to do it.
And now it wouldn't be sufficient for Ricardo to rid himself of Cade; there was the child to consider. If Antonio was determined to leave his lands to someone besides Ricardo, Cade's child would be next in line. Cade had been prepared to turn the other cheek for himself, but for the child, he would fight.
He couldn't tell Lily that, though. Tired, his stomach satisfied, he leaned back against the pallet and closed his eyes. Lily's gentle fingers caressed his brow, and he reached up to hold them. For Lily, he would wait, but it wouldn't be a passive waiting. He would plan, and when the time came, he would win.
Lily's lips brushed against his own, awaking a desire so bright it illuminated the future. He had never thought to have a future, but it was all he thought about now. He craved it with the hunger of a lifetime of denial. He would make it happen, one way or another.
* * *
Travis appeared again later, checked Cade's wound, and drew Lily aside after he changed the bandages.
"If you can keep him resting, he is on the road to recovery. You won't need me. I want to go back to the cabin and start setting things to rights."
Lily looked dubious. "We have no hired hands. What can you do by yourself?"
"The men who joined Houston think they'll be paid with land, but there isn't any way all that land can be surveyed and titled anytime soon. They'll need to eat. They'll be back. There just needs to be someone there when they come. Let me go, Lily."
He was almost pleading with her. Astonished, Lily gazed at the man who had given her a son and wandered off to follow his own dreams. She knew Travis as a smooth-talking salesman, and in many ways, he still was. She couldn't see him as a farmer, not for long, but for some reason, he needed to be one for just a little while. She had nothing to lose by agreeing, except his company.
"It's Roy's home. I would see it repaired and the land made to prosper again. I have no money, and I'm not certain that Cade is willing to invest in it any longer. What can you do?"
"I don't know, but I want to try." Travis slipped his hat back on his head and regarded Lily uneasily. "Lily, about Juanita... Do you think she'd rather... Hell, I know she has reason to hate men, but I'd be happy with just her company. Do you think she'd come? Do you think I should ask her?"
Lily didn't think she would ever see the day when Travis Bolton, the womanizer, would look nervous over a female. Amusement curled her lips at the thought of shy Juanita causing his despair. He had a whole heck of a lot to learn if he thought Juanita would fall docilely into his arms. She very much suspected that when Juanita was ready to commit herself, but she would lead him a merry chase.
"I think you'd better be looking for a preacher if you want her for anything but a cook, but go ahead and ask. She'll not take your head off. Or any other part of your anatomy."
Travis stared at this boldness on Lily's part, then grinned. "I reckon it's a damn good thing I didn't show up when you were carrying Roy. I don't think you would be so reticent."
"You could very well be right. I've butchered many a chicken with you in mind."
Travis laughed outright. "I'm glad Cade's the one who got you. You'll have a hard time putting a harness on him, and I can't imagine you respecting anyone you could harness. Can we stay friends, Lily, even if I turn back into a snake-oil salesman?"
"You'll always be a snake-oil salesman, Travis, and I'll love you for it. You're what I can never be. I've got to give you credit for that."
With this recognition of what Travis was and was not, Lily put the past behind her. No longer would she curse Travis or condemn herself for what was done. They had created something beautiful between them and gone their separate ways. She held out her hand in friendship and he took it.
Travis grinned appreciatively. "Maybe you could explain to Juanita about the benefits of salesmen and play down what a fool I am. I'll need all the help I can get."
Lily watched him walk away without a qualm. He would always be Roy's father, but he would never be anything else to her. She glanced back to the lodge where Cade lay sleeping. That was where her future waited, and hope danced in her heart again.
Chapter 34
"Lily, I do not like to leave you. I should not go with him. But he says he needs me..." Juanita looked helplessly from the woman who had taken her in five long years ago to the man who waited patiently now by the horses, ready to take her away.
The sun of late May beat down upon them, making Lily regret the heavy Indian clothing. She thought longingly of the cottons in her cool cabin, but she could not return there yet, not until Cade was ready to travel.
Lily looked at Travis, his curly dark hair grown long with neglect, his laughing eyes solemn now as he waited in the distance for the two women to confer and make this decision. Then she looked at Juanita. "I do not want to make you do anything you do not wish to do. You are more sister to me than my own. We have grown up together. Travis will do nothing you do not wish, if it is him that you fear."
Juanita glanced nervously at he
r moccasin-clad feet. "I do not think I could ever be to him what he wishes me to be," she said softly. "I would go with him to make the ranch ready for your return, but that is not all he wants, I think."
"He will not force you, Juanita, this I can promise."
Juanita didn't look up. "It was Ricardo, you know. He was the one who did this to me."
Shocked, feeling the shock in her very center, Lily could only stare at her friend's bent head. Ricardo? She’d known Juanita despised him, but how could the dapper Mexican lower himself to rape the child Juanita had been?
Misunderstanding Lily's silence, Juanita hurried to explain. "He is evil. You must understand that. He did not lay a hand to me, but he told the others what to do. They... they used... things." She could not describe the instruments of horror that had been used on her in addition to the normal male equipment that had torn away her innocence. "When they could not perform anymore he told them what to use and how to use it. And all because I would not give him freely what they stripped away."
Lily choked and closed her eyes, swaying with horror, grabbing her stomach as if to protect the child within from such words. "Why did you never tell me this?"
"Because I was afraid. Because he said he would do worse should I ever mention what happened. I did not know his name then. I know it now, and I spit on it." Juanita did as she said, her eyes blazing fiercely. Seeing Lily's expression, she grabbed Lily's arm. "I did not mean to make you ill! Come, we will sit down. He does not need me. I will stay here with you."
Lily grasped her spinning senses and shook her head. It was quite obvious what she needed to do now, for Juanita's own good. Juanita needed a man like Travis, a man who could say the sweet words and lies that made a woman feel like a woman without even touching her. Even if Travis should eventually leave her, Juanita would discover that lovemaking was not what one perverted monster had made of it. To do otherwise would leave her a victim forever.
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