by Ava Moore
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Looking back on it, I’m surprised I was able to fall asleep because of all of the weight and stress of the situation weighing so heavily on me. When I could feel my heart pounding in my chest as hard as it did last night, the adrenaline makes it hard to focus on anything other than emotions. Maybe it was the fact that sleep deprivation came crawling up on me so heavy, that my body involuntarily had no choice but to rest. Nevertheless, it is apparent that I needed it because when I open my eyes, the sun is already out. Shit! What about my article to Jane?
Flustered, I scour through my belongings, trying to locate my cell phone, which turns out, is right in front of me the entire time. I grab it, press the home button to bring the screen to life and my jaw drops – twenty-five missed calls from Ashton, four missed calls from Cris and one missed call from Jane. Can you guess which one I am the most worried about?
I immediately prompt the speed dial function on my phone and start dialing the Star Struck office, not even bothering to check what time it is. The voicemail message comes on and I’m unable to get through. Shit. My next step is to check the time on my phone, which reads 6:00 am. It’s early. So early. How did I sleep through all of this?
I peel myself up off the floor, leaving dark makeup stains behind and dart towards my laptop. I check my email folder first – nothing. Shit. I have an hour to try to get some kind of a story to Jane but I don’t even know where to begin. I figure it’s best to beg for forgiveness than to endure more pain remembering what an asshole Ashton is. Then, my next move is to check the Star Struck website homepage and sure enough, there is yours truly’s mug soiled all over the website, running mascara and all. The headline reads, WHO IS THIS GIRL? The shot they captured was taken right in the midst of myself reaming Ashton out. My face looks like a teakettle that is ready to explode, while his is stamped with a look of agony and defeat. It’s heart wrenching, even to me. They say actions speak louder than words and this photo spoke encyclopedias.
I open up the voicemail function on my phone and skip over all of the messages from Ashton and go right for the one from Jane. I brace myself as I lift the phone to my ear, holding it inches away just in case she is able to somehow attack me. “Parker, I want you in my office first thing at 9:00 am. No questions asked. We need to talk.”
Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! I’m sure it is over and that is the end of my career in writing. I’m missing my deadline, I didn’t get a scoop on Ashton and Samantha and I created the biggest scene to happen in the Hollywood realm that night. I couldn’t keep my emotions in check and they got the better of me. I publically slammed Ashton’s name and it painted a real terrible picture of me. I’m certain it’s done and I might as well kiss my dreams of writing goodbye.
Next on the docket, is to call Cris. She has been following my life lately via the celebrity gossip column and it’s time I fess up and told her the truth because now, I really didn’t have anything to lose. I dial her number and sink back in my chair.
She answers right away, despite the early time. “Trish! I saw everything! What happened?”
I can’t hold back the tears any longer and despite the fact that I had just cried all night, more tears find their way down my rosy cheeks. “Everything is falling apart. I don’t know what happened between Ashton and I and I have no idea why he toys with me like this. Jane is putting so much pressure on me at work that I can’t even handle it. I haven’t eaten in days. I haven’t slept well and I don’t know what to do anymore.” The words and emotions are pouring out of me like the dam surrounding my heart has finally cracked. I have no control over my sobs in this moment and I figure it’s best to let them go. I’m crying so hard I can feel my rubber phone protector slip on my face, so I place it down on my desk and put it on speakerphone, all the while still bawling my eyes out.
“It’s okay, babe. I promise it is going to be okay.”
“I don’t know anymore. I was supposed to go and ruin Ashton’s career last night and get this big scoop for Jane but I couldn’t do it. Now, I’m pretty sure I’m three hours away from getting fired. I’m just so sick of this. I can’t handle it.”
“It’s okay. It’s okay,” Cris continues to try and comfort me from the other line. It doesn’t do much but what it does, is it helps me to get all of this off of my chest, which might be the most important thing of all. “I’m going to come into town alone today, okay? We can spend the day together after your meeting and talk. I think we both need it.”
She’s right. We both do need each other now more than ever before. I brush the tears away from my eyes like a little kid who has just fallen off of her bike, take a big sniffle in and a deep breath out. “Okay.”
“Okay. I’ll see you in a few hours. We will both be okay, I promise. At least we have each other.”
“Okay,” is all I can keep saying back to her, in fear that if I start talking more, I’m just going to break down again. I can feel my heart rate and my breathing return to a normal functioning level, but all is stopped as I hang up the phone and see numerous voicemails messages from Ashton. My movements are robotic in that I select all of the voicemails at once and delete them all, not even bothering to listen to them. I don’t know if it is what I wanted, but it was my body’s way of telling me there is no fucking way you are listening to any of this right now. I had to listen.
I try to distract myself with a hot morning shower, thinking that it will help me to snap out of this funk I’m in and at the very least, make me resemble something human and a functioning member of society. The hot water feels like a constant hug as it embraces my body in its fluid warmth. I could stay in here for hours and the thought certainly crosses my mind. It would be easier than what my morning had in store for me I’m sure. I step out of the shower and turn towards the mirror, flinching and cringing as I wipe away the condensation to look at my appearance. I look like hell. My eyelids are so swollen from all of the tears and my complexion is so splotchy from the capillaries bursting due to the sheer force of this pressure in my skull. My head is pounding and even the light occasional drip from the shower faucet is enough to make me want to scream in agony. I need Advil and hydration in the worst way.
I dress myself in whatever I can find strewn along my messy floor, which consists of blue jeans and a white blouse. I throw on my glasses because hell if I’m trying to insert contact lenses in my swollen eyes today, grab my bag and I’m out the door, complete with a serious lump in my throat.
Having the premonition that you are about to get fired is incredibly unsettling, especially when you are sitting on a crowded subway train and especially when everyone recognizes you. When your face is smeared all over the celebrity gossip world, it makes you wish you put a little more effort in your appearance that morning. Having eyes glaring deep into my soul and criticizing every little thing about me behind my back but loud enough to hear makes my self-esteem feel about the size of a pea. All I can do was sit quietly amidst the whispering and snickering. I think I am the laughing stock of New York City and everyone knows my name for all of the wrong reasons. I am the girl who fell in love with Ashton Croft and made a huge fool out of myself and I am certain I am going to take this to the grave with me.
I arrive at the Star Struck building when my legs inadvertently stop moving, warning my body not to go forward. I pause for a moment, welcoming the warning but knowing that I have to fight through it. I stand, on the crowded subway platform, inhaling and exhaling rhythmically, trying not to faint. I take one step forward and it acts as the catalyst to the rest of my body, bravely marching right up to the top floor to confront Jane.
As I enter the Star Struck offices, Leah, the receptionist makes eye contact with me and then looks down quickly, as though she can’t escape my gaze fast enough. I approach her front desk and greet her, trying to remain as calm and collected as possible, “Good morning, Leah. How are you?”
She nervously tries to busy herself with small tasks, trying to avoid any conversation
with me whatsoever. I press forward. “I have a meeting with Jane at 9:00 am. Do you know if she is in?”
Leah frantically types on the computer, shaking all the while her fingers try to press down on the keys. I sense something is wrong and can’t help but inquire. “Leah, are you okay?”
She halts her nervous process and her hands fall to her lap, exhausted. Then, she looks from side to side, checking to see if anyone is watching or listening to us. She leans in forward, prompting me to do the same and I reciprocate. “I fucked up!” she nearly squeals through her whisper and I can see the tears welling in her eyes.
“What? What did you fuck up? What happened?”
She starts waving her hands in front of her face, the typical motion us females do, hoping that it erases the tears and if we bat hard enough, maybe they will just go away. “I…” she tries pulling herself together and takes deep breaths. I’m on the edge of my seat with anticipation. Did Leah get cussed out for something I did? I had to have been the only one who royally fucked up last night so I can’t imagine what Leah is so nervous about.
She presses on. “I… I made Jane’s coffee wrong this morning.”
I burst out into laughter, unable to contain myself. Leah couldn’t be more offended. “Why are you laughing? I’m about to get fired! It’s not funny!”
I check myself and try to extinguish my laughter. “You want to hear something that is going to make you feel better?”
Leah stares at me for a moment, absorbing my words and then shakes her head yes. I lean in close to her. “There is only one person between you and I who is getting fired today and it is me.”
Leah stares at me stunned and shakes her head. “I don’t think so, Miss Parker. Jane came in this morning in such a good mood because of you,” she pauses and smiles at me. “She said you were a star. Her star.”
I’m so astounded, I’m sure my jaw has ended up on the floor again. I collect myself and a sense of relief comes over me, which is only followed up with an immediate sense of worry.
“She’s waiting for you,” Leah points towards Jane’s office.
I nod and look at her one last time. “You’re going to be okay, I promise.” I don’t know if my words bring Leah any form of comfort, but I have to try.
She smiles at me, wipes the tears from her eyes and continues busying herself at her desk, while the panic button in my body has gone through the roof.
Every step towards Jane’s office is extensive, especially in this moment. It feels like she is the length of twelve football fields away from me, even though she is a mere seven meters. I reach the entrance to her office and pause, taking in a big long breath before tapping on her glass door.
“Come in!”
Her voice penetrates through the door and I begrudgingly open the door.
“Miss Parker, please sit,” she responds sharply to my entrance, refraining from making any form of eye contact.
I stiffen as I walk closer to her desk and try to be as quiet as a mouse as I sit on that notoriously uncomfortable chair. On the bright side, maybe this will be the last time I have to sit on this dreaded sling from hell that is deemed furniture. I place my bag on my lap and wait for her next move.
She finishes up writing something down on her desk and after what feels like days pass, she glances up at me overtop of those black cat eye frames, her chartreuse eyes numbing me to my core. “Miss Parker…”
“I’m so sorry Jane, please, please just let me…”
She waves her hand in front of me, signaling for me to stop flapping my jaws or I’m sure she is about to put my head on the guillotine that I swear is behind the closet door in her office.
I swallow hard and readjust the frames on my face, trying to conceal the fact that I have tears forming in my eyes again. My hands tremble as they reach my face and shake all the way back down to my lap again. I nod accepting her signal for me to zip my lips, although it’s killing me inside to remain silent. I know I’m in the wrong and I just want to have the opportunity to defend myself.
Jane takes in a deep breath and takes her glasses off of her face, setting them down gently on her desk. This is it. Here comes the moment I have been dreading all morning.
“Miss Parker,” she begins, reconfiguring her body in her oversized office chair, “when I gave you the position of lead writer here at Star Struck, it was because I saw something in you that reminded me of myself.” She stops and rolls up the sleeves of her dress shirt, exposing her forearms, which means to me, she is about stand up and clock me one in the face, ensuring that she gets no blood splatter on her wardrobe. “But then, you did something that I never would have been able to do nor would I have had the guts to do.”
I don’t even dare to move, let alone speak. I’m literally frozen with fear. She continues.
“What I’m trying to say, Miss Parker, is you are bold and you are more tenacious than anyone who works here. You put yourself on the frontlines, you made Ashton Croft go gaga over you and now, you are reaping all of the benefits and more. You went above and beyond what I asked of you and I hope this will ensure that you continue on this path with me,” she slips a small sliver of paper my way across the desk.
I reach a hand out, naturally and accept the piece of paper. I hesitate flipping it over but I do so, because I know Jane is going to scream at me soon if I don’t. My eyes scan the piece of paper, which turns out is a check written from Star Struck, to me, for $10,000. My heart starts thrashing against the lining of my body and the sweat on my brown starts drizzling everywhere. The first time I try to speak, I can’t get any words to come out so I cough, hoping it will open up my lungs and then I’m able to speak. “What is this?”
Jane’s smirk on her visage causes my heart to get caught in my throat. “This is your advance. Great work, Miss Parker. Now, I only expect more and more and that’s exactly what I shall receive, correct?”
She waits impatiently for my reply but I’m caught between her gaze and the exuberant amount of money before me. “Miss Parker? We do have a deal, don’t we?”
This is like bargaining with the devil and I hate it but nothing inside of me tells me otherwise. I accept the money, shake her hand and it hits me when I’m outside of the door, just how severe the situation is. Jane is essentially bribing me and forcing me to go against what I believe in so her magazine will be successful. She doesn’t need the help of a lonely writer to make it happen for her, but I know Jane and I know how she gets young, desperate women to do all of her dirty work for her. Now, I’m one of those same women and I’m caught in this trap with no way out. It sucks. It hurts and I don’t know how to stop it.
“Oh and one more thing,” Jane’s voice commands me and I turn around again, as though I’m spellbound beneath her power. “Go on and enjoy an extended long weekend. I’ll see you back here first thing on Monday morning and I expect an ultra juicy story waiting for me in my inbox, Miss Devan Morris.” Her words start trailing off with maniacal cackling and the sound is terrifying, enough to make my skin crawl. I smile at her and turn around sharply again, hoping the lack of eye contact will allow me to resume for thinking and acting for myself.
I start walking out of the office building, passing by my shared office, considering taking home some items for the weekend. As much as this situation totally sucks, I’m thankful for the time off. Now, I can spend my time with Cris and actually focus on our friendship. We can take the time to get back on track with one another and share man hating stories back and forth over Häagen-Dazs and potato chips. It sounds lovely and it sounds like it’s exactly what I need.
Thankfully, Drew and the other girl are out for a coffee break so the office is empty. The last thing I need right now is them down my throats for how I reacted last night. The shame I got from the public on my way here was enough; I didn’t need them chiming in with their take on it to only add to my humiliation. I reach for my work laptop, which is in much better functioning state than my old one from home, stuff it in my bag and
then the air is pierced with the sound of clapping. I don’t know why I’m getting the slow cap so frequently but I am not a fan of it.
I turn around, slowly, bracing myself for the sight and then none other than dumb and dumber greets me. “Bravo! Bravo! Encore!” Drew spits through her teeth, wearing the biggest and stupidest smile on her face. Her partner-in-crime follows her every move, like some kind of a sad copycat mime.
I stand to attention, not letting them shake me. I will stand up for myself today and they better watch the fuck out. “What do you want, Drew?”
My sharpness stops her dead in her tracks but only momentarily. She dodges the verbal hit and continues on path, right towards me, eyes beaming the entire way. “I just wanted to give you props and congratulate you on your newfound Academy Award.”
I don’t want to buy into her stupidity, but unfortunately, my curiosity is getting the better of me. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“Oh, but your performance last night at the test screening of course. How you roped Ashton in and then broke him into a million pieces,” she puckers her lips, places her fingertips on them and then sends the symbolic kiss into the air. “Magnifico.”
I roll my eyes and continue gathering my things, even though anger is igniting inside of me. What I would give to slap that girl across the face. I wonder if Jane would actually mind?
“Oh, don’t be so humble. It has to take a lot to get Ashton to break up with the hottest model in the world,” she reveals, sitting at her desk with her progeny on her tail.
“What?” I can’t help it but I am literally in utter shock right now.
“Now, I’ve got your attention. Here, why don’t you come take a look at this? You did real good last night girl and I bet Jane was all kinds of excited about it,” she motions with her fingers for me to come over to her and unfortunately, I can’t resist.
