by Quinn Loftis
My eyes shifted to Brant. His lips were tight across his handsome face, eyes cold, the humor that usually danced in them completely gone. Body a rigid line, Brant’s knuckles were white from the grip his laced fingers had on each other.
“Magnus was dragging me away, but I was fighting him as hard as I could, so he hadn’t made it far. I could still see Gisele standing over Hilda, and then she turned her attention to Dayna. She threw her hand out toward my sister, some sort of magic, I assume, and Dayna crumbled to the ground. I was wrapped around a tree, Magnus pulling at my legs, but I couldn’t take my eyes off Dayna. I needed to see her chest moving; I had to know. Then, Gisele turned to look right at me and said, ‘Two down, one to go,’ and she made a motion of slitting her throat.”
Thomas’ legs gave out beneath him where he’d been leaning against the hut wall. The horror on his face was not something I would soon forget.
“You just watched her kill our Oracle and your sister? You just let my Dayna die?” Brant asked through clenched teeth.
In the next breath, my cousin was on his feet, a dagger pulled from his waist and the tip of it touching Brant’s throat. “I don’t give a damn about your feelings for my little cousin. You will speak with respect to Allete or hold your tongue.” His hand shook as anger pulsed through his body.
Thomas’s emotions wrapped around me, and the pain I felt suddenly morphed into fury. I was filled with a rage I couldn’t begin to explain.
Pushing out of Torben’s arms, I stood. “Your Dayna?” My breathing was fast and heavy, tone almost feral, as I grabbed the first thing I could and launched it across the room. “She wasn’t yours!” I picked up something else—not caring what it was—and threw it toward Brant. “She was mine! I was there the day she was born! I was there the first time she fell from her horse! I was there when she had her first crush,” I roared, all the while launching anything I could get my hands on at him. “If you want to be pissed off about Hilda, fine, because she was yours; she was Clan Hakon’s! But don’t you dare try to claim my sister! Don’t you dare try to act like you could possibly understand the anguish I am feeling right now! You don’t get to point your accusing finger at me. You weren’t there. She was mine.” I hit my chest over my heart over and over again as I repeated myself. “She was mine! She was mine! She. Was. Mine.” I stumbled back until I hit a wall, then slid to the floor. The fight was gone, leaving only the despair. “And now she’s gone.” My whole body trembled as I let utter desolation swallow me.
I didn’t react when I heard movement or when Torben sat next to me. He began running his hand down my hair as though he were trying to calm an injured wild animal, but I just cried. I didn’t ask where Thomas was or even if he was okay. Everything inside me was crumbling, and I had no energy left to help my cousin hold himself together.
A miserable man, and ill-conditioned, sneers at everything; One thing he knows not, which he ought to know, That he is not free from faults.
~ Hávamál, Book of Viking Wisdom
As I watched the woman I loved break down, I howled inside at my own misery. The loss of my mother, the loss of my love’s sister, and the grief in her that I could not assuage, weighed heavily upon me. How much devastation could one man handle before he broke under the pressure?
My clan needed a leader. My most-trusted friend needed, first, his arse kicked for saying what he’d said to my woman, and second, someone to lean on because I knew he was also in pain. Thomas, well… I honestly didn’t know how to help him. He and Brant left together. I prayed to the gods that they didn’t kill each other. But all of those things could wait, because Allete came first and always would.
Eventually, she let me pull her between my legs so that her back was pressed to my chest. Her head rested against my shoulder, and her breathing slowed. She no longer trembled, for which I was immensely grateful. It was scaring the hell out of me to see her that way. My face was buried against her neck, and with every breath, I took in her scent. I’d been without her, wondering if she would make it back to me, for so long that I didn’t want to stop touching her for fear she would disappear.
“Are you all right?” she asked, her voice hoarse from weeping.
“Don’t worry yourself about me, love. Let me take care of you.”
“You need to go explain things to the clan. They’re probably wondering why in the world you kissed an Englishwoman and why you’re holed up with her alone in your mother’s hut.”
I chuckled. “Anything they think or want to know will keep for the moment. We’ve gotten the village to a livable situation and neutralized the primary threat. I’ve been separated from you for over a month—don’t ask me to share you, and don’t settle for sharing me,” I said.
“Still bossy, I see,” she murmured.
“You wouldn’t want me any other way, Princess.” I pulled her closer to me, then kissed her shoulder, her neck, and the place just behind her ear. “Do you want to talk about her?”
She was quiet for several minutes, and I began to think she wasn’t going to answer me. Then, her soft voice filled the quiet hut. “When Dayna walked into a room, she was like the sun coming up over the horizon—bright, warm, and life-giving. A room could be full of people and chatter and then in she would walk. Her voice would carry over all the rest, and you couldn’t help but smile when you saw her. I always admired her. I don’t know if I ever told her that. She always spoke her mind without worrying what others would think. I often wished I could be bold like her.”
She took a breath and continued. “Once, when we were fifteen and thirteen summers, she talked me into going swimming down at the river. Lizzy refused to go because she might get dirty. Dayna kept saying, ‘What’s the worst that could happen, Allete? Father might lock us in our room for a few days. Who cares?’” Allete laughed, but it was soft and a little sad. “So, off we went to the river. But being the bright young girls we were, we didn’t think of taking any extra clothing to change into. Do you think that deterred my younger sister? Nope. She stripped down, naked as a newly born babe, and walked straight into the river.”
“She wasn’t ever shy, was she?” I asked.
“Not even a little bit,” Allete said, and I heard the smile in her voice. “She finally convinced me to do the same, and, like the fool I became whenever I was with her, I stripped down and joined her in the freezing water. Oh, did I mention it was November?”
My head fell back against the hut wall as I laughed. “Why in all Valhalla would she want to take a naked dip in a river at the brink of winter?”
“She said it would be a memory we could think back on and laugh at.” Her voice wavered, but she took a deep breath and soldiered on. “Dayna loved to make memories. I used to tell her she was just using that as an excuse to do outlandish things. She told me she was killing two birds with one stone. Without her, there is something missing inside me, Torben.”
Allete’s hand latched onto the arm I had wrapped around her waist, and she held me tightly, as if she was worried I would leave her, too. That would never happen.
“Because there is something missing, my love. Death leaves a hole in us. It takes a piece of our soul that was owned by the person we loved and lost.”
“Does the hole ever fill?” she asked.
“I think you can fill it up. You can fill it with those memories you have of her. It won’t remove the ache, but it will soothe it over time.”
We sat there in silence, and I simply held her. There was nowhere else I wanted to be than wherever she was.
“I’m so sorry about your mom,” Allete said sometime later.
It was dark outside, but the full moon was bright, shining enough light for us to see out over the village. There was a large fire burning down in the middle of the village, and the clan had gathered. I could hear their chatter and laughter, and it lightened my heart just a bit.
“She will be missed,” I said. “But she lived a long life, and I’ve no doubt she is at peace now that she i
s no longer in Magnus’ service.”
“How will your clan take it?”
“Our clan,” I corrected. “They will mourn her, but then we will celebrate her life and the service that she gave Clan Hakon. Hilda would not want us to be sad over her death. She would want us to rejoice that she is in Valhalla and that she was able to die a warrior’s death. She sacrificed herself for the love of her people, myself, and you. That is something to celebrate.”
“I’m just sad,” she whispered.
“I know, my love, I know.”
Allete fell asleep in my arms, and I carefully picked her up and carried her down to the small tent I was using as my temporary home. I placed her on a thick pad of furs and covered her up to keep the fall chill away. When I stepped out of the tent opening, Thomas was standing a few feet away.
“I need to find Brant,” I said. “Will you stay with her so she doesn’t wake up alone if I am not back?”
Thomas nodded. “Of course.” He paused before entering the tent. “Oh, by the way, Brant is down by the river. I asked Siv and Delvin to make sure he didn’t drown himself.”
“Thank you for that.” As I walked through the village, I nodded to those who acknowledged me, but I didn’t stop to talk. It was obvious the clan had noticed Brant’s anger because a few of them pointed to the river and murmured ‘good luck.’
I found him sitting on a fallen tree trunk, the roots having been uncovered and weakened by the running water over time. His large shoulders were slumped, and his elbows rested on his knees. His hands were clasped together as he stared into the dark water.
“I owe your woman an apology,” Brant said as I took a seat beside him on the trunk.
“Aye.”
“I owe you one as well.”
I shook my head. “No. I understand your anger. Your aim was misplaced, but I understood your motives. Had it been Allete, I would have felt the same way.”
Brant sighed. “I know it wasn’t Allete’s fault. She couldn’t have done anything more than she did. She fought, but sometimes your opponent is just too strong.”
“I want you to know that this witch will not go unpunished,” I said. “She will be brought to justice.”
“For Hilda,” Brant said, “but not Dayna.”
I frowned. “Why not Dayna?”
“Because she is not dead.”
“Brant, Allete saw—”
“She saw a spell strike her sister,” he said, interrupting me, “and the girl fall to the ground. She cannot know if the spell was meant to incapacitate or kill, or if it struck true, or even what effect it might have had. Magic is unpredictable. Some may have strong defenses against it, and a chest can rise and fall so shallowly that from a distance it might appear still. You know this—we’ve seen it on the battlefield when checking for survivors.”
He was right, but at the same time, I didn’t want to give him false hope. What reason would Gisele have for keeping Dayna alive? Perhaps for her blood? Or maybe she intended to ransom her to King Albric. I dismissed that idea because witches didn’t care about money as much as they did blood and power. It was the blood of animals and humans that fueled their dark spells, not coin.
“I’m telling you, Torben, she’s not dead,” Brant pressed.
His voice was filled with conviction, and his eyes lit with determination. I knew I wasn’t going to like what he said next.
“I’m going after her. With or without you. I know you’re my jarl, but I won’t leave her in the hands of that witch. And then I’m going after Calder for employing a dark witch and thinking he could keep our women. He doesn’t deserve to be a jarl, and his clan needs to be culled. We cannot have Northmen clans that behave in such a way. Not if we plan on changing our ways as your mother instructed.”
I didn’t respond immediately, though I was initially inclined to disagree. I thought Dayna was dead, and I was hesitant to put more warriors in harm’s way to retrieve her body. But then I put myself in Brant’s shoes. I imagined Dayna had been the one to show up with Magnus and report that it was Allete who had fallen. The thought made me sick, but it also made me realize I would feel the same way in his situation. I wouldn’t believe Allete was dead until I held her still body in my own arms.
“You will not go alone, brother,” I said, “but we shall go forth in strength and wisdom. Too long, this clan has followed a fool who rushed headlong into danger unnecessarily. There are things we must do first, things that will strengthen our clan, which is in desperate need of strength in this hopeless hour. I ask you now to put aside your own agenda for a time to serve your clan. Then, I vow I shall not rest until we have found your woman.”
Brant looked at me. “Does this strengthening of the clan have anything to do with making that English princess your bride?”
“It does. And I’ve got to tell the clan about Hilda and her prophecy, so they understand why I’m taking an Englishwoman and not a Norsewoman as my bride.”
“How do you think they’ll take it?” Brant asked.
I shrugged. “I don’t really care if they like it. I am their jarl, and everything I do is for the best interest of this clan. I believe I have proven that. They can trust me and accept her, or someone can challenge me for jarl. But I will not give up Allete because of any prejudice our clan has had in the past. Times are changing, and we have to change with them if we want to survive.”
Brant and I sat for a time without speaking. Though the air was calm and the evening peaceful, neither Brant nor I felt any peace. I had Allete back, and for that, I was thankful. I no longer felt as though I couldn’t breathe. It was a victory, as was the successful challenge to Magnus of the jarlship. But I knew I couldn’t rest in those victories. More foes awaited me. Additional justice needed to be served.
As the sun broke over the horizon, however, I felt a small twinge of hope. Perhaps it was Brant’s dogged insistence that she was alive, but I, too, began to hope, however faintly, that Allete’s sister still drew breath. I also felt hope that our clan would accept the changes my mother foretold for us. I hoped our people could work together with the English king to bring Cathal to justice. If that happened, then my mother’s death would not have been in vain.
Brant squeezed my shoulder as he stood. “I believe I have a princess to grovel before, you have a proposal to make, and we both have a clan that needs to know its future. It’s a new day, brother. Let’s not waste it sitting idle.”
I was glad to see my second-in-command in better control, but I was also still worried. I could see the hunger in Brant’s eyes. It was the same expression I always saw there just before battle. He truly believed with all his heart Dayna was alive. I hoped he was right, but I feared the repercussions if he was wrong. How would the warrior handle that blow a second time?
The village was quiet as we made our way back to the center. Many of my people had stayed up late to celebrate the end of Magnus’ reign. Now, they were no doubt sleeping off the aftereffects of the celebration. Thomas was sitting with his back against the tent post where I’d left him, his head dropped forward on his chest and his eyes closed.
“Should we wake him?” Brant asked.
I shook my head. “Let him rest.” We passed him quietly and went into the tent, my eyes finding Allete immediately. She was lying on her side. The furs still covered her, but she was no longer asleep. A small smile lifted her lips when she saw me, though her eyes remained sad. When her gaze shifted to Brant, she started to sit up.
Brant stepped forward and held up a hand. “Don’t get up, Princess.” He knelt a foot from the pallet of furs, his large form surprisingly graceful, and bowed his head. “I am not a man who typically disrespects a woman. I learned long ago just how precious the opposite sex is, and any man would be a fool to spurn them. Yesterday, I let my anger and pain overtake my good sense and my heart. I owe you an apology. I will not disrespect you again; not as woman, not as the sister of the one I love, and not as our queen.” He continued to kneel, his head bowe
d as he awaited Allete’s response. Regardless of whether or not she forgave him, I knew Brant would respect and protect her with his life.
“I do not hold your grief against you, Brant,” Allete said softly. “My own grief and anger were taken out on a hut that didn’t deserve it. Everyone responds differently to sorrow and loss. I appreciate your apology, and if you think you need my forgiveness then you have it. But I’ve received no slight. So that you and I understand each other, I would have you know that I feel you would have been a worthy husband for my sister.”
“Thank you, Allete,” Brant said as he stood. He took my forearm and grasped it with a firm shake. “Take care of your business, Jarl, so you can get down to business.” He waggled his eyebrows at me and grinned when Allete laughed.
I hoped he could read in my expression how much it meant to me that he gave her that moment of joy, no matter how small it was.
“How are you?” I asked her once we were alone. “Did you get any rest?”
“A little,” she said. “I think I’m just sort of numb at the moment. I feel like if I don’t think about it, then maybe it didn’t really happen. I know that’s silly—”
I shook my head, cutting off her words, and moved to sit next to her. “It’s not silly, Princess. You just told Brant that everyone deals with their sorrow differently. Maybe this is just how you need to deal with it.”
She took a deep breath and let it out as she leaned against my shoulder. “Magnus is dead.”
“Aye.”
“And you’re the jarl of Clan Hakon now.”
“Aye.”
“What happens next?”
“There will be a formal ceremony to mark my ascension as the new jarl,” I said, “and then I will need to inform the clan about Hilda and the prophecy.”
