by J. S. Scott
There was a long silence before Jett answered. “I wouldn’t have preferred it was you. Carter, nobody can protect us from some of the shitty things that happen in life. Yes, I would have still signed up even if you did, and nothing would have gone differently except you could have been killed or injured, too. Dude, you can’t protect everybody you care about. Don’t you think I would give anything to have protected Ruby from the nightmare life she had before she met me? Hell, I could convince myself that somehow, I could have met her earlier. You have to stop this shit. Bad things happen. And no matter how much we wish they didn’t, we can’t shoulder the blame for every crappy thing that happens to people we love.”
“Why the fuck can’t we protect them?” I rasped, right before I chugged down a large portion of my beer.
“Because if we spend all our time trying to prevent anything bad from happening, we aren’t enjoying every moment we have with them. Because of Ruby’s past, I was obsessed with protecting her. Sometimes I still am. But I was suffocating her. I had to back off and let life happen while doing my best to make sure she’s okay. You have to trust the good judgment of the people you care about, and know that life is going to throw everybody some curveballs. You haven’t been living, Carter. You’ve been too damn afraid that something else is going to happen. I think that’s what motivated you when you tried to break up my relationship with Ruby, right?”
I nodded. Hell, I still hated myself for nearly depriving Jett of his happiness.
“Your actions were motivated by concern for me. That almost makes it possible for me to forgive you. It was highly misguided, but I know you love me,” he said with a grin.
“Who said I love you?” I grumbled. “Maybe I just thought you were being stupid.”
Jett let out a chuckle. “You do. But you need to stop thinking that anything you do is going to prevent unhappiness. I was willing to take a risk with Ruby. I’m a grown adult male. You should have respected that. And I was willing to take the chance that something could happen when I signed up with PRO. Believe it or not, I really don’t regret it. I’d do it all over again to save the lives we saved while PRO was still in existence. We did good work. And I wouldn’t have met or understood Ruby if things hadn’t gone the way they did. I wouldn’t trade being with her for anything.”
I nodded. “That’s because you’re half crazy.”
He shrugged. “Maybe. But I’m happy. Are you?”
I was a little surprised because nobody had ever asked me that question. I was a billionaire, I had my pick of women most of the time, and I had a company I was pretty damn proud to be a part of. “I’m not sure,” I answered honestly.
“What happened with Brynn? You like her.”
“She makes me crazy,” I said unhappily. “She said she has trust issues.”
I didn’t want to share the really private moments I’d had with her, so I left it at that.
“Do you know why?” he queried.
I shook my head. “Another guy? Maybe somebody hurt her.”
Just the thought of some bastard making Brynn unhappy didn’t set well with me.
Jett leaned back in his chair. “Carter, you’re all about protecting everyone. Make her understand the man you really are and not the prick you can be sometimes. She can get over trust issues. God knows that Ruby did. But it takes time.”
“How did she get over it? Why does she trust you now?” I had to admit that Ruby had every reason not to trust one damn soul, yet she trusted Jett.
“She needed one person in her life who was never going to betray her. I gave her that.”
“How?”
“You won’t like the answer, but I had to make myself vulnerable to her. I had to be constant. I had to be there for her. And I wanted to be there.”
“I want to be there for Brynn. But I want her so goddamn much that it’s clouding my judgment. I don’t get our connection. I don’t get the emotional crap and the irrational behavior I seem to experience whenever I see her. It sucks.”
“Make it work to your advantage,” Jett suggested. “Maybe you won’t always be rational, but you’ll be there. Trust issues mean that person needs somebody stable. Somebody they can count on. Let her know you’re not going anywhere, no matter how bad things get.”
I looked at him warily. “You know that’s not how I am.”
He nodded. “Maybe you haven’t been in the past. But you’ll know if Brynn is somebody special if you can’t stay away from her. I’m not saying to stalk her, but it sounds like she cares about you. If she didn’t, she never would have revealed that kind of vulnerability to you.”
I thought about his words for a minute. He was right. If she wasn’t fighting the same attraction, would she have ever admitted that she had a vulnerability at all?
Nope.
She wouldn’t.
On the surface, Brynn was independent and she had her shit together, with a great career. She’d invested herself to wealth instead of spending her money. And she was determined to make a future for herself when her modeling career wound down.
Fuck knew that she spoke her mind. And she was as smart as she was beautiful.
I think that’s why I admired her so damn much.
I’d wanted to go after her when she’d left abruptly the night before, but I hadn’t known what the fuck to say, or how to make things better. Maybe I should have followed my instincts and just been there, even if I didn’t have the right words to make everything better.
I didn’t know what was wrong, but I wanted to prove to her that I could be that guy she could count on, even if I was a prick sometimes.
But I’d been fighting the feeling that she’d be better off if I just left her alone.
“I think you might be right,” I admitted reluctantly.
Jett smiled. “Damn! Did it hurt to say that?”
“You have no idea,” I shot back.
He sobered. “If you want her, don’t screw it up by thinking you’re not good for her,” he advised. “Start believing that you could be the only guy who can reach her if she has trust issues. You know if there’s something there, Carter. I can’t explain it, but you just know she’s different from any woman you’ve ever met before.”
“She has been from day one,” I rumbled. “I knew she was beautiful because I’d seen her before, but the first time she smiled at me, I was pretty much screwed. She doesn’t treat me like a billionaire. There’s no way she was going to fall all over me just because I was rich. She has her own money. And she has no problem telling me off.”
“I think I’d like to see that.”
“Not happening.” I loved bursting Jett’s bubble when he was being an asshole.
“Why don’t you bring her to the engagement party? I know Ruby would love to meet her. She follows her and Laura on social media. She likes their styles.”
I liked Brynn’s style, too. Probably more than I should. “We’ll see. I’m not sure she’s ever going to speak to me again.”
“If you want her, you’re going to have to work for her, Carter.”
“I’ve never had to work to have a woman in my life.” I wasn’t being arrogant. It was just the truth, and I didn’t know how to really romance a female. I only knew how to get them into my bed, and it generally wasn’t all that hard.
Jett grinned. “You’ll learn. Follow your instincts. And try to bring her to the party. I’m sure Ruby will sing your praises.”
“At least I have an ally.”
“You have a whole family of allies,” he corrected. “You’ve just never realized it. All jokes aside, I fucking want you and Mason to find the same happiness that me, Harper, and Dani have now. Had I realized you, in any way, blamed yourself for losing Mom and Dad, I would have knocked you alongside the head for having those crazy thoughts. And I can guarantee you that so would Mason, Harper, and Danica.”
“It’s Brynn’s fault I’m even talking about it,” I shared. “For some reason, I’m a damn fountain of truth around her. I can’t lie to her.”
“Keep being honest. Sounds like she needs that,” Jett said.
“I’ll work on it,” I told him truthfully as we both stood and tossed money on the table.
“I better get back,” he said. “Thanks for the break.”
I didn’t feel the usual sense of guilt I experienced when Jett limped slightly beside me as we left the bar.
Instead of feeling like he was my wounded little brother, he was just…Jett. Always had been, really. He’d actually changed for the better after he’d met Ruby, and he was a hell of a lot happier than I was right now.
Lucky bastard!
Brynn
“I’m not going anywhere,” Carter growled as he barged through my front door. “I don’t care if you have trust issues. You’ll learn to trust me eventually.”
I was dumbfounded, so befuddled that I just stood there at the open door as Carter paced in my living room.
After a moment, I closed the door, but I was still just staring at him.
I’d never planned on seeing him again after I’d sprinted from his penthouse like an idiot the night before. Not that I’d ever let anybody know I had an insecurity, but as far as I knew, it generally sent men scrambling to get away from a woman with issues.
He kept talking as he paced the living room.
“Maybe I have always blamed myself for shit that was really out of my control. Not that I like to think anything is out of my control,” he rambled. “I’ll be patient. Not that I’ve ever done that, either, but I’m fucking willing to try it if you just see this thing through with me until I figure out why the hell I can’t stay away from you. Hell, I’ll even try not to touch you, but I sure as shit don’t know if I can do that, either. But I can try so you’ll trust me.”
My heart felt like it was in a vise as I watched Carter Lawson, billionaire and powerful head of one of the world’s biggest tech companies, trying to make me happy.
He was saying he was imperfect, and he couldn’t have said anything more touching than that.
I pretty much crumbled in the face of his ranting.
Never in my life had I encountered a man like him, and probably never would again.
“I’m sorry about last night,” I said as I moved forward to the living room, stopping right in front of him so he’d stop pacing.
“I don’t care about that,” he said in a guttural tone. “But I want you to be able to trust me. Maybe I’ve never really been the kind of guy most people trust, but I’d really like to try.”
The fact that he was putting himself out there to me made me ache with a longing to let him get close. “I’m scared, Carter. I’ve never felt this way. Not ever. Sure, I’ve had sex. But I’ve never wanted someone this badly.”
“Ditto,” he grumbled. “So what are we going to do about it? Because I’m sure as hell not walking away this time. I can’t.”
“I don’t think I can, either,” I confessed with a sigh.
I’d cried for an hour after I’d come back from Carter’s penthouse a complete mess. And I wasn’t a woman who ever, ever cried, not even when I was by myself, much less in front of someone. I never gave any guy that kind of power over me. But for some reason, he rendered me nearly defenseless.
It was uncomfortable.
It was frightening.
But I couldn’t blow off the way he made me feel and just walk away.
Carter Lawson was going to leave a scar regardless of what happened. The only question was how big of a wound it would be.
“So what do you want to do?” he demanded.
“Have dinner with you? It seems like a good place to start,” I told him with a small smile.
He grinned, his demeanor completely changed. “I’ve never had to put my balls on a chopping block to get a woman to have dinner with me.”
How could I explain that it was the fact that he had put himself out there that had made me feel okay about going out with him?
It didn’t take a genius to figure out that everything Carter had said was foreign to him.
He was a powerful man, a guy who could pretty much get anything he wanted. A billionaire like him got everything before they even knew they needed it.
But he’d been willing to talk to me honestly.
Somehow, that made one of my walls tumble.
“You did get what you wanted,” I pointed out.
“I want a hell of a lot more,” he drawled. “But I can wait until your trust issues are resolved.”
I shuddered as I looked into his eyes. I could feel the incendiary heat that was flowing between us from my scalp to my toes. My heart fluttered. Why could I not look at Carter without thinking about what all his intensity would be like if we were naked, our bodies entwined, and I could just completely immerse myself in all that passion?
I swallowed hard before I said, “Thank you.”
He looked puzzled as he said, “For what?”
“For wanting to get to know me bad enough to be honest.”
“Honesty sucks. But I’ll get used to it,” he countered.
I let out a startled laugh. “I’m sure you will.”
Maybe he wasn’t always sophisticated when he was being truthful, but I was even more convinced that there was so much more to this man than just the marketing genius of Lawson. I’d been sure of that since the beginning.
Carter Lawson wasn’t comfortable with himself, but nobody understood that more than I did. He’d spent way too much time being the face of Lawson Technologies to really figure out that he was a pretty decent man.
“Do you want to talk about why you have trust issues?” he asked huskily.
I could see the concerned look in his eyes, but I wasn’t ready to talk about my past. “Not yet. I was thinking more about dinner. I haven’t eaten today.”
“Pick your restaurant,” he said agreeably.
Had I imagined the brief flicker of disappointment in his expression?
“Tonight, I’ll cook,” I told him. “But it won’t be fancy.”
“Do you like to cook?” he asked.
Carter had never seen me cook because I’d been ordered off my feet after my injury. “I love it. But I don’t have everything I need to make something awesome.”
“Anything is great if I don’t have to cook it. But tomorrow, we’re going out. Being with me isn’t supposed to cause you more work.”
“Come help me,” I said, nudging him toward the kitchen.
“You’ll be sorry you asked,” he warned.
Turns out, his cautionary words were spot-on. I ended up sitting him down at my little kitchen table with a beer he’d gone to fetch from his penthouse after he’d almost taken off a finger trying to cut up some bell peppers.
He watched in apparent fascination as I cut up all the ingredients to toss into an omelet.
“How do you do that so fast?” he asked.
“Practice,” I shared. “It was just me and my mom, and she worked a lot when I was a teenager. We shared cooking duties. When I went to New York to work on my own, I had to eat pretty healthy, and money was tight in the beginning.”
“Did you really deprive yourself of food so you could model?” He didn’t sound happy.
I started making the omelets as I said, “All the time. Modeling can be an ugly world. People think the life of a model is glamorous, but it’s not. The day is pretty long when you’re standing at a cattle call just to see if you can get a job, and the pay sucks if you don’t have a name. And if you aren’t naturally stick-thin, you pretty much starve to get into the standard tiny sizes. I was discovered at sixteen, but I was a late bloomer. Once I started developing hips and an ass, it was almost impossible for me to
fit into a size two.”
It was kind of amazing just how easy I could confide in Carter, but he made it comfortable by being so interested.
“So you didn’t eat?”
“Sometimes I went without eating for days at a time, or basically lived on lettuce and water for a week. When I met Laura, we were both starting to get a name in the field. But we were both rundown and messing with our natural body types by trying to starve to keep working. Eating disorders are pretty common, and drugs to keep us thin weren’t unusual. Laura was in worse shape than I was. What should have been her natural body type was bigger than mine, her bone structure is larger, and she was literally sick from starvation. I could see every bone through her skin. And I saw myself. That’s when we decided that being a model for a decade wasn’t worth risking health problems that would last a lifetime.”
“So what did you do?”
I gave him a brief smile. “We got healthy. And said to hell with trying to fit into the sizes that designers wanted us to be. We both gained weight to get to our natural body type, and we exercised. Laura became a plus size model, the first one to grace the cover of popular women’s magazines.”
“She’s not what I’d call plus size,” Carter commented. “She’s curvy.”
“You’d be surprised what the industry considers plus size. They start even smaller than her. In the real world, it’s not natural. And it isn’t realistic. That’s why we blog about body diversity. The average female size in the United States is a size fourteen. Yet models are still forced to fit into a size two. It’s ridiculous. There are so few women who are actually that size naturally.”
“I hate the thought of you going hungry,” he rumbled.
“I don’t anymore,” I reassured him. “I’m my natural size, and I keep fit. If the day comes when that isn’t enough to keep my jobs, then I’ll bail out.”
“You could bail out now,” he suggested hopefully.
“I like what I do now,” I said. “And Laura and I are constantly trying to send the message that women don’t have to be something they aren’t. They need to like themselves and accept themselves as they are.”
