Stiles turned in his parents’ driveway, turned off the ignition, and sat for a few seconds before he eased out of the car and walked to the front door. Before his balled up hand met the oak door, Pastor opened it.
“Hello, son,” he said. His speech was near perfect now. The evidence of a stroke was present only in his slow gait.
“Hello, Pastor,” Stiles answered. He stepped inside the door. His affection and adoration for his father was evident when he leaned over and hugged Pastor tightly. “How’re you doing, Dad?”
“Blessed, son. Everyday God allows me to be on this earth is a blessing. I won’t complain about a thing,” Pastor remarked, and then turned around with his left foot dragging and went toward the family room.
“Where’s Mother?”
“She’s back there getting dressed.” Pastor tilted his head. “You’d think she was getting ready to go somewhere, but all she’s doing is dressing up for her son. You know your mother.” Pastor laughed.
“That I do,” replied Stiles, and he chuckled too.
“How are things going with the church and the ministry? It’s been awhile since you’ve called and asked for any advice. Must mean that things are going well, huh?
“There’s no such thing as enough advice from you, Pastor. You’ve led Holy Rock since I was a young boy. I’ve taken in all of your teachings; and your guidance along the way can never be replaced. I guess what I’m saying is I’m flying now. I’m out of the nest, and God is guiding me along step by step.”
“Praise the Lord. That’s what I want to hear.”
“I’ll be out in a minute,” yelled Audrey from the back of the house.
Stiles answered her with a yell of his own. “Okay, Mother. I’m not going anywhere.”
Pastor chuckled again. “That wife of mine. I tell you, she’s one of a kind.” Stiles watched Pastor as he spoke of Audrey. The look that was etched on his face was one of happiness and contentment. His father almost glowed when he spoke of his beloved wife of thirty years. Why couldn’t he and Rena have had that same, priceless kind of love toward one another? Stiles sat for a few seconds while lightning flash thoughts of Rena saturated his mind.
“I’m glad to know you’re leaning and depending on the Lord, son. That’s the only one who can sustain you. God is the only one whose steps you should follow. Don’t be swayed by anything outside of God’s will.”
“I’m praying every day that I will be receptive to God’s will and way.”
“Good, good. Have you heard from Francesca?” The look on Pastor’s face changed from one of happiness to a face that appeared to be full of wrinkles and deep lines of worry over his daughter.
Stiles hated to break the news to his father. “No. I’m afraid I haven’t, and that’s part of why I’m here. Or should I say, it’s the reason I’m here.”
“What’s going on, sweetheart?” Audrey asked Stiles as she made her grand entrance into the family room. She was dressed stylishly in an African style three-piece, silk tangerine and soft cocoa pantsuit. Audrey accented the outfit with a pair of wide-heeled sandals.
Stiles stood when his mother waltzed into the room. He walked over to where she stood like she was posing for a photo shoot. “Mother, you look stunning,” complimented Stiles and kissed her on her cheek. “Ummm, and you smell like a sweet slice of heaven,” he continued lavishing her with compliments. Audrey seemed to soak all of it in like a sponge.
“Stiles, Pastor, would you like some lemon tea and a sandwich?” Audrey offered.
Stiles waved his hand, “No, but thanks, Mother. I ate well and the kitchen ministry keeps me well fed.” Stiles patted his belly.
“I’ll take a glass of tea,” Pastor said.
“On second thought, I’ll have a glass of tea too,” said Stiles.
Without hesitating, Audrey darted in the kitchen and returned with two cold, tall glasses of Pastor’s favorite beverage. She gave each of them a glass. She took a seat next to Pastor on the sofa that faced Stiles.
Pastor was the first one to speak after he took a nice, long swallow of tea. “Son, you said that you wanted to talk to us about Francesca? Did you find where she is?” His look was one of anxiousness and hope. “Is she all right?”
Stiles moved around in the oversized camel chair, displaying his nervousness. He took his time and inhaled before he spoke. “No, I haven’t located Francesca yet. But that’s only a matter of time. I am confident that God will open the doors for me, so I can find my sister.”
Pastor nodded in agreement while Audrey sat still as a statue, quiet as a mouse.
Stiles clasped his hands together. Within, he prayed, Lord, help me. “I don’t know where to start.”
“Just let it out, son. We’re listening. We want to know whatever it is you have to say. Isn’t that right, honey?” asked Pastor and nudged his wife lovingly.
Audrey remained quiet, like she wasn’t so sure. She barely moved her head in agreement.
“Okay. Here goes. A few weeks ago, well, a month ago I should say, I took a road trip.”
“To where? Andover to see that ex-wife of yours?” Audrey said harshly.
“No, although I sometimes wish I had gone to see Rena. I think about her all the time. I wonder if there was anything I could have done to make things better for the two of us. Maybe I should have tried harder to forgive her for her betrayal. Maybe, being a pastor and man of God, I should have gone before God and laid it all before Him, but I couldn’t do that.” Stiles dropped his head. “I acted from my own emotions. I acted out of my own selfishness and my anger.”
Pastor intervened. “Stiles, son. It’s not too late to seek forgiveness. If God is convicting you for a wrong you’ve done, then there’s still time to make things right. As long as the blood is running warm in your veins, you’ve got a chance to make your wrongs right.” Audrey exhaled loudly and Pastor continued to speak. “Don’t be one of those pastors that preach one thing and practice another. Don’t stand in the pulpit Sunday after Sunday with unconfessed sins in your life. The Bible teaches us that we are not to regard iniquity in our hearts. No one is perfect, son. And I’m not saying that you and Rena will get back together. What I am saying is that whatever you need to do to make sure your part in what happened is cleared with your wife, then that’s what needs to be done.”
“Ex,” announced Audrey rather boldly.
Pastor and Stiles acted like they didn’t hear Audrey. “Son, you are God’s man. You move, act, and speak according to what God instructs.”
“Yes, sir. You’re right, which is why I have to speak the truth now, even though it might hurt. Like I was saying, I took a road trip. I visited my cousin, Fonda in Chattanooga.” Stiles saw Audrey’s eyes loom large and her body appeared to stiffen like a piece of wood. “I had to find out the truth for Francesca’s sake.” Stiles spoke slowly, weighing his words carefully. “I asked Fonda about the accusations Francesca made about her.”
“About Fonda molesting her when she was a child?” Pastor said in a somber voice.
Audrey sat frozen.
“Yes, Pastor.”
“And what did Fonda have to say?” asked Pastor.
“She. She. She admitted that everything Francesca said was true. She said she didn’t know why she did what she did to Francesca. She also said she was jealous of our family; especially Francesca because it seemed like Francesca had a better life than she had. She pleaded for me to forgive her. But I’m not the one she needs to ask for forgiveness. I told her she has to answer to God, and she needs to make things right in her own life by first asking Francesca for forgiveness and letting Francesca know that none of the things Fonda did was my sister’s fault.”
“Oh my Lord.” Tears trickled down Pastor’s face. “Not my Francesca. Why? How could I have been so blind to what was going on?” Pastor trembled. Audrey remained staunch.
“And I’m afraid that isn’t all, said Stiles. His voice was shaky and his hands trembled. He glanced at his mother who watc
hed him with eyes that glinted like steel. It was the first time his mother actually evoked fear in him. He turned his eyes away immediately. He wouldn’t let the devil win this one. It was time that his sister be vindicated.
“What else is it, son?” asked Pastor. He used the back of his hand to wipe the tears away.
“Fonda confirmed what Francesca said.” Stiles paused, and then glared at his mother. “Fonda said that you, Mother, you knew all along what was going on.” Anger began to mount in Stiles. “Not only did you know about it; you saw what happened. You chose to, and I said chose to do nothing. You let Fonda continue to molest my sister again and again. Then a few years later, Pastor Travis stole her precious, sacred virginity by raping her!” Stiles jumped from the chair. He was so full of anger.
“Well, I never heard lies like the ones being told,” screamed Audrey. “And you dare to come in this house with this, this evil, contemptible mess? How dare you?” scolded Audrey.
Pastor jerked away from his wife, who he had been holding around the waist. He moved back and looked at her. Hurt like Stiles had never seen, filled his father’s watering eyes. Stiles hated to tell his father and mother what he’d learned, but he had to do it. There was no time for any more lies and secrets.
Pastor turned and faced Audrey. “How could you, Audrey? All of the years we’ve been together, I’ve trusted you, believed in you. When I heard Francesca and Rena talking the day I had my stroke, even when Francesca said that you knew about Fonda, I refused to believe her. I thought I was confused and that I had to be wrong about what I heard. I blamed it on her being angry and the fact that she may have felt shame about being a lesbian. But to be molested and raped, first at the hands of our own flesh and blood, then by a man I trusted to help lead young people to Christ! Oh, Lord, what happened to my spiritual discernment? My poor baby. My poor, poor darling Francesca.” Pastor started crying like a baby. His sobs moved Stiles until Stiles’s tears pushed forward and out. Pastor continued to sob loudly. “How could I forget something like this?” He continued crying.
Stiles moved next to his father, not paying any attention to what Audrey was doing. The two men hugged each other. Their tears meshed.
Audrey continued to sit down quietly, almost stoically. What now? What did the future hold for the Graham family? And where and how was Francesca?
Audrey dashed up from the sofa again and forced Stiles and Pastor to part. “Listen to me. Okay, if you want me to say that I saw what happened all those years ago, then I’ll say it. I did. I didn’t know what to do back then. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I mean, my baby, my dear little, Francesca was doing disgusting, nasty things. I was furious, hurt, and confused. All at one time. I couldn’t process what happened. I couldn’t believe that Fonda, my sister’s child, would be part of something so evil.”
“But you could believe that your own daughter could?” Pastor lashed out at Audrey.
Audrey screamed and cried. Her arms flailed, spittle spewed from her mouth. She begged Pastor and Stiles. “Please, Pastor. Please forgive me. I didn’t know what to do. I know what I did was wrong. I turned my back on my own daughter. I blamed her for what happened. Who else was I to blame when the same thing happened to me when I was a child! My uncle did far worse than Fonda ever did to Francesca. He was the most evil person I’ve ever known. When I heard about Minister Travis, I blocked that out too.”
Audrey shook her head from side to side. Pastor and Stiles stood in silence, stunned at the confession pouring like a flood from Audrey’s mouth. “Pastor,” Audrey grabbed hold of her husband’s hand. “Please, forgive me. I didn’t mean to hurt our daughter. I didn’t mean to do it. It was like living all over again, the terrible violation I suffered. I’m sorry. God,” Audrey looked up toward the ceiling before she placed her hands over her face. “Oh, God, please, please, please! I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, Francesca, wherever you are. I’m so sorry,” she cried.
Probably relying on Pastor’s forgiving and nurturing spirit, Audrey continued to cry. Pastor, however, reacted totally the opposite. Stiles’s eyes bulged when he heard the thunderous voice of Pastor roaring at Audrey. The only time he’d heard Pastor’s voice this strong was when he was in the pulpit.
Pastor jerked his hand away from Audrey. He stood upright and yelled. “All of these years, I wanted to believe you. All of these years, I did believe you and whatever you said,” he corrected himself. “What am I to believe now, Audrey? That you hid all of these secrets from me about our only daughter, about my darling Francesca because of your past?” Pastor looked at Stiles with eyes blazing like fire.
“And you,” he pointed an angry finger at Stiles, “how long have you known this? There’s no wonder Francesca turned out the way she has. In and out of jail, turning against God and her family, involved in homosexuality.” Pastor’s hands flew up in the air as he continued his tirade. “And my wife, my help meet of thirty years, turns out to be part of all of this sin sick madness.”
Audrey interrupted hastily. “But Pastor, it’s not like you make it out to be. I was afraid. I didn’t want to face the same things I had to face when I was a child. My mother told me that it was my fault when my Uncle Larry molested me. She told me how bad I was and that I should be ashamed of myself.” Audrey’s tears flowed heavily down her face. She tried to use the back of her hand to wipe them away, but the more she wiped, the more she cried. She stood next to Pastor, while Stiles surveyed the shocking scene playing before his very eyes.
“Audrey, I don’t know whether to believe a word you’re saying. All the years we’ve been married, and you’ve never said a mumbling word about this so called molestation. Now, when it’s convenient, you want to tell me and your son about this.” Pastor raised his hands in a tirade. “Again, it’s all about you. It always has been. I’ve tried to be there for you, Audrey. I’ve tried to be the man, the spouse that God desires of me. I’ve loved you and I still love you, but what you’ve done to Francesca is something I have to go into prayer about. I have to seek God. I’ve been so blind, so blind.” Pastor’s own tears fell down his face and on to his honey gold polo shirt. “I can’t take all of this right now. I need time for this to soak in.”
Audrey’s pleading tone disappeared as fast as a cheetah chasing after its prey. “You can’t sit here and try to blame everything on me. If you weren’t so busy at church all of the time, maybe you would have noticed something too,” she yelled.
Stiles didn’t know if he should intervene or allow his parents to keep going at each other’s throats. He chose the latter. Maybe all of this needed to come out now. It had been far too long and too many lives had been destroyed because of everything that happened. He sat on the edge of the sofa and listened.
“I’ve been nothing but supportive of you, Pastor. And you want to make this all my fault. How dare you? How dare any of you?” she said in a voice of anger. She watched Stiles as if waiting on his reaction. He had nothing to say. She then looked back at Pastor and continued lashing out at him. “All the time you paraded around like you were the top dog or something. Holy Rock is all you’ve ever cared about. But what about me--your wife? What about your children? Everything concerning Holy Rock came first in your life. Don’t pretend you didn’t see the change in Francesca, just like I did. Don’t act like you’re Mr. Innocent. You’re just as much to blame as me. You’re the one who purposely had such a great relationship with your daughter. If that were so true, why didn’t she feel free to turn to you for help? And you heard everything before now anyway.” Audrey pointed at him. “Or don’t you recall that the reason you had a stroke was because of the conversation you overheard. Answer that?”
Pastor could barely contain his fury. Audrey was right. He had failed his daughter too. He had failed his family as well. He looked away every time Francesca came up with a different attitude, or an outlandish wardrobe, or when she changed her room drastically. He’d closed his eyes to everything that happened around him. But to be molested an
d sexually assaulted is something he never would have allowed to happen. He made himself available twenty-four seven to his congregation, but he was blinded by the happenings in his own family.
“So think about what I said. I won’t be in this alone. You,” Audrey continued to point an accusatory finger at Pastor and yell. “You have a lot of explaining to do before God yourself. And Stiles,” Audrey whirled around and looked at him again, still with bitterness, “find your sister. I want to get this out in the open and over and done with as soon as possible.” With that being said, Audrey abruptly left without saying another word.
Pastor’s arm lovingly enveloped his son and pulled him into the safety of his arms. Stiles held on.
“Son, I’m sorry. I have a lot of repenting to do. I have to talk to God about all that’s happened. I need some time away from Emerald Estates.” Pastor’s eyes appeared dark and marked with sadness as Stiles pulled away and looked at him. “Maybe healing can begin, but only if Francesca can be found.”
Stiles eased himself away from his father. “We’re going to make it through this. With God’s help, we’ll make it. Where are you going to go? Are you saying that you’re leaving mother?”
“Yes and no. I’m not leaving her because of what she’s done or not done. I’m leaving because I need to spend some quiet time talking to God. I think I’ll drive up to the cabin in Gatlinburg for a few days.”
“Drive? Pastor, are you up to that? Gatlinburg is about a six-hour drive or more. I don’t know if that would be good for you.”
“God will take care of me. That’s for sure.” Pastor patted Stiles on his shoulder. “Your mother has done some wild and crazy things in the past, but I never saw this coming--never. Where did I go wrong? I thought my relationship with God and with Audrey was better than this.” Pastor shook his head and cried.
My Son's Ex-Wife: The Aftermath Page 4
