Rena and Robert headed for the bedroom and put coats on the sleeping children. After she and Robert put on their coats too, she helped him carry the children to the car. They placed them in their car seats without either of them waking up. With her arms clasped inside each other, she danced around in the midnight cold while Robert kissed her again before getting inside his car.
“Go back inside before you turn into an icicle,” he teased.
“Okay, call me when you make it home,” she said and blew him a kiss before dashing up the walkway and back inside of the house. She closed the door when she saw him pull out of the driveway. Leaning against it, she thought of Robert before thoughts of Stiles invaded her mind.
No matter how much she liked Robert, she couldn’t keep Stiles out of her thoughts. Part of her despised him for the way he treated her. The other part of her loved him like she’d never loved anyone before. She thought of all the fun times they had together. Rena sat on the couch and curled her feet underneath her. With her head leaned back against the soft head cushion, she reached for the throw at the other end of the couch and placed it over her to warm her. She imagined how it would have been if things had turned out differently with her and Stiles. Maybe she would be pregnant by now, preparing for the birth of their first child. She would be walking proud and happy. But she wasn’t married to Stiles anymore. The tawdry past had made certain of that.
As for Francesca, Rena hoped she was doing well too. They had their major differences about a lot of things, but Rena still looked at Francesca as her best friend. There was a time that nothing could come between their friendship. When they crossed the line and experimented with each other, Rena felt guilty, but she would do anything for Francesca. Francesca was the one who reached out to her when Rena’s family first moved to Memphis. It was Francesca who Rena formed a solid alliance with. There was nothing she couldn’t or wouldn’t tell Francesca. Her loyalty toward Francesca is what made her offer her body for Francesca to experiment with. Rena never meant for it to be the beginning of a lesbian relationship that spanned for years. She found herself locked in, caught up with Francesca. Why couldn’t Francesca have been as trusting of Rena as Rena had been toward her? If she had confided in Rena about Fonda and Pastor Travis, they could have worked things out differently.
The best and worst events in her life came from one family — the Grahams. She had to find a way to let the past be the past. Robert may be the answer, but she would have to tell him everything about her past before they could ever think of moving forward in a committed relationship. She had learned harshly from her relationship with Stiles, how much it could destroy people when the truth was hidden.
Rena got up, walked to her bedroom, and lay across her bed. She had no more tears to cry. Momentary sadness and loneliness for the man she really loved enveloped her. Stiles Graham was gone out of her life forever, and she had to come to terms with it some way. But how, Rena didn’t quite understand. Only God could heal her wounded spirit and her broken heart.
Rena stood up and slid out of her pants and top. She crawled under the quilt and curled in a knot. She prayed for God to open the doors to a new beginning.
Chapter Eight
“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”
~Greta Garbo~
Pastor sat on the edge of the bed in Stiles’s guestroom. He couldn’t deal with the span of emotions that he had experienced earlier. He felt betrayed by the person whom he loved the most. Spending the night away from home because of a disagreement was something Pastor and Audrey had never done. He heard the scripture play in his mind, don’t let the sun go down upon your wrath. He understood what he had to do; go back home where he belonged.
At Emerald Estates, Audrey tossed and turned; she couldn’t sleep. She slowly got up out of the bed and moved around the perimeter of their bedroom. She saw Pastor’s charcoal pajama pants and shirt neatly folded over his recliner. She walked toward the chair and picked up the pants and began kneading them gingerly between her hands and laying them on her face.
The sound of footsteps startled her and she dropped the pajamas where she stood. “Pastor, is that you?” she asked out loud. She grabbed hold of her pineapple satin robe, put it on and cautiously walked out of the bedroom and into the hall, but no farther.
Pastor appeared just as Audrey took another bold step. She threw both hands up to her face and started laughing with joy.
“I knew you’d come back,” she said and reached out toward him only to have him slightly but firmly pull back.
“I’m a man of God, Audrey. You know that. I couldn’t stay at our son’s house when I know God doesn’t want me to leave a bad situation. But I can tell you that we,” Pastor pointed to himself and to Audrey, “have done a grave injustice to this family, especially to Francesca. You were right.” He spoke with sadness ringing from his voice. “I’m no better than you. I was so caught up in working for the Lord, so to speak, that I neglected the needs of my own family. I’ve prayed for many a person since I answered God’s calling on my life at the age of eighteen.” Frowns formed deeper than the wrinkles on his aging face. “But for every person I’ve prayed for and ministered to, I missed the most important thing, my own family. I’m sorry for that, and I’ve asked for God’s forgiveness.” Tears pushed forth from Pastor’s hazel brown eyes. His body shook like a person sobbing over the loss of a loved one.
Audrey shed fresh tears of her own. She moved close to him again and held him by the shoulders. This time as they stood in the hallway, Pastor didn’t flinch. “You’re right about some of what you said, but you’re also wrong too. You can’t take the blame for what’s happened in our family.”
Pastor lifted his head up and his slumped shoulders perked.
“Chauncey Graham, you have never neglected this family,” she said firmly. “You’ve always shown us nothing but unconditional love, and you’ve been the best husband a woman could ever hope or pray for. You’ve been the type of father some children wish they had. They know you love them and that you’ve always been there for them. But our children are full grown now. I’m certain that along the way, we did make mistakes when it came to raising them. But I will not take full responsibility or let you take full responsibility for their actions. Francesca was not driven to homosexuality, she chose that lifestyle. She chose to become entangled in situations that landed her in jail. She is the one that turned her back on her family and God. As for Stiles, I know he isn’t your blood, but you embraced him and adopted him as your son. And look at him. He turned out just fine. So you see, sweetheart, the pendulum could have swung either way. Francesca had an outlet. She could have talked to someone. And yes, I’ll be the first to take some of the blame for what happened back then, but on the other hand, I can do nothing to change the past. I have to press forward and so do you.” Audrey sniffed, and then stepped into Pastor’s arms fully.
While he spoke, Pastor slowly welcomed her and hugged her tightly. “The Word says we are to confess our faults one to another. God alone judges. He has the first, middle, and last word in all things. I have gone before Him and repented.” He released Audrey from his embrace and they faced each other.
“I love you, Chauncey,” Audrey said in tears. I love you more than life itself. Maybe you are right. I need to go before the Lord and confess too, and so does Francesca, Rena, and everyone who played a part in nearly destroying this family.” Audrey spoke with more boldness and fewer tears fell.
Looking stunned, Pastor responded and started to walk up the hallway. “You still don’t get it, do you? Why can’t you own up to your mistakes? Where is your heart, woman? Who have I been married to all of these years? It’s like I don’t even know you anymore. You sound so callous. You talk about our daughter like she’s a nobody. You need to go before God for yourself. Listen to Him and plead for your compassion to be restored because you act like you have a hardened heart.” Pastor brushed past her and went t
o the bedroom.
Audrey didn’t try to pursue him. Instead, she walked toward the kitchen. Once there, she made hot, spiced raspberry tea for the two of them. She was glad Pastor had returned home. All she needed to do was to give him a little space and time; and he’d come around to being the pastor she knew and loved--he always did.
She brought the tea to Pastor. He was sitting in his chair next to the bedroom window, staring outside at the blackness of night. He looked up and accepted the steaming cup from Audrey. The hot brew warmed his chilled insides. Audrey returned to the kitchen and drank her cup alone. When she returned to the bedroom, Pastor had finished his tea, and had changed into his pajamas. Audrey followed by removing her robe, and then she got in bed. A thick wall of silence separated them.
Pastor climbed in bed next to Audrey. She made it known in no uncertain terms, by her prissiness, that she wanted him to make love to her. Pastor, still in the throes of hurt and disappointment in his wife, ignored her seductive tactics and turned so that his back faced her.
Audrey wasn’t perturbed in the least. She knew Pastor inside and out, everything about him, and she wasn’t going to lose him to anything as silly and contrite as what Stiles had said.
As for Stiles, he was another mission Audrey had to accomplish. There was no way he should have come to Emerald Estates and confront her and Pastor in the manner in which he had. She’d have to remind him that he was her son, and he owed it to her to tell him when he learned something that could cause problems in the family. No one was going to mess up the relationship that she had developed with Pastor; no one, including Stiles.
Audrey finished putting on the last dabs of make-up. She went toward the study where she knew Pastor would be finishing his daily morning devotion with God. “Good morning, sweetheart,” she said as she opened the door slightly. “I hope you slept well in your own bed and at your own home.” She saw him sitting back in his chair, and laying his Bible on the desk.
“I slept okay. I see you’re up rather early,” he told her as he got up and walked toward her. He could smell her enticing aroma from across the room. He opened the door completely and hugged her. He never could resist Audrey. She had all of him outside of his love of God, and Pastor loved her dearly. She could do some things that would set him off, make him angry, like what she had pulled all of these years by keeping what happened to Francesca away from him. For that, he was more than angry; he was hurt. Plus, he felt that he should have noticed more of what was going on in his family. Audrey had been right when she said he’d spent so much time dealing with church matters that he didn’t see what was going on at home. The short time he spent at Stiles’s house gave him a chance to do a lot of thinking. Pastor believed Stiles was a lonely man. He’d lost his wife, his sister, and he’d lost his zest for loving again. Pastor didn’t want to lose Audrey. No matter what she’d done, she could be forgiven. God said to forgive seventy times seven, and Audrey was no saint, but then again, no one was. Pastor pushed his hurt and anger aside and prayed to God for restoration of his family.
Audrey not only smelled good but she looked gorgeous as she stood in the doorway dressed stylishly in a cream brulee’ pantsuit that flattered her figure.
“I thought I’d go to the mall to the one-day sale at Macy’s. I need to invest in some new outfits. I know that officially I’m no longer the first lady at Holy Rock, but I still need to keep up my appearances you know. Until Stiles finds a woman worthy of being his wife, I want to make sure I,” she posed and pointed at herself, “look the part of a first lady, so that the blessed woman he chooses will know how to maintain herself for her husband before the church.”
“I’m sure Stiles would appreciate that, sweetheart. But you know you’ll always be my first lady.” He kissed her on the lips and lightly tapped her butt. “And about last night, I shouldn’t have left. I should never have left our home in anger. That’s why I had to come back. I couldn’t stay away. God convicted me.”
“I understand. I really do. And a lot of it was my fault.”
“I’m sorry, Audrey. But hearing all that Stiles said yesterday, really got to me. I should have known that our family was in peril, Audrey. I should have known.”
Audrey placed two polished fingers against his lips. “It’s all over, Pastor. That’s all in the past. We’ve sought God’s forgiveness, and now it’s up to Rena, Fonda, Minister Travis, and Francesca to do the same, if they haven’t already. They’re adults, and they can’t live off the mistakes of the past, honey.” Audrey took hold of his right hand. You’re the one I have to worry about. You’re my life, my man, and I love you. I’m so sorry I hurt you, but believe me, everything I did or didn’t do was because of you. I never wanted to hurt you, and I sure didn’t want anyone else to hurt you. I see now that I went about it the wrong way, and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Audrey rubbed the side of Pastor’s face tenderly. “I need you to tell me that you forgive me, Pastor. Because if you don’t forgive me, I don’t know how I’ll go on living. God brought you into my life, and I will never let you go. I love you just that much,” she told him.
“And I love you, my darling. No matter what, I love you,” he repeated, and then kissed her deeply.
“I never doubted that.” Audrey turned and resumed being Audrey, with her quick movements and commanding performance like she was playing in a starring role. “Coffee’s brewing, and I made you some grits and sausage that’s on the stove. I want to be at the mall when the doors open so I can get back home before the storm sets in. The weatherman said we’re supposed to get severe thunderstorms, so I need to make it to Macy’s. I’ll bring us something back for lunch.” This time Audrey pecked him on his lips, then wiped the smudge of coco-raisin lipstick from his lips. “I’ll be back as soon as I can,” she told him.
“Okay, I’ll be waiting,” he said in a flirtatious voice and with raised eyebrows.
Audrey set off for the mall, which wasn’t more than a twenty minute drive from Emerald Estates. She was glad Pastor had come to his senses, like she knew that he would. He had to have realized that the garbage Stiles had been fed was just that--garbage. She would have to find a way to make this entire mess blow over. The devil was not going to get her man nor wreak any more havoc in her household.
When she arrived at Macy’s, she was just in time because the salesclerk was unlocking the door for several waiting customers. She went inside and browsed around the store. She found two not too casual outfits that Pastor was sure to love. To get things back on track, she invested in a gorgeous flowing and flattering ivory, ankle-length nightgown and another one that was a luscious fireworks color chemise with pearl accents, crafted lace, sweet ruffles, and edgy detailing, both sure to whet Pastor’s insatiable appetite for her. When she stepped outside of Macy’s, armed with several new pieces for church and for play, it was shortly after noon. Audrey decided to stop at Chick-fil-A and pick up a chicken strips tray. She would fix a Caesar salad and lemonade to go with it. Pastor will love this, she thought. There was one thing Audrey was sure of, and that was Pastor couldn’t stay angry at her long. His coming back home so quickly had proven that.
Audrey placed the order at Chick-fil-A, and then drove in the direction of home. Like usual, she had her radio tuned to the gospel station. With each song that played, Audrey sang right along with it.
She fumbled in the bag of food, searching for a chicken strip to ward off a sudden bout of nausea that overcame her. The car that crossed in front of her seemed miles away. Was the traffic light green? Red? Yellow?
Audrey closed the bag of food without taking a bite. She felt nervous, and extremely thirsty. The end of the hit gospel tune played in her mind over and over again like a scratched CD.
Chapter Nine
“A person who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.”
~Albert Einstein~
After less than a month long search, Stiles, with the help of the church volunteers, had researched until they found a contact
number for Francesca. Stiles hadn’t told Pastor or Audrey yet. Sitting behind the desk in his church office, he looked at the blue sticky note with her number on it. For some reason, he was shaky, almost jittery at the thought of not having talked to Francesca for what must have been close to eight months. He said a silent prayer and asked God for intervention and direction as he made the call. As much as he wanted it to be a celebratory reunion, the news he needed to convey to her was all but joyful. But he had to do it. He succumbed to his inner voice and dialed the number. Sure enough, Francesca answered the phone. He could recognize her voice anywhere, and this time was no different.
Hearing Stiles’s voice over the phone appeared to cause unsettling thoughts to rush through Francesca’s mind all at once. She paced the floor back and forth with her hand over her head, and tried to force herself to listen to what he had to say. She could hardly digest anything that he said. It sounded like Charlie Brown’s parents, “Wah, wah, wah.”
“How did you find me?” she asked.
“It wasn’t easy. One of your friends from the past told me that she heard you had gotten mixed up with some support group connected to one of the churches here in Memphis. It was an uphill battle, but after several calls and visits, I finally located the church. They didn’t know you, but they did tell me about a mission church in Newbern. They gave me the contact number after I told them who I was and why it was so important to find you. And I’m sorry about your friend,” Stiles said with sincerity.
“What or should I ask who are you talking about? I don’t have any friends, at least not in Memphis. That’s part of my past, part of letting go,” she said strongly. “So I’m telling you now, I’ll never forgive you if you tell anyone, and I do mean anyone, where I am.”
My Son's Ex-Wife: The Aftermath Page 6
