It had been on all the news stations in the mid-south, and had been documented in the newspapers as well. Pastor did what he could to shield any news about the accident from his wife. He didn’t want to get her upset more than she already was. The lawyer he hired told him that Audrey would have her driver’s license permanently revoked, and since this was her first major accident or accident of any kind, and no drugs or alcohol were involved, then she might get off with a few years of probation.
When the lawyer visited Audrey at home, he explained much the same thing to her. She burst in tears while she slowly maneuvered her hand toward the box of tissue sitting next to her on the nightstand. “I can’t believe this. I can’t believe any of this happened. Two people are dead because of me. What was I thinking?” she cried to Pastor, like she was searching for him to give her the answers.
“Please, honey. Don’t get yourself upset. All you should be doing now is concentrating on getting better. Let the lawyer handle everything. Prayer for your healing and for the members of the family that were killed has been going up before God each and every day. Stiles has been holding nightly prayer vigils. He even went to see the family of the people who were killed. As much as it hurts them to lose their loved ones, they were grateful for Stiles coming to see them to express how sorry we are. Everyone, as you can tell from all of the cards, balloons, and gifts in here, and there are more in the family room, have been thinking of you and praying for you.
“For real?” she said in a sort of vain tone, and quickly cleared her throat.
“Yes, for real. There isn’t a day that goes by when the phone isn’t ringing and the person on the other end is inquiring about your health. People want to come to see you, Audrey.”
“No, no, I can’t let anyone see me like this. Wait until I’m up and walking again,” she said.
Pastor found it impossible to tell her again what the doctors said, that she would never walk again. Her lower spine was completely severed as the result of the accident. He allowed her to talk. “Yes, honey, faith changes things, and there’s nothing impossible for God,” he told her. “But I sure wish you would let some of the ladies from the auxiliary visit. They’ve been calling so much that it’s driving me up the wall.” Pastor chuckled. “All I’m saying is there are people who love you, Audrey. Think about allowing some of them to stop by to see you and to do for you like you’ve done for so many of them. The ladies auxiliary wants to prepare a nice lunch for you and spend the day chatting like you all do every second Saturday of the month.”
Audrey repositioned her head on the pillow. “I’ll think about it,” she said.
“Good, that’s all I ask. Now why don’t you get some rest? You had quite a workout with the therapist today.”
Pastor stood up from the chair next to Audrey’s hospital bed that was placed in one of the guest rooms of the house. He leaned down and kissed her on her lips. Audrey smiled, turned her head to the side and drifted off.
Just as soon as Pastor closed Audrey’s door and headed for his study, the doorbell rang. He went to answer it and Stiles stood on the other side with a bouquet of mixed flowers in one hand and a large plastic bag in the other.
“Come on in, son. Let me help you with that load.”
“No need. I can handle it, Pastor.” Stiles shuffled into the kitchen and set the plastic bag on the counter top and the flowers on the table. “Is Mom awake?” he asked.
“No, she just went back to sleep. She had a pretty intense workout. You know how she dreads having therapy every day, but it’s a must if she’s going to gain any strength in her upper body. She somehow still thinks she’s going to walk again, son, and that worries me a lot”, he confessed.
“Pastor, what’s that saying?”
Father and son spoke together, “If you’re going to worry, then don’t pray. If you’re going to pray, then don’t worry.” The two of them laughed. Stiles stepped closer to his father and gave him a bear hug.
“Let’s see what you’ve got here,” Pastor asked while at the same time peeping into the plastic bag. “Ummm, Piccadilly’s.”
“I stopped by there so you wouldn’t have to worry about conjuring up something for you and Mother this evening.”
“That was nice of you. I’m glad you did it too, because me and cooking just don’t seem to get along.” Pastor chuckled again.
“It’s no problem. I’ll make sure you two always have a home cooked meal, but just remember, I won’t be the one doing the cooking.” This time Stiles laughed, and then pulled out a chair from the kitchen table and sat down. Pastor placed both dinners in the refrigerator for later.
“I’ll warm these up later on. You know what, son?” Pastor sat down in the other chair.
“What is it, Pastor?
“This makes me think about Rena. You remember when I had my stroke you and her would stop by Piccadilly’s every Sunday afternoon and bring me and your mother a hot dinner plate?” Pastor smiled.
Stiles smiled slightly too. “Yep, I remember.”
“Have you heard from her? Do you know what she’s up to these days?”
“Not really. The last I heard she was back in Massachusetts. I tried calling her a couple of times when she first left, but her phone was disconnected.” Stiles said sullenly.
“You know she should be easy to find, that is, if you really want to find her.” Pastor’s eyebrows quipped.
“I know, but I don’t know what I’d say to her. Pastor, I’ve been praying so hard for God to help me forgive her for lying and deceiving me. If I can pray for Francesca, and I have forgiven her too, then why can’t I forgive Rena? I don’t understand.”
“God says for you to trust in Him with all of your heart. Don’t lean to your own understanding, just trust Him and He shall direct your path. The Word also says that if you regard iniquity in your heart, the Lord will not hear you. Son, you’ve got to bring some resolution to all this madness that’s been going on in this family. Now I’m not saying you have to get back together with Rena, unless you truly still love her and want her, but what I am saying is that you can’t be an effective leader, minister, preacher, teacher, or anything connected to God if you don’t obey His commandments.”
All the time Pastor was speaking, Stiles shook his head in agreement. He would love to hear Rena’s voice again and her contagious laughter. He missed holding her and smelling the sweetness of her body. He missed his wife. But how could he ever think of going back to someone or reaching out to the one he loved when all she had done during their relationship was lie to him? She had deceived him, and it still hurt. His heart was still an open wound.
“Pastor, if only she had told me,” Stiles said as he rubbed his head back and forth with his hand. “Why didn’t she just tell me the truth?”
“And would you still have married her? Can you imagine what she went through? She was involved in an unnatural act with your sister, and from that she contracted an STD. Are you telling me that you still would have married her had she told you that?” Pastor waited on the reply he knew was coming.
“No, I wouldn’t have.”
“Do you believe she loved you, son?”
“Yes, but then again, I don’t know. It’s all so confusing. How can you love someone and betray them at the same time? How is that love?”
“Son, look at your mother. You think that this is the only time she lied to me, when I found out she saw and knew about Francesca’s abuse? Do you think I’ve always been one hundred percent truthful to her?”
“What do you mean?” Stiles leaned forward and placed one hand under his chin.
“I mean I’ve done things in my past that I lied to your mother about, or should I say stretched the truth. I’ve said and done things that I’m not proud of. Some of those things your mother knows about, and yet she forgave me and kept on loving me. But the fact of the matter is that you have to give the other person that chance to make the decision. You didn’t give Rena that chance. You didn’t give Francesc
a that chance.”
“I know it, but it’s too late. I’m sure Rena’s gone on with her life. I mean, she’s beautiful, smart, intelligent, witty, ambitious, and she loves the Lord,” said Stiles.
“Yet, you cannot find it in your heart to forgive her? Which brings up another subject--Francesca. Have you had any luck in finding her? I know you said you talked to her on the phone, but has she told you where she is?” Pastor looked hopeful and waited on Stiles to respond.
“Dad, so much has gone on these past couple of months that I feel like my head is spinning around and around like a Ferris wheel and I can’t get off. But to answer your question, I did locate her. I meant to tell you and Mom, then the accident happened and it never seemed like the right time. After Mother had the car accident and I found out that Francesca’s friend, Kansas, had died, I convinced her to tell me where she was living. She agreed to see me.”
“Kansas died? Oh, I know Francesca was disturbed about that. But it’s still great news that you know where Francecsa is. Is she okay?”
“Yes, she’s fine.”
“Your mother will be happy to hear that.”
Stiles pushed his hands up. “Hold up, it’s not all that easy. Francesca is doing well. She’s involved in a great church, a recovery program, and she has a place of her own. She even has this giant cat that looks like a dog. She calls him Jabez.” Stiles laughed at the thought.
“She always loved cats. Remember Charlie?”
“Oh yeah, I completely forgot about Charlie. Anyway, she doesn’t want to be bothered, Dad. When I told her about Mother, she practically brushed me off. She’s still holding on to the hurts of the past. Somehow, she can’t let go of yesterday.”
“Somewhere, my Francesca lurks inside of the young lady who is full of rage and hurt. She’s inside of there, and I’m going to pray until the devil releases his stronghold over her life. She may not know it yet, but we need her as much as she needs us. We’re family. Families are meant to hold one another up, to love one another no matter what, to treat each other with the utmost respect, and most of all, to forgive one another no matter what mistakes the other has made. Keep reaching out to her, son. Promise me that. And when God directs me, then I am going to see my daughter and so is your mother. It’s time for restoration. And with God’s help, it’s going to happen.” Pastor reached across the table and grabbed hold of his son’s hand. “Where two or more are gathered in my name—”
“There am I in the midst also,” finished Stiles.
Chapter Eleven
“We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable.”
~Unknown~
Audrey was tormented again with bad dreams about the accident. Since the accident, she had been sued and stood to lose all that she and Pastor had worked hard for over the years. Insurance didn’t begin to cover all the damages she had caused and the lives of those who were snuffed out because of her. The court permanently revoked her license, and she was sentenced to ten years in prison, which a good attorney managed to have converted to probation.
The reason for her accident was determined to come from Audrey lapsing into a diabetic coma. The times she couldn’t remember, the night flashes, her mood swings, all of it was contributed partially to Audrey being a diabetic. It was a shock, but a relief as well, to learn the cause of her irrational actions the night of the accident. Her high blood sugar level sent her into a diabetic coma, where she lost consciousness at the wheel. It had forever changed Audrey’s life and the lives of those involved in the accident.
Audrey withdrew more deeply into a state of depression. She was a paraplegic, unable to feel anything from her waist down. Each time she looked at the colostomy bag hanging on the side of the bed, she became more distraught. She would never be able to make love to Pastor again. She would never again know the feel of his touch, a slight rub of his hand on her thigh. Audrey lay in her hospital bed and cried.
“God, is this payback? Have I been so wrong, done so badly that you’ve brought this upon me?” Audrey wept. “Lord, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for the lives I’ve destroyed. I’m sorry for the family whose loved ones are gone because of me. I’m sorry, God, for everything I’ve done. But please don’t let me be like this for the rest of my life. Heal me, God. Don’t be cruel to me.” Audrey’s tears deepened and left track marks down her face.
Pastor walked in and saw Audrey crying and praying. He went to her bed and tenderly held on to her hand. He leaned over and kissed her on her lips. “Everything is going to be fine. Don’t you worry, darling. Don’t you worry about a thing.”
“How can I not worry?” Audrey allowed Pastor to wipe her tears away with a tissue. “Chauncey, I’m paralyzed. I can’t feel a thing. I can’t walk. I can’t even go to the bathroom and pee. I can’t take a bath. I can’t do anything. Oh, Pastor, does God hate me this much that He would let me suffer like this?”
“No no no. You know God doesn’t work like that. It was an accident that caused this, Audrey. God is still with you. He loves you and you know that.” Pastor spoke to her gingerly.
“If He loves me so much, then why this?” Audrey managed to look down at her lower body. “If He loves me so much, why did He allow me to kill an innocent mother and child? If He loves me so much why do I have diabetes and have to be stuck with a needle three times a day? Why!” Audrey wailed.
“Audrey.” Pastor wiped the hair from her forehead. “Don’t get yourself worked up. You have to allow God to heal you from the inside, baby.” Pastor’s voice was so tender and loving. He stroked her hair gently while he talked soothingly to her. “You aren’t strong enough to carry this burden of guilt and self-condemnation. You had no idea you were a diabetic. None of us did. God knows your heart. God knows you didn’t mean to kill anyone. Please, honey. Don’ t keep beating up on yourself. As for being paralyzed, yes, you are paralyzed, and no, I don’t know if you’ll ever regain the use of your lower body, but even if you don’t, God hasn’t forsaken you, Audrey; neither have I. I’m not going anywhere. You’re still my Audrey Poo,” Pastor said with a deep smile that caused crevices to appear on his face.
“I’m nothing but a burden to you now, Pastor. I want to die. I wish it had been me who died in that wreck. I wish it had been me.” She started weeping again.
“But it wasn’t you, Audrey. This means God still has work for you to do. You may have to find other ways to do things, but nevertheless, God still has a purpose for your life. Maybe you’ll minister to others who’ve experienced such an accident, or who have lost the use of their limbs. We don’t know yet how God is going to work everything out. But this I know for sure, that everything that the enemy means for bad, God can and will work it out for our good. I don’t know what that good is right now, but in time, it will be revealed to you, Audrey. Just be strong, my darling.” Pastor sat in the chair next to Audrey’s bed and held on to her hand. He kneaded it softly. “Is there anything I can get you?” he asked.
Barely speaking above a whisper, Audrey said, “No, no one can do anything for me.” She turned her face away from Pastor.
Pastor held on to her hand until he heard her breathing becoming labored. She had fallen asleep. He wiped tears from his eyes when he stood up and looked down on his sleeping wife. Pastor pulled the cover up to her chest, kissed her again and walked out of the room.
Pastor went into his study and sat down. His hands were trembling, and he fought back a strong desire to cry. He sat back in his office chair, intertwined his hands, and cuffed them underneath his chin. He remained in the chair for sometime without uttering a word. It wasn’t until the ringing of the phone, that he was yanked from his inner thoughts.
“Hello,” Pastor said into the receiver. He didn’t hear a response. “Hello,” he said again.
“Pastor…it’s Francesca,” the child like voice said.
Tears pushed forth from Pastor’s eyes. “My Francesca. Oh, God, my sweet, swe
et, baby. How are you? I’m so glad to hear your voice.” He could barely contain his joy.
“How are you, Daddy?” asked Francesca.
“Oh, baby. I’m fine. Now that I hear your voice, I’m even better,” he told her. “Honey, are you all right?”
“Yes. I’m doing well. I just wanted to hear your voice too.” Francesca paused. “And I wanted to see how Audrey was doing since her accident. I know it’s been awhile, and you’re probably wondering why I haven’t...”
“Stop it. I’m not wondering anything. I’m too glad to hear from you. You sound so good. I miss you, baby. And as for your mother, she’s doing okay. She’s resting right now. She’s having a hard time dealing with never walking again and being a diabetic. You know how much your mother loves to go and to do things. So right now, she’s finding it hard to cope.” Pastor tried to explain in simple terms.
“Oh, I see. And you? Are you taking care of yourself?”
“Of course. I’m fit as a fiddle.”
“That’s good.” Francesca’s voice sounded nervous and apprehensive. “I just wanted to call and say hello. And of course, check on Audrey.”
“Good, very good. What have you been doing?”
“I guess Stiles already told you that I’m back in church. I’m working a lot with youth and at risk people. I’ve started a group recently for people who aren’t sure about their sexual orientation. We don’t meet at the church. I have a private meeting at my apartment so everyone at the church won’t be eyeballing this person or that person if they find out they’re part of the group. You know, church folk are still judgmental.”
My Son's Ex-Wife: The Aftermath Page 8
