They stood on the porch behind the banquet hall, out of sight from everyone. “Look, Rena, you were always my best friend. I can never deny that; although there have been times when I did. But you were there for me when no one else cared enough to see about me. I’ll always be grateful to you for that. I was wrong in so many ways and on so many levels. I’ve repented; I’ve asked God to forgive me. But I have a long way to go. I still have anger in my heart toward Stiles and toward my dead mother. I have anger in my heart toward a lot of people, including Fonda and Pastor Travis. I have anger for Kansas, God rest her soul, for placing this death sentence on my life. So you see, I still have a whole lot to work on. I want to forgive like God has forgiven me, Rena. It’s just so hard.” This time Francesca’s voice trembled and her eyes grew misty.
“Francesca, you’re not totally responsible for what happened between us. We were young, we were best friends. Yet, I had no idea how badly you had been hurt mentally, physically, and spiritually. I allowed myself to be a crutch for you to lean on. I’m just as much to blame for my actions as you are. When God looks at us, He doesn’t look at us and judge us together, he looks at us and he loves us equally.”
Francesca reached out and hugged Rena. “I love you, Rena. I’m sorry for everything. I was mixed up back then. If anyone is responsible for the breakup of your marriage, it’s me. I know I can never make that right, but I can ask you to forgive me.” Francesca released Rena just as the door opened. It was Stiles. The expression on his face looked hard and tight with strain.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt.” His voice dripped with sarcasm as he held the door ajar.
Francesca listened and Rena turned her head away from him, hoping he wouldn’t see that she had shed fresh tears.
“You always have had a knack for walking up where you don’t belong,” Francesca bit back sternly. “Rena, I meant what I said. I hope I see you before you leave.” Francesca opened the door and left Rena and Stiles standing outside.
“So what was that all about? The two of you making up, or what?” he asked with a bitter edge to his voice.
Rena faced him head on. “Look, I don’t owe you an explanation about anything I do or who I talk to; nothing,” she said angrily. “I’m not your wife anymore—remember?” she snapped.
“No, you aren’t. And seeing you sneak out of the repast with my sister reminded me of the reason why you aren’t.”
Rena tried to push past him so she could go back inside, but Stiles blocked her way. “I’m not going to stand here and listen to your insults and badgering, Stiles, so get out of my way,” Rena demanded.
“Not until we talk,” he said.
“We have nothing to talk about.”
“Oh, I think we do. I don’t know what that was all about with you and Francesca, and frankly that’s no concern of mine anymore. Because my heart tells me that there’s nothing between the two of you. In the past, when you were young and naive, yes. But what you and I had was real. I know that now. We were in love.” Stiles spoke gently and carefully. “I just got bent out of shape. I snapped when I was told that the woman of my dreams was also the woman of my sister’s dreams. But I still had no right to be unkind to you and treat you harshly. I know now that I reacted hastily when we broke up, and I pushed you completely out of my life. I should have listened and weighed the situation out more carefully, but I allowed my heart to rule my emotions instead of going before God.”
Rena’s head popped up at the sound of his voice. Her eyes bore into his. She felt herself weakening and hated the fact that Stiles had this effect on her. Why couldn’t she dislike him? Why did he still have the power to tug on the love strings of her heart?
“Stiles,” she fidgeted nervously. “What’s done is done. We can’t look back on yesterday. I’ve moved on with my life, and it seems that you have too. I’m standing out here face to face with you with my heart fluttering and my cheeks probably crimson, and you know what, Stiles? I can honestly say that I don’t love you.” Rena seemed surprised by her own words.
“If you’re saying this because of the relationship you think I have with Detria then you’re seeing something that isn’t there. I do like Detria. Could I fall in love with her? Yes. She’s been a godsend to me. She runs the kitchen ministry at church, plus she stops by almost every day to help prepare nutritious meals for Pastor and Moth...” Stiles stopped. His face turned a shade darker. “She’s a wonderful, smart woman. One day she’s going to make some blessed man a good wife.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to come off so strong.” Rena reached over and took hold of his hand. “I know it hurts, Stiles. You and Audrey were close. But she’s with God now. And she doesn’t have to suffer anymore. As for Detria, maybe you need to open your eyes and see the love that woman has for you.”
Stiles held his head down. He stepped closer to Rena and embraced her like he was holding on for dear life.
The door swung open. Rena and Stiles stared. Both of them speechless.
“I didn’t mean to interrupt,” Robert said, turned, and walked quickly back into the banquet hall. As the door closed Rena saw Francesca positioned behind Robert with a smile of sick pleasure on her face like she’d accomplished her purpose—she had.
“Oh my, I didn’t want this to happen. Look, I have to go back inside.” Rena brushed hastily past Stiles. She had one hand on the door as she turned to him and kept talking. “Keep moving forward with your life, Stiles. I hope you can forgive me for all the problems I caused. I loved you once. And I loved you with all of my heart,” she said tearfully. “I’ll be the first one to take responsibility for our failed marriage. I was deceitful, I lied, I subjected you to an STD; the list of wrongs I’ve done is endless. I didn’t know if I wanted to come to Audrey’s funeral or not. I had mixed emotions about her too. But then I realized that Audrey has to answer for her own wrongs, and so does Francesca, me and even you, Stiles,” she said in a choked voice. “I can’t keep running away from my past, but I won’t allow my past to keep running after me either.”
Stiles reached out and removed her hand from the door. Rena didn’t resist. “Wait,” Stiles said.” We need to get this out in the open, once and for all. Tell me, Rena. Is it because of the man you brought with you? Did you bring him here to show me that you’ve moved on, or to flaunt him in my face? Is it another one of your game plans?” Stiles said coolly.
Rena’s brows frowned. “He’s here for the same reason Detria is here with you. I don’t know if you’ve told Detria about me and Francesca; I frankly don’t care. But when I see Detria, I see a part of me; the part of me that once loved you like crazy. I watched Detria standing next to you last night, and being there for you and your family today. Now she’s inside the banquet hall serving people on behalf of your family. She loves you, Stiles. Cant you see that? She’s a woman that I believe is willing to do anything for you,” cried Rena. “Stiles, I’m telling you, if you have the chance at love with Detria, I suggest you take it. It’s like God has suddenly opened my eyes. I know for sure now, more than ever, that what we had is over. Robert is a good man. He loves me. But I wouldn’t allow myself to love him in return because I was weighed down with feelings of guilt over my past. I thought I was still in love with you.”
“So you’re saying that you don’t love me anymore? You’re saying that we can’t right the wrongs and make a new start?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying. You always have wanted what you can’t have, Stiles. You have a beautiful young woman inside that banquet hall who loves you. My advice to you is you better open your eyes and your heart and accept the blessing God desperately wants to give you.”
A powerful feeling of relief consumed Rena. “I hope I haven’t lost Robert. I hope I can explain to him that what he witnessed was simply two ex-lovers saying their final good-bye. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go inside and find the man I love and make things right with him. And this time around, I’m willing to lose him because I wo
n’t live a lie anymore. I’m going to tell him everything about my past, and pray that if Robert truly is the man for me, and I believe that he is, that God will open up his heart and allow me to love him as much as he loves me.” Rena reached for the handle again, opened the door, and swiftly went inside. This time Stiles didn’t try to stop her.
Rena hurried to the table where her parents were seated. “Where’s Robert?” she asked when she didn’t see him as she scanned the room with red eyes.
“He said he was going back to the hotel,” Mr. Jackson told Rena. “We told him we would get the church shuttle they provided to carry us back. I thought you went with him,” her father added.
“No, I was outside talking to . . . to Francesca and Stiles.” Mrs. Jackson’s eyebrows lifted and she dabbled the sides of her mouth with her cloth napkin. “What’s going on, Rena?” she asked. “You look like you’ve been crying.”
“I don’t know. I think Robert must have gotten the wrong idea about me and Stiles.”
“Why would he get the wrong idea when there’s nothing going on between the two of you?” her father asked.
“Honey,” Mrs. Jackson said, “why don’t you go back and mingle with some of the people and talk to Pastor before we leave? I need to talk to our daughter alone.”
“Um, huh,” he said and moved his seat from the table.
“Tell me, Rena,” her mother said. “What exactly did Robert see or hear?”
“Nothing, really.” Rena swallowed hard. “Except he saw me and Stiles hugging.”
“Oh, Rena, what were you thinking about? Please don’t tell me you’re letting Stiles fill your head with a bunch of empty hopes and dreams. Not after the way he reacted when he discovered the truth about you, Francesca, your health,” Mrs. Jackson leaned over and whispered.
“Mother, it wasn’t anything like that. Yeah, I admit Stiles was trying to come on to me, but I told him there was no way I was going to enter into a relationship with him again. I told him that Detria Mackey loves him.” Rena used her head to point in the direction of where Stiles and Detria stood. Stiles had his arm comfortably placed around Detria’s waist. They truly looked like a couple in love. “That woman loves Stiles, and I told him he would be foolish not to pursue her,” Rena explained. “I talked to Francesca too. After all of her, ’I’m sorries, ’ she still was the cause of Robert coming outside and seeing me with Stiles.”
“How do you know that?” asked Mrs. Jackson.
“Because when Robert opened the door and saw us hugging, I saw Francesca standing behind him with a big smile of satisfaction on her face just as the door closed. Momma, I don’t want to hurt anyone else. Robert means so much to me. He’s been by my side since I met him. He loves me, Momma, and I realize that I love him too. But I may have lost him forever, all because of my lack of thinking.” Rena softly cried and kept her head down.
“Shhh, don’t do this to yourself.” Mrs. Jackson took hold of Rena’s hand and stood up. She led her outside to the front of the banquet hall. “You get on the next shuttle that comes and take your butt to the hotel room, and tell Robert everything.”
Rena’s eyes popped wide and she gasped. “Tell him everything! I hope I can, Momma.”
“Do you love him, Rena?” Mrs. Jackson asked.
Rena didn’t hesitate to answer, “Yes, I do love him. I really do love him, but I’m afraid, Momma. What makes you think Robert will want me after he learns everything about my past?”
“Love and acceptance,” answered Mrs. Jackson. “Look,” Mrs. Jackson pointed outside. “Talk about perfect timing; there’s the shuttle. If you want to start anew, start by telling the truth, Rena. Now get out there and get on that bus. Me and your father will catch the next one,” her mother said. Rena ran outside to the spot where others were gathered to get on the shuttle bus.
Rena stepped up on the shuttle bus, looked over her shoulder one last time at her mother, who had followed her outside. “Thank you, Momma.”
“I’m praying for you, angel,” Mrs. Jackson said.
Rena arrived at the hotel and rushed to Robert and her father’s room. She knocked on the door, but there was no answer. Rena knocked again, harder this time. Robert opened the door.
“May I come in?” she asked him.
Robert hesitated. He gave her a narrowed, glinting glance before he stepped aside so she could come in the room. He closed the door behind her.
Rena saw his packed bag sitting on the floor next to the entrance of the room. “Robert, where are you going?” she asked like she didn’t already know.
“Where do you think I’m going? I have kids to see about, Rena.” He refused to make eye contact with her. “Seems like you have everything worked out here; no need for me to hang around.” He started talking fast. “Oh, I’m going to catch the shuttle to the airport; so will you make sure Mr. Jackson turns in the rental car since you all aren’t leaving until tomorrow morning?” He sounded like he was trying to mask his hurt.
Rena walked up to him and planted her lithe body in front of his. “Robert, I don’t know what you’re thinking, but please don’t leave like this.”
Robert stepped away from her. “Leave like what, Rena? It’s obvious that you’re still in love with your ex-husband. What’s wrong with that?” He looked at her questioningly. “It is what it is.” He stood for a minute and gazed at her.
“Robert, I do not love Stiles. What you saw was the two of us saying good-bye, she waved her hands outward. “That’s all, Robert.”
“Why are you wasting your time trying to convince me? We’re just friends, remember? You already made that perfectly clear. You’ve told me that you don’t love me and that’s fine. As a man, I can only respect you for being honest.”
Rena moved in front of him again, trying to keep him from walking out of the door. “I do love you,” she blurted.
Robert stopped and focused his eyes on hers. “What did you say?”
“You heard me; I said, I do love you, but there’s so much about my past that you don’t know. I wouldn’t admit to you that I loved you; I’ve been so confused, so mixed up, Robert. I’ve messed up the lives of so many people, and I don’t want to destroy yours.” Rena cried and then walked toward the bed and sat down on the edge.
“There’s nothing you can tell me that I can’t forgive you for. There’s nothing you can say that will stop my heart from loving you. Nothing. No past relationship; no immoral affair.”
Rena’s tears poured down her face and she looked at Robert; the color drained from her face at what he was saying. She tried to speak but nothing came out of her mouth. She sat still as a statue and listened. A heaviness centered in her chest as her heart pounded like never before.
Robert knelt down on one knee in front of Rena and took both of her hands inside of his. “Not even an STD you contracted from a same sex lover.” Robert’s eyes were tear-filled this time. He looked at her sitting on the bed. “I love you, Rena Jackson Graham. I don’t know what else I can say to convince you of that. I don’t know what else to do.”
A look of love mixed with embarrassment filled her face. “How? How did you know?” she asked. She cocked her head slightly from side to side in wonderment. “Fran—”
“Yes,” answered Robert. “While you were outside talking to Stiles, Francesca had me cornered inside. She told me everything. Don’t think that I wasn’t hurt. And shocked is not the word I can use,” he said but without condemnation. “All that I can tell you is that after she finished trying to convince me that you were not at all who you pretended to be, I realized that she was right.”
Rena sighed and gently pulled her hands away from his. “She was right?” Rena was confused.
“Yes, you are not who you pretended to be. You’re the woman I love. You’re a woman who’s made mistakes in life, and I’m a man who’s made just as many, if not more. But there’s something I know about life and love, Rena.” Robert sat next to her on the bed and placed his arm around her shoulders.<
br />
“What is it that you know?” she asked.
“I know that we are human. We do things, we say things; we are imperfect people. That’s why I’ve chosen to believe God, Rena. I’d rather believe in a God who was willing to die for me so that I might live life eternally, than for me to die and not believe that He is who He says that He is. I’d rather believe that God forgives, and then He casts out sins as far as the east is from the west, than to walk around full of pinned up anger, rage, and unforgiveness. I’m not saying our relationship will be easy. But what I am saying is that I knew from the moment I laid eyes on you, that God had sent you my way. I knew God had smiled on me and given me another chance to love; that in you, my children would be loved unconditionally.”
“But what about the STD, and what about my affair with Francesca?”
Robert tilted her head to face him. “Shhh. Haven’t you heard a word I’ve said? It does . . . not . . . matter,” Robert said slowly. “It truly does not matter. What we have is now, not yesterday, Rena. This is our tomorrow. All I ask of you is that you love me as much as I love you. I’m willing to spend the rest of my life giving my all to you so that you will one day give your all to me.”
“Oh, Robert,” Rena said. A shudder passed through her. His mouth hungrily covered hers and her hands explored his body. A quiver fluttered through her as their kiss deepened. Rena Jackson Graham had been given another chance. This time she wasn’t going to let it go.
“Everything turned out well. I believe your mother is up in heaven smiling down on you and Pastor with pleasure,” Detria said to Stiles as they pulled up into her parents’ driveway. Stiles turned off the ignition and got out to open the door for Detria.
“I believe Mother is extremely happy.” Stiles managed a light smile and glanced toward heaven. “Detria?” Stiles called her name and then paused.
“What is it, Stiles.” She reached out and took one of his hands inside of hers and gingerly rubbed it.
“I want to spend as much time with you as I possibly can; I want to get to know all about you. I don’t want to live my life without someone to love, without someone to share it with,” Stiles told her. “I’m not just talking. I mean every word I’m saying. I learned a lot these past few days. It’s amazing how God used the death of my mother to orchestrate closure of my past. I don’t want to hurt anymore, Detria.”
My Son's Ex-Wife: The Aftermath Page 21
