Unfortunately, she just wasn’t a “glass half-full” kind of girl. Gwen liked to think of herself as a “hope for the best, but plan for the worst” type. What did that mean for her relationship with Alex? That she hoped they’d have a good time together and her heart wouldn’t be crushed when he inevitably left?
With a sigh, she rinsed her hair a final time and closed her eyes. That was ridiculous. How could a relationship be solid when she had such a large escape hatch?
It couldn’t. And that was part of the problem.
Sabine was right. Gwen shouldn’t settle. If she wanted a marriage and family with a great man, she could have it. If it couldn’t be with Alex, she needed to accept that. But she shouldn’t just sit around and wait for the day Alex left. Each minute she spent with him would make the ending that much more painful, not to mention putting off her chance to meet the right kind of guy. She needed to be proactive. To take control of her life. Right now.
Gwen was putting the last of her things in her suitcase when there was a soft tap at the door. She prayed it wasn’t Alex. She wasn’t quite sure what she’d say if he saw her packing to leave. It wasn’t that long ago that he’d called her a chicken, and he was right. She didn’t know how to deal with this.
“It’s Adrienne,” a voice called through the door.
“Come in.” Gwen tossed her toiletry bag into the case and closed it as the door opened.
Adrienne slipped in and shut the door behind her. “You’re leaving.” It wasn’t a question. She knew Gwen well enough to know exactly what was going on without having to ask. The story would be fully hashed out over dinner in a few weeks, when the pain wasn’t so fresh and she had enough distance to talk about it.
“I have to. I’m sorry if this ruins your plans for today.”
“It wouldn’t matter if it did. Do you need me or Will to drive you back?”
“All the way to Manhattan? No, don’t be silly. I don’t want either of you to cut your vacation short on my account. But I could use a ride to the train station or maybe a jitney stop. Whatever is closer.”
“Absolutely. The Hampton Jitney stops down on Main Street. You can probably book a ticket on your phone. I’ll just go get my keys.”
Gwen zipped her bag and turned to her best friend. Unwelcome tears had gathered in her eyes, but she refused to shed them. She wasn’t about to cry while she left him. That wasn’t how it worked. “Thank you.”
Adrienne rushed forward and swept Gwen into a hug. “Oh, Gwen,” she lamented. “I’m so sorry. I’ve worried about you ever since I found out what happened.”
“I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I let myself… I never should’ve…”
“Fallen in love?”
Gwen pulled away and sniffed back the tears. “With Alexander Stanton! I seriously need therapy or somethin’. I know that if I ever want a real, healthy relationship, I’ve gotta stop doing this to myself. So I’m leaving. I’m starting fresh. I’m going to have this baby and start living a life open to the possibilities of real love. I deserve happiness.”
“Without question. And I have no doubt you’ll find it. I’ll meet you out front in a minute.” Adrienne went out to the kitchen and left Gwen alone for a moment.
She reached over to the dresser and the silver charm bracelet still lying there. She went to slip it on, then paused. She didn’t need Alex’s gift to protect her anymore. She was open to love and possibilities. Just not with him. Gwen scooped the bracelet up and grabbed her suitcase off the bed.
When she met Adrienne in the living room, she had her purse and keys in hand. “Do you want to leave him a note or something?”
Gwen shook her head. “I doubt he’s ever left a note for any of the women he’s left. I don’t know what I’d put on there anyway.” Gwen held out the bracelet to Adrienne. “Could you just give him this and tell him I had to go? He’s a smart enough guy to figure out the rest.”
Adrienne nodded and held open the front door. They loaded the Land Rover and pulled out of the driveway.
“I’ve got my ticket booked for eight this morning,” Gwen said as they stopped in front of the local movie theater. It was closed at this hour of the morning, and there was almost no one around.
Adrienne glanced down at her watch. “You shouldn’t have too long to wait then. Do you want me to stay here with you until it comes?”
“No, I’m fine. You go back to the house and continue having a good vacation with your friends. I expect you to have some more excellent fireworks tonight.”
Adrienne nodded and leaned in to give her friend another hug. “Be safe. And call me when you get back to your apartment so I won’t worry.”
“I will.”
Gwen slipped out the car door and pulled her bag from the backseat. The morning sun had just begun shining in earnest as she rolled her suitcase over to the park bench to wait for the bus. She gave a quick wave to Adrienne as she pulled away. Once the car disappeared out of sight, she felt a weight lifted from her chest.
It was just as well she hadn’t driven herself. This way, she couldn’t lose her nerve and circle back to him.
* * *
Alex stood in Gwen’s empty bedroom, his eyes burrowing into the cold, empty bed where he’d expected to find her sleeping. The drawers were empty, the toothbrush missing from the counter by the sink. He wasn’t quite sure how to process all of this.
He’d woken up alone and thought nothing of it. Alex had slipped out of Gwen’s room each night to return to his own before everyone got up. He figured she’d done the same. He’d showered, dressed and headed downstairs in anticipation of the typical Fourth of July activities. He had no reason to think anything was wrong.
Everyone but Gwen was out by the pool, so he’d gone to her room to see if she’d overslept. It was obvious now that she hadn’t. She’d woken up early and gotten a head start on them all.
His mind raced through last night and everything that had happened. Gwen had seemed determined not to let Alex pull away from her. And yet today, she was gone. She’d left him without saying a word. What had happened from the time she charged into his room to the moment she’d crept out that would make her decide to go so suddenly?
A dull ache settled in his chest when he sucked in a breath and the air still smelled like her lavender shampoo.
She’d left him.
Something about the whole thing didn’t sit right with him. Maybe it was because Alex had never been left by a woman before. He was always the first to go, the first to decide that things weren’t working out. He’d broken it off with his first girlfriend, Tiffany Atwell, in seventh grade after the spring formal, and it was a trend that had continued until now.
Just one more thing that set Gwen apart. For the first time, he’d been left wanting more.
He took a few steps into the room, smoothing his hand over the comforter. It was cold. She’d been gone a while. Confused, Alex sat down on the edge of the bed and stared into the bathroom where her swimsuit should be hanging.
The memory of her in that tiny navy bikini hit him in the gut like a truck. It felt as if the wind had been knocked out of him, his breath stuck in his throat. His chest tightened, the dull ache sharpening to an acute pain.
So this is what it felt like to be dumped, he thought. It sucked. No wonder he’d received so many nasty voice mails and texts over the years from his exes.
A glance at the bedside stand revealed a stray peppermint left behind the base of the lamp. He reached out for it, unwrapping the candy and putting it in his mouth. The strong, fresh bite instantly brought to mind memories of her kisses. Their first on the dance floor at the reception. The one on the pier. In the pool. His mind was suddenly driven to remember them all and savor them as his last.
Not once in his life had he ever ended a relationship and worried later about forgetting a woman’s kisses. But remembering Gwen’s seemed important. Too important.
“She left early this morning.”
Alex’s hea
d snapped to the doorway, where Adrienne was standing, watching him. Her arms were crossed over her chest, but she didn’t seem angry. Somehow he expected that Adrienne would lay the blame at his feet for hurting Gwen and driving her away. But there was only sadness in her green eyes.
“Why? I don’t understand.”
“I think Gwen decided it was for the best. She knew that you two didn’t have a future together, and prolonging it was just too painful for her. She’s got a bad habit of falling in love with the wrong kind of guy.”
“Love?” Alex perked up at Adrienne’s choice of words. He hadn’t expected to hear that at all. “She’s in love with me?”
Her eyes widened as she stumbled for a moment to take back what she’d said. “I…that, I mean…that was just a generalization. I don’t know if she loves you or not.”
Will was right. He’d said once that Adrienne was a terrible liar. The truth was painted across her face. She’d let her best friend’s secret slip. Alex had slowly regained the ability to breathe over the last few minutes, but suddenly the air caught in his lungs, and his heart stilled in his chest. Gwen was in love with him. In love. With him.
And yet, she was gone just the same.
Alex had heard a few women tell him that in his lifetime. Usually as part of a plea to make him reconsider staying. It never worked, because he knew their words were as authentic as their hair color.
But he wanted to hear Gwen say the words to him. And he’d lost his chance.
“Why would she leave if she loved me?”
Adrienne walked into the room and sat down on the bed beside Alex. “She finally decided she wants a real, loving relationship and to start her own family. You and I both know that you’re not willing to give her the life she wants. And she knows it, too. So as much as it hurt, she knew she needed to leave before it just got worse.”
Alex understood. But usually he was the one to see it in the woman, and he would be the one to leave.
“She asked me to give you this.” Adrienne reached out and placed Gwen’s silver charm bracelet in his hand.
He closed his fist around the cold metal. The one thing Alex understood about being with Gwen was that he never knew where he stood with her. She was unlike any woman he’d ever met, and her mere existence challenged him every day. It made sense that she would be the first to leave him feeling like crap when it was over.
“Are you going to be okay, Alex?” Adrienne looked at him with concern in her eyes that he wasn’t used to seeing. At least, not directed at him.
“Me? Oh yeah,” he assured her, although the words sounded hollow to his ears. “You know me.”
She nodded and patted his knee, but he could tell there was a part of her that was just humoring him. “I’m making buttermilk waffles with strawberries for brunch, so don’t stay in here too long or Will and Jack will eat them all.”
Alex pasted on one of his smiles. “I’ll be out in just a minute.”
Adrienne slipped from the room, pulling the door closed to give him some privacy with his thoughts. It didn’t take much time for him to realize he didn’t want to be alone in Gwen’s room any longer. He got up quickly, heading up the stairs to return to his own private sanctuary.
Alone in his room, he felt a bit of the tightness in his chest ease up. The air in here didn’t smell like her, which helped. At least until he spied the bundle of dried-up roses sitting on his dresser. When Gwen had returned them, he hadn’t known what to do with the flowers, so he’d let them sit. Just as he didn’t know what to do with the bracelet she no longer wanted.
Without hesitation, Alex swung his arm across the dresser top, forcefully clearing it and flinging the flowers, the charm bracelet and anything else sitting up there scattering across the floor. Now he wouldn’t have to look at it and think of her.
He expected to feel better when everything crashed to the ground, but he didn’t. Fortunately, he had an idea of what would help.
If Alex knew anything, it was how to bounce back after a breakup. Playing for the “dumped” team didn’t change what happened next.
He’d enjoy the rest of his holiday with his friends. Drink some beers, shoot some fireworks. He would drive back to the city with the top down and soak in the warm summer sunshine. In Manhattan, he’d get a new haircut, buy a new suit and spend a few nights on the town in his favorite haunts. Maybe he’d meet a nice lady to distract him from thinking of Gwen. Perhaps he’d meet a couple ladies. Whatever it took.
Either way, life would get back to normal once he returned to the city. He could focus on work, racquetball, everything, anything, but Gwen. And before too long, she would be a distant memory, just like the others.
Eleven
“Nurse Wright?”
Gwen snapped out of her fog to see one of the doctors on rotation looking at her curiously. “I’m sorry. What did you need?”
Dr. Ellis grinned. “Still in a vacation haze, eh, Gwen?”
She forced a smile and shrugged. “Something like that.”
He proceeded to rattle off a list of things she needed to do for one of the patients he’d just checked on. She pulled the woman’s file and made a note of it on her chart. “Consider it done.”
Pleased, he turned and headed down the hallway. Gwen watched him walk away, thinking about how Dr. Ellis had a smile that reminded her of Alex. The simple thought brought tentative tears to her eyes that she refused to shed.
By the time he’d disappeared around the corner, there was nothing left in her memory but Alex’s crooked, sly grin. Unfortunately, that wouldn’t help her treat Mrs. Maghee. She glanced down at her notes, relieved. She didn’t remember a thing Dr. Ellis had told her, but she’d copied down every word.
Gwen sat back in her rolling office chair behind the nurses’ station, disgusted. She needed to get it together. She left him. She needed to stop moping and focus. Her job was important. Her patients depended on her. She couldn’t wander around in a lovesick daze.
It had been nearly two weeks since she’d returned home from the Hamptons. Life had gone back to normal. At least, as close as it could be to how life was before she’d gone on vacation. But even in her old routines, something was different.
She was different.
Gwen had always told herself that she lived and breathed her job because she loved it so much. That she didn’t need love and family, because her work was so important and fulfilling. Her patients were her family. Her relationship was with the hospital.
As she looked around the sterile halls with the mint-green-and-white tile floors, it was clear the honeymoon of this marriage was over. It wasn’t enough for her anymore. She wasn’t about to abandon her work, but her universe wasn’t going to revolve around it any longer.
When she’d made the decision to leave early and put her relationship with Alex behind her, she’d made a choice to start her life anew. At first, she’d thought packing her bags and walking out would be the hardest part. Once she’d arrived back in Manhattan, she’d realized that was just the first of many difficult steps ahead of her. She had a lifetime of bad habits to break if she wanted to be happy.
But she would do it. The one thing Gwen was determined to do was carry on. She might be the emotional equivalent of a tin man right now, but that wasn’t going to stop her. Sabine was right. Gwen deserved a man who would love her and give her all the things she wanted in life, without having to settle.
The last few months carrying Peanut and the few days in the Hamptons with Alex had made it clear that what she wanted was a family of her own. She couldn’t keep Alex, and she couldn’t keep this baby, but she could have that and more with someone who cared enough to stick around.
Being open to love didn’t make her like her mother. And every guy out there was not like her father. Or Alex. There were good men out there who would stay. Like Will. And Robert. She needed to put her issues in a box at the top of the closet and find the right kind of man for her.
A twinge of pain seized Gwe
n’s back. She winced and tried to soothe it with her hand, but it didn’t do much good. It was doubtful that even yoga would help. It really had been bothering her the last few hours. Every ten minutes or so, it would flare up something fierce. She must’ve slept wrong last night. She hadn’t slept very well since she’d gotten home. Suddenly the sounds of the city kept her awake, when they’d never bothered her before. Or maybe it was the vacant spot in the bed beside her.
Gwen sighed and moved her hand to her belly. The back pain was a reminder that she had some time to kill—about four months—before she would be ready to put herself back on the market. She hadn’t officially resumed her man-break, but if her time in the Hamptons had taught her nothing else, it was that pregnancy made relationships infinitely more complicated. It brought up all these confusing feelings that didn’t help an already tricky situation.
But she was determined. She was going to see this surrogacy through and start her new life as the new Gwen. Open, terrified, but unwavering Gwen. She could do this.
“Mama Gwen, are you feeling okay? You look a little pale.” The head nurse, a large and nurturing grandmother type named Wilma, approached the nurses’ station, a frown lining her plump face.
Once again, Gwen pasted on a smile to cover up the pain. She wasn’t about to worry Wilma with her sad tales of heartache and back pain. “I’m fine. Just a little tired. I think I got used to regular hours while I was on vacation.”
“Daylight is overrated. Are you sure you’re all right?”
Gwen started to nod but was interrupted by a sharp pain that radiated across her abdomen. This one put the backache to shame. She couldn’t help the gasp as she clutched her stomach and looked up at Wilma with wide, confused eyes. “Maybe not. Wow, that hurts.”
Wilma frowned, coming around the counter faster than one would’ve expected of a woman of her age and size. She knelt down in front of Gwen to examine her more closely. “Have you had a backache?”
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