“Anything I can do to help?”
“Not at the moment. You’ll always be there for me. I appreciate that.” She smiled. “Don’t get mad at Ryan for being involved with me. It’s not his fault. I’m just too darned irresistible.”
SATURDAY MORNING ELISSA checked Zoe’s small suitcase three times.
“I have everything,” her daughter told her patiently.
“I know. I just want to be sure.” Elissa ignored the fact that anything forgotten could be delivered in less than thirty minutes—much like a pizza. “You’re going to have a good time,” she said, much more for herself than for Zoe.
“I know.” Her daughter beamed. “Grandma and Grandpa are taking me to the zoo this afternoon. And we’re making cookies and then we’re watching TV tonight. It’s gonna be really, really fun.”
“It is.”
Elissa had been looking forward to the time alone. She could use it to work on inventory for the craft show. But now that it was actually time for Zoe to leave, she didn’t want her to go.
“This is your first sleepover,” she said. “It might seem strange at first.”
“Mommy, I’m five. I can do this.”
Before Elissa could answer, her mother pulled up. Zoe ran to the front door and flung it open.
“I’m ready,” she called.
Elissa moved more slowly, trying to think up excuses to keep Zoe home. Unfortunately, nothing came to her.
She walked to the open door and smiled. “Hi, Mom.”
“Hi, girls.” Her mother turned to Zoe. “Are you ready?”
“Uh-huh. I’m packed. I even brought my sleep teddy.”
“Good for you.”
Elissa picked up her suitcase and then put it down. “It’s her first time away from home,” she said. “She’s only five.”
“She’ll be fine. Don’t worry. I’ve raised children of my own.”
“I know. It’s just…”
Her mother waited patiently, but Elissa couldn’t say what it was. So she shrugged and carried Zoe’s suitcase to the car.
Zoe followed with her worn bear and placed it carefully on the backseat. Then she ran back to the house.
“I’m going to say goodbye to Mrs. Ford,” she yelled.
“Okay.” Elissa crossed her arms over her chest and waited until Zoe disappeared into the house before turning to her mother. “She likes a glass of water before bed. Not a big one, or she’ll have to get up. And sometimes she doesn’t eat all her dinner, which is fine. I never make her finish it.”
“I know all this,” her mother said. “It’s what I did with you.”
“Okay. Right.” Elissa couldn’t shake her feeling of dread. “Look, I think it’s too soon. Zoe’s too young and we need more time for her to get to know you.”
Her mother’s hazel eyes narrowed. “More time? You mean the time I would have had if you’d come home when you’d found out you were pregnant? The time I would have had if you’d never run away in the first place?”
Elissa took a step back. “What?”
“I’ve done my best to be patient and understanding,” her mother said in a low angry voice. “But don’t push me, Elissa. I’m hanging on by a thread.”
“You’re hanging on? What have you got to be upset about?”
“What? How about the fact that my daughter disappeared for eight years? Eight years. We didn’t know if you were dead or alive. One day you were simply gone. Do you have any idea what that was like? Do you know how many nights I waited, desperate for a phone call or any word at all, yet terrified of what it would be? I half expected them to find your body. But they didn’t and in a way the not knowing was worse.”
Her mother’s voice was heavy with emotion and she looked as if she were going to cry at any moment. At that point, Elissa didn’t much care. It was all she could do to ward off the unexpected attack.
“All this time you were fine,” her mother continued. “Completely and totally fine and you couldn’t be bothered to let us know. Do you know not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought about you, prayed for you, wondered where you were and what you were doing? Do you know what your incredibly selfish disappearance did to our family? To your brother? He lost his childhood. We were so busy looking for you that we couldn’t spend time with him.”
“I called,” Elissa said quietly, unable to deal with her mother dumping on her this way.
“Talking to a thirteen-year-old boy doesn’t count,” her mother yelled. “Why didn’t you talk to me or your father? Why didn’t you call back? Do you know the pain you caused us? Do you know what it was like to take your picture to the police, to put up posters, to offer a reward? Do you know that they told us you were probably dead and that we should try to get on with our lives?
“I could have forgiven you,” her mother said. “With time. But you have a child, Elissa. You know what it’s like to love a baby, to hold her in your arms. You know how big that love is and how it never goes away. You knew and you still didn’t call me. You still left me in pain.”
Something inside of Elissa burst open and years of pain flew out.
“You stopped looking,” she screamed back. “You stopped looking! I’ve been here for five years and it took that same teenage boy to find me. I was right here but you had already stopped looking. You stopped caring. You went on with your life. I would never stop looking for Zoe. Never!”
Her mother stared at her. “You say that now, not understanding what I’ve been through. Do you know why I stopped? I had to. I had a breakdown. Your father came home one day and found me curled up in the corner. I couldn’t deal with losing you anymore. So I went away and they medicated me and I learned not to hurt so much.”
“By giving up,” Elissa said bitterly. Her worst fears had been confirmed. She wasn’t sure whom she hated more—herself for making this all happen or her mother for not being strong enough to keep looking no matter what.
Her mother’s mouth tightened. “You’re right. I gave up.”
Zoe bounced through the front door and ran toward the car. “I’m ready,” she yelled.
“I’ll have her back tomorrow by six,” Elissa’s mother said, then she helped Zoe into the car and fastened the seat belt.
Elissa felt as if she’d been hit with a steel beam. Even her bones hurt. Emotionally, she was an open, raw wound. She could barely wave back when Zoe called “Goodbye.”
The small Lexus backed out of the driveway, then drove down the street. Elissa felt herself begin to tremble. Her muscles gave way and she would have fallen, except for a strong pair of arms that caught her.
She recognized the scent and feel of the man, even as he picked her up and carried her into her apartment. When Walker put her gently on the sofa, she allowed herself to lean against him.
“You heard,” she whispered.
“The whole block heard.”
“I live to entertain my neighbors.”
“You’ve been pretty quiet to date. I think you were due.”
She tried to smile, but couldn’t. Then she raised her face and stared into his dark eyes. “Why does it hurt so much?”
“Because life’s a bitch.”
“I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to make it better.”
And then the man who had warned her he couldn’t be trusted bent his head and kissed her.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
ELISSA KNEW THIS was a bad idea. The last time she and Walker had started down this path, things had gotten out of hand and she’d ended up feeling hurt.
But he kissed her so gently, so carefully, that she wasn’t sure how to resist. Still, when he drew back slightly, she opened her eyes and said, “Don’t be a jerk again.”
One corner of his mouth curved up. “I promise. I’ll be a perfect gentleman.”
“I’m not sure I want that, either.”
“Then what do you want?”
An interesting question and one she didn’t know how to answer.
He le
aned in and just before his mouth brushed hers he said, “Please, Elissa.”
The quiet plea was more than she could withstand. She gave in to both the request and the touch by placing her hands on his chest and parting her lips.
He swept his tongue into her mouth. He tasted of coffee and something sweet. He smelled like soap. He’d obviously recently showered because his hair was damp and his skin freshly shaven.
While his tongue circled hers, teasing, arousing, exciting, she rubbed her palms against the hard planes of his chest. Beneath the worn T-shirt and smooth skin was a layer of muscle that rippled with her every touch.
Suddenly she wanted to be touching that skin. She tugged on the shirt. He broke their kiss long enough to pull it over his head. Then he grabbed her hands and pressed them against his body, as if he needed to feel her caressing him as much as she wanted to be doing it.
As she explored his chest, his shoulders and arms, he bent over her. He kissed her jaw, then along her neck. One arm came around her. He rested his other hand on her belly, then moved it slowly up to her breasts. Her nipples tightened, her insides grew heavy and between her legs she felt both heat and moisture.
Then his mouth was on hers again. Deep kisses took her breath away. She lost herself in the sensations he created. He used his hand to lazily explore her breasts. He brushed against her nipples, one at a time.
Fire shot through her. Fire and need and a desperation that made her feel both weak and powerful.
“I want you,” he breathed. “Elissa. I want you.”
They were words to soothe a battered soul. She nipped his lower lip, then stood and held out her hand. He rose and allowed her to lead him down the short hall to her bedroom.
She hadn’t bothered to make her bed, but the tangle of sheets and blanket didn’t seem to be a problem. The second they came to a stop, Walker sat down and pulled off his athletic shoes and socks. As she watched, he unfastened his jeans, then pushed them and his boxers down and stepped away from his clothing.
He was the most beautiful man she’d ever seen. His chest was smooth and highly defined by muscle. Several scars, some old and faded and some still angry and red, marred his warm skin. His chest tapered to a narrow waist that naturally led the eye to a very impressive erection jutting toward her.
Her insides tightened in anticipation. It was all she could do not to rip her clothes off and beg him to take her right there. She’d been without for so long, she could barely remember what it felt like to have a man inside of her, filling her over and over again until she had no choice but to surrender.
And while that was her goal, a woman had to be practical.
“Condoms,” she said as she ripped open her nightstand drawer and started rooting around.
Behind her, Walker swore. “I didn’t think to bring any. I have some upstairs.”
“I think I have some, too.”
She could practically hear him raising his eyebrows. “What happened to the no-man plan?”
“It’s a goal, but I’m human. I can be weak from time to time. In case that happened, I wanted to be prepared. Aha.”
She drew out a small box from under a tube of hand cream and held them up.
He walked toward her, relieved her of the box and put the condoms on the nightstand.
“Only three,” he said. “Not nearly enough.”
If he’d been trying to impress her, he’d done a fine job. While she was still absorbing his complaint, he drew her T-shirt over her head and made quick work of her bra. Even as he bent down and drew one hard nipple into his mouth, he unfastened her shorts and pushed them off, along with her panties.
She clutched his head, not wanting him to ever stop that delicious sucking. With every tug, a ribbon of need spiraled from her breast to between her legs. She was already swollen and wet and the hunger he’d satisfied the last time they’d been together returned full force.
“Walker,” she breathed. “I want you inside.”
He raised his head and looked at her. “Now?”
She nodded. “It’s been a long time.”
He eased her toward the bed. She stretched out on the mattress.
“How long?” he asked as he put on a condom.
“Since before Zoe was born.”
He knelt between her thighs. “You meant what you said, then. About avoiding men and relationships.”
“Oh, yeah.”
She expected him to ask her why she’d changed her mind and was grateful when he didn’t. Instead of speaking, he slipped a finger inside of her.
Instantly her entire body tried to tighten around that single finger. Wanting made it nearly impossible to breathe.
He slid out and then pushed in two fingers. She felt herself stretching slightly. He frowned.
“I thought having a baby made things looser.”
“They, ah, sewed me up afterward.” Something she hadn’t considered. “This could be interesting for both of us.”
He smiled. “I like interesting.”
He bent over her and kissed her. As his tongue danced with hers, he reached for one of her hands and drew it to him. She caressed his erection, then spread her legs and guided him to her.
She was slick and wet and ready, and incredibly tight. Even as she fought against the need to come right that second, she felt herself stretching as he slowly filled her. The pressure was nearly unbearable, in the best way possible.
He broke the kiss and swore softly. “You’re killing me.”
“Is it uncomfortable?”
“Not in the way you mean. How the hell am I supposed to keep from coming?”
“Think of England.”
He gave a strangled laugh that was part groan, then pushed in that last inch.
She rotated her hips and consciously contracted, then relaxed her muscles. When he withdrew and pushed in again, this time she took him more easily. By the third thrust, she gave herself over to the desperate screams of her body and grabbed him by the hips to pull him in deeper. He gave a hard push and she felt the first rippling surrender of her release.
“Oh, yes,” she cried as her orgasm claimed her.
He groaned. She felt him get harder, but he continued to fill her over and over again, pushing her through waves of her release. She clung to him, lost in the pleasure, begging him to continue until he gave a cry of his own and stiffened.
WALKER LAY ON HIS BACK and pulled Elissa against him. She rested her head on his shoulder and lightly traced one of the scars on his chest.
His heart had finally slowed to normal, something he hadn’t been sure would happen after he’d lost control. His plan had been to last longer. His plan, like hers, hadn’t amounted to much.
“That was nice,” she said.
“Ouch.”
She raised her head and smiled at him. “Is this a guy ego thing? Should I gush?”
“Gushing would be nice.”
“It was great.”
“Closer.”
She put her head back down and moved her fingers to another scar. “It’s been so long, I wasn’t sure I’d remember where everything went. Thanks for helping with that.”
He smiled. “You’re welcome. Are you going to ask?”
“About?”
“The scars. Do you want to know what happened?”
“No.”
“Are you sure?”
She raised her head again. “Let me guess. Your other women were all aquiver to hear how close you came to death.” She drew in a breath and spoke in a high-pitched voice. “Oh, Walker, this one looks nasty. Tell me every little detail about what you went through.”
“So you’re not interested.”
“We just shared one of life’s greatest intimacies. Why would I want to break the mood by asking about a time when you were in horrible pain and nearly died?”
“Most women find it romantic.”
“Then you need to move in another circle, big guy.”
He chuckled. “I like your style.�
� He liked a lot more than that, but he didn’t want to get into that now. Instead he said, “Turn over.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Not even for money.”
“I’ve already seen it.”
“Then why do you need to see it again?”
“I’m curious.”
“It was a mistake.”
“It’s cute. Come on. I’ll show you mine.”
“You don’t have one to show.”
He touched her nose. “I have other things I could show you.”
She sighed and shifted away so she could flop on her stomach. “Fine. Just don’t make any cracks and don’t comment on my ten extra pounds.”
Why did women worry about crap like that? “There aren’t any,” he said, then leaned over until he could stare at the tiny red heart and the single tear below it on her hip.
“Why this?” he asked.
“It was right before I knew I was pregnant but after I’d finally come to realize Neil would never love anyone but himself and that he couldn’t even love himself as much as his next fix. It was a metaphorical statement, I guess. I thought I loved him.”
“You didn’t?”
“No. Not even close.” She turned onto her back and smiled at him. “I didn’t really know what love was until I had Zoe. She changed everything. I’m not even sure why I had her. Neil pressured me to get an abortion. I hadn’t thought about having kids, but when I found out I was pregnant, I just couldn’t get rid of the baby. So I took what money I’d managed to keep hidden from Neil and ran away.”
He stroked her hair, then rested his hand on her bare belly. “Where did you go?”
“A halfway house. I got a job cleaning and doing laundry. They let me stay while I had Zoe, then I saved enough for a bus ticket and came back here. I think, in the back of my mind, I figured if I moved to Seattle, my parents would be able to find me. I wanted them to still want me.”
“They did. Bobby lied, remember?”
“They had a funny way of showing it. Anyway, I got a job and a studio apartment. I’ve worked my way up to this place.”
Susan Mallery Bundle: The Buchanans Page 71
