When the sun rose, Rayick stayed a safe distance from the horse, just inside the edge of the forest, where he would cause less of a scare. Kye was out of sight, but I knew they were flying overhead.
We traveled from dawn until we could go no further without rest, and our breaks were short. Rayick may not have known about the clock ticking down inside me, but he knew this was time sensitive and didn't question the urgency in my voice. No taverns or inns. No towns. Just the road, on and on. My heart pounded in time to the horse's steps, every jolt and jostle aching more than it should have. My magic roared and prowled like a creature freed from its cage but without anything to take out its anger on. Whenever it passed closer to my skin, I closed my eyes and begged it to wait. Be patient.
Soon, I swore to it again and again. Soon.
Soon I could free it and let it wreak destruction. Each time I promised it that, it settled down to wait, eyes like pinpricks of flame in my chest.
I tried to keep my mind occupied. Went over the details of my plan again and again. Thought of how strange it would be to see the group in the sun. Recited the names and uses of every plant I knew.
I didn't second guess my plan. Didn't doubt. Not until the gates of the city grew in the distance, highlighted by the rising moon, and my breath stopped short. Rayick slowed the horse.
“Are you ready?”
I wasn't sure I'd ever be ready. I pulled in a deep breath and sent one last promise to my magic. “How do I look?”
Rayick swung off the horse near the edge of the road. Though I would have preferred Aurynn's borrowed pants and shirt, I'd kept to the dress I'd left home in, as torn and dirty as it was now, and my fur cloak. I'd left my pack; Mother would separate me from it anyway, and there would be more than enough supplies in the house for me to use. It didn't take much to sell that I'd been lost in the woods for weeks, but Rayick was another story. There was no hiding his disheveled state.
“Like you've been riding near-nonstop for two days and didn't sleep the night before leaving.” He said.
“Effective?”
He smiled. “Very. Now this...” He fished the vial Morgana had given to him out of a pocket, turning it in one hand. It was little, a quick and efficient dose of glamour that would last long enough to get us inside without putting much of a strain on Morgana. Working my curse had been difficult. “It’ll work?”
“It should. Morgana already worked with it: the glamour should fall into place once it's used. That way I won't have to waste my magic or concentration on it. It needs to come into contact with your skin.” He nodded and popped the top off with a thumb. He tipped it onto a finger, tracing along his hands, arms, face. My magic perked up at the taste the glamour left in my mouth, sharper than usual; a curse like this made me more sensitive.
Burn myself out wouldn't be an inaccurate term.
When the glamour settled, a nondescript knight stood in front of me, blinking and staring at hands cleaner than they had been seconds ago. Noble enough in features to avoid suspicion, but plain enough to avoid much attention. Armor dirty from travel. The kind of knight nobody would notice walking the streets of Acalta. He glanced at me, his rich brown eyes changed to an unassuming blue. It was an eerie sight, even as used to glamours as I was. “I think it worked,” he murmured, sounding half in awe.
“It worked. Now we need to move: it won't last more than four or five hours.”
We continued, Rayick leading the horse on foot while I rode, letting myself sway like the injured and exhausted lost noble they needed to see. A little lost lamb rescued from the shadows. We got a few strange looks at first, until the sight of me began to sink in at the gates. Even those who couldn't have known who I was stared and gaped; my face must have been plastered across the city and every town Mother could convince the guards to go to. She would never have risked me slipping away unseen. Rayick waved off half-started questions with the impatient distance of a busy knight and didn't so much as glance to me when the guards stepped up to him. I clung to the reigns, unable to hear their conversation and trying not to watch them too closely. A guard gestured to me, and Rayick gave a brisk nod and answered coolly. The guards exchanged a long look, and nodded as well. Rayick returned to the horse.
“A guard will escort us to the estate,” he said under his breath as we passed through the gates. “Someone is sending word to your mother ahead of us.”
I tried not to flinch. “That wasn’t part of the plan. The more people around, the more difficult this will be.”
“It would have been suspicious to try to stop them.”
He was right. I sighed. “So she’ll be expecting us. I can still make it work.” My heart pounded quicker and I scanned the blazing sky. It wouldn’t take long to get from the gates to the noble squares, but what would she have prepared by then? What threats? What lies?
“Kye needed to be at the house before sunset,” I murmured. There was no sign of them and hadn’t been all day, but they were meant to get well ahead of us. If they lost the light before getting into the house, they’d be unable to help.
“Kye’ll be there.” Rayick’s voice was solid and sure, but his gaze shifted around us, betraying his worry. “Kye is good at staying out of sight.”
So many details to fall into place. Everybody in their positions at the right time, and if one thing was off, it could mean failure. I tried not to think about everything that may go wrong as our escort appeared and we started for the noble squares.
It had been weeks since I’d seen the squares, and some part of me expected them to be changed by my absence. Roses lining the streets in memorial for the lost Morningspell girl, or people rushing to welcome me back. A few whispers trailed us, but nothing more—the squares were exactly as they’d been when I left. A display of the most beautiful things available, towering and frosty. A place of squared shoulders and raised chins, doll eyes and soulless smiles. Had it only been weeks since I’d been one of them? Since I’d walked these gilded streets without a thought for what was beyond?
I saw all the beauty still, but none of the familiarity. It was like looking at the world through glass. The same, but different. Out of reach.
I stayed quiet as they bundled me into a carriage, letting my lost lamb act speak for me, and huddled my knees to my chest, tucking my cloak around me. The guard might as well have been looking at an injured puppy, but he wisely didn’t speak and left me to ride alone. I listened to the rattle of the wheels and the clomp of hooves and closed my eyes, taking the short time alone to think. Breathe. Once I was inside the house, I would be on my own. Mother wouldn’t allow Rayick inside unless she had less than friendly plans for him, and if that was the case, he was to do everything in his power to avoid it. If he stepped across the threshold, things would get bad fast. Unless Kye was inside, I was on my own, and even then they’d need to stay far away and out of sight, unless I needed their help. And I was determined not to need it.
A twinge in my chest made my breath catch. My magic shifted, restless.
Two days down. Our timeline was tight, but doable. I willed my magic to calm again as the carriage stopped. We were in front of the house, Rayick helping me out like I was the most delicate, broken thing in the world, and I was certain my hands were trembling enough to convince Mother of it. One look at the house made my vision darken, swept away in those shadows Sarafine had sent to kill me in my bed. The windows became empty eyes glaring at me.
The front door opened, and I blinked. Not a servant, but Mother herself, and my heart stopped. She was the picture of a mother torn between worry and relief, a shawl on her shoulders above her house gown, her hair loose, as if she’d been unprepared to be seen this evening. Her eyes were hollow, as if fear had thinned her. But I tasted the magic in the air, like the jasmine of her perfume. A slight glamour. I blinked again and ice-cold fury reigned in her eyes, like twin chips of jade. A shudder snaked down my spine.
Before I could decide whether to snatch up the guard’s sword and drive it
through her or run the other direction, she had darted for me. Her hands found my face, her skin like marble, and every muscle in me came to a standstill. I couldn’t move. Couldn’t breathe. “Oh, Neyva, darling,” she gushed, scanning in the frantic way only a mother could. “Where have you been? What happened to you? Are you alright?”
An act. All an act, flawless to fool the guard. Even Rayick watched with uncertainty flickering in his eyes. Then she pulled me into a hug, her arms too tight—a warning, not a loving embrace—and his gaze hardened. When she pulled away, she kept an arm around my shoulders. My skin crawled. It took all my willpower to stop myself from yanking away, to stop my magic from raging at the contact. At the sight of her.
What would come of us if I killed her here, with the guard as witness? What might happen if I let my magic, barely contained by my desperate command, rush loose with him and Rayick nearby, potentially caught in the storm that would follow?
Not yet.
Mother was thanking the guard so warmly that his cheeks pinked, and he mumbled something about being glad all was well, then bid us goodnight and walked off with a nod to Rayick. Then Mother’s eyes were on him, warm and kind above that knife-sharp danger.
“You say you found her in the woods?”
Rayick nodded. “She was lost, but we found our way here easy. I’m glad she’s home.”
“I cannot thank you enough for escorting her here.”
“There’s no need, Lady Morningspell. Anybody would have done the same.”
“I must thank you all the same. Would you like to join us for supper? I know it’s a bit unusual, but after all you’ve done—”
It was sweet, sickly sweet. Not like the poised, cool woman she was for the rest of the world. Dread settled heavy and thick in my stomach. I forced a tired smile. “I’m sure he has other duties, Mother.”
Her hand on my shoulder tightened. “I insist.”
To his credit, Rayick didn’t so much as blink. He gave her a wide, charming smile and replied, “Thank you, truly, but I must return to my post. I only wanted to make sure Miss Neyva made it home safely.” He clucked his tongue to the stolen horse, who shifted, as if eager to get away from this place.
“If you are sure,” Mother said, smile perfectly in place. “Thank you again, and travel well.”
“Thank you.” We said our goodnights, as scripted as every other conversation in Acalta, and I watched Rayick as he rode out of sight, past the gates. Then I was alone with a murderer.
“Come, Neyva, let’s get out of this chill,” she said, dragging me up the steps. My feet moved on their own, numb. Fear gripped my throat and choked the voice from me as I persevered to keep my spine straight. I could pretend around the guard, and even around Rayick. But not around Mother. She knew what condition I was in, I was sure of it. She confirmed it when the door was closed. She faced me, glamour gone. A pristine, proud statue of ice once again. “What have you done?” she hissed.
A chill swept through me. The air felt too thin, my heartbeat too loud. Fear, or the curse? I couldn’t tell. “We both know what I did, Mother, but it’s undone now. I asked him to bring me home.”
“Did you? When you could have returned safely on your own? You’re very capable, Neyva.”
“Could I have returned on my own without raising questions? The attention he drew was more than enough. Alone would have been worse.” Pretty words from the mouth of the puppet. All the things she had trained me to say.
Her eyes narrowed as she searched my face, but I steeled myself and stared back at her. Neyva the weapon, cool and flawless and unshakeable. She shook her head. “What do you plan to do now that you’ve returned?”
This was it. My hands wanted to shake, but I tucked them into the pockets of my cloak. I didn’t let the words catch in my throat. Didn’t let my voice tremble. “I plan to give myself to Nalcai, of course.”
I’d never seen my mother caught off guard. Even when I’d ran from the ritual she’d been angry, but not surprised. She knew me as well as I knew myself—or as well as I’d thought I’d known myself—and she must have seen the chance of it coming. Hoped otherwise, perhaps, but seen it. Now shock flittered through her eyes, and I triumph surged in me. I’d been adamant enough with Sarafine and Tulia that she must have given up the idea.
But she wasn’t too shocked or dumb not to question me. She folded her arms. “Do you, now?”
“Yes, Mother.” How to play this? As the confident weapon she wanted me to be or the contrite daughter? I settled for something in between, letting a fraction of my exhaustion show. “I was wrong to run. You can call off Sarafine.”
“Sarafine will stop her hunt when I see you’ve dedicated yourself to this family as you should have on your nameday.” I tried not to wince. If Sarafine was still searching while I did this, there was more chance she’d come across one of the others. I needed them in place in case this went wrong, and they couldn’t face a witch like her.
“Yes, Mother. Shall we make the preparations tonight?”
“Go clean yourself. You look like something dragged from the gutter, and She will not accept you like this. I’ll have a meal brought to your room.”
I forced a smile and dipped my head. “Thank you, Mother.” I started for the stairs without another word, chest compressing with every step. I was really going to do this. I prayed all the way to my familiar door that Kye was hiding somewhere in the house, ready to act. A part of me prayed they had fallen behind and were stuck waiting for dawn to find a way in. That would be safer for them.
I closed my door and leaned against it. Across from me, my reflection gazed back, wide-eyed and flushed with nerves. Hair wild from the ride here, clothing limp and ragged. I stripped the cloak and dress off, tossed them into a pile in the corner, and pulled on a loose dressing gown. The room was as I’d left it, as I’d kept it my entire life. Neat and simple, sleek, comfortable. The jewelry box I’d taken pieces from was still open, a necklace halfway spilled onto the tabletop.
Only one thing had changed: the dress hung on the front of the wardrobe rather than cast aside. My name day dress. Like it had been waiting for me.
My heart leapt into my throat and I tore my attention away. “Kye?” I whispered, but it was far enough past dusk that they couldn’t still be an eagle, and there was no hiding a human in here. I nudged the washroom door open with a foot, but it was dark and silent.
That was alright; there were plenty of other places in the house for them to hide. I sat on the edge of the bed to gather myself, struggling to push down the impatient magic. It was ready to set things into motion, but I had to wait on my mother. None of this would work without her in the right place. She’d insist on the ritual being perfect. As perfect as it should have been the first time.
A knock at the door made me jump, but I stood and pulled it open. A servant scurried in with a tray of food she placed on the chest at the foot of my bed, never looking me in the eye. Magic scratched at my throat like it had caught her scent and was eager to follow it. “Your supper, Miss Neyva.”
“Thank you.”
My magic rolled and clawed at my bones as she closed the door, and I didn’t miss the telltale click of a lock sliding into place. I’d expected that sooner or later. Mother wanted to ensure I was going nowhere.
It was done. In a few short hours, I would be putting everything right, one way or another.
Thirty
The day leading up to my nameday rushed by, impossibly fast. A blur.
The hours I spent waiting for my mother to call on me felt like years.
I paced, watching the clock tick past minute after minute. My stomach rolled, but I forced down a few bites of food; I would need my strength. In the washroom, I soaked angelica and acacia in water and used it to wipe away old dirt. It wasn’t really a magic cleansing, but it would do. A little sliver of protection and a mask of purity.
Not that any mask could hide what Morgana had done to me. Mother had to have tasted it, but she ha
dn’t said a word about it. Maybe I was lucky and she mistook it for the magic that had leaked through previously, the magic that Nalcai would help me reign in.
The dress on the wardrobe stared me down, and I forced myself not to look at it too often. Not think about what I was doing or what could go wrong. How very, very dead I could be by dawn.
Any of us could be dead before the end of this. All of us.
Every second made my curse work itself taut. My magic coiled and snarled, burning hot in my lungs. I squeezed my eyes shut and willed it to stay put. It had been waiting for so long now, and it didn’t have any more patience. It needed to be let out.
But I would need every tiny ounce of it to beat my mother.
A little longer, I told it. It scraped at my insides in response.
Fine. A quick release, to keep it from eating at me for a few minutes. It lit the candles and lanterns, chasing shadows into the furthest corners of the rooms, and I dug out a pair of sewing scissors from a drawer, then broke the skin of my finger.
I would need more blood than normal to use the full-length mirror in here, but I could make it work. I dragged my cut finger along the glass until a rough oval was completed. My breath was shaking as I stepped back; Morgana’s curse was strong. I could feel the magic flooding my veins, but wrestling it into something was taking a toll.
But one spell I could do, couldn’t I?
“Mirror, mirror, look and see,
Bring me the images I seek.”
My reflection rippled and faded, drops of color replacing it and clouding the glass like blood. It cleared on the view of a street, near-empty at this hour except for a few scattered shop windows twinkling with light. A dark figure walked down the edge of the street, the uncomfortable set of his shoulders recognizable, though his glamour replaced his normal ratty cloak with the finely-made casual dress of a well-off family. Tamsin. Aurynn on his arm hardly needed changing but for replacing her pants with a dress; she looked for all the world like she belonged there. Just where I’d told them to be, unnoticeable but close enough to be reached.
The Ruin of Snow Page 30
