Jayla had to find out. She eased her hands down his body, over his hard chest until she traced the hard line of the V funneling into his pants.
Muscles tensed in his abdomen under her fingertips. “I don't have any protection with me, Sweetheart.”
“I'm on the pill.” The words spilled out over her lips before she could think about it.
He nuzzled his face in the crook of her neck, placing soft kisses on her skin. “Are you sure?”
She curled an arm around the back of his head, sifting her fingers through his short brown hair, still damp from the rain. “Yes,” she gasped in more of a moan than an actual word as his fingertips rolled her nipple.
She just wanted to be in his world, a part of a fantasy, not to think. They may not survive the night. And contrary to everything she'd said and done since the first time she met Noah Kendrick, she'd dreamed of this moment. To know what it felt like to be devoured by him, to be the object of his affection. To know if he made love with the same passion he had for his duty. And that all became evident the moment his lips touched hers.
Maybe he would be different. Maybe when all was said and done there could be something between them. But he'd have his deployments. She had her missions. And a cat. She had a fucking cat. Did he even like cats?
Noah's face lowered to her breasts and she sucked in a deep breath. He glanced up at her. A flash of lightning lit him up from behind. He was beyond handsome. A sexy sweetness filled his brown eyes. It wasn't rough and tough, throw her against the wall sex like she'd imagined it might be. He took his time, feeling, touching, exploring. Maybe it was the storm, maybe it was because they had nothing better to do while waiting to be rescued. But maybe, just maybe it was a part of who he was.
“There seems to be something in my way. May I?”
Jayla bit her lip and nodded.
“That's a mighty sexy lip bite you've got. Let me try and see if I can do better.” He leaned in and sucked her bottom lip between his, slowly grazing her skin with his teeth as he pulled back away from her mouth.
Fuck. Jayla's eyes rolled to the back of her head, not even realizing he'd removed her bra at the same time until his warm hand cupped her bare breast. “Yeah, you win.”
A soft laugh filled her ears as he leaned against her lips, pulling them into a lingering kiss, distracting her again as his hand moved over her swollen breasts and down her stomach. His fingertips toyed with the edge of her panties.
“There's more obstacles in my way,” he whispered against her mouth. “Permission to remove them, Fox?”
Jayla arched her hips toward his hand. “Permission granted, Hound.”
He brushed against her lips once more before kissing his way down to her breasts, sucking one between his lips and tongue. More distraction as he slid down her G-string with one hand. With swirling licks of his tongue and playful nips of his lips, he made his way over her stomach and she flinched at the tickle of his warm breath on her skin.
He slid his hand between her thighs and she stilled.
“Wait, I have obstacles in my way, too.” She tugged at his pants still fastened to his hips.
He let out another chuckle. “You first, Sweetheart. Then we'll worry about me.”
“Hey, I'm team equal opportunity. I want something to play with.” She pushed her lips into a sexy pout, hoping he'd succumb to her womanly wiles.
Shaking his head with a smile, he gave a nod. “Fine. Damn those sexy lips of yours. Jesus, Fox, do you have any idea how beautiful you are?”
Her heart fluttered at his words. Did he really mean them?
She stopped as she pushed his pants over his hips and jerked her head up to look at him. He stared down at her with a hunger in his eyes she'd never seen. Even in the dark, his desire pooled in them. The raw sexual tension in the air was undeniable. They had chemistry. And the honesty of it, the brutal truth pricked her heart. It sucked the air from the room, from her lungs. Yet one look at his face fed her the air she needed.
She worked him out of his pants and braced herself to look at him. Just a shadow in the darkness of the room, he hovered over her like some mythical god, ripped and at full attention. How he hid that thing in his pants, she had no clue.
He lowered himself next to her. Rolling her to face him, he eased her thigh to rest on top of his, allowing him easy access to her. Without warning he dove at her lips, pulling and tugging her mouth like a starved man. Warm fingertips found their way between her legs and swept a gasp from her lungs, but he never allowed her to break the kiss. Instead the gasp turned to moans, sounds he echoed back to her like a secret language they shared.
He lit her skin on fire with every touch, sweeping fingers that played her body like an instrument. She wrapped her hand around him, eliciting a primal rumbling in his chest that almost scared her, yet turned her on as she worked to stir him to a frenzy as he did to her.
“Slower,” he choked out, finally breaking their kiss. “Or I won't be able to last much longer. Your touch undoes me.”
A smile twitched on her lips.
“You think that's funny do you,” he whispered against her mouth. A smile of his own pressed against hers before he punished her mouth with his tongue. A driving kiss so full of passion and need she ached to her toes. All while his fingers strummed her, and pushed her right over the edge of temptation to pure, uninhibited ache for a man she'd just met. But somehow he knew every intimate detail about her body to the point she didn't know where she ended and he began. They just fit.
He cradled her with his other arm while her body trembled through the last wisps of pleasure. She managed one last stroke on him as he pulled away and leaned in to whisper in her ear. “Are you sure you're okay with this?”
“Dear God, yes! Stop talking,” she cried out and pulled him to her.
He rolled her to her back, padding her head with his hands as he lowered his hips. Sweeping her mouth with his tongue, he slid into her and her body twinged, arching under him, taking him in. His kisses followed the rhythm of his hips, like a sensual, ritualistic dance. She clenched around him, holding him inside her, and he moaned the sexiest sound she'd ever heard.
He broke the kiss, panting as he hovered over her lips. His face acted like he wanted to say something, but the words didn't make it out of his mouth. Instead, he stared deep into her eyes as he rocked his hips, sliding their bodies together in heated need. His chest rose and fell in quick bursts as his rhythm increased, and he balled a fist behind her head, grabbing the top of her hair with it. The other hand fell back between her legs, sweeping her into another spiral of pleasure as he came to his own.
It took everything in her not to push him back down and ride him like a cowboy. She'd just had the best sex in her entire life and wanted more. He was like a drug to her. She hated that he had that much control over her, from her thoughts to her desires, and now her survival.
* * *
Sweaty and panting for breath, he rolled to the side of her. His mind spun as he tried to regain his thoughts. Ones not full of Jayla, or the fact that he'd just had the best sex of his life, right there in the middle of nowhere with her. A rawness came out of him, a fierceness he'd never needed to express before.
The silence deafened him. “Do you hear that?”
Gasping for the air to return to her lungs, she looked at him and shook her head. “What?”
He propped himself up on his elbow and looked down at her, brushing the back of his finger along her brow. “No more thunder.”
She blew out a hard breath and rolled away from him, pausing a long while before answering. “Just the eye of the storm, probably. There's more to come.”
“Well good, then I get time to recharge before round two. You know how to wear a guy out.” He tucked her in his arms, clutching her to his chest as he laid his head down to rest. Just the very thought of doing that again with her already had adrenaline resurging in his veins. He wanted more of her.
She wiggled out from his hold. “You
don't have to hold me anymore.”
He pulled her back to him and nuzzled his face into the back of her neck. “What if I want to hold you?”
“SEALs don't just want to hold you. It's heart pounding adrenaline, always looking for the next rush. It's easy lays, hard days, and on their way.” She pulled from his embrace and sat up. “I'm not signing up for that. I'm not a fool to think that after sex, this”—she pointed between the two of them— “is going to be a thing.”
Her harsh words hit his gut with a punch. Noah stared at her in the darkness. “Who did it to you?”
Jayla hitched a shoulder. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“What guy ripped your heart to shreds and left you so bitter?” Noah curled a hand to a fist.
She pulled her legs to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. “Does it matter?”
He'd never taken the time to get to know the history behind the faces he'd slept with. It didn't matter. History meant attachments, a bond. Baggage. But his heart ached knowing Jayla had been hurt. Yet he didn't know how to fix it. But he wanted to. “It matters to me.”
A snort-laugh squeaked from her throat. “Why?”
He continued to stare at her, choosing his words. “Because I see you. You think I don't, but I do. I love the fact that you're strong, independent, and kickass. But I hate that you have to be strong out of hurt and fear. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be strong, but what bothers me is that you think you need to be in order to survive, and it pushes people away.”
Shit. His own words hit him hard. Wasn't that the very thing he'd done all his life?
Guys like Digger had taught him to go for the cheap trick. The easy lays, because why work hard at something when you may just die the very next day. In and out. No attachments. No hassles. No one to leave behind. They didn't want real women. They wanted fantasies. That's what Frog Hogs were in the bar. The dream. Not the reality. Because reality meant death, war, injuries, murder. You don't want to bring that home. You don't want someone to share that part of you. A part so dark it scares the piss out of yourself, so you learn to turn it on and off like a switch, taught and conditioned to get the job done no matter what. Until one day, what if the switch doesn't turn off. Frog Hogs were the best of both worlds...the dream, the sex, the freedom.
But sex with Jayla had been so much more, he was still trying to understand it himself. From the moment he met her, she threw him for a loop. As he processed the words, they toiled in his gut, twisting every thought he'd ever known into a knot of guilt. Someone, a SEAL, left a giant scar on her heart, and he just ripped that wound wide open.
“My dad.” Her words came out soft, weak, barely audible. She rested her cheek on her knees, still holding tight to her legs.
He sat up and ran a hand down her back.
“He was a SEAL. Got some chick pregnant on one of his deployments and left us for her. To start a new life, dumping my mom and me and my brothers.” She pressed her thumb to her trembling lips, before sucking back tears. Raising her head, she swiped at her eyes and sniffed. “So yeah, excuse me if I have a hard time believing there's anything more to a SEAL than soldier and sex.”
She was right. And nothing he said would change that viewpoint. Here he thought she got burned by an ex-boyfriend. To be dumped by your father, he could very well see why she wanted nothing to do with SEALs. But that mindset was harsh, to apply one viewpoint to all SEALs, none of which had anything to do with her situation. Yet his own life, so far, was little more than what she described. Soldier and Sex. That was all he knew. That was all he thought he wanted.
Except tonight wasn't just sex. He knew it. And he knew that she knew it. The next problem would be, where to go from there.
“I'm real sorry about what happened with your dad. But, don't think so hard, Fox. All I wanted to do was hold you. Feel you. Enjoy what we shared. Just live in the moment. You don't know when you'll get another one.” He sucked so hard at this emotional shit, dealing with feelings and words and expression. Noah was a doer, not a talker. He could show her with a kiss, with his touch. But after this, he doubted she'd ever let him near her again. Yet there they sat, buck-fucking-naked having this sort of conversation.
She shook her head, dropping her hands to her lap with force. “So, what're you saying? You think we're gonna die here?”
He pulled one knee up and draped his arm over it. Lowering his head, he gave it a shake, before looking back up at her, brushing a hand over his mouth. “No. But we don't know for sure when any of us are gonna go, do we?” A deep sigh settled in his lungs. “I live in the now, Jayla. I don't think much in the way of long term, because we're never guaranteed a tomorrow. I shoot from the hip. I do what my gut tells me to, even when my head tries to fight it. Because if we don't do what we want, what we need to … then by the time you realize you should have, the moment's passed or the person's gone ...”
The crack in his voice detailed the rise in his emotions. He pushed it back down. What the fuck was happening to him? A lump wedged in the back of his throat as the realization hit him of what day it was.
“Noah?”
He looked up, sucked in a deep breath and shook his head. “Sorry, was just thinking about my mom.”
She scooted closer to him, her bare ass inching along the cold linoleum. “What happened?”
He shook his head again and looked down to the floor. He couldn't get into it. Not now. But the pain clawing its way up the back of his throat wouldn't relent. It burned, like fiery scars scratching his heart. It burst through his hold.
She'd shared her story, maybe it was time to share his own.
* * *
Regret wound her stomach in knots. That something she saw earlier in his eyes, the loss, the deepness was about to pour out of him, and she just spouted off like some damned spoiled brat. He needed her now, and she had to put aside her own issues and help him with his.
Jayla slid her hand under his chin, making him face her again. “Listen, I apologize for being a jerk. Just know, you can talk to me. What's said here, stays here.”
Clutching his hand into a fist, he pressed it to his mouth and swallowed hard. “Today's the fifteenth anniversary of the day I got my mom killed.”
“Oh, shit, Noah.” His words sucker punched her in the gut. That was the last thing that she had expected to be talking about after having mind-blowing sex. But suddenly nothing else mattered except comforting him, letting him get his pain out. Like he did for her. “I'm so sorry.”
She rose to her knees and wrapped her arms around his neck. He clutched her body to his, spreading his large hands across her back as if he didn't want to let her go. She straddled her thighs on his lap, pressed her cheek to his shoulder and held him, stroking the back of his head.
Tears never fell. But emotions spilled from him in the silence, with each exhale, with each fingertip indenting her back, with every moment he held her like a last breath.
Nothing prepared her for the raw moment of holding a naked man in her arms who just opened a scarred wound and let her soothe him back to healing. But just moments ago, he'd gotten her to spill her own demons. Tonight's storm was more than just physical. It turned into an emotional one.
“I never got to say good-bye or tell her I loved her. Instead she came looking for me, to bring me home, because I was a good kid who got messed up with some shitty people and did fucked up things. I didn't want to be doing them. So I called her, begged her to come get me. My friends were trying to rob a liquor store. But when my mom showed up, so did the cops, and the stupid bunch of fourteen-year-old kids panicked and fired off shots. The gun wasn't even supposed to be loaded. Jordy said it was empty and the safety was on. He just brought it for show, so they'd give us the beer.”
He spit out the words, like his tongue and lips couldn't work fast enough to get the story out. Like they were stuck behind a door bursting at the seams to get out. Jayla continued stroking the back of his head, running her other hand along h
is back, calming him as he did to her in the water, and she just let him speak.
Jayla was usually the talker. The one wanting to be seen and heard. But now she needed to learn to listen. She didn't have magic words to make him feel better. Maybe he didn't need them. He just needed to get his own words out instead.
“Jordy aimed at the cop, but I shoved him. Instead of hitting the cop, the bullet hit my mom.” His Adam's apple bobbed against her shoulder as he swallowed back more emotions. Then something wet plunked against her shoulder. She held her tongue, not acknowledging the tears, as her own puddled in her eyes at the depth of his pain.
“She died by the time I reached her body in the middle of the parking lot.” He sniffed as his body shuddered in her arms.
Jayla pulled back from her embrace and cupped his cheeks with her hands. “Hey,” she whispered, forcing him to look her in the eyes. “I know she knows you tried to stop it. She believed in you. She was there to bring you home. You don't have to blame yourself for the actions of someone else. You didn't fire the gun. You tried to stop it. And look”—he tried to pull away from her, but she guided his face back to hers—“look at yourself today, Noah. How many lives you've saved. She would be so damn proud of you.”
Swiping her thumbs over his cheeks, she brushed away his tears. “You saved my life. More than once. In the same day. That's pretty damn impressive.” Confusion colored his eyes as he stared back at her. They were the eyes of a lost boy hiding inside the body of a hardened man.
She crushed her mouth against him, sweeping her tongue over his. He returned the kiss with fervor, digging his fingers into her back before he thrust her body away from him. His legs scrambled out from under him as he shot up off the floor.
Jayla dashed after him. “Where are you going?”
He shook his head. “I shouldn't have told you that. I have no idea why I did.”
She locked onto his arm and spun him around to face her. “You needed to let it out. You don't have to stay in that dark place alone.”
Special Forces: Operation Alpha: The Fox and The Hound (Kindle Worlds Novella) (Breaking the SEAL Book 1) Page 8
