by Nikki Wild
“Let me guess. Everyone is waiting for me?”
“Yes, Liam. Your brother sent me.”
“Right, of course he did. I’ll be right down.”
Story of my fuckin’ life. Everyone waiting for me while I tried to fuckin’ sleep. I looked around the room and was surprised to see it empty. I jumped in the shower and the events of last night unfolded in my head like a horror movie.
It had started out so bloody great, too. Kissing Catherine in the hallway was the highlight, her tight little body finally in my hands, just where I wanted it. She kissed me back like a ferocious little tiger and it only increased my hunger for her. But then, I’d opened my stupid mouth and said the wrong thing. Whatever that was. I was lost in the moment, so I can’t really remember what the words were exactly, but it was probably something arrogant and bastardy.
Whatever. It was probably good she left.
Because what followed was the ugly part. I’d gone back to the party, and gotten smashingly drunk, ended up in a row with Slade, over who knows what, and as the memory of a chair flying through the hotel window came crashing back into my consciousness, I winced.
I had a hard time suppressing my anger when I was drunk, what can I say?
I’d never hurt a fly, really. I kept my ravings to words and when it did turn physical, I turned the violence towards the closest object I could smash that wasn’t a human face.
No doubt, everyone saw it, with Ian choosing that moment to come back down and tell us all to quieten down before the cops came, which caused he and I to get into it all over again.
What a vicious fuckin’ cycle.
So, now I’m forced to face them all. Walk out to our buses, performing my walk of shame in front of all of their angry accusing eyes.
I’ve half a mind to just blow it all, leave, take off all by myself and let someone else be the singer. I’m so fuckin’ tired of it. I’m tired of all of these fuckin’ people around me all the time. For fuck’s sake, I’d kill for some peace and quiet. Some fuckin’ solitude. A place to go where I wasn’t constantly surrounded by people who only needed something from me.
Catherine’s eyes haunted me as I made my way downstairs. Pissing her off was the only thing I truly regretted about last night. The rest of them could taking a flying leap.
Nevertheless, before I stepped off the elevator, I took a deep breath and vowed to try to be just a little bit less of an asshole today.
13
CATHERINE
Liam sauntered out of the hotel like the arrogant bastard that he was, causing me to question if anything ever got to him. By now, I’d heard bits and pieces of his escapades at the party. When I’d joined the others this morning, after a surprisingly good night’s sleep, everyone was buzzing about how drunk he was.
“That fuckin’ twat. It’ll cost at least a grand to fix the fuckin’ window,” Ian muttered to himself. He was pacing up and down the sidewalk, ranting about his brother. Rhone sat across from me and shrugged. “Does anyone even know what started it this time?”
Rhys and Matt stood next to each other smoking and they shook their heads. Rocket looked over at me quickly, his eyes darting away just as fast. Had he seen us? I wondered. We’d been in the hallway alone when Liam kissed me and although I hadn’t seen anybody else, there was a brief moment when we wouldn’t have been aware of a bomb dropping beside us. The feel of his lips on mine had stayed with me all night. I bit my bottom lip now, as I watched him walk up, the intensity of the memory so strong I felt like I could still feel it.
I waited for him to look my way, but as soon as he appeared, Ian froze and they squared off in the middle of the sidewalk. I watched, as did everyone else, as Liam and Ian sized each other up.
“You’re a fuckin’ irresponsible child!” Ian spat.
If looks could kill, Liam and Ian’s glares would have made anyone drop dead. They seemed to hate each other so fiercely, it was almost difficult to remember they were brothers.
“Piss off, Ian, I’m in no mood for your bullshit!” Liam said, his voice calmer than the anger shooting from his blue eyes. His eyes narrowed as he stared Ian down, his brows furrowed, his energy electric. He’d never looked fucking sexier. My nipples hardened as I took a deep breath, drinking in the sight of him. As usual, his jeans and open shirt, a black one this time, did nothing but highlight the fact that he was barely dressed.
“It’s always about you, isn’t it, Liam?” Ian asked, his voice seething with anger. “You think we were in the mood for your shit last night? I don’t even know what set you off this time, but you were a fuckin’ royal prick!”
“You got something new to tell me?” Liam asked, his chin jutting forward defensively.
“Yeah, in fact I do,” Ian said. “You act like an asshole again like that and I fuckin’ quit. I’m not bloody lyin’ this time, Liam.”
“I asked you if you had something new to tell me, you fuckin’ bloke. You threaten to quit every week. Piss off!” he said, pushing his brother to the side and disappearing into his bus.
He’d never once met my eyes.
It was just as well. I wasn’t sure if I could handle what it would have done to me if he did.
It was best a little more time passed. We had an five and a half hour drive today. I’d leave him be for a bit, and then try to sneak in some interview time on the way there.
I needed to get this week over, get the story done, and get this man out of my sight and my thoughts as quickly as possible.
I knew what was good for me. And he wasn’t it.
My body seemed to have a completely different opinion about that, though. I boarded the bus and sat down. Liam had disappeared in the back, and I left him be, sitting in the front alone as the bus began to pull away from the curb. I shifted in my seat, crossing my legs tightly as ribbons of desire rippled through me. I tried to stop the quivering, but it was no use.
As much as I wanted to get far away from Liam, I knew I’d never get away unscathed.
14
LIAM
“I’ll meet you at the hospital, Callum,” I said into the phone, just as I heard a light knock at the door of the lounge in the back of my bus. Catherine stood there, holding up a pen and a pad of paper, looking bloody beautiful as ever. I nodded to her and gestured for her to come in, making room for her on the couch. “See you there at five.”
I hung up the phone and turned to stare into the prettiest green eyes I’d seen in a long time. To my relief, she was smiling. I’d been afraid to look at her when I walked up earlier, afraid of what I’d see there, figuring it would be some painful mixture of anger and disgust.
Ian had given me enough of that, I didn’t want it from Catherine.
Luckily, she seemed to be perfectly normal. If she wanted to pretend the kiss didn’t happen, I could do that. For a few minutes, at least.
“I was hoping we could spend some time together and talk,” she said.
“Now?”
“Unless you’re busy?” she asked. “I heard you say something about a hospital, so if this is a bad time.”
“No, this is a fine time. I was talking to the head of our charity, Callum McGregor.”
“What kind of charity?” she asked. My cock shifted in my pants as I watched her lips move. I wanted to taste them again. I was determined to do just that. To do so, I knew I’d have to play it cool.
“It’s a cancer research charity, named after our little brother. Ian and I started it together this year, in honor of Lennon. We raise money to donate to the leading doctors and scientists who are working to find a cure.”
“That’s amazing,” she replied. “So you’re going to a hospital?”
“Every time Ian and I are in town, we visit the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. They treated Lennon. The doctors there were incredible. We go back when we’re in town to visit with the kids there, give back a little.”
“That’s so nice of you two.”
“It’s good for us, actually. We
spent a lot of time there during Lennon’s illness. I feel close to him when I’m there.”
“That must have been so hard for you,” she said softly.
“It was,” I said, the familiar wave of pain washing over my heart. The anguish of losing Lennon was the only pain I didn’t push away. I wanted to feel it. I was afraid if I didn’t feel it, his memory would fade. “He was only five when we lost him. It just wasn’t fuckin’ fair.”
“Cancer is never fair. Death isn’t fair,” her eyes clouded over.
“That’s bloody true,” I said. “You lost someone, too?”
“Yes,” she replied, her eyes filling with sadness. “My mother. She died of breast cancer when I was ten.”
“Ah, fuck. I’m sorry, luv,” I said. “Fucking cancer…”
“Yeah, I know…” she replied.
“Where’s your dad?” I asked.
“He died. After my mom died, he went downhill. He couldn’t handle it. His alcoholism caught up with him a few years later.”
“That’s too bad, luv, I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Thank you,” she said, her eyes filled with sadness. I wanted to pull her in my arms and comfort her, but she looked away.
“So, who runs your charity?” she asked.
“It’s a big job. I needed someone I trusted, and well…it’s a long story, but I owed Callum McGregor. Putting him in charge was an attempt at paying a debt that can never really be paid.”
“What do you mean?”
“Callum and I go way back. We were friends in grade school. The three of us were thick as thieves, Ian and Callum and I. Callum had a younger sister. Her name was Ally,” I said. The crack in my heart pulsed with pain as I said her name. I hardly ever talked about her anymore. “Ally and I started dating in high school.”
“Oh? And how did that work out?”
“It didn’t. It was a bloody tragedy. We were so in love, though,” I replied, the memories washing over me. Her bright blue eyes and red hair shined so brightly in my memory, sometimes I felt like I could still reach out and touch her. “We were inseparable. She was amazing, actually - beautiful, smart, funny. The only girl I’ve ever loved. But then, a few years later, Ian and I got our first record contract. The record company decided a girlfriend was bad for my image, so we weren’t allowed to be seen together in public anymore. Within weeks, we were being shipped off all over the world, and Ally was left behind. When I did see her, it wasn’t for very long and we were forced to be hidden away from public view. It was ridiculous, and I shouldn’t have stood for it. But I did. I was so bloody young, and fuckin’ stupid in the way that only youth can make you stupid. The record deal was everything to me, and I let my relationship with Ally slip away.”
“That’s so sad,” Catherine said.
“It is. I wish that was all there was to the story, but it only gets worse. I was a fuckin’ cad, and I should have been more graceful about the break up, but instead I just let things fade away without ever really talking to her about it. She was left behind, and she started drinking. A lot. One rainy night, she was on her way home from a tavern, and she wrapped her car around a pole. She died instantly.”
Catherine gasped and her eyes filled with sympathy.
“I’m so sorry, Liam,” she whispered, laying her hand on mine. The warmth felt good, despite all the pain that thinking about Ally brought back.
“Thanks, luv. I feel totally to blame, but there’s nothing I can do to bring her back.”
“It wasn’t your fault, Liam,” she said, her eyes staring practically straight into my soul. I looked away. I couldn’t look at that, the pity that I saw there was the last thing I wanted her to feel for me. I shouldn’t have told her so much, but there was something about her that made me open up, despite everything.
“So,” I said, trying to change the subject. “I gave Callum McGregor the job of running our charity. He and Ally were very close. She was his only sibling. He needed a job and I wanted to do something, anything at all, that I could to help his life out.”
“That’s very good of you,” she said.
“Ah, well there you go,” I said.
“What?”
“You remarked earlier that I couldn’t be all bad. Now you see there’s a little light in my evil, darkened soul after all.” I winked at her and she silently smiled back. The electricity between us sparked and I felt something I hadn’t felt in quite a while.
I wasn’t even able to come up with a name for it, but it felt really fuckin’ good for a change.
“Can I come to the hospital with you guys?” she asked. “I think it’d be good for the story to show a different side of you.”
“No way, luv,” I replied. “No press allowed. It’s the one thing Ian and I agree on. Our time at the hospital has nothing to do with the tour or our careers. So, you’ll have to find something else to do while we’re there. The hotel is right next door to the hospital.”
“Oh, okay,” she nodded. Silence fell over us, the bus swaying from side to side as it traveled down the highway, the wheels humming a familiar song, while her hand laying on top of mine completely unfamiliar.
It felt good.
It felt peaceful.
My cock twitched in my pants, ever present and undeniable. I turned my hand around and laced her fingers in mine, squeezing lightly. She squeezed back, and we sat there next to each other, staring out the window and watching the rest of the world fly by.
15
CATHERINE
Ian and Liam headed over to the hospital as soon as they got off the bus. I stood in front of the bus, watching them walk away, strolling side by side quietly, as if the fighting earlier hadn’t happened at all. The rest of us disappeared into the hotel to check in. I dropped my bags in my room, changed clothes and took a stroll to stretch my legs.
We’d been on the bus for hours, just stopping briefly a few times along the way. Liam and I had spent the better part of it together talking quietly, and I’d stepped off the bus with a completely different view of him.
After all he’d told me, he now seemed even more human than ever.
I’d reached out and touched his hand when he told me about Ally, my heart breaking for him. Somehow, he’d managed to keep this story out of the countless articles about him. I’d done extensive research, and I hadn’t read one word about Ally. The pain that flashed in his eyes when he recounted the story was hard to look at. When he interlaced his fingers with mine, I let him. I had a feeling he didn’t exactly reach out to many people like that.
The sun was shining brightly and I inhaled deeply as I strolled along the gardens of the hotel, thinking about everything he’d told me.
I’d pondered how to approach this story. How to best portray the human side of someone who most people only knew as a one-dimensional figure. There was obviously a lot more to Liam than met the eye.
The bright Philadelphia sun burned my skin as I walked around the hotel and onto a trail that led to a large park. The skirt of the airy yellow sundress I’d changed into back in my room fluttered around my legs. The edge of the park lined one side of the hospital and I took in my surroundings as I approached. It was filled with kids from the hospital. Some being pushed in wheelchairs by parents or nurses, some wearing hats over their obviously bare heads, some being helped along as they walked slowly down the paved paths that wound around the park and around a large pond.
I strolled around the pond slowly, Liam’s words echoing in my head. I wanted to show everyone how human he was, but I wasn’t sure how to do that without revealing some of the personal things he’d shared. Surely he knew I’d want to use that information. But somehow, it felt like a betrayal.
I rounded a corner and stopped in my tracks. A few yards ahead, Liam was sitting on a bench, a book in his lap and a very young boy sitting next to him, hanging on his every word. Liam read aloud, his face animated and full of happiness. He looked completely relaxed and at ease. The deep lines that were a usual fixture o
n his forehead had disappeared, and his eyes shone brightly with joy as he looked down warmly at the boy as he turned a page, the two of them oblivious to anything but each other.
I took out my phone and snapped a quick picture of the two of them. I’d send it to Liam later as a gift. Quickly, I turned around and headed the opposite way down the path. The last thing I wanted to do was break up a moment like that. I slipped my phone back in my purse and turned my face up to the sun. The fresh air filled my lungs, refreshing me. If felt good to feel the heat on my skin, to stretch out and be alone with my thoughts. I continued my stroll back to my room, my steps slowing as images of Liam filled my head.
The more I learned about him, the more I wanted. I felt like I’d only begun to scratch the surface. The question was, how deep was I willing to go?
If I was honest, I’d tell you my boundaries were pretty flexible right now.
If I was honest, I’d tell you that in the last few hours, I’d found it increasingly hard to stay objective and professional. His kiss from last night had stayed with me all day. Talking to him alone, away from the energy of everyone else - Ian, fans, managers, and all the other people in his orbit - had given me a glimpse of the real Liam.
And so far, I liked what I saw.
16
LIAM
Callum McGregor and Ian sat across from me in the hospital cafeteria. Being in this hospital was always comforting. Ian and Lennon and I had spent many hours in this cafeteria, and we sat at Lennon’s favorite table by the window that overlooked a pond filled with ducks. The sound of Lennon’s laughter came rushing back to me, and I smiled. I missed that kid fiercely. He was always happy, always curious, always asking questions about everything around him. He’d never once complained about all the painful treatments he had to go through. He’d never even asked why.
