by Swan, Tarn
I don't think the hotel owner had anything to do with the glass incident. He looked genuinely shocked. I think it was his mother who did it, but still it's his responsibility to make sure that all guests get treated with equal courtesy and respect, even ‘our kind.’
I demanded and got an apology from the owner and his mother, not a warm or sincere one, but at least I made them go through the motions. I told them I would make every effort to warn people against using the hotel and that I'd be putting in a complaint and words to the wise to the company I'd booked through. I’ve demanded a full refund of the holiday costs and some compensation.
We left as soon as I could get us on a flight. It was a distressing experience and the worst instance of homophobia we’ve encountered in a long time. Twinks was still trembling and upset days later.
He's bellowing for me in crisis fashion, so either he's glued himself to something again, can't decide what to wear tonight or there's a bug in the bedroom threatening to disrupt his transformation process. I must attend.
14th September ~ Ruby Slippers
Work has been hectic for me this week. There’s been another change of power at the top and as per usual they're stamping their mark on their newly acquired domain. It's been an endless round of meetings and reports and swotting my way though a truckload of new recommendations.
On the domestic front I’d like to say things have been plain sailing, but they haven’t. They’ve been retail saleing, but not plain sailing. The summer sales are in their final stages. They seem to have gone on forever this year. Twinks has been snapping up bargains left right and centre.
I finally called time on him when he arrived home on Tuesday evening with six new pairs of shoes bringing the total he's bought this summer to fifteen. I wouldn't mind so much but three of the pairs were exactly the same. I questioned why. After much eye rolling and huffing he explained.
“Because they’re Dorothy shoes.”
“Dorothy shoes?”
“Yes, Dorothy shoes, red spangled ruby slippers.”
“Sorry, none the wiser.”
“Dorothy of Oz as in The Wizard of Oz. You know, Judy Garland.” He gave a short rendition of Somewhere Over the Rainbow. “In the movie she wore divine glittering ruby red shoes, like these, only with lower heels, more a kitten heel than a high heel, but otherwise identical, but without the bows. They belonged to the Wicked Witch of the East, who Dorothy accidentally killed. Do you know nothing of cinema history? I’ve always wanted a pair. The girls at the PP will be dripping envy at my feet when I wear them, and before you start moaning about money again, they were a bargain, a super bargain. They were originally forty quid a pair, but I got them for nine quid. NINE QUID! It would have been criminal to miss out on a bargain of such magnitude, surely even you can see that?”
Before he launched into another rendition of ‘Over the Rainbow’ I admitted they were indeed a bargain on a per pair basis, but really, three pairs. Why three pairs? He explained they were back ups in case of emergencies such as broken heels, wear and tear and glitter tarnishing. Honestly, more eye rolling and huffing, it was like living with a glamour philistine.
I still thought three pairs of the same shoes to be excessive. I know that when he starts buying things in triplicate he's gotten into a habit of buying for buying sake and it would only escalate if I didn't nip it in the bud. I reckoned he'd had the best of the bargains. It was time for him to start wearing and enjoying some of the things he'd bought instead of continuing to stockpile. A bargain isn't much of a bargain if it ends up costing you in the way of interest on an overstretched credit card.
His wardrobe has definitely recovered from the disaster that befell it last Christmas. In fact if it gets any fuller he won't be able to shut the damn doors. I felt justified in calling time on his spending. I told him in his case the sales were over and his credit card was grounded and would need my permission to go out again. If I said no I meant no.
He wasn't suited, but I didn't let it influence me. He was further displeased when I told him I wanted to have a look at his next statement so I could check if he was keeping his credit spending and repayments within the manageable limits we'd agreed upon.
He moaned on about it to such an extent that I reminded him of the time I'd taken complete charge of his finances and how much he'd hated it. I threatened to do so again if he didn't stop griping. He stopped. I can be tough and mean when need be and sometimes tough and mean is what he needs me to be.
I'm home alone this evening. He’s amongst a contingent of PP patrons bussing down to the Pavilion Theatre in Newcastle to see Divas Las Vegas, a show by The Lady Boys Of Bangkok. I've seen them before. They’re fabulous and beautiful. They put on a great cabaret.
Twinks and co have gone dressed to the hilt. They’ll turn heads in their own right when they march into the theatre. I was going to go too, but decided to stay home and work on a presentation I'm due to make on Monday morning. I have to at least try and impress the new powers in charge. I want another shot at promotion.
We had a relaxing week at the caravan. The weather was glorious. Gabby enjoyed her short stay with us and went home with obvious reluctance on Monday evening to prepare for school. Twinks invited Lulu and Kevin to come through for a meal and stay overnight in celebration of Lu's birthday midweek. He made a huge effort with the food and laid on champagne and cake. He gave Lu a present of luxury lingerie that made him squeal with delight. They are officially all friends again. Twinks is now used to the idea that Kev and Lu are housemates and has realised it doesn’t affect his friendship with Lulu.
On the evening of Lu’s birthday, as the sun sank gracefully into the ocean, Kevin and I had an interesting conversation. I felt I got to know him a little better. We were sitting outside on the patio watching Lu and Twinks paddle along the shoreline affectionately holding hands. Kevin nodded towards them.
“They adore each other.”
I smiled. “I know, though you wouldn’t think it sometimes, the way they quarrel and fight. They’re like savage sisters or brothers, maybe a bit of both depending on how they’re dressed and what mindset they’re in.”
Kevin gave a laugh. “They’ve got bonds on all levels of their personality. I envy their closeness sometimes.”
“You’re good friends with them though?”
“Not as close as they are with each other. They’re brothers in arms and sisters under the skin, as well as drama queens on stage. They totally get each other. I feel a bit left out sometimes.”
“In what way?”
He shrugged. “Twinks and Lu are different to me. Their feminine aspects are an organic part of who they are.”
“And Natalie isn’t an organic part of you?”
“She’s a definite aspect of me, but I’ve never felt mixed in the same sense they do. I’m just a gay guy who enjoys being a drag queen. I’m quite shy really. Dressing up as Natalie unleashes the diva in me. She’s braver than me, she has all the chat and she does and says things I’d never dare say or do when I’m in my plain skin. I love it when she takes me over, she’s my wild side, but I could give her up. I’d miss her, but I’d get used to it. I want a man to love me as me, as Kevin not Natalie. I’d hang up my bra for the right bloke.”
I nodded. “I think I get what you’re saying. Lu and Twinks need to be loved in their entirety. You can’t separate their yin from their yang or isolate Freddy and Jonathan from Lulu and Stardust because it would be like amputating one of their limbs.”
“Yeah, something like that.” Kevin laughed.
Squeals and splashes interrupted our conversation. The sisters under the skin were now soaked to the skin as they kicked the briny ocean at each other. Kevin grinned. Leaping up he raced down the beach to join in the fray with a whoop of delight. I grabbed my camera to record the moment for posterity, a happy memory to help offset less pleasant ones.
Oh well, enough procrastination. Work calls. My presentation won’t write itself.
1
6th September ~ Perfect Sunday
The nights are drawing in as nana used to say. God rest her. It's barely half past seven and the light is fading. There are a few slender bands of pale gold still streaking the sky as I look out of the window, but already you can see the crescent moon.
It’s been a good day. We've done nothing apart from eating, reading the papers, sleeping and having sex, though not necessarily in that order.
Twinks has gone for a bath and has promised to slip into something slinky and sexy afterwards. Likewise I promised to slip something slinky and sexy into him, which got me a slapped wrist. He’s a brute sometimes you know.
I'm going to open a bottle of wine and we'll curl up on the couch and watch something on the telly, putting the commercial breaks to good use and then it's an early night. I've got to be fresh for my meeting in the morning. All in all it's been a perfect Sunday.
20th September ~ Second Hand Cucumber
He's been robbed. Mugged. Turned over. Thieved from. His person has been burgled. He wants justice. Call the police, the FBI, the CSI and Miss Marple. If I sound unsympathetic it’s because I've had several days of moodiness from him. I'm tired and out of patience with a migraine pending and I really could do without coming home to histrionics.
It was his day off work today so he went into town to do a spot of window-shopping. A new Monsoon store has just opened up and he wanted to have a decko. So he dressed in one of his favourite everyday outfits, red kilt, black sweater and black boots and went to have a decko at Monsoon.
The alleged theft occurred as he travelled home on the bus when the brooch he substituted for a kilt pin was stolen from off his skirt and under his nose. The brooch was a favourite, an attractive enamelled double-headed Celtic dragon. Twinks bought it in a second hand shop in York when we met up with a friend there in the spring.
He reckons the woman who sat next to him on the bus pinched it while he was looking out of the window. She got off the bus at a suspicious speed. What lead him to this conclusion? The woman in question had several carrier bags indicating she had shopped at Netto. Apparently people who shop at Netto have a greater propensity for criminal activity.
If anyone who shops at Netto is reading this then I'd like to offer an unreserved apology and make it clear that I do not share this sweeping, unfounded and highly prejudiced view. Twinks doesn’t either, not when he’s living in the real world instead of dwelling on Planet Hysteria where balanced thought and calm emotion is outlawed. He’s been known to nip into Netto and take advantage of the discounted wines and spirits they frequently have on offer.
He didn't notice the brooch was missing until he got off the bus and the wind flipped up the front of his mini kilt. I pointed out that the safety catch on that particular brooch had never been brilliantly efficient and it had been unwise of him to choose it. In my opinion the brooch was lost rather than stolen.
He's adamant it was nicked off his knee because if it had come undone and fallen out of his kilt it was heavy enough for him to hear it as it hit the floor. He's in a sulk over it and I’m suffering the fallout. My dinner this evening consisted of a Findus frozen lasagne and a small salad and by small I mean a tomato and some sliced cucumber that had seen better days. In fact I'm pretty sure it was used cucumber, the stuff he had on his eyes last night when he was soaking in the bath with a face pack on.
He’s stalking around flicking a duster, muttering and tutting and huffing and sighing. He’s heading for a spanking if he doesn't calm down. He's already been disciplined once this week, on Tuesday.
We got up that morning to find an envelope stuffed full of homophobic vitriol lying on the doormat. Like the last one it contained a silk flower cut from his stolen gown along with the usual insulting ignorant garbage about us being foul sinners. It thoroughly polluted our morning.
He went on to let it pollute his entire day, which was bad enough, but worse was that he let it pollute other people's day. It isn’t fair or acceptable to do that and he knows it. Sometimes he allows the way he's feeling to get in the way of what he knows.
He got a dressing down from Don his boss for upsetting Wendy the cleaner with some unsolicited advice with regard to her latest new hairdo. Twinkles took it upon himself to tell her it didn't work. His argument was that it was better she knew the truth. Don didn't agree. He had to try and console the poor lady.
I didn't agree either. Hurting others doesn't solve or salve a personal hurt it just adds shame and regret to the mix and makes it worse. I told him Don had been right to reprimand him and I hoped he was ashamed of himself. He insisted he'd only been trying to help and adopted the role of misunderstood victim.
We were booked to go out for dinner that evening, a long overdue get together with Barbara and her fiancé Ian. I was all for cancelling, but it was too last minute. It would have looked like we were trying to avoid meeting her fiancé. I warned Twinks to be on his best behaviour and give the man a chance.
I warmed to Ian on meeting him. He’s some years older than Barbara, but has a youthful outlook and a pleasant manner. The evening was going well, until Babs went to the ladies and Twinks asked Ian how long he'd been going bald for.
I swear I didn't know where to look. I was so embarrassed. Ian was slightly taken aback, but recovered and said it had started in his teens. He smiled and shrugged and said he was used to the idea that hair loss was his lot. It ran in the family and Babs didn't seem to mind the prospect of a bald husband.
Twinks had the grace to look discomfited and behaved with a proper sense of decorum after that. I was still cross with him and we had words about rudeness the moment we got home. He said Ian hadn't minded his question so why should I. Dragging off his jacket he hurled it at me and accused me of always frigging nitpicking and nagging like a frigid old queen.
He then stormed upstairs and slammed the bedroom door hard enough to rock the foundations of the earth never mind the house. It was the last straw. He went over my knee for a lengthy bare arsed lesson in manners and respect.
The arrival of the letter had upset him. I understood. It had upset me too. It hurts to be the victim of prejudice. It makes you angry, but it isn’t ethical to take it out on innocent people. I told him his behaviour towards Wendy and Ian put him in the same category as the letter writer, because he/she is obviously hurting and angry about something and thinks it's perfectly okay to take it out on us, and it isn't.
He was mortified and hated the mere thought he'd behaved in even a faintly similar fashion to the hate mailer. The spanking I gave him served several purposes. It disciplined him for his unkind behaviour and rudeness and it allowed him a release through tears for his pent up hurt and anger on his own behalf.
The next day he bought Wendy flowers and chocolates and made a proper apology to her. She forgave him in a flash. She’s a sweet soul. He also called Babs and told her he’d enjoyed the evening and it had been nice meeting Ian properly and he hoped to get to know him better.
Right, enough said. I’m going to take some Migraleve pills and have an early night. I’m taking Mr Moody Mare with me whether he likes it or not. An early night might sweeten and calm him.
23rd September ~ A Fair Earring
Twinks, poor boy, has an ear infection, not in his ears, but rather on them, his lobes anyway. He's not chuffed. It’s Lulu's fault. He was at the PP on Friday night doing his Del Boy act and flogging a new range of earrings.
Twinks bought several pairs, opting to wear one of them with immediate effect and though pretty and sparkly they turned out not to be hypoallergenic. In fact he reckons they must have been made from pure nickel. As a result his lobes erupted in itchy blisters. They’re red sore and weepy. I have to clean them with salt water and apply antiseptic cream every few hours, just like when he first got his ears pierced.
Natalie was also affected and Gloria and a few others who bought earrings, except Big Mary, who has skin to whom the word sensitive is meaningless.
I felt sorry for Lulu las
t night as he took flack and handed out refunds to his irate fashion victims. He claimed it wasn’t fair for the earring wearers to lay all blame on his shoulders. They had to bear some responsibility themselves. They had obviously sweated excessively thus triggering the reactive process. Sweat it seems plays a part in nickel allergy, according to Lu anyway.
Twinks pointed out that earlobes don’t have sweat glands and therefore can’t sweat. The earrings were fully responsible as was Lu for not checking the materials used to make the cheap shit he pedalled. He reckons Lu owes him compensation for his suffering.
Lu retaliated by saying he was owed compensation for having suffered Twinks as a friend for so long. It’s handbags at dawn again.
29th September ~ The Grisly Case of the Corpse Bride
Twinks and I fell victim to a stomach bug at the beginning of this week. He blamed my father for smiting our household with it. Dad called round last Sunday afternoon with Janet. She wasn’t her usual smiley self and dad said she’d been crabby all morning. He thought she might be teething. Twinks tried to cheer her up by singing to her, she usually loves it when he sings and dances with her, but she wasn’t interested. All she wanted was to be nursed. We took it in turns to hold and pace with her, the movement seeming to soothe her.
I called dad later that evening to ask how she was. He said the reason for her crabbiness had manifested. It wasn’t teething gripes. It was tummy gripes. The poor little love had been sick and had diarrhoea. She obviously had a bug.
Twinks woke in the early hours of Monday morning with stomach cramps and feeling sick and sweaty. It looked certain that Janet had left rogue germs behind. They had gotten straight to work. It wasn’t long before he was hogging the toilet. An hour or so later I started feeling queasy and by Monday evening we were battling it out for possession of the bathroom. It was unpleasant while it lasted, but we were over the worst of it by Tuesday afternoon.
