by Stella James
“I met Lindsey when we were assigned as partners. I had a few years on her both in age and experience. I was on track to become a Detective and likely would have had my promotion within the year if I hadn’t quit,” I say.
She inches over until her thigh is touching mine and takes my hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze and urging me to continue. I tell her how Lindsey and I soon began sleeping together.
“It was a very cold agreement,” I say cynically. “We were convenient for each other and nothing more. I had my eye on my Detective’s shield and she had her own budding career to worry about. It’s important that you know that even though we weren’t committed, I did care about her. Tell me that you believe me Dru. I cared, I swear I did.”
I can hear my voice beginning to waver, the lump of guilt palpable in my throat as I remember the last time I spoke to Lindsey and how harsh I was.
“I believe you Ethan,” she says. I exhale roughly and stand from the sofa, pacing for a moment before standing still and turning to face her. She smiles softly and I wish that it was enough to fix me, but I know that it’s not.
“Lindsey and I were on duty, on our usual route. The roads were icy from the rain we got the night before. I was driving when we were hit from the passenger side by a guy in a pickup who slid through a red light and couldn’t stop fast enough,” I say. “Both her and the truck driver died on impact.”
“I’m sorry Ethan,” she says quietly. “Is that what this is all about? You feel some kind of responsibility? I mean, I can understand why you would, but it was an accident, th-.”
“Please, just let me finish,” I interrupt. “What no one knows is that shortly before that pick-up hit us, Lindsey told me she was pregnant. She said it was mine and she said she was keeping it.”
I swallow hard, remembering how she seemed not the least bit scared or worried about bringing a baby into whatever the hell we were to each other. No matter how much I resented her at the time, the baby was innocent. I can feel my eyes begin to burn but I force the admission of my anger toward her past my guilt and finally strip myself bare for Dru to see.
“I was so mad at her,” I recall. “I was months away from making Detective, we weren’t even in a relationship and out of nowhere she wanted to have this baby. I lost it on her, told her she had to think about it, about what it would mean for both of us. She said she had her mind made up and I wouldn’t be changing it for her. I was pissed off and distracted thinking about how everything I had worked for was about to go down the drain. There was no way I’d be promoted after sleeping with my partner and knocking her up.” I take a breath and speak the words that I’ve kept buried beneath the surface for far too long. “I’m the reason her and the baby are dead. I was a selfish asshole, and if I would have just stopped and gotten out of my own head, I would have seen that truck coming and I could have saved them.”
She stands from the couch and step toward me, wrapping her arms around my neck, she pulls me close and tries to soothe my pain and guilt.
“Ethan, there’s no way of knowing what could have happened that day. Even if you hadn’t been arguing, you don’t know that you could have prevented the accident,” she tells me.
“I killed them, I didn’t mean to, but I did,” I choke the words out and when my vision blurs, her own eyes begin to fill and she molds her body to mine, rubbing her hand along my back. She gives me comfort that I never knew I needed but find myself clinging to regardless. When she leans back, tears stream down her beautiful face as she brings her palm to rest on my chest.
“You have to accept that things might have still turned out the same, Ethan. You have to accept what happened regardless because you can’t change it either way. It’s sad and unfair, and you should mourn Lindsey and the life you created together. But you can’t punish yourself forever. Enough has been lost, and it can’t be brought back no matter how much you blame yourself. You have to live,” she says.
“I want to be whole for you Dru, I want to be the man you deserve because I don’t think I can live without you, but I don’t know how. I don’t know how to let it go, I feel like I’m drowning.”
She places my hand above her heart. “My heart is yours Ethan,” she says. “I can’t take away your guilt and your pain, but I can be here to remind you that you deserve love and you deserve to be happy. You don’t have to stay in the dark, you can let me be your light. You can let me be your second chance.”
My lips find hers and I press a soft kiss to her mouth, pouring everything into it that I have to give. I am a tortured man seeking redemption in the arms of a woman I have fallen in love with. She pulls back and leads me to the bed where we lie down beside each other. She lets me hold her too tightly for as long as I need and when I feel the weight being lifted off my shoulders I loosen my arms and she turns to face me.
“Sleep, Ethan,” she insists quietly as she traces her fingertips along the length of my forearm. It isn’t two minutes later that my body relaxes, and everything is quiet.
*
As I feel the warmth of the sun on my skin and the softness of Dru’s body around mine, I pray that this dream will last long enough for me to memorize every second of it before it slips away. I realize I’m not dreaming when I feel her shift beneath me and I open my eyes to see that she is very much real, as is the sunlight streaming through the curtains. Her eyes are still closed but she has her hand on my chest and she looks happy. I can’t help but stare and wonder where her conscience lies this morning. Can she truly forgive my past and the role that I played in Lindsey’s death, as well as our unborn child? Almost two years ago, my arrogance got the best of me. I had a one-track mind and nothing mattered but fulfilling my destiny as Becker Talbot’s only son. I will never pay enough of a price to be a worthy man, but I’ll spend every damn day of my life trying if it means waking up with Dru in my arms.
“Good morning,” she says sleepily, not bothering to open her eyes. This is it. The moment of truth. Will she have me in the harsh light of day, flaws and all?
“Good morning,” I reply gruffly.
Her brown eyes flutter open and when she sees me looking down at her, she smiles softly and brings her hand up to the side of my face.
“I love you Ethan,” she says.
“I love you too,” I say. “And nothing will ever change that.”
“Is this us moving forward?” she asks.
“This is me begging you to be my second chance, Dru.”
She smiles again before leaning up and pressing her lips to mine. “Well you’re certainly no prince, but I suppose you’ll have to do,” she grins.
Chapter 25
Dru
2 weeks later…
I stand at the kitchen sink and watch Ethan and his dad in the open doorway of the garage. Ethan’s mom stands at the opposite counter top, slicing vegetables.
“They’ll be okay,” she says. “They’ve always butted heads now and then, mostly because they’re both so damn stubborn. But they’ll be okay.”
“I hope so,” I murmur.
Several days after Ethan and I reconciled, I encouraged him to see a counselor about what happened to Lindsey. He didn’t hesitate to say yes, knowing full well that if we are going to move forward together, we need to move and not stand still. He’s had one appointment so far and is already beginning to let go of some of his guilt. He spoke to his mother a few days ago and told her everything. About Lindsey, about the baby, all of it. And now he’s telling his dad. I know this is going to be hard for him and I wanted to be here with him to show my support. So far, they’ve done nothing but pace around each other and sip their beer. Gina comes to stand beside me just as Ethan’s dad begins pulling a tarp of a very vintage looking car.
“You see? They’re already fine,” she says with a smile.
“You can tell that from here?”
“Ethan and his dad have been working on that car since Ethan was seventeen. That tarp hasn’t been so much as lifted an inch since Ethan q
uit the force,” she says. “We better get this on the grill or we won’t be eating until after dark.”
Ethan
I set my beer down on the tool bench and help my old man pull the dusty tarp off the ’69 Camaro that we’ve been restoring together since I was in high school. He hasn’t said much since I told him about my relationship with Lindsey…and the baby. I know he’s disappointed in my lack of good judgement and I can’t really say that I blame him.
“Jeanette Bleeker,” he mumbles as he bunches up the tarp and sets it on the ground. He nods toward the jack propped up against the wall.
“It was my rookie year and I was working my first night shift, the precinct was dead as hell and I was itching for something to come up,” he says. “At about two a.m. a young woman came through the front door, she was crying. She had blood smeared across her cheek and the beginnings of a swollen eye. She rambled on about her husband hitting her, about how she was scared he’d kill her. I took her statement and kept her in the interview room while I tried to track down my commanding officer. She was young, nineteen I think. I found my Sergeant but when we came back to where I’d left her, she was gone. One of the other officers on duty didn’t realize this was a case of domestic violence and when her husband came looking for her, saying she’d been in a car accident, the officer let him in and let him take her home. Apparently, she confirmed his story and didn’t put up a fight.”
“That could have happened to anyone,” I say.
“That’s right. It could have, but it happened to me because I told Jeanette Bleeker that I would stay with her and that she would be safe, but I didn’t, and she wasn’t. I could have gotten a fellow officer to get the Sergeant for me, but I was too damn pleased with myself for adequately taking her statement that I wanted to fetch him myself. She could have told the other officer that her piece of shit husband was the one who beat her, but she didn’t. He killed her later that night and then turned the gun on himself.”
“Why didn’t you tell me about this?”
“Same reason you didn’t tell me about your partner I suppose,” he says. “Cops aren’t supposed to make mistakes, and when we do, the weight of the guilt and the what-ifs becomes a part of who we are, no matter how far we bury it. Sometimes we drink to dull the reminder, sometimes we become so detached from our work that each case begins to bleed together. And sometimes we take a different path and begin something new.”
“I can’t be a cop again, Dad. I just can’t.”
“And there ain’t nothing wrong with that, son. I should have told you that sooner.”
“Maybe this damn car would be running by now if you had,” I smirk.
“Don’t be a smartass and start making yourself useful,” he says, jerking his chin at the ratchet on the bench.
*
“I had a nice time with your parents tonight,” Dru says as she begins unbuttoning her shirt.
We left my folks place after dinner, before my mother could get too far into her let me tell you about the time Ethan memory reel, and opted to come back to Dru’s apartment. I watch from the couch as she slides the silky shirt from her body and tosses it on the bed. Her full breasts nearly spill out of her tiny pink bra and my mouth is instantly watering for a taste. We’ve spent the last two weeks making up for the time we lost with each other and honestly, I don’t think my appetite is slowing down anytime soon. I can’t imagine ever getting enough of Dru. I chuck the remote aside just as she begins sliding her jeans over her hips and down her smooth legs. Her matching pink thong is nestled in her gorgeous ass, teasing me just enough to cause a predatory growl to rise up from my chest as I stalk toward her and grab her hips. She pushes back into me, grinding her sweet ass against my cock and moans softly as I trail my hands up her waist and softly pinch her hard nipples through the lace of her bra.
“Mm, took you long enough,” she says. “I was beginning to think that you prefer a bunch of sweaty men playing basketball over me.”
“Baby, there’s nothing I prefer over the sound of you coming and the feeling of you strangling my cock with that sweet as hell pussy of yours,” I groan.
I unclasp the scrap of fabric and let it fall down her arms and onto the floor. My fingers slide beneath the sides of her tiny panties and as I roll them down her legs I sink to my knees behind her and slowly turn her around. Her fingers find their way into my hair as she looks down at me with hooded eyes and steps out of the lace, gently kicking them aside.
“Have I told you yet today how fucking beautiful you are?”
I use my fingers to part her smooth folds as she opens her thighs, taking a wider stance. I take one long swipe with my tongue, savouring the distinct taste of her pussy and groaning with satisfaction that I’m the one she belongs to.
“Mm, no you haven’t, but I forgive you already,” she says, her voice rough with need.
“Sit down on the bed and spread your legs wide for me baby, I want to see all of you.”
She backs up until her knees hit the mattress and sits down on the edge of the bed, leaning back on her elbows she spreads her long legs nice and wide and gives me a full view of her glistening folds. Her breathing deepens, causing her chest to heave slightly as I nip the smooth skin of her inner thigh. I make my way slowly toward what I’m craving the most and when she whimpers beneath my lips I am overcome with the desperate urge to hear her sweet mouth say some very dirty words.
“Is there something you want, Dru?”
I swirl my tongue over her belly button and dip it low enough to catch the scent of her arousal but not far enough to offer her any relief.
“You know what I want Ethan,” she gasps.
“I want you to say it baby, I want you to tell me what you want.”
She sits up slightly and brings her heated gaze to mine, licking her lips, she lifts one hand and begins tracing tiny circles around one breast before massaging herself and plucking at her hardened nipple with her fingertips. My cock strains against my pants at the erotic sight before me, but I’m a man on a mission and I want the words to fall from her lips.
“Tell me Dru, tell me what you want from me,” I demand, brushing my finger tip up and down the crease of her thigh.
“I want your mouth on me Ethan, I want to feel your tongue licking me and when my thighs shake, and I fall apart beneath you, I don’t want you to stop. I want you to taste me until I can’t see straight,” she moans.
I roughly thrust one finger inside of her slick pussy and latch my mouth onto her begging clit, sucking the tiny pearl into my mouth and nipping it softly. Her back arches off the bed as she grips the comforter and bucks her hips up, seeking more. In my entire life, I will never taste anything as decadent as Dru. She’s so fucking delicious that one small drop of her has me wound up tight and the only thing that can calm me is a mouth full of her sweet honey.
“Ah, Ethan, oh God, I need more,” she gasps.
I curl my fingers up and hit her sweet spot while I continue to explore her with my tongue. I lap up every inch of her pussy and when her body begins to tremble, her climax ripping through her, I drink her in and do my best not to let a single drop go to waste. As she falls back onto the bed, I peel off my shirt and kick off my jeans before climbing on top of her and nudging her back so that her head rests on the pillows. She reaches for me and holds me close as I nudge between her thighs and sink into her still pulsing core. Every time with Dru feels like the first time. Her pussy hugs me in tight and reluctantly lets go as I pull myself back and drive into her once more. Her fingertips dig into my shoulders, sending a light sting down my spine which only entices the caveman in me to take her harder and to take her faster. I drive into her without thought or reason, the only thing I know is that I need to feel her.
“I love you Ethan, I love you,” she gasps.
I feel her pussy clamp down around my cock as she comes again, sending me into my own release. I come in long hard strokes until I’m satisfied that I’ve marked her yet again as mine, and
she has done the same to me.
“I love you Dru,” I say as I bury my face into her neck and roll us over so that her body is draped across mine. “I love you so damn much.”
Epilogue
Dru
6 years later…
I sit on the same park bench that Ethan and I sat on all those years ago and watch him take turns pushing our twin daughters on a set of bright red plastic swings. Abbey and Chloe Talbot came screaming into this world four years ago and have kept us on our toes ever since. Their dark curls blow in the gentle breeze as they shout at their daddy to push them higher. I glance down at my sketchpad and add a few smudges of dirt to Abbey’s face before I close it up and set it down beside me. I watch my husband, who looks far more handsome than logical as he laughs with our girls and complies with their demands.
I think back to our wedding day nearly six years ago and smile at the memory. We chose to have a small ceremony with just our family and close friends. I chose to break tradition and instead of white, I wore a beautiful dark green dress that Anna made for me. I’ll never forget the way Ethan looked at me as my dad and I walked down the aisle. Like I was the most precious thing in the entire world, something he reminds me of every single day with every touch and every kiss.
Ethan got hired on by Ty’s company on a full-time basis shortly after we got married. He’s head of security now for the Infotech building and although he adamantly refuses to play bodyguard, Ty still manages to rope him into a function now and then. The two of them have formed a very interesting big brother/little brother type of bond and I think it’s adorable. Nick retired right around the same time and moved across the country, saying something to Ethan about needing to breathe in some fresh air. We hadn’t heard a word from him until almost a year later when we received a wedding invitation in the mail. He and his wife Lane spend the majority of their time in the mountains, living out their retirement in a small cottage. They keep in touch and come to visit now and then around the holidays.
