by T. Nixon
The path curved to the right and I thought I heard my name being called. I stopped so I could listen better and heard it again. It sounded like AJ. I took off running towards the sound of his voice and screamed "I'm here," as I ran.
He kept calling to me until finally, I saw AJ running towards me. "She's here, she looks ok," he yelled over his shoulder and stopped in front of me. We were both breathing hard and he looked me over. "Are you ok?"
"Yes, I'm ok," I said between breaths. I was bent over, my hands on my knees. I was tired, dirty, and thankful to see AJ.
"Greta came flying up to the main house in a total panic, we were worried you might have been knocked unconscious... or worse."
"No, I'm ok, she got spooked and I fell off, in a meadow-"
"We better get back to Cherry," he interrupted. "She's worried sick." He turned away abruptly and began to walk down the path the way he had come. I followed him without saying another word.
"Oh my goodness there she is," Cherry said when we met her on the path a few minutes later. "Are you ok?" She grabbed me in her arms before I had a chance to answer. After she hugged me, she held me at arm’s length and looked me over like AJ had. When her eyes scanned me, they didn't hold the same tightness that AJ's did.
"I'm ok," I said uncomfortable with the attention. Brad had walked up behind her and Kitten was dancing around us all. When I saw the dog I was flooded with guilt and remembered Cherry's request to take the dog with me. "Oh no, Cherry, I'm sorry, you told me to take Kitten and I... forgot.”
"It's ok- this time. I was worried sick when Greta cantered up. She was lathered up, her lead rope flying. Honey I thought I taught you better. Poor thing could have broken a leg, or you! I can't even think about it." Her words were chastising but her tone was relieved. We walked side by side and she had one arm around my shoulders.
"What happened?" Brad asked. He was walking in front of us with AJ behind. I was glad I couldn't see his expression.
"Greta and I were walking along and-"
"Why were you riding without a saddle?" Cherry asked.
"I, just, I thought maybe it would be better since I haven't ridden in a while," I lied. I wanted to sneak a glance at AJ but his position behind us would not allow me to do so without being obvious.
"Well that is precisely the reason you should have had a saddle! I'm just glad you're ok though I can't imagine what would have spooked Greta so bad."
"We rode into a meadow. A really pretty meadow actually, and there is this giant tree, it must be a very old redwood."
"Ah," Cherry said. The knowing tone in her voice caused me to look at her. Her eyes were looking straight ahead, her posture was stiff and it was clear she knew about the tree. And something about it made her uncomfortable.
"You really shouldn't be hanging around that tree," Brad chimed in before I had a chance to ask Cherry more.
"Why not," AJ asked with no disdain.
Brad threw AJ a strange, strained look. "Cause it's old and mostly hollow. The perfect hiding place for an animal. And with the boar attacks lately I wouldn't take my chances." His voice was firm and intentional.
"Actually, I think it was an animal that scared Greta. She wouldn't go near the tree, well, she did, but then she stopped. We heard... sounds, and she totally freaked. She jumped to the side and I didn't go with her."
"What kinds of sounds?" Brad asked. He stopped to look at me which caused the rest of us to stop. His gaze caused an uncomfortable stirring inside me. There was something about it I didn't trust. His tone was light in a forced, conversational way. He was trying to sound merely curious but his body was tense and his eyes were holding onto mine intently.
"Uh," I stalled for time while I tried to sort out the strange, prickling feeling that came over me. "Like, I don't know, animal sounds," I said breaking his contact. He started to say something, but Cherry quickly intervened.
"Well it sure scared Greta, whatever it was, and you too." She tightened her grip around my shoulder and threw Brad a look I didn't understand. She continued walking, taking me with her and passing Brad, leaving him to walk behind us with AJ.
We walked in silence for a while after that. The lack of our voices was filled with forest sounds, birds calling and small animals rustling the leaves. It perked Kitty's attention every now and then, and though she never ran off, she kept a keen eye on the goings on around her. Her vigilance made me nervous, what if the creature from the meadow had followed me? No, I said to reassure myself, I had made sure.
Rather than worry about the creature in the meadow, I focused on the people. I could feel strange things emanating off each person. Cherry gave off concern and relief, AJ's vibes were tense, but Brad was the strangest. From him I got a feeling of disbelief and anger, perhaps he could sense I was hiding something, hiding the whole bit about AJ being the reason I rode off so quickly. Regardless, I didn't have to tell him anything that he didn't need to know, so why should he be angry?
There was so much I tried not think about that it all seemed to flood my mind at once. And on top of it all I couldn't shake the feeling that whatever animal it was, was following us. Each time I turned around to look I met AJ's eyes, angry and questioning. I gave up looking and watched Kitty knowing I could rely on her instincts if something intended to pounce on us.
◆◆◆
I had spent enough summers in the mountains of my aunts home to know that time stood still in the forest. When we finally walked through the tree line and found ourselves confronted with the back gate to the horse pasture, the sun was still high in the sky. The canopy of trees played tricks on the mind, made you think it was later or earlier than it really was. It was one of the ways experienced hikers could get lost on well-known trails, they let the power of the forest get in, the allure of the secrets of the forest, the inviting whispers of the trees. It had never happened to me before, but then again, I hadn't experienced a need for mind clearing numbness the way I did now.
We entered the back pasture, the old, squeaky gate a lifeline to me. Cherry looked at her watch and announced it was 10:06 and let me know I had some time to freshen up and relax before helping her in the tasting room. A little over two hours had passed and yet it felt like the whole day. Cherry scrutinized my face and hugged me tight again.
"I don't really need your help if you want to sit it out today," her eyes were filled with concern.
"No, I'll be ok. I would like to get some breakfast and shower though."
She hugged me again. A part of me wanted to melt into her, hug her back and hold on for dear life, but I couldn't. I tolerated her display of concern over my welfare, but I didn’t have it in me to reciprocate. "Ok, well I'll see you in a little while." When she finally let go, I took a deep breath. "AJ, honey," she turned to him, "I want you to walk her to the house." She faced me again. Her eyes looked deep into mine and I sensed the thought of me getting hurt had affected her deeply. "I'm not taking any more chances today," she said quietly. Quickly she smiled and replaced the odd, soul baring look with a ruffle to my hair.
"See you in a bit," she said and walked off, falling in step with Brad as they headed back to the office. I watched for a moment, mostly as a way to avoid having to look at AJ. He did not respond to Cherry's request to walk me back to the house and I had not protested, though I wanted to.
I sighed and then started walking across the pasture towards the barn. In a few steps he was beside me. We did not speak though I could feel the unsaid words swirl around me in the air. He wanted to say something, but I hoped he wouldn't. I was tired and it was only mid-morning. I still had an entire day to get through and was not interested in engaging with AJ any more today.
We walked through the barn and I paused in front of a stall where Greta was in eating hay. I called her name softly and she lifted her head, mouth full of sweet-smelling alfalfa hay, and looked at me for a moment. I felt guilty for having drug her away from her breakfast this morning and then for the image of her tearing through the f
orest with her lead rope flying- a recipe for serious disaster.
I left her stall and continued walking through the barn, AJ followed, a shadow at my shoulder. I slid open the barn door and he shut it behind us. We walked the path from the animal barn around to the back of the barrel barn and then alongside it. Our feet crunched the gravel as we cross the main yard. Several feet before the porch AJ stopped walking. I didn't.
"Hey," AJ called. I paused mid-step and turned to face him. "I'm sorry I was rude back there," he said, his eyes moving from my face to the ground. "I just..."
I didn't say anything to bail him out. I waited for him to find the words wondering if he would dig his hole deeper.
"I just didn't understand why you ran away from me," he said finally.
"I didn't run away, I don't know what you're talking about." I didn't make eye contact with him as I lied. I knew he would see through me anyway; I didn't need his lovely brown eyes to drive it home.
"You did," he said, taking a few steps towards me. His brows were furrowed, his tone was not argumentative. "You just, took off with the horse. All I did was ask if we can start over."
"Oh, that." I wasn't sure what else to say. Did he expect me to explain his effect on me when I didn't even understand it? Didn't matter anyway, he was probably used to girls fawning over him and I was not going to be one of them.
"Well?" he asked. He was going to push until I gave him something. I glanced longingly at the back door to the kitchen, wishing I could just go in and leave the mess outside. Either we did this now, or we did it later.
"Look," I started. I wasn't sure what I was going to say but I had to say something- anything- to get inside. I wanted nothing more than to wash the morning away. My mouth opened but nothing came out. AJ looked at me quizzically as if he was questioning my sanity. Maybe I was crazy, I felt crazy. "Of course," I said in defeat, and immediately I felt a little more relaxed. "Yeah, we should totally start over," I said coming to my senses. It was easier than fighting it. I walked towards him and gave him a quick hug. He didn't reciprocate, but then again, he didn't have much of a chance.
I quickly parted and walked back towards the porch and my freedom from the morning. Halfway I turned, still walking and said, "let's catch up later, I need to take a shower". He remained silent and I didn't wait for a reply. I jogged the last few steps to the porch and let myself into the house, quickly shutting the door behind me. I leaned against it for a moment and let out a deep breath.
The shower did make me feel a little better, but not much. I felt clean anyway and that was a start. I inspected my bruises before I went downstairs and scoured the pantry for something edible. I was not in the mood for any of Cherry's over organic non processed food. I found some cereal that would work- but only because I was in a pinch.
I munched at the table and tried not think about anything, but I was overrun by thoughts of the tree. Something about it didn't sit right with me. And the way Brad reacted when I talked about it, the look he gave AJ when he questioned Brad about his warning. I had been well warned to stay away from the boar, I knew that most of the time they were nothing more than a nuisance, but that occasionally- especially when there were babies around- they would go after a human. What I heard by the tree didn't seem like boar to me, not to mention there would have been several of them.
Cougar was the more likely culprit, but neither animal would have kept following us would it? I needed to get that thought out of my head. If something had been following me, I'm sure I would have seen it, or it would have made more noise. You were just creeped out is all. Get a hold of yourself.
FOUR
The rest of the day was fine. I cut cheese and apples for the afternoon tasting. When it was slower Cherry kept me busy unpacking new items that had come in. The farms tasting room was not huge, seating only about 25 with a long, rustic redwood log wrap around bar, but she had a small side nook where she sold items that were made in the area, and sometimes even products from the farm. At my age there wasn’t a whole lot I could do to help but taking some of the burden off Cherry and Lisa, her salesperson, seemed to help a lot. I was surprised at how glad I was to stay busy, to keep from thinking.
We closed up at 5 and by 5:30 the three of us had everything back together and ready for the next day. In the crook of the mountains, where the farm was situated, evening came earlier. The spring sun had already dipped behind the tree line, glorifying the famous coastline on the other side of the ridge, hiding from us. It wasn’t dark, but the shadows were longer. I waited while Cherry locked the main door and together, we said goodbye to Lisa.
For most of the afternoon I was able to forget the morning, but now the high shadows were playing tricks on me. Out of the corner of my eye, several feet across the gravel yard on the far side of the barrel barn, I thought I saw something duck out of view. I shivered and revived my thoughts that something had been following me earlier.
“You ok, honey?” Cherry asked. “It gets chilly at night in the springtime.” She put her arm around my shoulder as we walked across the gravel. “I can’t recall if you’ve ever been here in the spring,” she said thoughtfully. I squinted in thought, I couldn’t think of a time either.
The suggestion of it suddenly made me realize the oddness of it. Less than 5 hours away, I could not recall a time my parents visited the farm. For summers they would drop me off or pick me up and sometimes invite Cherry out for dinner, but I don’t think they ever got out of the car. Usually Cherry drove one way and stayed a day or two at our house, but my parents never spent any more time at the farm than was absolutely necessary. I couldn’t remember them every saying anything bad about the farm, they kept clippings when stories were written about it- even the ones about Mr. Harris.
“How come my parents never stayed here at the farm?” I asked as we neared the porch.
For a split second it felt like she tensed. It was almost imperceptible because she quickly rubbed my upper arm where her hand had been. She didn’t say anything for a few steps; she removed her arm from around my shoulders when we got to the porch steps. I followed her up the steps and across the porch, waiting for her to say something.
“Oh I’m sure they did at some time,” she finally said as she opened the kitchen door. Kitten and two other dogs came rushing towards us and she focused her attention on greeting them, thereby ending our conversation. It was a tactic of hers I was familiar with, a way she avoided situations or conversations that were uncomfortable for her, but I didn’t understand it. Clearly this meant there was some reason my parents stayed away. Maybe Cherry didn’t know, maybe it had hurt her that my parents never visited, but either way, she didn’t want to talk about it.
I dropped the subject. But it bothered me throughout the evening. We stood side by side in the kitchen- I was washing veggies and Cherry was preparing them. She made idle chatter and I half listened while I speculated. When Brad popped his head in to say goodbye Cherry invited him to stay for dinner which he declined. I was thankful because it had been a busy, emotional day and I was not interested in business or small talk. I busied myself setting the table, keeping an eye on the door, half expecting AJ to pop his head in too. Oh please don't let him show up tonight. I was looking forward to selecting a mystery from one of the many novels Cherry had on her shelf and curing up in front of the fire.
Throughout dinner I thought about events from the day. My head was a jumbled mess of thoughts, all fighting for attention. My parents were easy to push away; thoughts of them were too raw and painful to let out of the cage for any length of time. AJ, and my crazy reaction to him, was a matter easy to focus on, though it was confusing and frustrating. Brad's weirdness about the tree was another matter that niggled in the back of my brain, wanting attention, whispering there must be some reason why he reacted so sharply. And now this situation with Cherry. It had only been a little more than 24 hours since I returned to the farm, and already my mind was on overload.
As we ate, I tried to distract
myself from my thoughts. I figured talking about Brad and the tree would be a safer topic than thinking- or mentioning- my parents again.
“So, did you know about that big tree and the meadow,” I asked. I tried to sound non-nonchalant and wasn’t sure if I was successful.
Cherry cleared her throat. “Well, yes actually.” She took a drink of her specially purified water, her manicured nails glistened in the light. “That tree was the biggest reason we bought the property.”
My interest was piqued. Something she said made me feel like I was forgetting something.
“In fact, James thought that might be the place to build the farm house and the buildings but it would have been too expensive to get the materials and utilities back that far. And then there was the matter of the roads we would have to build and maintain. James had a fondness for the tree. He was adamant that we leave it alone to keep growing and rule over the meadow.” She smiled as she talked, a sad kind of smile, as though she was remembering her lost happiness.
