by Jan Drexler
* * *
By Monday morning, Guy could tell that Pa was in no mood to hide out in the mint shed any longer. He had never heard anyone complain so much about everything. The frogs were too loud, the mosquitoes were a nuisance and Guy never brought him coffee with his meals. Sometimes he wished Pa would just take his car and disappear...
But no. Guy shook his head at his own thoughts. He didn’t want to go back to not knowing where Pa was. At least this way he had stopped waiting for Pa to show up. Now he could get his life started. The life he was meant to have with his own father, where he belonged.
After missing out on Saturday morning’s breakfast, Guy made sure he ate part of the food Verna made for him before taking the plate to Pa. He was always careful to push the food around though, so Pa wouldn’t notice some was missing.
When Guy carried his breakfast plate to the mint still, Pa was waiting for him. He grabbed the plate from Guy, almost causing it to spill.
“Be careful, boy. Watch what you’re doing.” He sniffed the plate. “Cold again, but I guess that can’t be helped.” He looked at Guy, his eyebrows raised. “No coffee?”
Guy shook his head.
“I’d give my eye teeth for a good cup of java.” He shoveled an entire slice of ham into his mouth. “That’s the first thing I’ll find when I get back on the road.”
Guy waited until Pa was finished eating and took his plate. “How will you know when it’s time to go find work?”
“I have to know that the Feds have moved on.” Pa wiped his mouth with his sleeve and took the last cigarette from his pack. “Go into town today, will you? Get me some more cigs and ask around. See if anyone has seen any cops.” He struck a match and bent his head to shield the flame from the light breeze.
Pushing down his rising irritation with Pa’s demanding ways, Guy watched the man beside him. He had looked forward to Pa’s return for so long, but now that he was here, it was like Guy was the father and Pa was the wayward son.
“I have work to do this morning, but I’ll try to get to town this afternoon.”
“I’ll get a list ready.” Pa pulled on his cigarette as if he couldn’t get enough of the stuff into his lungs. “There are some other things I need while you’re there.” Smoke poured out of his mouth as he spoke.
Guy headed back to the house, carrying the empty plate with him. He could imagine what would be on that list. Things a young Amishman wouldn’t be buying, that was for sure. He’d have to avoid the store in Emma, where David and Verna usually shopped.
The path was starting to wear from his coming and going the past few days. If David hadn’t been laid up, Pa couldn’t have stayed hidden for long. But Verna never ventured this far from the house, especially with David as badly off as he was. The thought of David’s gray face the last time Guy had seen him prodded at him. How was he doing now? As he reached the house, Guy hesitated. He could go in. Talk to David. Apologize for taking off the way he did. Apologize for...everything.
Guy set the empty plate on the back porch and went to the barn. He was in a hole, that was for sure. If he talked to David but didn’t mention Pa, the old man would be able to tell he was hiding something. David had always known what Guy was thinking. He’d know something was wrong.
Wrong? Guy slumped against Billy’s stall and the horse nudged him for the carrot Guy often brought. Yes, wrong. Pa being here was wrong. Hiding him was wrong. Even knowing about the shiny Studebaker hidden in the woods was wrong, especially if it was stolen, like Pa said.
And there was the problem. He couldn’t trust anything Pa had told him. Broken promises and lies. That’s all Pa had ever given him.
“Guy?”
Judith’s voice echoed through the barn. She stood in the doorway, silhouetted against the morning light. Tension drained from his shoulders. He wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms. It had been too long since he had seen her. But the easy camaraderie was gone.
Ever since Pa had shown up.
“What do you want?”
She came closer to him. In the shadows of the barn, with the light streaming in the open doorway behind her, he couldn’t see her expression.
“I just want to talk.” She leaned against the stall next to him and stroked Billy’s nose.
“Don’t you have work to do?” Guy frowned at the gruff sound of his own voice.
“Annie took Eli and the twins to visit Matthew’s folks today, so once I put the laundry on the clothesline, I have the rest of the morning free.”
“And you chose to come over here? Why?”
Judith moved closer to him, pushing Billy’s nose out of the way. Now he could see her face, and he had a sudden urge to run his finger along her soft cheek. Before Pa came, he would have. Now this secret stood between them.
“I know something is wrong.” She faced him as she spoke. “You haven’t been the same since the work day. First, you ran away from David and Verna because of that silly fight with Luke.”
He shook his head. “I had forgotten all about that.”
“But between then and when I saw you on Friday evening, something happened, didn’t it?”
He couldn’t answer, even when she leaned closer and the clean, fresh scent of her clothes teased his nose.
“I miss you, Guy.”
Judith looked up at him, waiting. He missed her, too. He missed their friendship and the way she had of making him feel like he had a future here with David and Verna.
He gave in to the urge and ran his finger along the soft skin of her jawline. She leaned her cheek into his hand and he stepped closer to her. Close enough to slip his arm around her and pull her close. She turned her face toward him and received his kiss. Longing to lose himself in her, he deepened the kiss, pulling her closer. If he could have, he’d have stayed with her forever and never faced his pa or David again. Ending the kiss, he held her against him, tucking her head into his shoulder. She fit so well that she might have been made for him. Only for him.
After a few minutes, Judith drew back, holding his gaze with her own. “Tell me what’s wrong, Guy. Let me help you.” She rubbed her thumb over the whiskers on his chin. “Whatever it is, you don’t have to face it alone.”
Guy felt the truth of her words ring deep in his chest. It was the same thing Matthew had told him before the work day. But this...this was different. This wasn’t about the Amish community, and it wasn’t about family.
As he stared into Judith’s eyes, he saw his reflection. Not a stranger, not an outsider, but part of her. And Judith was part of him. They belonged together, and knowing that ripped him apart, because he couldn’t give up the dream of following Pa. The boy in him held fast to that dream, but the man reached for Judith. He needed to tell her, to convince her to come with him.
“You’re right. Something has happened to change things. Pa showed up.”
“Your daed?”
Guy nodded as she drew back, still watching his face.
“Where is he? What did David and Verna have to say about him?” She clutched his hand. “He isn’t going to take you away from us, is he?”
Billy pushed against Guy’s shoulder with his nose, impatient with him and waiting for his carrot.
“What if I did go with him?”
Tears stood in Judith’s eyes. “And leave me? Leave your home?”
The pain in her voice was like a stab in his heart. He reached out, trying to bridge the chasm. “Come with me.”
She turned from him. “You know I can’t, and you shouldn’t, either.”
“But if I leave with Pa, we’ll go somewhere. I’ll find a job.” He pushed the thought of Pa’s job in Cleveland out of his head. “We’ll make a new home, you and I.”
“And your daed? The man who left you in the orphanage for all those years? The man who broke his promises to you?”
Guy slum
ped against Billy’s stall, melting under her words.
“I won’t go with you, Guy. You need to decide between me and him. Between a life on the road with that man or a home here with us.” She spoke through her tears, her voice a hoarse whisper.
She walked toward the door, silhouetted once more against the bright spring sunshine.
“But I have to go.” Hope rose when she paused in the doorway, and he pleaded once more. “I have to go with him. He’s my pa.”
“Then you’ve decided.” She wiped her tears away. “Goodbye.”
And she was gone.
Chapter Fourteen
As Judith left the Masts’ barn, she caught sight of Verna waving to her from the kitchen window. Judith waved in return, then walked as fast as she could down the lane. Away from Guy. How could he believe that anyone, even his father...especially the father who had abandoned him...was more important than their friendship? More important than the home he said he wanted?
Before she reached the end of the lane, a stitch in her side forced her to slow down. She paused to catch her breath, looking back at the house and barn. Guy wasn’t coming after her, but she hadn’t thought he would. The kiss he gave her had been a surprise, but it had made her hope that he’d made the right choice, that he was staying here with Verna and David.
But his choice was to leave, no matter how much it hurt her.
Since Annie was at Deacon Beachey’s with the children, Judith didn’t go straight into the house. The day was fine, but the blue sky grated on her. The weather should be cloudy and damp to match her mood. But even the songbirds ignored her, singing with melodies that would normally make her pause and listen. She went into the barn, banging the door shut behind her.
“Hallo!” came Matthew’s call from somewhere above her in the high haymow.
“It’s me. Judith.”
She climbed up the ladder. Matthew was forking hay through the chute to the horses’ mangers.
“You’re back earlier than I expected.” He leaned the pitchfork against a beam and beckoned to her. “I have something to show you.”
On the far side of the stack, he parted the strands of hay, revealing Judith’s favorite gray-striped barn cat, Belle, with a litter of newborn kittens.
“Ach, how sweet!” Judith sank to her knees next to the nest. Belle purred and reached her head toward Judith for a scratch. “Look how tiny they are! They must have been born this morning.”
Matthew knelt next to her. “Belle thought she had hidden them well, the way mama cats do, but when I started moving the hay, I heard her meowing. We’ll leave them here until the kittens are big enough to come out and play.” He covered the little family up again and stood.
“How are David and Verna?” he asked, grabbing his pitchfork again.
Judith sat on the floor next to Belle’s hiding place and stretched her legs in front of her. “I didn’t see them. I went to the barn first to talk to Guy, and then...” She brushed a piece of hay off her skirt. “I guess I just forgot.”
Matthew stopped his work and stared at her. “You forgot to see how David is doing? I thought that was why you went over there.”
She didn’t answer but brushed another piece of hay off her lap. She should have gone to the house and talked to Verna first, but she had been more concerned about Guy than David. A hot tear trickled down her cheek and she dashed it away. She had to stop this crying.
“All right.” Matthew waited until she looked at him. “Tell me what is wrong. If you didn’t see David and Verna, it must be Guy.”
Judith nodded. “What is it about boys? Why are they so...selfish and pigheaded?”
“I should feel insulted.” Matthew thrust the pitchfork into the sweet-smelling pile and sat next to her. He stuck a piece of hay in his mouth and chewed on it. “But I think I understand. Guy did something you didn’t like?”
How much could she tell Matthew? Judith sucked in her lower lip and watched him. He could be trusted, she knew that, but would he give her good advice, or would he take Guy’s side?
“Guy’s daed came back.”
Matthew’s brows raised. “When?”
“Friday. Guy has been keeping it a secret.”
“He hasn’t even told David and Verna?”
Judith shook her head. “And he wants to go away with his daed and live somewhere else.”
Matthew threw the piece of hay off to the side and laced his fingers around one knee. “It’s too bad that he wants to leave us. I know David was hoping Guy would be able to take over the farm one day.”
It was Judith’s turn to be surprised. “Does Guy know that?”
“Ne, and don’t tell him. That is something David needs to discuss with him at the right time.” Once Judith nodded her agreement, he went on. “Where is he thinking of going?”
She shrugged. “He didn’t tell me.”
“There’s more to it, isn’t there?”
Judith crumpled a piece of hay between her fingers. “I’ve always hoped he’d choose to stay here, to join the church.”
Matthew sighed. “I know that’s what David and Verna have prayed for, but I feel sorry for Guy. He has a tough decision to make.”
“What do you mean? Guy is taking the easy way, going off with the father that he’s been waiting for all his life. Now he can start living the way he’s always wanted to.” Her last words disappeared in a hiccupping sob.
“I’ve seen you and Guy together. That young man has it bad.”
Judith blinked away her tears. “What do you mean?”
“He’s in love with you.”
“That can’t be true. He’s never said anything...” Except that kiss. That sweet kiss that had taken her by surprise.
“He might not even realize it.” Matthew stretched his legs out, leaning back on his hands. “Don’t you see the position Guy is in? Men can be fiercely loyal to their families, but sometimes they have to make a decision that is going to hurt the ones they love the most.”
“I thought men always did whatever they wanted to and women just had to learn to accept it.” Judith sniffed again. That was the way her daed had been and the way Samuel had been until he met Mary.
“Not always. A real man sacrifices everything for the ones he loves. That’s why this decision must be agonizing for Guy. Do you think he wants to leave David and Verna?” Matthew put one hand on top of Judith’s. “Do you think he wants to leave you?”
“You don’t think he wants to go?”
Matthew shook his head. “Not the Guy I know. I think he has made this decision out of loyalty to his daed.” He laced his hands around his knee again. “Instead of being angry with him, you could look for a way to help him.”
“You mean I should help him leave?”
Matthew shook his head. “Give him a reason to stay.”
* * *
All morning, as Guy went from one chore to another, Judith’s final words rang in his ears.
She was right. He had made his decision. But if he didn’t go with Pa, wouldn’t he be doing the same thing Pa had always done? Putting his family second to what he really wanted?
If only Judith could see that.
When the time drew close to dinner, Guy put the tools away. If he was going to make that trip to town for Pa and get home in time for milking, he had to get going. He knocked on the back door.
“You’re early,” Verna said as she opened the oven door and slid in a chicken potpie. “I’m just putting dinner in the oven now.”
Guy’s mouth watered as the thought of Verna’s delicious cooking filled his mind. “I’m going into town. Do you need anything?”
“Going to town on a Monday?” Verna went back into the kitchen and picked up a knife and a loaf of bread. The golden crust crackled as she cut thick slices.
Guy stepped closer to the kitchen
door, still waiting on the porch. “Ja. It can’t wait.” Pa couldn’t wait.
“You’ll have your dinner first, won’t you?” She turned from her work, watching him with narrowed eyes as if she was trying to figure out something. “Come and sit at the table for once.”
He shook his head. “I have to get going. Can you put mine in a lard pail or something?”
“Do I hear Guy?” David called from the front room, his voice raspy and weak. The question ended in a cough.
Verna went to the doorway on the opposite end of the kitchen. “For sure, it is. He’s going into town.”
Another cough, then David said something that Guy couldn’t hear. Verna beckoned to him.
“He wants to see you.”
Guy swallowed, the taste of his guilt like bile. But he couldn’t take time to talk to David now. Pa was waiting for him.
When Guy didn’t move, Verna stalked across the kitchen and out on the porch. She took his arm.
“I don’t know why you’re acting this way,” she said, tears standing in her eyes, “but it’s time for you to decide to put someone else ahead of your own feelings. David is very ill, and worrying about you is likely to kill him.”
Guy’s face grew hot. “I’ll see him later. I have to get going.”
Verna leaned close to him, peering into his face. “Nothing you have planned is as important as saying hello to David. Just let him see you.”
Everything in him wanted to do what Verna said, but Pa—
“Now, Guy. Or no dinner.”
He knew the look on her face, and he couldn’t go back to Pa without his dinner. He kicked off his work boots and hung his hat on the hook.
“I’ll pack some lunch for you while the two of you are talking.” Verna stood back to let him pass her, then grabbed his sleeve. “But don’t say anything that will upset him, all right?”
Guy leaned down to give her a kiss on the cheek. He did it from habit, but as he caught a whiff of the rose-scented soap she always used, his throat filled. He would miss her when he left with Pa.
