by Laura Ward
I reached out and placed my hand on his wrist. He looked up. His big brown eyes met mine, and I sucked in a quick breath. “You were worried about me?”
“Of course.” He smiled shyly. “You are my friend.”
I shook my head, smiling back at him. Just like the Grinch, I felt my heart grow three sizes larger. Like a slap in the face, realization hit me that my stupid, selfish actions had hurt two of the people I cared most about. I squeezed William’s hand in mine. Both he and Alec worried about me, and I had let my jealousy and insecurities make me act like an idiot. I needed to grow the fuck up because this was not the person I wanted to be.
“I have something I want to give you.” I reached into my purse and pulled out the red ribbon. William looked at the piece of satin and a wrinkle formed on his forehead.
I closed my eyes, allowing myself a moment to remember. “This was given to me by my friend, Alec. He’s the one I told you about before.” I tilted my head to the side and William nodded. I stretched the ribbon straight out across the table, and then folded my hands in my lap. “Back in high school, he used it to fix my broken backpack so I could carry my books home.” My throat tightened at the memory.
William grinned and moved his fingertips along the smooth, glossy fabric.
I cleared my throat. “A couple of weeks ago, Alec and I were studying together, and we talked about how we were connected by a red string of fate.” My heart beat faster and my stomach filled with butterflies. I loved being with Alec. Whether we were studying, talking, kissing, or touching, I was happy. Anytime I was around him, I felt centered and alive. I was ashamed at how easily I’d given in to doubt and jealousy. I wondered if Alec would ever be able to forgive me.
Almost two weeks had passed since the night of the halftime show. He no longer sat next to me in class. He hadn’t invited me to study with him. He hadn’t answered any of my texts. I had completely gotten our string snarled into a knot I might never be able to untangle.
“What does a red string of fate mean?” William spoke each word slowly as his eyes narrowed in confusion.
I picked up one end of the ribbon and handed it to him. I took the other in my hand. “It’s an old folktale. To be connected to someone by the red string of fate, means that you are tied together. Your lives are connected. No matter what happens, you will always be close and will find your way back to one another.”
I gestured between us with my end of the ribbon. “You and me. We’re connected by a red string of fate, too. You’re not just my buddy. You’re my friend. No matter what happens, we’re tied together. If I mess up again, which I’ll try really hard not to do, don’t give up on me. We’re friends. We’ll always be connected.”
“Friends.” His smile lit up his face.
“Keep this to remember.” William’s eyes creased in happiness as I placed the ribbon in his hand. I wouldn’t need a physical reminder. The impact of my bad decisions weighed heavy on my heart.
I had one more person I had to make amends to before I could begin to forgive myself. Alec might think our string was broken, but I would do everything in my power to convince him otherwise.
***
“Come in!” Alexis hollered from the top bunk where she was busy studying.
Julie walked in with a pile of her own books and settled on our floor.
“What’s up?” Alexis asked her, smiling at the look of frustration on our laid back friend’s face.
“Hard dicks and helicopters.” Julie smirked, and Alexis groaned loudly.
“Nice, Jules.” I laughed as I sat at my desk, pulling on a pair of knee-high riding boots that perfectly matched Alexis’ brown sweater dress I was borrowing.
“I have a shit-ton of French homework.” Julie sat cross-legged on the floor, staring at her open textbook. “French. Who even speaks French anymore? Parlez-vous jack hole?”
Alexis climbed down the ladder, laughing, and turned to stand in front of me with her arms crossed over her chest. “You look nice, T. Where are you going?”
I wrapped my finger in the chain of my necklace and bounced my knee. “I’m going to talk to Alec. I’m hoping he’ll forgive me for being an idiot. I need him to give us a chance.” I rubbed at my chest. I felt like I was having heart palpitations for goodness sake.
“Good for you.” Alexis shot Julie a hard look before turning back to me, her hands clasped tightly together. “I’m sorry again. I should’ve texted you when you didn’t come home that night. I feel horrible.”
“I’ve apologized to each of you like a gazillion times already.” Julie huffed and looked up to the ceiling. “When Alec carried her out of there, I assumed she was going to his place to hook up. I had no idea she was passed out. I thought he was just being romantic. It looked hot.” Julie stood up and grabbed my hand, squeezing it. “I really am sorry.”
I grabbed my jacket, shaking my head at both of them as I slipped it on. “My stupidity is not your fault, Julie. Both of you need to stop apologizing. I learned my lesson. I’m only sorry that the person who suffered the most in the whole thing was Alec.” I sighed heavily as I pictured the look of disappointment and anger on his face. The pressure of my regret was crushing. I steeled myself and stood up straight. I had to make things right with him.
“You know I found out that it was that knuckle dragger, Pickles, who turned Alec in for working at The Shell.” Julie was looking at her nails and picking at the polish. “Jen overheard him telling some of his brothers the other night. He was also bragging that he had cheated on you all along.” She dropped her hands and rolled her eyes. “He’s such a prick stain.”
I swallowed away the bitter taste I got whenever I thought about Doug, and grabbed my purse. “Pickles is old news. We’re no longer friends. We’re no longer anything. I just hope Alec will still give me a chance.”
“Girl, you look smoking hot in that dress.” Julie whistled as she looked me up and down. “Alec can say no to booze all he wants, but he’s gonna want a tall drink of you. No guy in his right mind would turn you down looking like that.”
“Thanks. Wish me luck.” They waved, and I took a fortifying breath as I stepped out of the room. I closed the door behind me and headed for the stairs. I wanted Alec to say yes to me, not because I looked good, but because he felt the way I did. We had an unbreakable connection, right? I had to trust that the mess I made could be untangled.
***
“Speak!” Caz yelled into the intercom outside his apartment.
“Hi Caz, it’s Taren. Can I come up?”
“Do you have food?”
I laughed and could hear scuffling in the background. Then Jon told me to come up. As I walked up the stairs to their door, every single worry I’d been obsessing about ricocheted around in my head. I wiped my hands on my dress and blew out a breath. I prayed that my heart would stop hammering like it was going to tear out of my ribcage. Two more steps and I regretted that I didn’t have something in my hands to keep them from trembling. I should have brought donuts.
What if Alec said no? What if he turned me down? Again. The possibility was strong that I could have a repeat of bonfire night, but I had to try. I had to know for sure if I had any chance with him.
The door swung open just as I lifted my fist to knock. Half a second more and I would have knocked on Caz’s chest. I jumped back, but he laughed, dragging me into the living room.
“It’s cold as a witch’s tit out there tonight, Donuts. Get in here where it’s warm.”
“Is he here?” I looked around the living room, and my stomach flipped. I was just as nervous and excited as the first time I rode a rollercoaster. I felt like I had just ascended to the top of the steep hill, and I was dangling over the first plunge.
“He’s in his room doing God knows what. I’ll warn you…he’s grumpy as shit. Enter at your own risk.” Caz pulled the coat off the back of my shoulders and then froze. I turned to see his eyes bulging out as he did a double take. Jon walked out of the kitchen eating
an apple, and he stopped, midstride, mouth wide open.
Oh no. What was wrong? I looked down, tugging on the hem of the tight dress, making sure everything was covered and nothing was hanging out. That would be just my luck to have the back tucked into my panties or something. I crinkled my nose and arched my neck back to check behind me. Nope. Everything seemed to be in place.
“Wow. Taren, you look...” Jon’s words were hesitant, and then he swallowed loudly.
“Holy shitballs. I’ve been a good boy this year. Why, Santa? Why can’t I be on the nice list like Alec?” Caz fell to his knees, hands clasped in prayer. “And boots. Boots! Love me some hot girls with boots. Those boots can walk all over me anytime.” Caz spread out on the floor on his stomach. “Come on, Donuts. Have at it.”
“Stop drooling, ass nugget.” Jon threw a pillow from the couch at him before ushering me down the hallway toward Alec’s door.
After Jon returned to the living room, I could hear him and Caz bickering. I knocked on Alec’s door and waited, my stomach freefalling. The roller coaster was plummeting down the hill and approaching the first bend in the tracks. Alec would have the ability to totally derail me if he told me to go away.
“What?” Alec’s voice was loud and flat.
I paused before I went in, holding onto the knob, desperately hoping that I could fix the mess I made. I walked into the room, shutting the door behind me. Alec sat on his bed wearing headphones and reading from a textbook.
“Hi.” My voice quivered, and the smile on my face felt forced. I tucked a lock of hair behind my ear, unsure of what to say now that I was in front of Alec.
He looked up at the sound of my voice and yanked off his headphones. “Taren.” The look on his face was anxious. “What are you...?” He stopped mid-sentence as his eyes moved from my face and slowly trailed down. I felt the heat of his gaze as it devoured me. His eyes slid over every curve and dip of my body that was visible through my dress. I could feel myself responding as if he’d already touched me. My skin tingled, and I wished it were his hands and not his gaze, caressing me so intently.
I stood in front of him, waiting for him to finish his question. I wanted to go to him—but I needed him to make the first move. His eyes widened when he got a look at my boots. My legs were shaking in anticipation, ready to close the distance between us, ready to be wrapped around his waist.
Alec took a breath, and his lips parted. His eyes darkened.
“Lock it!” Jon yelled from the other side of the door. “I can only hold him back for so long.”
The sounds of a struggle were louder on the other side of the door. Caz yelled out, “Don’t worry about being quiet. Be as loud as you want, you naughty kids.”
Reaching behind me, I felt for the lock, securing it without taking my eyes off Alec’s.
“What are you doing here?” Alec tossed his book to the side, and he moved off the bed, approaching me. His worn jeans and long sleeved T-shirt did nothing to hide his beautiful body. I laced my fingers together so that I wouldn’t reach for him before I could tell him all the things I needed to say.
“I wish I could go back and change the way I acted after the halftime show. I feel horrible that l made assumptions and accused you. I’m embarrassed that I let my jealousy come between us.” I squeezed my fingers together. “Most of all, I hate that I hurt you.” My voice cracked, and I cleared my throat. “I’m so sorry, Alec. Please forgive me.” I took a step toward him, and he mirrored me, moving forward, until we were almost touching.
“Why are you sorry?” His voice was raspy, and my tears welled. I missed him so much that my heart hurt, just hearing him speak. Being this close to him reminded me of how much I’d lost.
“For drinking too much. For doubting you. For being selfish. For costing you your job. For hurting your place on the team. For not telling you how much I want you—”
His lips cut my apology off with a kiss as his hand cupped my cheek, and I opened my mouth, frantic to taste him. I fisted his shirt in my hands. Alec’s tongue moved into my mouth, and I moaned, rising on my tiptoes to give me better leverage to kiss him back. Alec grabbed my ass, lifting me up so I could wrap my legs around his waist. Yes. He groaned, and I felt how hard he was against me. My tongue delved into his mouth, and I pressed myself as tightly as I could against his chest, not able to get enough of him. God. Only two weeks had passed, but it felt like forever without him.
I gently bit his lower lip and then moved my mouth to his ear. I whispered, “Does this mean you forgive me?”
Alec’s breaths came quick as he pulled back to look at my face, walking us over to his bed like I weighed nothing. I stayed wrapped around him. My hands rested behind his neck while my fingers played with the ends of his hair.
“We’ve both made mistakes, Taren. There are probably a million reasons why this thing between us might never work, but we only need one reason why it will. We can’t stay away from each other.” He stroked my back and kissed the corners of my mouth.
“I want you, Alec. I’ve always wanted you. I know that we don’t seem to be compatible, but opposites attract, right? Do you really want me to stay away?” I asked again.
His steely blue gaze scanned every inch of my face as if memorizing it. “No,” he finally answered. “If you hadn’t come over tonight, I would have come looking for you. I can’t stop thinking about you.” He kissed my lips. “I need you.”
I closed my eyes for a second, letting those words echo through me. I need you. I needed him, too. I wanted nothing more than to belong to Alec. Smiling, I pulled him back in for a kiss, but his finger came between our lips.
“No more games. No more flirting with Doug. I’m fucking serious. If we’re going to do this, I want to know that he’s completely out of your life. I want us both to be all in. You and me. A real relationship. Not just study buddies who make out. All in.” Alec looked at me, and my eyes burned with tears of relief. He didn’t just want me, he wanted more with me.
“That’s what I want too. I want to be all in with you.” I pressed my lips to his, feeling relief unfurl through my body, curling into fingers of desire.
“Taren?” Alec asked between kisses. “Can I touch you?” His hands were still under my thighs supporting my weight. Even though I was groping him with desperate need, he hadn’t tried to touch me anywhere else. I loved the way he asked permission, as if access to me was a gift, not an assumption. The power he gave me to decide, made me want to give him everything.
“Please.” My voice was breathy, and I gripped his shoulders tighter. My pulse raced with anticipation.
He set my feet back on the floor so he could reach up to my face. He ran his thumbs over my cheeks like I was precious. Cherished. He’d become my protector in so many ways. He made me feel as if my heart and body were safe with him. How had I ever doubted that?
I reached down between us to grab his shirt and lifted it over his head, eager to have access to more of him. Leaning forward, I kissed him again. Our tongues tangled together and we both moaned. Alec grabbed the hem of my dress. He inched the fabric up before smoothing it back down over my legs, almost as if he was doing it against his will. After he repeated this several more times, I smiled against his lips as we continued to kiss. My heart was slamming against my chest, begging him to just take my dress off, but he was waiting for my permission. I ran my hands up his chest, wishing I could convey my feelings to him through touch alone. His hesitation and his respect was like an aphrodisiac to me. I wanted him, desperately.
“It’s a little unfair I’m so over-dressed,” I whispered against his lips. My voice wavered, and my hands shook. I had no experience in seduction, and here I was, trying to tempt the hottest guy I’d ever met in my life. I licked my lips and swallowed hard. My eyes lifted up to meet his, and the lust-filled look I got in return caused me to shudder with apprehension. Get it together, Donuts, I scolded myself. He’s not going to believe it if you don’t.
“Do you know what you
do to me when you look at me like that?” He squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his lips against my shoulder. “Fuck. You’re driving me crazy.” Alec’s voice was rough, and his words made me ache.
I could do this. I could be sexy. I looked up at him and smirked. Then, I reached down to the bottom of my dress and with a slow wiggle, I gradually slid the tight material up my body. Alec leaned back to watch as my naked skin made an appearance inch by inch. His fingers twitched like he wanted to help me, but his arms hung by his sides as his gaze followed the progress of my hands.
When the dress finally made its way over my head, I was left in nothing but my carefully chosen lingerie and boots. I wasn’t ready to go all the way with Alec tonight, but I was ready to move to the next level. Tonight was about baring myself to him both physically and emotionally. I was ready because he was worth the risk.
Excitement and nerves vibrated under my skin, and I ran my hands up his arms, wrapping them around his neck. “Well?” I was proud that my voice was confident.
Looking down, Alec gave me a crooked smile. “You can leave the boots on.”
His hands rested on my waist, and I giggled as he spun us around so that the backs of my knees hit the edge of the bed. He lifted his chin toward the mattress and his was voice soft. “Is this okay?” He brushed my hair back from my face, his fingers tracing the edge of my jaw with reverent gentleness.
I nodded and he lowered me to the mattress.
“I dreamt about this.” Alec dragged his fingertips down my neck and to my hair that lay splayed across his pillow. He leaned over me, and his weight rested on his forearms. “I pictured you just like this. Laying in my bed, your hair spread out on my pillow, your scent on my skin.” He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. “Your lips begging to be kissed.” Alec slipped his tongue along my lower lip. “I missed your taste. I missed…you, Taren.” He dipped his tongue inside my mouth, pulling me in for a deep, slow kiss.
The words coming from his lips were too much. I moaned into his mouth as emotion stung the corners of my eyes. He was hard as he pressed against me, and my eyelids fluttered shut as I lifted my hips into him. My hands ran all over his arms, and my fingers molded themselves to the muscles of his shoulders and back. I would never have enough time to feel him. Never.
