by Tonia Brown
“He wasn’t prepared for this,” Lelanea said.
“He didn’t know?”
“He didn’t know.”
“How could he not know?”
“He just didn’t.”
“I thought he worked for you?”
“It’s … complicated.” Lelanea snapped her fingers in Dodger’s face again. “Are you with me now?”
“I-I-I think so,” Dodger stammered.
“Watch my finger.”
Dodger did as asked, watching her forefinger pass in front of his eyes, back and forth, up and down, until at last she seemed satisfied with his responses.
“You sure you’re well?” she asked.
“I …” Dodger paused as he glanced tentatively to the wolf still straddling the redhead. The thought that the wolf at which he was looking had been in the shape of a man not thirty seconds before didn’t seem as unusual now. In fact, it seemed perfectly ordinary, given recent events. He looked back to Lelanea and gave a sheepish grin. “I was a bit overwhelmed. But I’m fine now. Really.”
“Good.” She smiled.
He smiled.
She nodded.
He nodded.
Then she frowned.
Dodger felt the sting of her slap before he realized she had hauled off and struck him. Rubbing his now-tender cheek, he asked, “What was that for?”
“As if you don’t know.” Lelanea ducked back inside the house and slammed the window closed, leaving Dodger to contemplate the possibilities.
I have to go, Boon whispered.
“Where’ve you been?” Dodger whispered.
Too much to explain right now. I have to go and get Ched to ready the line. Please be careful on your way back. I’ll talk to you as soon as I can.
“Boon?” Dodger asked.
The spirit was gone.
Dodger continued to massage his aching face as he made his way around to the porch. Through the open door, Michael—a man once more—was cradling Doug to him, both weeping like a pair of newborn babes. Heat rose to Dodger’s cheeks as he turned away, unable to watch the unfolding scene. He wasn’t made awkward by the atypical relationship, or disgusted the sight of a half-naked man cradling another full-grown man. Not at all. Dodger had seen odder relationships in his time on this earth, and as far as he was concerned, if someone was lucky enough to find someone else on this insane planet worth that kind of affection, well, he reckoned it didn’t matter about the little details. No. His embarrassment came from the tenderness the pair shared. It was love, all right. Even if Dodger couldn’t say he understood it, those two men were definitely in love. And love always made Dodger uncomfortable.
Be it of any kind.
“Is there anything I can do?” Lelanea asked from behind Dodger.
“No,” Michael said.
There arose the sounds of shuffling, and the curiosity in Dodger begged him to risk a peek. When he did, he found that Michael had placed the other lad in the bed, pulling the sheet high over the redhead’s trembling, weeping form. The native leaned low to kiss Doug gently once, on the lips. The redhead whispered something. Michael whispered something in return. They both smiled, and it warmed Dodger’s heart. Which, in turn, made him uncomfortable again.
“I’m very sorry about all of this,” Michael said as he showed Lelanea to the door.
“Not at all,” Lelanea said. She picked up a Sunbox on her way out.
Good thing too, because Dodger had been so angry with her that he’d walked all the way here in the near dark. He stepped to the end of the path and waited for her at the gate. (Far enough to give them the sense of privacy, but not far enough to be out of earshot. Even if he had to strain a bit to hear them speak.)
Lelanea sighed. “Trust me when I say we get this kind of thing all of the time.”
“I don’t doubt it,” Michael said. “Your uncle leaves the stink of danger for miles.”
“Tell me about it.” She looked back in at Doug. “I know he didn’t mean any harm. Not really.”
“Not really.”
“He seems to love you.”
“I know. But what can one like us do?”
Lelanea stared openmouthed at the native for a moment. Whereas the insult of ‘viewing her naturally’ didn’t raise her ire, this question seemed to make her downright livid. “I’ll tell you what you do. You love that man in there back, as hard as you can. You share what time you have left together on this earth, and you treasure it. And whatever happens, you never, ever let him go. That’s what you do.”
“No. I can’t.” Michael shook his head, a long look of sorrow clouding his handsome features. “I can’t do this again. It’s too hard.”
“Michael, I know it’s hard.” Lelanea’s voice softened as she took the man’s hand into hers. “Believe me. I know more than anyone else just how hard it is. But if you turn him away now, if you let him go, then you will regret it for the rest of your life. The rest of your long, lonely life.”
“We can’t love normal humans.”
“We have to. We need to. Loving someone not like us is as close to humanity as we will ever get. Please, don’t make the mistake I made.”
Michael brought her hand to his face and drew a deep breath, taking in her scent. A smile replaced his sorrow, lighting his eyes with joy. He kissed her palm once before he lowered her hand to his bare chest, placing it over his heart.
“My heart beats for him,” Michael said. “We will share those beats for as long as we can.”
This seemed to satisfy Lelanea. “Well, that’s more like-”
“But only if you promise to do the same,” Michael said over her in a demanding rush.
Dodger could hear Lelanea swallow hard from where he stood at the gate.
“I-I-I …” she stammered. “I’ll try.”
“Good,” Michael said. He leaned in close and gave her a small kiss on the cheek. “Farewell, lovely Lelanea Dittmeyer. You are always welcome here.” Michael added in a louder voice, “That goes for all of you. You are my family now. You may come back anytime.”
“Thanks for that,” Dodger said.
“Now we really should be getting back,” Lelanea said. “Goodbye, Michael.”
“Makkapitew,” Michael said. “You are part of my family now, and part of my tribe. You may call me by my tribal name. It’s Makkapitew.”
Lelanea nodded her understanding. “Makkapitew. Thank you. And take care of him. You both have a bumpy road ahead.”
“I know. There are many canyons and mountains, but we shall see them together.”
Lelanea gave the man one last hug, then joined Dodger at the fence. He held it open for her, and she passed through, handing him the Sunbox without acknowledging him. Dodger tipped his head to Michael once more and headed off after her. Which was quite a feat, considering the pace she set against him.
“Lelanea,” he called out as he cranked the Sunbox. “Hang on now. It’s a long walk back. You should stay in the light.”
Lelanea came to a sudden halt and whipped about to stare at him. “I don’t need your escort.” This said, she returned to her brisk walk.
Dodger jogged to catch up with her. “I know you’re a bit miffed with me, but at least give me a chance to explain.”
She stopped again. “Good. Because I would really like an explanation.”
“Well …” Dodger started.
“I’ll make it simple. Did you or did you not stand under an open window and listen in on a private conversation?”
Dodger looked around to avoid her accusing glare.
“Mystery solved,” she said, and stormed off again.
“Miss Lelanea!” he called out, reaching out for her arm.
She jerked her elbow away from him. “Don’t touch me!”
“I didn’t mean any harm by it.”
“No harm? You spied on me like I was some common criminal and not the niece of your employer. And you meant no harm? I feel positively violated. Violated!”
“
Lelanea, please. I was worried about you. You disappeared in the dead of night, so I went out to check on you.”
“And what brought you all the way up here? That famous instinct of yours?”
“No. Ched suggested you might go a-callin’ on the man.”
Lelanea huffed at this and set off again.
Dodger struggled to keep up. “You have to understand, I didn’t know whether he’d have you hogtied to the bed or was serving you tea and crumpets. I didn’t want to blunder in on a private conversation, but I didn’t want to risk you being in any harm. There was no way to know without sneaking a peek.”
The woman slowed her pace a bit. “Then you really were worried for me?”
“Yes. I swear that’s all.”
“Well then, how about this? Next time I go somewhere, I’ll make sure to tell someone else.”
“That’s a good start.”
“That way you can just eavesdrop on the conversation and find out where I’m going. Is that good for you?”
Dodger groaned and buried his face in his hands.
Lelanea laughed, her humor sharp and mocking. “In fact, I think from now on, that’s how we will conduct all of our business. I’ll talk to Ched, and you can stand outside the meeting car and listen in. Is that how it works? I wouldn’t know, because I don’t snoop on people!” Her piece said, Lelanea took off once more, all but running for the distant campsite.
“Stop,” Dodger commanded her retreating form.
Lelanea ignored him.
“I said stop, damn it!” he cried.
She did stop. But she didn’t turn to face him. She didn’t address him.
Ah, let the cold shoulder begin.
Dodger sighed. Enough was enough. There was so much about the crew he still didn’t know. Important things, from the looks of it. He couldn’t work under these conditions. This had to change. The secrets had to stop, and they had to stop now.
Starting with him.
“My father died when I was twelve,” he said.
Lelanea’s shoulders drooped. Without facing him, she said, “My parents passed away when I was but eight, but I don’t see what that has to do with any of-”
“He was murdered.”
Lelanea gave a soft gasp.
“My pa was murdered,” Dodger said. “My ma told me that he died in the fire that took our home, but I always knew better. He was dead before it started. I know because I saw it happen.”
Slowly she turned to him, her anger tempered by a sudden pity. “I’m sorry to hear that. But I still don’t understand-”
“There were some men who wanted what he had,” Dodger said over her. “He wouldn’t sell it to them, so they took it, and they killed him, and they set his workshop on fire to cover their tracks. The fire spread to the house, and that was all she wrote. We lost everything. My mother and I had nothing left when it was done. Everything burned. Including my father’s body.”
Lelanea stared at him in silence. Perhaps she realized he had something he needed to get off his chest. Or maybe she was curious. Or maybe she just thought it was best to let him ramble and get it over with.
Dodger closed the space between them, talking as he walked. “She tried to take care of me as best she could, but it was hard. She had to remarry another man inside of a year just to make ends meet, but I don’t think she ever loved him. Not like she did my father. Her new husband needed a wife to take care of the house, and she needed a man to survive. In the end, he got a slave, and she got a master. He started drinking about a month into their marriage. Started beating her a few weeks after that. Beat me too, but I was young and hated him. I probably deserved it. But my ma, she was fragile. So fragile. Dad used to call her his porcelain doll. And one day, her new husband broke her.”
“Dodger,” Lelanea whispered.
“I wasn’t home when it happened, but it didn’t take a genius to put things together. He drank himself into a rage, got mad over some silly thing and beat her near to death. When I found him standing over her broken body, the way he was smiling down at her, like he was proud of what he had done, I decided I’d had enough. I wasn’t going to let him hurt her again. I wasn’t going to let him hurt anyone ever again.” Dodger paused here, gathering the courage to finish his confession.
“What did you do?” Lelanea asked.
“I did what I had to do. I put her in the wagon and took her to her sister’s. My aunt had the doctor come round, and he said my mother was lucky to be alive. Lucky to be alive? Like that was some kind of comfort.” Dodger snorted. “Her husband almost killed her, and she was lucky to not die by his hand. After they told me she would endure, I drove the wagon back to the house. Back to him. He was passed out in their bed, dead to the world, sleeping off his drunk while his wife fought for her life. My mother! You want to know what I did? I’ll tell you what I did. I emptied every oil lamp in the house on that bed, and I set it on fire. With him still in it.”
Lelanea didn’t have anything to say to that. In fact, she showed no reaction whatsoever.
“I learned, you see,” Dodger said. “The men who killed my dad taught me how it was done. They showed me how to get rid of a problem. Permanently.”
Lelanea remained silent. Dodger searched her face in the moonlight, curious as to what was going on inside that beautiful mind. But she showed no emotion at what he was telling her. Neither pity nor disgust. Dodger wondered which he was expecting, and which he would rather have from her.
“Sometimes,” Dodger said, “when things get really bad, when the screams are too loud and the blood just won’t stop running … sometimes when things are at their worst and I think that I’ve finally lost touch with every shred of humanity I ever had … sometimes …sometimes I like to think that he was already dead. That he drank himself to death out of guilt for what he did to her. Sometimes. But not that night. That night, I prayed he was alive when I watched the house burn to the ground. I was hoping to hear him scream. Maybe see him struggle a little. That night, I wanted to be the one who made him suffer.”
They stared at each other for what seemed ages, Dodger shamed by the echoes of his confession and Lelanea still showing no signs of reaction to his words. In her almost accusatory silence, Dodger began to worry that he had gone too far, that telling her the truth of his youth was a mistake. Of course it was!
How could she trust him now that she knew he was a heartless bastard?
****
back to toc
****
Chapter Eleven
Shared Secrets
In which Dodger shares a burden or two or three
“Why are you telling me this?” Lelanea finally asked.
Dodger was surprised by the calmness in her voice. “Because I know something about you that you’d rather no one knew. I felt it was only fair if the same were true.”
Lelanea did something then that Dodger didn’t expect. Not after what he’d told her. Not after the terrible things he had forced upon her conscience. She smiled.
“Thank you,” she said. “That must have been hard for you to do.”
“It was,” he said. Running his hands through his hair, he added, “I’ve never told another living soul about that.”
“Really?”
Dodger shook his head, more ashamed by that admission than by the whole of his story.
She smiled wider. “Then I am doubly honored that you trust me with your secret.”
“That’s just my point,” Dodger said. “The secrets have to stop. You folks hired me to protect you. Now it don’t bother me that the things you hired me to keep you safe from are a little outside my range of experience. I can deal with unusual. I can adopt and adapt, and I can get the job done. But there are things about the crew I need to know to get that job done, and y’all keep hiding things from me. I need to know the truth.”
The smile faded with his demand. “You should know as well as anyone that the truth can be too complicated to explain right away. That there is a tim
e and a place for everything.”
“Pardon me when I say this, ma’am, but I’m gonna have to call bullshit on you there.”
For the first time since he began his story, Lelanea looked genuinely surprised.
“Excuse me?” she asked.
“I said I call bullshit,” Dodger repeated. “This ain’t about explaining things when the time is right, because there’s no right time for something this big. I dare say you weren’t planning on ever telling me. If you had it your way, I’d never know the truth. Because this ain’t about knowing the truth, it’s about not trusting me with it. The real shame is, if you can’t trust the man who’s willing to jump into the path of an oncoming bullet to make sure you stay safe, then who can you trust?”
Lelanea considered this for a moment. “You’re correct, of course. I apologize if I seem unappreciative of your protection.”
“No need. I wasn’t trying to be spiteful. I just want you to know that you can trust me. And to be sure I can trust you. I think the time for secrets is done.”
“We have a right to keep our pasts to ourselves, Mr. Dodger. Boon knew that much.”
That was a low blow, but one for which Dodger was prepared. “I take it there was quite a bit that Boon knew that I still don’t. But in the end, it didn’t matter. You all continued to keep secrets from one another. Secrets are what got your Boon killed. And I don’t plan on following in his footsteps.”
She scowled at this, that pert little angry frown that drove Dodger mad with desire for her. She was just as beautiful irritated as she was when she was pleased. “Listen here, you can’t expect to just climb aboard and have all of us confess every single thing about ourselves. That level of intimacy is just vulgar.”
“Miss Lelanea, please don’t misunderstand what I’m trying to say here. I don’t need to know every little thing about each one of you. I don’t need to know that your favorite color is red. Or that the doc had an imaginary friend named Freddy when he was five. Or that Feng takes two lumps of sugar in his tea. Or that Ched prefers cotton undies to silk drawers because they breathe better against his oh-so-delicate skin.”
Lelanea gave a little chuckle before she could cover her mouth in time to stifle it.
