by Joan Hohl
Stop it. She chided herself silently. It's two o'clock in the morning and Matt is probably sound asleep in his hotel room. If anything had gone wrong on the flight south she'd have been notified by now.
Closing her eyes again, she could almost hear the ringing of the phone that had wakened her that night. Could almost hear the voice, strong yet compassionate, that had informed her of her husband's death in an automobile accident.
There had been four of them in the car. They had been returning home from a bachelor party, given for a young man Kevin worked with. Of course, they had been drinking. Apparently, Kevin had been asleep on the front seat beside the driver. The driver himself must have dozed off and the car skidded across the highway, through a guardrail and flipped end over end down an embankment crashing against a tree at the bottom.
Kevin and the driver had been killed instantly, never knowing what hit them. The other two men had died within a few hours of each other the next day.
A shudder rippled through Katherine's body at the memory of those first weeks after Kevin's death. Her mother had come to her, to help with what seemed like the hundred and one arrangements that had to be made.
Kevin was to be buried at home, and Katherine was to stay with her parents for a while.
Katherine went through those weeks in a state of numbness. Walking, talking, taking care of Janice, and yet, not there, as if her feelings had been put on hold.
Until she went into labor. Then the realization hit her. She was going to have Kevin's baby, and he would never see it.
All during labor and delivery she hoped and prayed the child would be a boy and he'd look like Kevin.
Half her prayer was answered. The baby was a boy. But he favored Katherine's side, with dark hair and eyes.
The sudden shrill ringing of the phone brought Kath-erine off the chaise; head swinging round, eyes wide with fright, to stare at the phone on the night stand next to Matt's side of the bed.
Mart's private phone. Katherine knew the only other phone ringing in the house was the one in Matt's study.
She moved across the room slowly, eyes glued to the noisily insistent instrument, hesitated, then reached out tentatively as if the thing would bite her.
Drawing a deep breath, she suddenly grasped the receiver and brought it to her ear, her voice a hoarsely whispered, "yes."
"Katherine?" Matt's voice crackled through the wires, vibrant, alive.
Relief washed over Katherine and in a stronger voice answered, "Yes, Matt."
"Sorry to waken you, but in the rush I've come away without some papers I'll need tomorrow—no, this morning. I've sent the plane back and called Jack to pick them up, then deliver them to the airport. He should be at the house shortly. Would you go down to my study and get them for him? You can't miss them, they're in a tan folder on top of my desk."
The request had been rattled off slowly, concisely, thinking her half asleep. And wanting to hold on to, if only for a few minutes, the warm voice that brought him close over so many miles of wire, she answered, "Yes, of course," then rushed on with, "How was the flight? The weather was so miserable."
"Was it?" He sounded mildly surprised. "I had no idea. The flight must have been smooth for I slept all the way, and it's clear now."
Katherine felt a flash of irritation at his words. She'd
been half sick with worry, while he slept peacefully on the damned plane.
His next words banished the irritation.
"I thought I'd better grab what sleep I could, as it looks like this briefing with Carl will take us right up to the time of my appointment, with a full schedule for the rest of the day. Again, I'm sorry I had to disturb you and I hope you have no trouble in getting back to sleep and, Katherine, thank you."
Katherine heard a click and then the buzz; he'd hung up. No good-bye or good night, just thank you. As if he'd been speaking to his secretary, she thought, annoyed.
She replaced the receiver noting, in a detached sort of way, the damp imprint left on it. Her palms and forehead were moist and she shivered. She had broken out in a cold sweat when the phone had begun ringing, and now she felt chilled.
Giving herself a mental shake she left the room. The papers were exactly where he'd said they'd be and she was just closing the study door, folder in hand, when she heard the car stop on the drive.
Hurrying across the hall, she unlocked the door, and pulled it open, before Jack's finger could touch the doorbell and wake someone else.
A grinning Jack came loping up the steps to her, looking wide awake, as if it were the middle of the afternoon and not after three in the morning.
"Sorry to disturb you like this, Mrs. M.," he said lightly and then, chidingly, "You know, you should never open a door like that, without checking first who it is. Make the boss very unhappy if he knew."
Katherine's smile was warm. She liked this young man, he was easygoing and friendly. Five years older
than Tommy, he had taken him under his wing and eased his first summer at the house.
"I promise not to do it again. Will you come in for a cup of coffee?" She stepped back, opening the door wider as she spoke.
Jack shook his head briefly. "No can do, thanks anyway, that little beauty will be landing soon, and I'd better be there with those papers."
Katherine's voice halted him as he started back down the steps. "I may need a car in a day or two to run into Philly."
"Anytime, Mrs. M. Just ring the horn in the garage." He went down the steps and pulled the car door open then turned and added, "By the way, how's young Tom doing at school? All settled in?"
"He's doing fine, Jack, thank you. He asked me to say hi to you."
He nodded and slid behind the wheel. "That's a good kid you have there, ma'am." He gave a sketchy salute, then closed the door and the car moved smoothly down the drive.
Katherine closed and relocked the door smiling softly. Yes, Tom was a good kid. She hadn't done a bad job of raising him.
She went up the stairs slowly, her last thoughts leading her mind back into the past again.
Tommy had been a delightful baby. He had given her very few sleepless nights.
They had stayed with her parents until Tom was three months old. Her mother had wanted her to sell the house and move back to Lancaster and she had been tempted, but only for a short time. She loved the ranch house and she was going home.
Kevin had been well insured, including mortgage insurance. The house was paid for and free of debt. She'd have a small monthly income which she hoped to supplement with her illustrating work. The checks she'd received from his life insurance policies she had banked for the children's education. It would not be easy, but with careful managing she'd do it.
The first few years had been a little tight. But as her work became known she received more. The company Kevin had worked for offered her a full time job periodically, over the years. She turned it down, not wanting to leave the children all day.
Wrapped in the comforter and curled again on the chaise, Katherine was wide awake. Eyes wide, she saw nothing in the room. She was staring back through those lonely years.
She had few friends since she seldom went out, and she built her life around Janice and Tom. Her days had been full, but for a very long time, her nights had been very bad.
Katherine stirred, remembering the nights she had lain alone. She had lived with a man, slept with him. Her body had all the normal physical urges. Night after night she had fought a silent battle to suppress those urges. She had won.
There had been men over the years. Some lightly, some seriously interested. They all had soon lost that interest when she had made it clear that she would neither marry nor sleep with them.
She had managed to convince all of them, even the most persistent, that she would not change her mind. All that is, until Matt.
Turning her head toward the window, Katherine blinked in surprise. It was morning. She had spent the
night in the past, and hadn't solved one of her present
problems. I must be getting flaky, she thought wryly, all this reminiscing. I've got to shake myself out of this mood.
Jumping up, she folded the comforter and replaced it in the drawer. She knew what her trouble was. She had too much time on her hands. She was unused to all this idleness.
Casting about in her mind for something to do, she fastened on to an idea.
She had told Jack she might need the car and she would. But instead of going to Philly for an afternoon of shopping she'd wait until closer to Tom's birthday, take Mary and Jon, and go in to the apartment for a week or so.
Her mind raced ahead making plans. She'd plan a small celebration, the weekend of Tom's birthday. Perhaps Janice and Carlos could fly up from Washington. She'd give Carol a call, heavens, she hadn't talked to her in over two weeks. Maybe she could see a few shows, take her time shopping for Tom's birthday present.
Mary would probably love a chance to do some shopping, have a look at the new fall styles.
If they could find someone reliable to stay with Jon, she and Mary could shop together.
A slow, impish smile spread over Katherine's face. She had decided to call Matt's secretary and give her the job of finding a babysitter.
On that happy thought she headed for the shower.
They all laughed, Katherine and Mary out of pure relief that the bustle was finally over.
"Not drinking?" he asked. "Or just too lazy to mix your own?"
"Too lazy ," Mary murmured.
"Pampered cats," he teased, going to the cabinet. He mixed the drinks and sat down in the chair opposite Katherine, stretching his legs out and resting his head against the back.
"You look tired, James," Mary observed. "The boss working you too hard?"
"Every chance he can," he drawled. "I'd happily resent it if I didn't know he puts in twice the amount of time and effort as I, or for that matter, any of his employees do."
He sipped his drink slowly, his eyes steady on Kath-erine's face, then added softly, "As far as his work is concerned you can't fault Matt."
Meaning what? Katherine wondered. That in other areas you could? She had an unhappy feeling he meant herself, and felt now the familiar twinge of apprehension at the way his eyes seemed to caress her, lately.
She felt a wave of relief when Mrs. Rapp announced dinner and hurried in to the dining room, seating herself quickly.
James held Mary's chair, then as he sat down, his eyes teasing Mary, said dryly, "How's the carbon?"
The first words James had said on first seeing Jona-thon were, "Good grief, he's a carbon copy of Matt."
He had referred to Jon as the carbon ever since.
"Bright eyed and bushy tailed," came Mary's laughing reply. "He's too young to have acquired the male horror of housecleaning."
James cocked an eyebrow at Katherine. "I suppose Beth's planning all sorts of social engagements to entertain the much vaunted DeDe?"
"I don't really know. I do know she's planned a dinner party for Saturday night as she asked me if I knew if Matt would be home."
"And do you?" he asked dryly.
Katherine met his eyes steadily. "No."
"You haven't heard from him?"
She felt a stab of pain though she managed to keep it from showing. It was more a statement than a question and those five small words told her clearly how he, and probably everyone else, regarded her and Matt's relationship.
Pride made her edge around the truth. "He called once but he didn't know exactly how long he'd be gone. He had thought it would be no more than two or three days, but as this is the fourth day perhaps they've hit a snag or something." And shrugging, seemingly unconcerned, she turned her attentions to the food on her plate, missing the speculative look that passed between Mary and James.
The room was quiet for some time, then Katherine went on as if there had been no break in the conversation. "Beth has not told me much of what she's planning, possibly because I told her I would not be here."
James' head jerked around. "Where are you going?" he rapped out.
Katherine felt a smile tug at her mouth. Beth's reaction had been the same. Did they suppose she was going to go running away every week or so, she wondered wryly.
Her eyes caught Mary's and saw reflected there the same amusement that lightened her own.
"We're going into the apartment for a few weeks, I have some shopping to do. Also I thought I'd have a small party for Tom's birthday. Will you come?"
James nodded saying, "Of course," then added, "We?"
"Mary and I—and the carbon, naturally."
"Matt?" he queried softly, not looking at her.
"Well, that I don't know. It depends on his schedule, doesn't it?"
Again he nodded, but this time his eyes held hers, trying to tell her—what?
Katherine didn't care to speculate. In all truth, she didn't want to know.
"May I call you at your office when I have more details?"
"Certainly. And if I'm not in leave a message and I'll get back to you."
"Fine," she answered, and let the conversation drop.
They spent a pleasant, if short evening together: James obviously tired, excusing himself early.
Mary sat silent a short time after James had left the room and said quietly, "I guess I cramped his style."
Katherine glanced up startled. "What do you mean?"
"Oh, come on, Kate," she chided, "James has gone all soft as mush over you. It was obvious he wanted to be alone with you " She paused a moment then added, "I'd be careful there, if I were you."
"Oh Lord," Katherine groaned, resting her head against the back of the chair. "I've been telling myself it's my imagination, but if you see it too..." She grimaced at Mary. "You don't think it's just compassion he's feeling?"
"No, Kate, I don't," she replied shaking her head. "I wish I could say I did. But unless I'm reading all the signs incorrectly, I'd say James is definitely smitten."
"Just what I need." Katherine's face was pale, her voice low. "I have no answers to the problems I already have and now I'm handed another one."
She sat very still and quiet for a while, then she cried out, "Mary, what am I going to do?"
It was the first time Katherine had lost her composure in front of Mary, and Mary's eyes grew concerned, almost alarmed.
She put her hand out in a placating motion, and in a firm voice stated, "Take it easy, Kate. First of all, James has a problem, not you. And if you can avoid being alone with him whatever he feels for you, or thinks he does, may wear off."
Katherine opened her mouth, but before she could say anything Mary raised her hand higher, in a stopping movement, adding, "Secondly, I think you should make that move into Philly sooner than you'd planned. As soon as it's possible after Beth's houseguest gets here. You're building these problems of yours way out of proportion."
"But Mary—"
"No, Kate, I'm not saying they aren't very real problems, I know they are. What I am saying is, you should get away from this house for a while. You have too damn little to occupy yourself with here. Too much time on your hands. You've been chasing these difficulties around in circles in your mind until they've become bigger than life. What you need is to get out, do things, laugh and talk with other people."
Her gaze became pensive as she finished. "I wonder, Kate, if you have any idea how long it's been since you've laughed. I mean really laughed easily, naturally."
Katherine's eyes were wide with surprise. "I don't
know. There hasn't seemed to be much to laugh about for some time now. And somehow, telling myself I walked into this with my eyes open, and so have only myself to blame doesn't help much."
"It never does," came the sympathetic reply.
"We must stay for the dinner party Saturday night. But as Beth hasn't bothered to inform me of any further plans, I don't know why we couldn't go into town on Monday." Katherine's eyes and voice were steady again as she glanced at Mary.
Mary nodded, then said so
ftly, "And Matt?"
Katherine's sigh was deep. "Yes. Matt. Hell! I don't know, Mary, I haven't the vaguest idea when he'll stay home once he does get here. I guess I'll just have to play it by ear."
Mary nodded again then grinned. "Just give me an hour's notice, and Jon and I will be on the front steps bag and baggage, ready to go."
Katherine, Mary and James were having mid-morning coffee in the living room the next day, when Beth entered with DeDe.
Katherine's first reaction was an unaccountable feeling of dismay. From the top of her silvery blonde head, to the tip of her hand-made Italian shoes, DeDe was beautiful, in a cool, slightly brittle way. Small, delicate, her skin white and smooth as fine porcelain, wealth seemed to surround her like a cloak.
Introductions were made and Katherine felt her dismay deepening. DeDe's doe soft brown eyes sharpened as they went over her, and she felt herself weighed, measured and dismissed in seconds.
The uneasy moment was broken when James placed his hand on DeDe's shoulders, kissed her lightly on the cheek
and murmured, "You're more beautiful than ever. How many broken hearts have you left behind in Europe?"
DeDe's light laugh rippled through the room and her voice came as a shock, so deep and throaty, from such a small frame. "I'll admit to nothing. How lovely to see you again, James." Then, eyebrows raised, added, "Don't tell me the boss gave you the day off in honor of my arrival?"
James laughed softly, his face taking on a mock look of craftiness, his voice low, conspiratorial. "You know what they say. When the cat's away."
DeDe's eyes sharpened almost imperceptibly as she turned to Beth, and the beauty of her voice was marred with a slightly raw edge. "Matt's away?"
Katherine felt herself tense and caught the alert look that brought Mary straighter in her chair. What was it? Something in DeDe's tone. But what?
Beth answered smoothly, "You know Matt, DeDe, about the only time he touches home base is when he has to repack his suitcase. But I do expect him any time now."
