by Joan Hohl
"Of course, silly. As a matter of fact, when I called
to tell him we were coming he said they'd been wondering when they were going to meet you."
Katherine's brows rose in question and Carol grinned at her, adding, "You know I'm a blabbermouth. I've told them all about you, and of course they've seen your work. They were both very impressed."
Their progress was slow due to the heavy early evening traffic. Katherine saw little of the surrounding countryside as darkness had closed in before they had left the city behind.
The house was old and large. The kind of place that used to be referred to as belonging to a gentleman farmer. Katherine caught just a glimpse of the paddocks, looking ghostly white in the moonlight.
They were given a warm welcome by Richard and his wife, Anne, and within a half hour were sitting down to dinner, which Anne had kept waiting for them. By the time they had finished dinner and were having drinks in front of the fire in the living room Katherine felt as if she'd known them for years.
The next morning, after breakfast, Katherine was given a tour of the house and grounds and introduced to the prototype of Mister Midnight, the hero of Carol's story. An enormous stallion, his shiny coat as black as coal, he was a beautiful sight in the morning sunshine. She set about at once making rough sketches of him as he danced around the corral, tossing his head and snorting, performing for the delighted group watching at the rails.
"He's a magnificent animal," she said later to Carol, as they walked back to the house.
"Yes," Carol smiled, then she laughed outright and
added, "just like the man who gave him to me. About as independent too, very few people can handle him."
"Who, Richard?"
"Richard! Heavens no. Richard's a pussycat. Matt gave him to me for my last birthday." Carol's mouth twisted in a mock grimace. "My thirty-fifth." Then she laughed again adding, "He said we deserve each other."
Who? Katherine wondered, Carol and this man Matt, whoever he was, or she and the horse?
She was about to ask who Matt was when Carol offered. "You'll meet Matt at dinner tonight and I hope you'll be suitable impressed."
Katherine had opened her mouth to ask who this Matt was when again Carol spoke first. "Richard and Anne are having a few close friends in for dinner this evening and Matt's Richard's closest friend besides his most important client."
Katherine knew, from things Carol had told her about her family, that beneath Richard's charming indolent facade, lay a personality as dynamic and energetic as Carol's own. Also that he headed one of the fastest growing firms of corporation lawyers in the Philly area. So it would seem this Matt whoever was a businessman.
Carol had barely paused for breath before plunging Katherine into a discussion on her ideas as to illustrating the story of Mister Midnight and with a mental shrug, Katherine decided she'd surely learn the man's name at introduction that night.
It was not to be, for he didn't show up. Dinner had been for eight o'clock and it was now a few minutes after eight. Katherine had met the five other guests and was sipping her pre-dinner drink listening to the conversation and observing her host and hostess when the
phone rang. She smiled softly as she watched Richard saunter from the room to answer it. He reminded her of Carlos. Tall, slim and almost beautifully handsome with a natural elegance enhanced by his perfectly cut clothes. Anne matched him perfectly. She was also tall and slim and although not pretty in the accepted way, her face was animated and vivacious. She had a charming manner which at once was endearing. Katherine had spent the afternoon getting to know them better and was looking forward to meeting their two teenage daughters who were in Switzerland in school.
Richard strolled back into the room, a wry grin on his lips. When the room had become quiet he laughed softly and said, "I just received a message," as he waved a small piece of paper in front of him. Then, steadying the paper, he read aloud. "Last minute conference prevents my making dinner. Sorry. Look forward to seeing you all over the holidays. My apologies to Anne. Kiss the wild one for me. Matt." And still laughing, Richard added, "We may as well go in to dinner."
As they walked into the dining room Carol grinned and said impishly to Katherine, "I'm the wild one."
Katherine's eyes widened and she said chidingly, "Carol, you've never mentioned a special man before, I had no idea there was one in your life."
Carol's face sobered and her smile was somehow sad. "Oh, there is one. Oh yes! But it isn't Matt. Matt is an old and very dear friend. Someday, when I'm in one of my feeling-sorry-for-myself moods, I'll tell you about the many
Katherine could do nothing but stare at her. Never had she heard that bitter tone from Carol. She looked at her friend in consternation, sensing a deep hurt inside her,
and felt a strong urge of compassion. She wanted to say something to Carol, offer her help, if only a shoulder to cry on, and yet she hesitated, not wanting to pry.
She was pulled out of her own thoughts by the sound of Richard's voice and she glanced up to see him lift his wineglass. He waited until the others at the table had lifted theirs then said, "Wherever he is, at whatever conference table, to Matt."
The voices around Katherine were strong as they echoed, "To Matt."
a long distance number. As she listened to the phone ringing she lit a cigarette and drew deeply. She was smoking too much. She knew it. Most times they didn't even taste good anymore. Then giving a small shrug, she thought, what the hell does it matter, just as a voice said "Hello" at the other end of the line.
"Janice? Hello, darling, how are you feeling?" Kath-erine congratulated herself for the normal tone of voice.
"I'm fine, Mother, becoming a little impatient to have it all over with. But of course you understand that feeling."
"Yes, I do." Katherine laughed. "And how's Carlos bearing up?"
Janice's answering laughter sang along the wire. "You know Carlos by now. His breeding and upbringing forbid any emotional display, but he is starting to look a little strained around the edges."
Katherine's voice deepened with warmth. "Poor Carlos. I suppose the first baby is always harder on the father."
"It didn't seem to affect Matt." Janice's voice had sobered.
Katherine winced and felt glad Janice could not see her face at that moment. With effort she kept her tone normal. "Yes, well, Matt's quite good at keeping his thoughts and feelings to himself. I believe he's an excellent poker player."
"I don't doubt it," Janice's voice again held laughter. "How is he, by the way?"
"He's fine. Working very hard. He had to go Pittsburgh last night, some sort of labor problem." Katherine heard the tightness beginning to edge her tone and she hurried on, "Has the doctor limited your traveling, Janice?"
"Only as far as long distances are concerned, why?"
"I thought of having a small celebration for Tom's birthday next weekend and I was hoping you and Carlos could come up." Katherine's voice had steadied and she went on firmly, "Nothing very elaborate, just family and a few close friends."
"Unless I'm actually in the hospital, of course we'll come. I wouldn't miss Tommy's birthday party. I can hardly believe he's going to be twenty years old next week."
"Neither can I." Katherine smiled. What was even harder for her to believe was the change in attitude, to each other, that her offspring had shown since Janice's marriage. Gone was the disdain Janice had always accorded her brother. And although Tom still teased his sister, it was in a different manner, one she seemed to enjoy.
The only discord they had shown was in their reaction to Matt. Janice, social climber that Katherine ruefully admitted she was, was stunned and then thrilled, when Katherine had told them she had accepted Matt's proposal. Matt was an important man and Janice was delighted at the idea of having him as a stepfather. Tom, on the other hand, had grown sullen and withdrawn, confusing and hurting her with his uncharacteristic behavior until a chance remark of his made her realize he was jealous of Ma
tt.
For the first few months after their marriage, Tom had treated Matt with cold civility and Katherine had worked unceasingly to assure him of his continued place in her life and affections. She did not to this day know whether it was her efforts or Matt's that had finally won Tom over. In all fairness to him, she had to admit that Matt had shown exceptional patience with her son.
Tom's behavior at times had been downright rude. And Katherine had found it hard to believe he'd take that kind of treatment from anyone, let alone an eighteen-year-old boy. But he had not only taken it, he had somehow used it to his own advantage, bringing Tom to a complete about-face. There existed between them now an easy camaraderie that she sometimes envied.
Janice's voice broke her thoughts. "Mother did you hear me? I asked when you wanted us at the house?"
"Not the house, dear. I'm at the apartment in town. I thought Tom might like a night out so I'm considering one of the restaurants here in town. And I came in early to make the arrangements and do some shopping. Do you think you could come up in the afternoon a week from Friday? That way you'd be here when Tom gets here Friday night."
"I'm sure that can be arranged, unless as I said, I'm otherwise occupied with producing the heir. And if there is anything I can do from here let me know."
"I will," Katherine answered, "but I doubt if there will be anything, I want to keep this party small, you know how Tom hates any fussing. At any rate I'll call you again at the beginning of next week to see how you're feeling. So, bye for now and take care."
After replacing the receiver, she wandered into the living room, glancing around with satisfaction. She liked the room, felt comfortable in it, which was odd, for it was definitely Matt's room. It seemed to speak his name out loud to her. Functional, almost stark, and yet she could relax in it.
Katherine smiled, remembering how she'd caught her breath the first time she'd seen it. A large room, two of the walls were of glass, giving a panoramic view of
the city beyond. The ceiling and two other walls painted flat white, the carpeting in salt-and-pepper shag. An extra long sofa and several occasional chairs upholstered in white velour and four end tables and a coffee table in ebony. The only splashes of color in the room were the crimson of the draperies, which could be drawn completely across the glass walls, the six toss pillows on the sofa and a large painting on the one wall, which depicted a fiery sunset behind mountains shaded from purple to black. The lamps and ashtrays which were the room's only ornaments, were in the same flat white and ebony.
Black and white. Functional and businesslike. As is the man himself, Katherine thought, with now and then splashes of emotional color. And shaking her head at her own whimsy, she went to the bedroom to unpack.
Lunch with Carol the following day was a small celebration in itself. Carol was getting married. Katherine had no sooner stepped into the apartment, when Carol hugged her and whirled her around the room. Eyes glowing with happiness she nearly sang her news. "I could hardly wait for you to get here, and I didn't want to tell you over the phone yesterday. Paul's wife has finally agreed to a divorce. It's already been started and it will take a few months but, oh, Katherine, he'll be free and then we'll be able to get married and I'm so happy it almost scares me." Laughing and crying at the same time, she stopped in the middle of the room and let go of Katherine's hands. Murmuring, "Sit down," she sank onto the sofa, covered her face with her hands and cried unashamedly for a few minutes.
Katherine pressed her handkerchief into Carol's hand then sat quietly, waiting for the storm to abate. She
knew what this meant to Carol, and that she needed the release of tears after the long wait.
Carol had told her, almost exactly two years ago, that someday when she was depressed, she'd tell her about the man in her life. That day had come two months later. It had been a gray, blustery day in mid-December and Katherine had not been home from work too long and was thinking about getting herself some supper, when Carol had shown up at the apartment. She had seemed strangely subdued and when Katherine had commented on it, she'd shrugged and said she had the pre-Christmas blues and Katherine had made no further comment on it. They had finished a light soup and sandwich supper and were having their second cup of coffee, when Carol started to talk.
She had met Paul Collins at an afternoon cocktail party at the home of her publisher three years before and had liked him at once. After the party broke up she'd gone out to dinner with him, and over dinner he'd told her he was married and that he and his wife were legally separated. It had not seemed too important at the time, but she had continued to see him and before long it was the most important thing in the world. For the first time in her life she was deeply in love. She had been in love before, of course, she had told Katherine, three or four times in fact. But there was no comparison whatever in the way she had felt about those other men and the feeling she had for Paul.
Carol had been seeing Paul for several weeks when one evening over a nightcap in her apartment, he told her he thought they had better stop seeing each other. She had been so sure that he returned her feelings that his words had left her speechless for a few seconds. She
had just stared at him, then blurted, "Why?" He had stared back at her, then answered quietly, "Because I'm in love with you and I don't want you hurt." She started to speak and he interrupted. "Carol, you know my daughter will be thirteen next month?" She nodded feeling confused, what had his daughter to do with it?
"My wife won't give me a divorce," he'd gone on, "and if I start the action she'll turn it into a dog fight. Carol, honey, I can't have Sue in the middle of that. She's just beginning to accept the separation. She's at such a difficult age, and an ugly divorce fight would tear her apart. Do you understand that?"
She'd nodded again dumbly, still not sure what his point was, then she'd whispered, "But what has it got to do with you and I seeing each other?"
The control he'd shown up to this point, Carol had gone on to Katherine, seemed to crack, and with a muffled curse, he'd grabbed her shoulders and given her a shake. "It has everything to do with us. I can't make any plans for the future. I can't offer you anything. I've just told you, I love you and I don't want you hurt and if we go on seeing each other you will be."
"But I haven't asked you for any promises," she'd objected. With that his control had shattered completely. He'd groaned and pulled her against him, "I know you haven't. But don't you see, I want to love you, damn it, I want to sleep with you, and I have nothing to give you."
"You have yourself," she'd answered.
He stayed that night and he'd stayed many nights since.
Carol had been staring at the carpet during her narrative and then she'd glanced up to study Katherine's face. "You're not shocked?"
"Shocked?" Katherine's eyes widened in surprise.
"Did you think I would be?" Then, her voice dry, she added, "I do know people sleep together, Carol"
"Yes, of course you do," Carol's smile was wan, "but you always seem so cool, so self-contained. The more earthy things seemed beneath your notice."
Then Katherine had been shocked. Was that how Carol saw her? Was that how everyone saw her? "You consider me frigid and unfeeling?" she asked in a low, tight voice.
"No. No. Not unfeeling." Carol shook her head, her voice contrite. "But, oh, I don't know, you never seem to notice men or anything about them. I'm putting this badly, and Lord, Katherine, the last thing in the world I want to do is hurt your feelings. Please forget I said anything. I'm in a blue funk and not expressing myself well."
At the look of unhappiness on Carol's face Kather-ine's thoughts went from herself back to Carol. They had talked the night away and Katherine's personality was not referred to again. But she was to remember Carol's words many times over the next two years.
Now, Carol wiped her face, blew her nose and grinned at Katherine. "I'm really an idiot. Do you know, I've not given in to tears once over the last five years. Now here I am blubbering like a foo
l because the impossible has happened." And although her words were self-mocking, the glow was back in her eyes.
"You amaze me," Katherine said warmly. "I don't see how you got through those years without the release of a good cry regularly. I know I wouldn't have." And she didn't know whether to feel amused or concerned at the look of disbelief on Carol's face.
She thought of that look, and Carol's words of two years ago, while she changed clothes after returning
to the apartment. First cool and self-contained. Now tearless. She didn't know if she wanted to laugh or cry. If they only knew, she thought.
There were more lunch dates and shopping trips with Carol over the next eight days and Katherine and Mary went shopping twice together, thanks to the ever-surprising Clyde's capabilities as a sitter for Jon.
The following Thursday morning Katherine woke late and, stretching her arms high over head, lay there planning her day. She still had shopping to do, for although she had added quite a few things to her own and Jon's wardrobe, she had not been able to suit herself as to a gift for Tom.
She yawned still feeling sleepy. James had asked her to have dinner with him soon after her arrival in town and she had hedged uncertainly until finally giving in and agreeing to go with him last night. She had been uneasy with him at first but her reserve soon melted under the warmth of his charm. She'd had a lovely time and it had been after two that morning before she'd slipped into bed.
Even sleepy, she felt good. Better than she had in weeks. Most of the tension which had had her in its grip, when she'd left the house almost two weeks ago, had drained away. She was much more relaxed, the only sour note being that she had not heard a word from Matt.
Thinking his name brought his image to mind and with a soft sigh she rolled across the bed and buried her face in his pillow. A wave of longing swept over her, so intense, it left her feeling weak in its wake. Did he care so little for her and Jon he couldn't bother to phone? The question that had stabbed her for months jabbed again. Why had he asked her to marry him? Why her? Not
