Laying my head back, I finally try to think about what I need.
I just want to tell someone. I want someone to understand that I didn’t mean it.
I want Nathan to forgive me, rather than pretend like it didn’t happen.
That’s what hurts the most.
But even if he did forgive me, that wouldn’t make it okay.
I’m lost and alone. And that’s the worst feeling there ever is. It’s the one Nathan chose for the both of us. But I’m the one who chose it now.
I have to tell him something, I don’t know what though. Reaching into my bag, I feel around for my phone, but keep my eyes up and looking out of the window. A couple comes out of the liquor store, talking loudly and the sound of the crickets doesn’t let up. It seems they don’t mind the voices as they carry across the street. They’re no danger so far away.
My phone lights up as I turn it on and see three missed calls from my mom. My finger hovers over the callback button, but I give in.
I don’t have a plan and I know my mom will want me to come home. Not tonight though. I’ll just spend one night by myself in a hotel somewhere or drive back to the city, although I’m already starting to feel the weight of the last few weeks settle down on me.
Just one more night to try to get my head on right. Although I may just have to drive all the way back. I left most of my stuff there anyway. Might as well.
“Harlow, baby.” She picked up on the first ring. “How are you doing, baby girl?” I hear my dad yell in the background, “Tell our star I’m so proud of her.”
My voice hitches and I have to clear my throat as I talk into the phone. “I miss you, Mom,” I answer honestly and tap my finger on the wheel as I tell her, “I’m coming home tomorrow and didn’t want you to worry. I’m sorry I’ve been so busy.”
“Harlow, baby. I just want you to come home.”
“I don’t know what I want right now,” I say but add, “But I’ll be home tomorrow. Promise.”
“Well, you have time. Just do what makes you happy,” my mom says easily and I wish it was only that easy. “I do–I have some questions,” she says and I hear her voice waver.
“About what, Mom?” I ask her easily. As if I don’t have a clue.
“About a boy. Ashleigh said you did date him, Nathan Hart?” my mom says as if it’s a question.
“I did, Mom,” I tell her and nod my head. I’m surprised my voice is so upbeat and that I can pretend it’s alright.
“And what about now?” she asks me and I wish I had an answer for her. “The papers make it seem like--”
“The papers lie, Mom,” I tell her quickly and a little agitation slips out. “Can I tell you all about it tomorrow?” I ask her and I feel like I’m lying to her because I already know some of it I won’t tell her. And other bits I won’t have answers to.
“Sure, baby,” my mom says softly as if she knows how much I’m hurting.
“I love you, Mom,” I tell her as my emotions start to surface. “I have to go.”
“I love you too, Harlow,” she says but she’s already lost my attention. A car screeches to a stop in the middle of the road and then reverses. I hang up with my mom, letting the phone fall to the seat before jamming the keys forward and starting my car.
My heart races. Stupid, stupid.
Frantically, I look back at the car as it pulls into the lot. Even though his face is a mix of anger and worry, everything inside me settles and I drop my hand to my lap.
It’s Nathan. Even as he quickly parks the car and slams his door shut on his way to me, I don’t have an ounce of fear in me.
I don’t know how he found me, but he did.
Chapter 23
Nathan
* * *
“What the fuck are you doing here?” I practically scream as I rip the passenger side door open and slam it as I fall into the seat. She’s got to be out of her mind.
She wasn’t at her parents’ house, or her aunt’s on the other side of town. I thought maybe she’d go to the school. All Nancy said was that Hally wanted to go home. But I couldn’t find her anywhere.
The last thing I thought as I went to drive by my old house, was that she’d be here. I was just retracing our steps from when we were kids, praying that’s what she was doing too.
“Stop yelling at me and telling me what to do,” Hally snaps at me the moment I look at her. My hands clench into fists and my jaw tightens as my teeth grind.
“You don’t get to control me,” she adds and then seems to settle down, but it’s because she thinks she’s won this round. And that’s bullshit.
“You shouldn’t be here,” I tell her simply. I try not to make my words sound harsh. I try to say it like a statement, like a fact. She should know better.
I almost tell her those exact words, but it’ll just set her off. So I wait. I hold my breath until she concedes.
“I know,” she says after a moment and reaches behind her to put her cell phone in her purse, which is at my feet. “I was just leaving,” she says as she turns to sit straight in her seat. She doesn’t look at me and I get the impression she wants me to leave.
But I can’t go that easy. I can’t just let her walk away.
“Don’t shut me out, Hally. I fuck up; I know I do. But I’m here and I want to be here. Please don’t push me away. I can’t take it again.”
She seems to soften slightly, and I keep going. It’s a sign that she’s listening at least and I don’t even know if I deserve that much.
“I have problems,” I start to tell her and I don’t know exactly how to say what I need to say, but I just keep going. “I don’t have people in my life. I never really did except for you, and I know I do stupid shit.” The words fall out of my mouth as if they’re pushing each other to get out and go to her. Like everything in me has been waiting to tell her exactly how I feel. “I’m not good with words or with being there for people because I don’t know how. But Hally, for you, with you, I want to do it all right. I want to be the man you need and deserve, and I refuse to be anything else.”
Hally watches me, searching my expression for something, although I’m not sure what she’s looking for. “I hope you believe me,” I tell her. “You can talk, and I’ll listen. We can start with that, and I’ll learn. I promise I will.”
I only stop speaking because she reaches out to me, putting her small hand against my cheek and I lean forward, wanting more of her touch. My lips graze her palm as she pulls away and I snatch her wrist, refusing to let her go until I can plant a kiss there.
My fingers loosen and I watch her as she withdraws again. My heart beats slowly, each thump noticeable until she answers me.
“Can we start now?” she asks me and for a moment I’m confused. “Can I ask you something?” she asks. I look out of the window at my car and then to the street. I’m tempted to tell her no, that we need to leave. But I can’t tell her no.
I nod my head and she asks, “Do you ever think about it?”
“All the time,” I answer her quickly and it’s the truth. I’ll never forget it. “The sound of,” I pause to swallow before continuing and she interrupts.
“His head cracking,” she says as she stares out of the windshield and looks at the brick wall of the church.
“No,” I answer in a breath and she looks at me. “Of you crying out for help.” I’ll never forget how terrified she was. What almost happened to her will haunt me for the rest of my life.
She steadies her bottom lip in her teeth, refusing to cry as she turns away from me again.
“Talk to me,” I tell her, reaching out and resting my hand on her thigh. “Please,” I beg her.
“I wish you hadn’t pushed me away. I needed someone, Nathan.” Her admission makes me feel like less of a man. I only pray she can forgive me. It’s all I need.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I left you,” I tell her as my eyes stare deeply into hers, the seriousness beneath the sincere vulnerability enough to paralyze me.
“I’ll never throw you away again.”
I can tell it hurts her to hear what I’m telling her. She covers her face with her hands and lets the tears fall.
“I won’t let you leave,” I breathe the words. “Fight me, hate me, whatever you need … Just don’t stop loving me.”
Her lips turn down and her forehead creases. “Nathan, you have no idea, do you?” she asks me and her words are filled with nothing but sadness. My heart doesn’t beat until she finishes her thought. “I could never stop loving you. I just don’t know how to make you happy. I don’t know how to make us work.”
That’s all it takes for me to reach across the seat and wrap her in my arms. Everything feels right again when she holds me back. Her cheek rests against my shoulder as I whisper to her, “I’ve made so many mistakes, but pushing you away was my greatest sin.”
I kiss her hair, her forehead, every inch of her that I can without letting her go.
“I love you, Hally, I always have. And I’ll tell you every day.” I run my hand over the back of my neck and throw my head back to mutter, “Twenty fucking times a day,” before looking back into her beautiful blue eyes. “Whatever it takes for you to believe it.”
She stares back at me without saying a word, just watching me spill every bit of truth to her that I have.
I whisper my greatest insecurity, “I can’t lose you again.”
Hally’s hesitation kills me, every second making me exceedingly more nervous that this is the end.
“I don’t think I’m cut out for this world,” she tells me. “I don’t want to risk my heart with you again. Not if it’s just going to be shattered.”
“Then we don’t go back,” I tell her quickly. Problem solved.
She stares at me with disbelief.
“We can go anywhere and do anything, Hally. You name it, and it’s yours.” It’s really that easy for me. I’ll live to make her happy. To keep her with me until the day we die.
“You really love me?” Hally asks me and I hate that she questions it.
“Of course I do. I mean it when I say I always have,” I tell her, pushing the hair from her face. “I love you, Hally. I’ll spend every day proving it to you if I have to.”
The tips of her fingers glide down my forearm as she looks me in the eyes and says, “I love you, too.” I already knew she did. What I don’t know though, is if it’s enough. If I’m enough.
“I just want you.” The words are raw and full of nothing but the truth. “Don’t leave me,” I beg her again.
She closes her eyes and rests her head on my shoulder. “I promise I won’t if you won’t,” she whispers.
“Then you’re mine forever.”
Chapter 24
Harlow
* * *
“Don’t forget to smile,” Nancy whispers as I prepare to head out of St. Gerard and back to normal life. Semi normal. As normal as it will ever be, I suppose.
All the footage is workable and unless Stevens calls us in for some extra shots, we should be able to take a nine-month break. At which point, we’ll either have a season two or not. I think I’ll be fine either way, but this isn’t something I can see myself doing all the time. I think being an extra or taking on small roles is way more my thing. It’s hard enough being attached to Nathan, the heartthrob of the big screen. I chuckle at my inward thought.
They can say whatever they want about him, but he’s mine. All mine, and I’m never giving him up.
“How could she not?” Nathan answers her, startling me and slinging one of my duffle bags over his shoulder.
“They could get those for you,” Nancy suggests, her eyes wide as she realizes Nathan’s carrying all of my bags and dragging his own suitcase behind him.
Nathan shrugs and says, “I’ve got them.”
“Remember you have the Casitas tonight; it’ll be a private interview in the back dining room,” Nancy says as we all walk out of the doors of St. Gerard. The bellman holds the door wide open and the warmth of summer along with the sounds of the hectic city streets hit us both at once.
“Is that for Hally alone, or …?”
“Both of you, of course. It’ll be extremely important to mention each other from here on out to help promote the show,” Nancy answers him and then licks her lips.
“Easy enough,” Nathan replies and then nods to someone I don’t see, slipping the bag off his shoulder and letting it sit on the cement.
“If anything changes,” Nancy starts to say as Nathan wraps his heavy arm around my shoulder, “If you two get into a ...” Nancy continues, but she doesn’t finish her uncomfortable sentence.
“It’s not going to happen,” Nathan says easily. There’s so much confidence in his voice and it echoes exactly what I feel. There’s nothing in this world that will tear me from him again.
A soft smile pulls at my lips as he looks down at me and then plants a small kiss on my nose.
A flash goes off behind me, and it makes me jump. I turn but don’t see anyone at all. It’s not until Nathan chuckles that I realize he must’ve set something up.
“Are you planting that one?” Nancy asks Nathan beneath her breath, a mischievous look on her face, but also something else—admiration, maybe?
“Mark’s idea, not mine. I’ll be taking Hally and hiding away with her every chance I get.” Nancy nods, resigned to the fact that neither of us really want to be in the spotlight more than we have to. My hand slips into Nathan’s at the thought of doing this once a year or more. It’s hectic, but I love the hustle of it. I would never have thought my life would turn into this.
“I’m kind of going to miss it in here,” I say aloud, although it really wasn’t for either of them.
Nathan opens his mouth to say something, but at the same time our car pulls up to the curb and he reaches down to grab the bags. “We’ll be back,” he tells me and then starts to load up the car.
It makes my heart swell to know that I’ll be leaving with him.
It doesn’t matter what happened before. The sadness and pain will always be there. But if I can look at him and only see a man who loves me and who I love back, then we can survive it.
Even if it shattered us and the pieces will never be the same.
They can fit together and make something beautiful. Something it was meant to be from the very start.
“Well, I’m off,” Nancy says and gives me a small hug. She holds me at arm’s length as she adds, “You know my number if you need anything.”
I nod my head and reply, “Of course.”
She lets me go with an easy sigh. “Drive safely,” she says and I know she’s ready to leave until she has to check on me again.
“Thank you for everything,” I tell her before she can turn away from me. “I really mean it,” I say and try to put every ounce of conviction I have for her in those words.
She gives me a small smile as Nathan calls out, “We’re ready to go.”
“It was my pleasure,” Nancy says and then she’s off, fading into the crowds along the street. It’s funny how life sets you up with people who will change your fate forever. How easily they come, but how they’ll stay forever.
The driver opens my door as Nathan shuts his on the opposite side. It’s one step off the curb until I’m tucked away and ready to go back to our hometown.
“I love you, Hally,” Nathan tells me as I settle into the back of the car. The leather seats are cool and it makes me shiver.
“I love you, too.”
I eye Nathan, taking in his words, the same that he told me last night and this morning.
“Are you going to say it all the time now?” I ask him teasingly more than anything.
“Yes, every second I have the chance so you’ll never forget it.” I don’t know when he turned into this man, but I’m never letting him go.
Epilogue
Harlow
* * *
Page Six of the New York Post
* * *
A whirlwind rom
ance on the set of Night Fire has lit more flames than anyone saw coming. The well-known bad boy, Nathan Hart, and the unknown darling, Harlow May, started a passionate affair that was more than obvious to director Blake Stevens. Capitalizing on the heat that sizzled between the two, the show itself was adapted to sneak in footage the famed director caught of the two while filming off set.
Reviewers and critics agree that the passion between the new couple is one for the big screen and can’t wait for the premiere this fall. Even former costar Julie Rays has stated publicly that she couldn’t be happier for the duo and hopes to be at their wedding where she jokingly promised not to steal the show.
More scandalous than the affair on set is a picture captured of the pair on an island getaway in the south of France. Sporting a small baby bump and a ring on her finger, Miss Harlow May is sure to be Mrs. Hart before the year is up! Friends and family close to the couple swear the two are inseparable and couldn’t be happier for the reclusive twosome.
Although the couple usually has no comment for the press, Mr. Hart responded to our request with a single line: “I lost her once, I won’t lose her again.”
* * *
“We’re still making headlines,” I tell Nathan from across the hotel suite’s kitchen as my hand slips to my belly. “And apparently, I’m pregnant.” The small smile that had graced my lips falls and I peer down below my bikini top. They can go get fucked, there’s no way I actually look pregnant. We’ve been vacationing for almost a month now and it's time to get back to real life and everything that lies ahead for us, but I didn’t relax that much. I may have gained five pounds, maximum. I half wonder if Nancy told them I was pregnant. She has a bet going with Mark, I know she does. The papers are calling them the matchmakers and soon-to-be godparents.
Second Chance Page 13
