by Tee Smith
“Shh,” someone whispered in her ear. Spinning around she found herself staring directly into Tom's eyes. Her heart skipped a beat. “T-T-Tom.”
“Want to skip class with me?”
“M...Me?”
“Yeah, why not, let’s go hangout at the creek.”
From that day on they had been inseparable, until, that fateful day.
***
Her mind careened back to the present, here was Tom, her Tom. She reached forward and pressed her lips to his. Those lips she had thought about so many times, the very thought of him had kept her going for so long, until it didn't. Until her father had curtly told her Tom was dead and she would never see him again.
A single tear escaped and slipped down her cheek. His lips were hard and he was not kissing her back. As he pulled back she looked at him confused.
“I ah...I'm ah-h,” he stammered nervously. “I'm sorry Maddie... I'm married.”
A freight train hit her right in the face. She could not believe for a second the words that had slammed into her. I was like hearing he was dead all over again. How could this be happening? She thought he was dead and then suddenly he was not, but married?
It was as if she had fallen asleep and woken all these years later and the world had carried on without her.
Shaking her head slowly as the the news seeped in, she asked, “Did you even wait for me at all?”
He moved to take her hand in his, “Maddie.”
“Tell me Tom,” she could feel her voice rising. She reached out for the rails of the bed, she was getting angry, frantic. “How long was I gone for before you moved on?”
Tom shifted his weight from one foot to another, obviously uncomfortable.
“Did you even wait or were you relieved I was gone? Huh?”
“Maddie,” he said his voice almost a whisper, “Don't... let’s
not do this.”
“Why did you even come here Tom? I thought you were dead. I grieved for you years ago, why did you come back? Just to hurt me all over again? I loved you so much Tom,” tears caught in her throat and she started choking on her last words.
Tom's eye's moved from soft and worried to hard and piercing. “You're not the only victim in all this Maddie. Did you ever wonder how I coped with your sudden disappearance? Your Dad told me you had run off with another man. That you told him you didn't love me and you didn't want to marry me.”
Furiously she shook her head, he was wrong, that wasn't true. That's not what happened. But Tom went on.
“I was questioned for hours by the police. I wasn't even in the damned state when you disappeared. That did not stop them. They wanted to blame me, they wanted me to confess to something I had nothing to do with. I was a victim too Maddie. I know it wasn't your fault, but I had no idea what to think, one day you were telling me you loved me and we were planning our wedding, then nothing.”
“I have to know how long you waited Tom.”
He looked to the door, then to the window. “Does it even matter now?”
Maddie felt like her fragile heart would split into two. “Does she know about me? Does she know you have come to see me?”
“I'm sorry Maddie,” he finally answered, letting out a puff of air. “I shouldn't have come.” With that he turned and walked out the door. Leaving Maddie's heart to break into thousand little pieces.
Chapter 5
Returning to the house she had grown up in had Maddie's stomach twisting into knots. She watched out the window from the back seat of the car as familiar sights passed her by. She and Asha had ridden along with Aunty Polly, whilst Xavier followed behind on his bike. Pulling into the long drive, she noticed the front of the house looked the same as she remembered. The vines over the verandas were more overgrown, but after six years of course they would be. It was surreal coming home. Even though, she had hardly left this property for the past six years.
The doctors had told her to expect to feel a range of emotions and that it was all normal. How could this be normal? How did they define normal in a situation like this?
Stepping out of the warmth of Polly's car into the cold air Maddie shivered. The sun shone, but a soft breeze touched her skin. Tilting her face to feel the icy breeze, she wondered if this must be how babies felt, feeling sensations for the first time. She felt a tug at her elbow and looked down to see her Aunty Polly's hand.
“You okay honey?” Polly asked quietly.
“Yeah,” she nodded. “I think so, it’s just...weird.”
“You don't have to stay, you let me know if you want out at any time okay?” Polly offered and Maddie nodded her agreement. She guessed she had to face this sometime. One foot in front of another.
Xavier's bike revved and came to a stop nearby. He walked to the front door of the house, retrieving the spare keep from under a potted plant near the front step. She laughed inwardly, some things never changed.
Asha was suddenly at her other side and together the three woman were moving toward the now open front door. As she stepped through the door, a familiar smell hit her nostrils, it smelt like... her childhood. She stopped, closing her eyes for a moment and breathing in the scent. Furniture polish, that's what it was. Her mum had always been so fastidious with her cleaning.
“Are you okay?” Asha asked gently at her side.
“Yep... yeah, I'm okay,” she reached out and took Asha's hand. It must be hard for her too. Asha had also been a victim of her father.
Together they moved further into the house. The lounge suite had changed, the suite from her childhood had been brown and faded, so long as she remembered, now standing in its place was a soft looking cream velour couch with two matching recliners. The television, had been replaced with a large flat screen. The original oak coffee table remained in the middle of the room.
Further yet, they entered the kitchen. Memories hit her like a brick to the forehead. The kitchen was still the same. It looked as though, life had just halted in this room. There were coffee mugs sitting on the bench, a chopping board lay on the table with a bread knife on top. The sink had water lying dormant. It seemed as if her mum had been going about her normal day—then she was gone.
Looking around, taking in the room her knees suddenly felt weak beneath her as the realisation hit that her mum had been here and she would never be again. Here, in this very kitchen. The kitchen of her childhood. Xavier's strong arms were suddenly behind her, holding her up. She heard the scraping of a chair across the wooden floor and Xavier was lowering her onto a chair.
“You okay sis?”
“Here Maddie,” someone was shoving her a glass of water. She took it into her hand, gulping the cold liquid down.
A box lay open on the table across from her and she looked over to see Xavier lifting an envelope out of it.
“What's that Xave'?” she questioned.
“I don't know,” Xavier shrugged. “It's addressed to both of us.” He slid his finger under the lip of the envelope, ripping it open.
Maddie sat watching him, as he pulled out a piece of white paper. His brow crinkled and Aunty Polly moved to his side placing a hand on his shoulder. “Xavier?”
“It’s from Mum,” he whispered. Then taking the letter he refolded it and slipped it back into the now torn envelope.
“Are you going to share what it says?” she enquired.
Xavier shook his head, “later.”
“Where do you want this stuff?” Patrick's voice came wafting down the hall.
“What stuff?” Maddie asked, placing both hands on the table and pushing herself to her feet.
Xavier moved to her side, grabbing her arm, as if concerned she may topple over.
“Just through that door, first on the left Trick,” he called out.
“What's Trick doing here? What's going on?”
“We're moving him in here with you for a bit, we don't want you staying here on your own. Asha and I will be around as much as we can, but I still have to run the club and can't get b
ack here every night.” Xavier explained.
Maddie looked at Xavier in confusion. How could he just decide to move someone else in with her? Someone she barely knew at that. They had discussed Asha and Xavier moving into the house while she was still in hospital, but there had been no mention of Asha's brother also moving in there. Shock must have been evident on her face as Asha piped up.
“See I told you, you should have discussed it with her first Xave'.”
“It will be okay, won't it sis?” Xavier called over his shoulder as he headed off down the hallway, probably to help Patrick with moving the rest of his stuff in.
“Sorry Maddie,” Asha gave her a sad smile. “You know how Xavier gets.”
Maddie shook her head, she had forgotten how bossy her big brother could be. Apparently she had forgotten a lot of things.
Wandering through the house, things started coming back to her. Everything seemed familiar, but different. It was as if she had been stuck in a time warp while the rest of the world had rushed full-steam ahead. She wondered if she would ever get used to this new world she found herself in.
Slowly she pushed open her bedroom door. Standing in the doorway, she looked around at her old life. Everything was exactly as she left it that fated morning. She tried the light switch on the wall, flicking it a few times. Nothing. There was enough light coming through the open curtains, she would fix it later.
Walking to the edge of her bed, she sat down. The quilt cover, the one with the red roses she had loved so much, was still on her bed. She remembered buying that cover with one of her first pay cheques.
On her night stand stood a photo frame, with shaky hands she picked it up and brought it closer, blowing off the thick layer of dust that had settled there. Of course she knew what she would see. Smiling back at her, was a much younger reflection of herself and Tom. In love, happy. They were at the fair and Tom had won a big fluffy bear in one of those silly games, she could not even remember now what it had been. He had insisted on her carrying it around the fair for the rest of the day. Before they left she had seen a small child crying as he had let his helium balloon go and it was sailing towards the heavens. So she had given the little boy the bear. Tom had been upset at her, but he had soon gotten over it. Telling her he loved her for her generosity.
And there, beside the photo frame was the engagement ring he had bought her. Still perfect, she slipped in onto her finger, the sunlight catching in the diamond as it shone through the window. Funny, she couldn't even remember why she wasn't wearing it on that fateful morning.
Her heart hurt when she thought of Tom. All those years, wasted. They would have been married five years now, would probably have had a baby.
There was a sound of someone clearing their throat and she looked up to see Xavier leaning against the frame of her bedroom door.
“Sorry to interrupt,” he whispered.
“No not at all, come on in,” she beckoned, patting the bed beside her. The bed dipped with Xavier's weight, but she did not look up at him. She felt his arm come around her shoulder and she leant into him.
“It's going to take a while to used to being back here,” she sighed.
“Yeah I guess it is. No need to rush though okay? We'll all be here as much as we can. Asha can't work for a while yet, so she will be here too.”
“And Trick?”
“Yeah and Trick,” Xavier huffed out a laugh. “Sorry we didn't tell you about that earlier. I meant too, we just got caught up with all the discharge stuff and organising the funerals. He's alright...don't tell him I said that though, okay?”
She let out a dry laugh, “Of course....I miss him Xave…is that wrong?”
Xavier looked at her scrunching his eyebrows. “Who? Patrick?”
Letting out a long breathe, “No, Dad.”
Xaviers voice raised, “Maddie, how can you even?”
“I know, but he is all I had for a long time Xave—he loved me.” She shook her head, “I don't expect you to understand.”
“Madd...”
“I mean, I missed you and Mum for a long time, but after a while, Dad became all I had in the world. I was reliant on him. I know he did the wrong thing and all that, but...” she trailed off and looked around the room, paying extra attention to the cobwebs in the corner. Thinking she must get to cleaning them. Still looking away she shared, “the psychologist said it was normal for me to feel like this. She said lots of people who go through similar experiences feel like this.”
“I guess she knows what she's talking about then huh?”
“Hmm...maybe.”
“So what do you want to do in the near future?”
“I don't know. Get used to being here,” she said looking around the room. “Get used to life again I suppose.”
“There are some legalities to sort out, but if you want to stay in the house, I can't imagine it would be a problem.”
“Well it's not like I have anywhere else to go.”
“What about the shed?”
She let out a bitter laugh. “I'm not going back there, Xavier.”
“No, that's not what I meant,” he cringed, obviously realising what he had just said. “I meant do you want me to arrange to have it torn down? It's all still taped off at the moment, but once the police have finished doing what they need to do, I can get someone in to demolish it.”
Maddie had not really thought about it. It was a whole other word away to her, not right in her back yard. “I don't know, give me some time to think about it yeah?”
“Yeah whatever you want sis',” he placed a kiss on top of her head and raised to his feet. “Asha rang for pizza, it should be here soon, come out and join us in the kitchen when you're ready yeah?”
“Yeah, thanks Xavier.”
He walked toward her bedroom door and tried the light switch. “Better fix that for you huh?”
“Yeah, hey Xave'”
“Yeah?”
“It's good to be home. I missed you.”
“Missed you, more than you could ever know kiddo,” he gave her a sad smile and walked out of the room. Leaving her alone with her thoughts once more.
Chapter 6
Xavier had organised the funeral for their parents. Due to the police investigation and Maddie being in hospital it was decided to wait until she was discharged. It had taken two weeks for the coroner to release the bodies anyway.
Maddie was glad she did not have to deal with the funeral arrangements. Xavier had asked her a few times for her thoughts on different aspects. She had told him, to do whatever he wished, she knew that probably wasn't very helpful, but her whole world had just turned inside out and upside down.
As she stood looking at her reflection in the mirror, she scrunched her limp hair and sighed. Once she had loved making herself pretty, going out to parties and such. That was before, when she had a different life. These past six years, she had no one to make herself pretty for. She was lucky if her dad brought her fresh clothes once a week. He never brought her deodorant and she had gone years without decent shampoo. At least she was allowed to brush her teeth, which she was grateful for, but she would need to see a dentist sometime soon.
“You look great,” came Patrick's voice from the doorway causing her to jump in surprise. “Sorry I didn't mean to startle you. I was walking past and saw the door open.”
“It's okay Patrick, it's just weird having other people around.”
“I can't even imagine,” Patrick looked at her sadly.
She sighed, “I can't seem to do anything with my hair.”
Patrick let out a chuckle and tugged on his dreadlocks. “Nah, me either.”
She looked back at him, dressed in a black button-up shirt and dark jeans. It was the first time she had seen him dressed in what she would call proper clothes. He usually wore torn jeans with tie-dyed tees, or a multi-coloured jacket. He looked nice. She gave him a smile.
“Don't scrub up too bad yourself Mister Harper.”
Patrick blush
ed, that made her giggle. She did not know him very well and it was odd to find herself living with him. It would be nice to have some company though, as she adjusted back to life on the outside.
“Well, ah...” he looked around the room, not making eye contact. “Asha text and said they have been picked up and should be here in about fifteen minutes. I'll wait out in the living room.”
“Okay, no worries,” she giggled to herself as he retreated, it seemed she made him nervous.
She finished up getting dressed, her clothes feeling like they hung off her and were probably outdated. It was so odd that her mum had kept everything in her wardrobe all these years. Handy though as she at least she had clothes to wear now. She had no idea of the current fashions. Years ago she had loved nothing more than scouring the fashion magazines and keeping up with all the latest trends.
That was her old life, before.
“Hey Sis,” her thoughts were suddenly interrupted by Xavier. Patrick had said fifteen minutes, had she really been day-dreaming all that time?
“Hey Xave,” she smiled as she walked toward him, reaching up she kissed him on the cheek. Asha walked up behind them, her arm in a sling. She looked gorgeous in long boots, leggings and a long tunic, she hair swept into a bun, with curls hanging down framing her face.
“Oh Asha you look so pretty.”
“As do you,” the other woman returned. She knew it was not true, she looked sullen and washed out. But that's what people say isn't it?
“I need to get some new clothes and get a hair-cut,” she blurted, feeling the need to excuse the way she looked.
“When I'm a bit more mobile and things settle down, maybe we can have a girls day out, what do you say?” Asha suggested.
Xavier beamed down at her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders.
“That would be great Asha,” Maddie responded. Right now she could not imagine going to a shopping mall. Too many people.
“You ready to go then?” Xavier asked.
“Yeah, I guess so,” she sighed, following him and Asha out the door.
