Chad reached out his hand, wanting to feel her, to know she was real and alive and whole, that she was still with him. Jennie crawled onto the cot and wrapped her arms around Chad, holding him close. He held tightly to her, knowing he shouldn’t but not willing to let her go. Chad breathed in her scent and listened to the murmured words of comfort she whispered in his ear for what seemed like hours.
When he woke, Jennie was gone. Chad sat up and looked at the light pouring in the windows of the cabin, falling on the floor of the living room.
Morning.
He sat on the edge of the cot and wondered how much he had dreamt and how much was real. He wasn’t sure if Jennie had come to him after his nightmare or if he’d just wanted her to be there so much, he’d conjured her up. Chad held a hand out in front of him, not surprised to see that it shook. Seeing Jennie in his dream, her body so still and lifeless, had shaken him more than any of the horrors he’d seen in war.
Chad rose and went to the door of Jennie’s room to make sure she was okay. She lay sleeping, more beautiful than he remembered. Her hair fanned out on the pillow and her arms wrapped around Zeke. She looked so small and frail. Not like the Jennie he was used to seeing.
Chad began to wonder how her tiny body was going to manage to carry a baby that could someday be his size.
Chad turned away and forced the worry from his mind. He needed to get a handle on his paranoia. Chad walked to the kitchen and began searching through drawers and cupboards. He had a feeling they’d have a good old-fashioned phone book around the cabin somewhere. He needed to find a walk-in clinic to get Jennie checked out. He had to know Jennie and the baby were okay.
Three hours later, they walked into the small medical clinic two towns over from where the cabin was located. If they were holed up there much longer, Chad would find a doctor he was sure they could trust with Jennie’s real name and medical history. For right now, he wanted someone who wouldn’t check the fake IDs he carried in his pocket. He wanted to be sure Jennie and the baby were okay.
He would pay cash, giving them no reason to even ask for ID, much less question it. The clinic probably often saw people who lied about their names for one reason or another. He didn’t much care if they did pick up on their fake names. In fact, he didn’t care if they thought he was her drug dealer or her pimp, as long as they made sure Jennie was okay. He’d been watching her lose weight. The few times he’d gotten her to eat anything other than pudding or pastries, he ended up holding her hair for her while she threw it up. Then he’d watch her try to smile and joke about how she felt, faking her good spirits when he could tell she was getting more and more drained.
He didn’t understand how her body could handle a croissant but not chicken or pasta. And, he hated that he couldn’t fix it for her. He should be taking better care of them, he told himself.
After filling out forms and answering a few questions, they sat side by side in ragged chairs in the clinic’s waiting room. Chad reached over and laced his fingers through Jennie’s. She stared straight ahead but she did squeeze his hand back. He knew this had to suck for her. Going to some walk-in clinic instead of to the doctor she knew and trusted. And being in a strange cabin out in the woods when she felt so sick and tired all the time, instead of being in her own bed. Being pregnant with his baby when she probably wished with all her heart it was Kyle’s baby…
A door opened on the far side of the room and a woman in scrubs held the door open.
“Nancy?”
Chad had to squeeze Jennie’s hand to get her to respond to the fake name. She stood and crossed to the door, but paused when she got there, turning back to Chad.
“Come with me?”
Chad felt his heart kick into high gear and he wondered for a second if he’d heard her right. Maybe he’d imagined it? He couldn’t believe she asked him to be with her for the exam. Chad had planned to ask if he could be there for one of her ultrasounds, but he never thought she’d want him to come in with her this time.
Chad rose and went through the door with Jennie, taking her hand in his again. The nurse stopped off at a bathroom and asked Jennie to leave a urine sample. Chad saw the flush in her cheeks and wondered if she was sorry she had brought him back there.
When she emerged from the bathroom, they were shown to a small room. They didn’t ask Jennie to undress so he wasn’t sure whether she would be given a full exam or not.
An older woman walked in the room and introduced herself as Dr. Breckman. She listened as Jennie filled her in on how far along she was, her exhaustion and nausea and inability to eat anything other than pudding and pastries.
“Well, let’s take a listen to the baby and make sure things sound good, then we can talk about getting more food in you,” Dr. Breckman said with a kind smile.
The woman didn’t seem overly concerned, which made Chad alternate between feeling relieved and wondering if he should shake the woman and yell until her level of concern matched his.
The doctor pulled out a small handheld machine and helped Jennie lay back on the exam table. The doctor lifted Jennie’s shirt and tucked the top of Jennie’s jeans under a bit to get to her lower abdomen. She squirted clear gel on Jennie’s skin. This is when it dawned on Chad that the doctor had said they’d be listening to the baby’s heartbeat.
He was going to hear his baby’s heartbeat for the first time. Chad felt his own kick into high gear with anticipation. Somehow, the baby had seemed almost theoretical before. Now, it was about to be very real.
“Have you lost weight this trimester, Jennie?” The doctor asked as she began to skim a T-shaped wand over Jennie’s stomach. The machine made noise but nothing that sounded like a heartbeat. Just a sort of echoey white noise. The doctor looked unconcerned but Chad was holding his breath. He leaned forward, listening intently. He was suddenly more afraid than ever that something was wrong.
Please, no.
“A few pounds,” said Jennie. “I’ve been throwing up so much.”
As Jennie and the doctor talked, Chad wondered how they could stay so calm.
Where is the heartbeat? They should have heard it by now, right?
In reality, Chad had no idea if the doctor should have been able to find the heartbeat more quickly or not. And, not knowing, not being in control of things, left Chad feeling more frightened than he was comfortable with. How would he make it through six more months of this?
“That’s all right. Many women either don’t gain any weight or even lose a few pounds in the first trimester. As long as it doesn’t keep up, it’s okay. We’ll want to see you start to gain a little as you get into your second trimester.”
Chad sat upright as he heard the quick flutters of a heartbeat. It sounded too fast. It made him think of a bird not a baby.
Is it supposed to sound that fast?
Chad’s mind flipped through the pages of the book he’d been reading, but he couldn’t remember reading anything about the baby’s heart rate. He caught Jennie’s eyes and she smiled at him, making him melt. For a split second, he was able to pretend that she loved him as much as he loved her. That she wanted this baby to be his. That she was happy to be sharing this moment with him. The doctor’s voice cut in.
“There’s your baby,” she smiled at them.
“Is the heartbeat too fast? That sounds really fast,” Chad said.
“No, not at all. That’s exactly what we want to hear.”
All too soon, the doctor pulled away the machine and wiped Jennie’s stomach, then helped Jennie sit up on the table.
“All right. I’m going to give you a prescription for some anti-nausea meds. You may still not feel very hungry for a lot of foods. Dad,” said Dr. Breckman, turning to Chad, “try foods that are similar in texture to what she’s been keeping down. See if she can handle scrambled eggs, yogurt, maybe something like banana bread or pumpkin bread instead of pastries. Some pregnant women find they can stomach those little pouches of pureed baby food. They have mixtures of fruits
and veggies and a pregnant woman can suck down one of those every few hours instead of eating a big meal. That can be one of the best ways for an expecting mom to get nutrients right now.”
Chad was typing the list on his phone. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew he’d just crossed the line into crazed-father mode instead of his typical calm but he didn’t give a rat’s ass. He’d get more food into Jen if it killed him.
After they left the doctor’s office, Chad pulled into the grocery store lot and left Jennie waiting in the truck. She looked worn out even from their short trip to the doctor. Chad dropped the prescription at the pharmacy desk and went to collect the list of foods the doctor had suggested.
When he got back to the truck, he got one of those are-you-freaking-kidding-me looks from Jennie as she surveyed the six bags of groceries he piled on the back seat.
“Wow,” Jennie said. “Just, wow.”
Chad grinned at her. So, he might have overdone the groceries a bit. They probably wouldn’t go through three cartons of eggs and six flavors of yogurt and forty little single-serve packets of baby food very quickly. Jennie laughed at him and shook her head but he didn’t care.
He’d heard his baby’s heartbeat today. It was the most incredible feeling in the world and he damn well wasn’t going to let his baby be underfed.
Chapter Twenty-seven
The baby food packets ended up being the saving grace for Jennie. She could stomach those more easily than anything else. And Chad ate all three-dozen eggs by himself but he didn’t seem to mind. He seemed to be much happier since the doctor’s visit.
And that happiness grounded her in some way.
Jennie sat on one of the rockers on the front porch watching the sun glitter on the lake. Over the past week, she’d regained a lot of her strength. The prescription the doctor had written was a godsend. She could eat baby food and pudding and yogurt with no issues. As long as she didn’t get too close to any of the food Chad was eating, she was fine. Sometimes, if she smelled his food, she’d still turn green, but even so, the worst of things seemed to be over.
As she entered her eleventh week of pregnancy, she was finally excited about the idea of a baby growing inside her.
Now if only all of the other stuff would go away. The threat from Rick Bandon, who may or may not be after her. The stress of having to get up on a stand and testify against dangerous men who might hurt her or her child. The never-ending desire that thrummed through her body whenever she looked at Chad. Whenever he spoke. Whenever he was close enough for her to smell or to reach out and touch.
Which of course, she couldn’t ever do again. Jennie fell asleep in the chair thinking about the feel of Chad’s taut muscles under her fingers. The memory of his body above hers. The pleasure he’d brought that chased away her memories – if only temporarily.
Jennie wasn’t sure how much time passed when her eyes fluttered open. In front of her, down by the edge of the water, she could see Chad. He stripped off his shirt as he did after every morning run. Jennie was instantly warm all over, and a small buzz of electricity raced through her veins at the sight of Chad’s defined and tanned muscles.
Jennie felt her breath hitch, then come in short pants. Her chest rose and lowered quickly as she watched him walk into the lake to cool off. If only she could cool her response to him as easily. Instead, she waited restlessly while he swam. Then the warmth that had been running through her body pooled between her legs as Chad walked out of the water, dripping.
Jennie didn’t mean to stare, but she couldn’t bring herself to tear her eyes off him. As he wiped his face on his T-shirt, he glanced up at her and met her eyes. Jennie groaned, knowing he’d be able to see the unconcealed lust in her eyes. She hadn’t intended to let him know how much she wanted him. How much being locked in this cabin with him day after day had her burning with hunger.
Chad’s eyes heated and his step faltered for a brief second. Jennie looked away, swallowing to try to hide the emotions creeping up on her. She hated feeling this way. Hated needing him so much. Maybe if she kept her eyes averted, he would walk past her into the house to take his shower as he always did after his run and swim.
But, even as Jennie thought it, she knew a big part of her didn’t want that. Part of her wanted him to satisfy this hunger, this craving for him that never went away.
Jennie felt, rather than heard, Chad stop next to her. He knelt down and she turned to look, shocked by the burning in his eyes, the intensity of the need that mirrored her own. Once again, he held her captive. She was utterly unable to break the fierce connection that burned between them. Her breath began to come too quickly and she wondered if he could see the intensity of her body’s reaction to him.
Jennie felt naked, open to him, knowing he could read everything in her eyes. Including the shock that registered when Chad reached up and pulled the straps of her sundress and bra down over her shoulders. She knew he caught the sharp intake of breath when his fingers slipped into the cups of her dress and bra, lowering them to expose breasts already peaked with desire for him.
Chad didn’t speak as he lowered his lips to savor first one tight nipple and then the other. He didn’t say anything when she sucked in her breath, the feel of his mouth on her breast, instantly making her body thrum with heightened arousal, with growing need. His eyes continued to watch her, to hold her still, in place, while his tongue traveled to the soft skin of her breasts. Skin that was so sensitive now, Jennie instantly felt the telltale build of orgasm coiling low in her belly.
Jennie heard a whimpering moan and knew it was her own. She wanted Chad’s lips on hers. Wanted to wrap her limbs around him as he entered her, but he didn’t give that to her.
He lowered himself, nestling between her legs as he lifted the skirt of her dress. Jennie’s body was on fire, every touch of his hands and his mouth driving her into a frenzy of sensation. At his urging, she lifted her hips while he slid her panties down. Chad’s mouth was hot and wet and warm and Jennie squirmed, raising her hips greedily in response as moan after moan left her lips. It felt completely right and completely wrong, all at the same time.
With gentle, persistent pressure, Chad brought Jennie to a shuddering orgasm. He drew it out with dizzying perfection, leaving her limp and stunned. Then, without a word, Chad covered Jennie with her dress and walked into the house.
Jennie sat there and tried to figure out if that had really happened or if she’d just let her imagination run away with her.
Chapter Twenty-eight
Chad seemed to know when Jennie’s body was coiled so tight with need she thought she would snap. He’d walk up behind her when she was washing dishes and begin the slow burn she craved with every part of her being. He’d kiss her neck. He’d wrap his arms around her body, tweaking her nipples and slipping his hand into her panties to find her wet and slick with need. Her body responded so quickly and intensely to his hands. He brought her to orgasm so easily that it shocked and embarrassed Jennie.
One morning, she woke to his kisses on her breasts. Again, he gave her needs priority, biting and nipping, licking and laving as she fell apart in his arms. But, Jennie couldn’t help but notice, he never kissed her on the mouth. He never made love to her or held her. And, when she tried to turn around, to wrap her arms around him or to touch him, he held her in place. As soon as she had an orgasm, he vanished in a heartbeat, leaving her confused and alone.
Jennie knew she should stop him, but when he wasn’t touching her, her body’s demand for his touch was so great she thought it would break her. She was edgy with want when his hands weren’t on her. And the minute the contact began, she was weak with the overwhelming swamp of desire and arousal and aching pleasure he brought. She could no more refuse his touch than she could cut off her own arm.
But, now a new ache was beginning. Jennie was desperate for the tender way he’d kissed her when they made love in Florida. She wanted the connection their lovemaking had brought. Her arms tingled with the
need to reach out for him. Jennie cried into her pillow at night, begging her heart to let her go. To let her fall for this man who loved her and sacrificed over and over for her.
But her heart wouldn’t free her. It still belonged to Kyle, and Kyle alone.
And as time went on, Jennie felt Chad slipping further and further away from her. He closed himself off to her more and more. His eyes became cold and shuttered when he looked at her.
And, she couldn’t blame him one bit. She was hurting him. Only taking, never giving… She knew it. She knew what was happening between them was only causing him further pain and heartache. And that ripped at Jennie’s heart. Some days, she wanted to leave. To put space between them instead of living in this limbo that held them both captive.
Chad knocked and opened the door, drawing Jennie out of her thoughts. He held one of the disposable phones in his hand. Her heart skipped as she hoped for news from home. Maybe even news that meant she was safe and they could return.
“Jack called. Agent Burke is really pushing for you to make a statement. Jack doesn’t know how long he can hold him off, so we need to begin to prepare for that. We may have to make a short trip home to appease them and then slip you out of there again.”
Jennie nodded at him, numb at the idea of going home to make a statement.
Chad held the phone out to her. “Kelly wants to talk to you. She’s on a burn phone, too, so take as long as you need.”
He shut the door with a quiet snick and Jennie grasped the phone like a lifeline. She couldn’t believe how much she missed her friends, her life. The need to talk to her girlfriends, just to have them listen to her and tell her things would be all right was overwhelming.
“Kelly? Oh, my God, I can’t believe it’s you. I miss you guys so much. Tell me about Maddy. How is she? Is she growing? How big is she?”
Negotiation Tactics Page 12
