Championing Rubin’s (1984) argument, Lockford suggests that a new feminist approach to moral judgment of sex acts is needed: ‘A democratic morality should judge sexual acts by the way partners treat one another, the level of mutual consideration, the presence or absence of coercion, and the quantity and quality of the pleasures they provide’ (Rubin 1984: 283).
In conclusion to this section, the situation appears complex and contradictory; indeed, it does depend on the individual circumstances and biographies of the female bodybuilders and muscle worshippers. Whilst methodologically this sample is not representative, and like all research, contains many flaws, it does undermine stereotypical notions about this subculture and calls for more research to be conducted into this area. In the context of the stigmatization and marginalization that a female bodybuilder can experience in society due to her choices, actions and appearance, muscle worship can potentially reaffirm her self-identity and her sexuality, as well as potentially providing much-needed income.
Part 2: steroids
It is clear that AAS use is not equally as dangerous for everyone… [It is] by far the most dangerous for women and girls as the female body is simply not equipped for exogenous male hormones.
(www.steroidabuse.com/steroids-and-women.html, accessed 14 August 2012)
86 The ‘dark side’ of female bodybuilding
Why female bodybuilders are shunned for anabolic steroid use is because they INTENTIONALLY inject or swallow anabolic steroids to induce muscle growth and INTENTIONALLY face the risks of side effects. Many women are willing to risk the side effects to have bigger, harder muscles. This is considered unacceptable by mainstream society because she shouldn’t have muscle in the first place!
(www/albertabodybuilding.com//abffeature8.htm, accessed 12 July 2007)
In Chapter 5, the penalties for and costs of transgressing corporeal norms of femi-
ninity were explored. Women who chose to build their bodies were perceived as gender freaks who violated the natural order. However, as was demonstrated, female bodybuilders managed this social stigma by creating their own desired views of femininity and through interactions with ‘kindred souls’ (Cohen 1955).
In the work that follows, I delve into arguably the most controversial aspect of this body modification – steroid use. Locks (2003: 254) convincingly argues that as bodybuilding not only shapes the textual appearance of the user, but engrosses and permeates the whole body through the use of drugs, this makes it not ‘just far more transgressive and rebellious, but far more problematic and resistant to narratives of recuperation’. Moreover, for women to pursue such a contentious type of body modification is viewed as doubly deviant. Female bodybuilders become seen as ‘monstrous’ in their appearance and are pathologized as unfeminine drug takers (Heywood 1998). In this section I explore the lived experiences of drug taking (particularly steroids), focusing primarily on how muscular women maintain their sense of feminine identity in light of steroids’ masculinizing effects.
The physical effects of steroids have been documented in some detail by scientific and medical literature (see Hartgens and Kuipers 2004; Korkia 1994; Kashkin 1992). In addition, anabolic and androgenic drugs’ psychological impacts on users (with regard to aggression, emotions, body image and so on) have received much scholarly attention (e.g. Gruber and Pope, 1999; Malarkey et al. , 1991; Grimes, 2003). However, as Grogan et al. (2006: 846) point out,
‘most previous work on anabolic steroid use has focused on men, as most bodybuilders are men; and most steroid users are male’. Furthermore, there has been a dearth of information into the lived experiences of female bodybuilders in relation to steroid use. Whilst Grogan’s work has tried to rectify this gap in knowledge, the pleasures and intimate details involved have remained unexplored. Although the following work can hardly do justice to this endeavour, it does hope to provide some understanding of the use of steroids by female bodybuilders.
Women who take steroids as doubly deviant
Anabolic-androgenic steroids (hereafter abbreviated to ‘steroids’) are usually synthetic derivatives of the male hormone testosterone. ‘Steroids are taken by bodybuilders or athletes to increase strength, stamina and muscle size. In this respect steroids work primarily in the muscle cells by increasing protein synthesis, creatine phosphate synthesis and glycogen and fluid storage’ (Frueh
The ‘dark side’ of female bodybuilding 87
et al. 2000: 19). Serious documented long-term side effects of steroids include diarrhoea, dizziness, chronic rectal bleeding, thyroid problems, depression, high blood pressure, heart complications, kidney and liver malfunction, hepatitis, gallstones and cancer. However, despite these potentially dangerous risks to health, it is often steroids’ masculinizing effects on women that receive the most media attention. A typical comment is captured in the following newspaper article, entitled ‘Bulked up Barbie girl waging war on her body’: ‘… she sounds like a bloke and she’s got a five o’clock shadow… She’s put through her paces by her friend Debbie, who looks like Sly Stallone and sounds like Tom Jones’ (Maume 2005). Female bodybuilders are far more often demonized for taking steroids than their male counterparts are. Indeed, during my research I found that whilst male bodybuilders frequently told me about their pharmaceutical endeavours, perhaps as a masculine badge of honour, women were sometimes less forthcom-ing due to the associated gender stigma. The reasons for this were articulated by a casual gym user in my study, who remarked: ‘men taking testosterone are just enhancing what is already in their bodies, whereas women are putting something into their bodies which isn’t “natural” and is therefore mucking around with their sex’ (male, gym 1:3). There are two points to be made here. First, far from being unnatural, women do of course have testosterone in their bodies. Denial of this can be seen as a tactic employed to erase the commonalities between the sexes and assert a fallacious biological dualism upon which social and cultural inequalities can be justified. Second, however, this assertion makes reference to a hormone that is key not only to cultural representations of male and female, but to actual physical transformations. Consuming testosterone to ‘excess’, via steroidal drugs, is associated with several bodily changes in female bodybuilders, including receding hairline, growth of facial hair, growth of clitoris size, lowering of voice tone and, often, increased sex drive. The issue of drugs and female bodybuilders is therefore particularly controversial, as it impinges on so many people’s sense of what is natural and central to biological sex. The irony of this, however, is that men also suffer gender side effects from taking steroids which have the potential to emasculate them. Men risk prostate cancer, painful urination and infertility – most frequently there is a reduction in testicle size, low sperm count and sometimes impotence. Gynecomastia – the embarrassing development of male breasts, referred to by bodybuilders as ‘bitch tits’ – can also be a problematic issue (see Fussell 1991).
Although steroids are used widely by bodybuilders and athletes, both profes-
sional and recreational, the illegal nature of steroids (see Chapter 2) means there
is little formal medical knowledge (by way of clinical and scientific studies) about these substance interactions. Bodybuilders therefore become pharmaceutical experts, creating their own subculture of ethnopharmacology (Monaghan 2002), negotiating risks and inadvertently becoming their own ‘human guinea pigs’. Supporting Grogan et al. ’s (2006) study, female bodybuilders were critical about how little information is available to them in relation to steroid use. The men have access to ‘steroid bibles’ and forums devoted to sharing information, and it is not unprecedented to overhear discussions around drug use at the gym.
88 The ‘dark side’ of female bodybuilding
For women, however, due to the taboo nature of this area, less information and support is available. Indeed, there is a ‘veil of secrecy’, and women often deny or underplay their use of steroids. It appears that even within the subculture, the stigma of females using d
rugs means that women will seldom admit to taking steroids, and even more rarely to which anabolic substances they are using.
Traditionally, women have relied upon trusted male and female bodybuilders to guide them; although recently, female bodybuilders have begun to post and share information about steroid concerns through bodybuilding internet forums, asking questions about matters such as which steroids are the most suitable for women, and how contraceptives might react with testosterone-based drugs.
Motivations, self-fulfilment and pleasures
The women felt they needed to use steroids in order to create the desired and coveted look discussed in the previous chapter:
I’d train so hard, eat well and follow all the advice I could find on bodybuilding – but I still couldn’t put on muscle. Every week I would take my measurements, and look at my reflection daily in the mirror but I couldn’t see any changes. I was strong but I didn’t look like I trained. I loved the look of muscles, and I wanted them for myself. It took me a while to realise that I couldn’t achieve muscularity without hormonal supplements.
(Debbie, bodybuilder of seven years)
In the bodybuilding world, I think I waited 15 years, probably longer, for someone to really tell me the truth about what it would take for me to be a successful bodybuilder [in terms of drugs]. Very few women – those with amazing genetics – can put on muscle without steroids… It became clear that in order to build muscle I was going to have to turn to the ‘dark side’ as it were.
(Caroline, bodybuilder of 17 years)
The decision to use steroids was not something that the women took lightly, and many had spent time researching and seeking advice from trusted others who had reputations for being knowledgeable within the subculture. This is captured in the following quotes from Barbara (a bodybuilder of seven years):
I decided obviously to be cautious about it… I wasn’t going to go in silly with it and take everything under the sun. I’d been training long enough and been clean for eight years already, so I was going to go on this route wisely…
Yes, it was a big decision, when the reality came, that I was going to be doing drugs, it really hit me – I thought it’s now or never.
These ‘constructive rationales’ and justifications are echoed in other works on subcultural theories around drug taking (Schaps and Sanders 1970; Monaghan 2001, 2002).
The ‘dark side’ of female bodybuilding 89
After the decision had been made and the process begun, the women recalled noticing even the most minuscule and mundane changes as the steroids began to work. Barbara (a bodybuilder of seven years) recalls the excitement that she felt when she first noticed the changes in her training and physique: The first time I took anavar, within three or four days I noticed a significant change in my strength, where a 12.5 kg dumbbell would feel like a 5 kg dumbbell to me, it would be light as anything and I remember thinking that this is ridiculous, that I’m pushing weights that used to be my maximum…
I’m pushing men’s weights – and even more than men’s weights, and it gave me that confidence and even more that feeling of invincibility.
These feelings intensified towards the end of the first course:
I was strong, had more energy, felt confident, ‘didn’t give a shit’. I was pumping weights left, right and centre – and kept pushing beyond my max.
And when I was at my peak and on the primobolane in with the anavar and I was decline pressing about 90 kg, I was dumbbell pressing 32 kg in each hand… I was bicep curling 20 kg, I squatted 3.5 plates a side and on leg press I was pressing 400 kg… front squat a plate and a half and two plates a side…
Other female bodybuilders also noted vast increases in strength, along with increased muscle size. Barbara illustrates: ‘my upper pecs grew quickly through the gear – they have changed from being my worst body part to my best… my quads increased to 28 inches and my biceps grew to 15–16 inches’. In addition, the women reported recovering from their workouts more quickly, aching less and feeling that their training was ‘easier’. Increased vascularity and pleasure in ‘the pump’ (see Chapter 8) were also articulated by co-participants:
I’d get pumped really easily… my biceps, I’d literally only have to do a couple of reps on my first set and they would be pumped.
(Emma, bodybuilder of 19 years)
100 per cent better pump on gear – that’s when you feel like your skin is going to split… training without it doesn’t feel the same. You really miss it when you are not on a course.
(Michelle, bodybuilder of five years)
As each woman began to embody their latent image, other people began to comment on their physical transformations, thus validating the women’s identity as female bodybuilders. As Barbara explains:
It definitely increases your confidence when people start looking at you and asking how you are getting on and all that – and it’s good, and it’s that bit of
90 The ‘dark side’ of female bodybuilding
vanity as people are paying attention… Even at work customers would ask me if I was a bodybuilder and that would put a big smile on my face as I was starting to look [like] who I am.
In relation to this, another female felt that steroids enabled her to present her true self to the world. As her strength and size increased, so too did her confidence and her ability to be taken seriously by other people:
Before I took gear I was always determined on the inside, but now I have the confidence to show that on the outside. I’m sure that before I was a more placid, softer person, but now I’m more confident… I think it’s a combination of lots of things, partly the change in emotions, but also the confidence that comes with size and strength. I think I’ve also become more hardened to people as you get judged… you feel more empowered and feel able to stand your ground. People appear intimidated by you just by your presence – they seem to take you more seriously.
(Michelle, bodybuilder of five years)
Other female bodybuilders have expressed changes in their emotions and outlook on life brought about by taking male hormones. These included feeling ‘harder’,
‘colder’, ‘more distant and less emotional’, ‘more confident’ and ‘invincible’ – all emotional traits associated with men and traditionally prized. However, different female bodybuilders reacted in different ways. In particular, Barbara (a bodybuilder of seven years) denies the inevitability of ‘roid rage’ which is so prominent in the media and popular discourse:
Most of the time I was quite placid I felt, I was quite content and happy… and I was just getting on with things… I just liked what gear done to me in terms of the fuel. Because it fuelled my training and gave me adrenaline it fuelled my focus to lift the weights but I certainly didn’t get angry or ‘roid rage’ or snap at people outside the gym.
The sexual effects of steroids, such as increased sex drive and an increase in the number and intensity of orgasms, have also been documented in great detail in academic literature (Mansfield and McGinn 1993; Ferguson 1990). This was found to be no exception in my research:
… my sex drive was ridiculous… felt out of control, although I never did anything!
(Katy, bodybuilder of six years)
Sex drive goes through the roof… if you have a break or change what you are using you become aware of it again… improves the intensity of orgasm.
(Michelle, bodybuilder of five years)
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… the first time I took anavar it was ridiculous; it really was. … I was thinking about sex all the time. Even sitting on a seat in the gym… I was aware. I’d never experienced that before in my life. My clit became puffy and enlarged through the gear. I was a bit conscious of it, it was a bit weird, a bit of a reality check to think that it was a result of taking gear… luckily although it has enlarged, it’s not too noticeable, just a lot more sensitive…
(Barbara, bodybuilder of seven years)
Although one fem
ale did state that having an enlarged clitoris made her slightly hesitant and self-conscious when embarking on new relationships, most female bodybuilders articulated the sexual side effects of gear as a positive phenomenon which increased their pleasure and sense of identity as sexual and erotic women.
This sexual agency of muscular women also subverts and undermines gender scripts which have historically portrayed men as sexually active, with women more passive reciprocates.
In this way, steroids are viewed as a form of ignition which enables women to see the results of their labour, allowing them to create a muscular body of which they can be proud and which fulfils their self-image of a female bodybuilder.
Through the side effects of the drugs, the women enjoy an increased feeling of wellbeing and energy, decreased recovery time from workouts, heightened sex drive, increased orgasm intensity and self-confidence.
Side effects, negotiations and femininity
Mary Wollstonecraft, writing in the late eighteenth century, described femininity as a prison and akin to slavery. Later on, second-wave feminists picked up this theme and protested against compulsory femininity by abandoning conventional beauty regimes, in order to free women’s bodies from being constantly patrolled, inscribed and self-surveyed by the beauty doctrine that Dworkin (1974: 113–14) captures in the following quote:
In our culture, not one part of a woman’s body is left untouched, unaltered. From the age of 11 or 12 until she dies, a woman will spend a large part of her time, money and energy on binding, plucking, painting and deodorising herself.
Feminizing actions are encouraged by bodybuilding competitions, sites described as submitting to ‘the femininity project in terms of the almost hyper-feminine ornamentation, posture and demeanour required for competition’ (Daniels 1992;
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