by Sienna Mynx
“I love you,” She moved in closer. She kissed him. Sweet and slow, the kiss went until the passionate promise they made to each other three years ago took over. She would fuck him, take care of him, and all her doubts would slip away. He picked her up and swung her around the pool. She laughed in celebration. Earl was the man carrying her to bed. He had left AK by the poolside. Valentina wiped at her tears and smiled. She kissed his face and neck as he carried her inside and then upstairs to their bedroom. Playfully she kicked her legs and held on tight.
When he dropped her on the mattress she bounced up several inches. AK dove on her and she giggled as if tickled by a thousand hands. She felt so much happiness at once it overwhelmed her. “I knew from the moment I met you, you were the one,” he pulled her dress up to her hips. He rubbed up between her thighs.
“I knew it, babe, I knew it!” he peppered her face and neck with tender kisses. He pulled her thong aside to tease her pussy with his middle finger. “Damn, girl. You ready for your man ain’t ya? Been keeping it tight for Daddy?”
Valentina closed her eyes as he eased her thong off. She tried to go with the feeling. The way he undressed the rest of her, and ran his tongue across her skin, sucked her nipples until they melted in his mouth. She tried to go with it and not remember the last time she was aroused. Lying next to Matt on her sofa wrapped in his arms. She turned her head as AK lifted and removed his shirt and began to undo his belt.
She did love him, but she would disrespect what they shared by making love to him and fantasizing about another man.
“I can’t.” she said. She sat up. He froze and stared at her in the darkness. Valentina’s heart raced. Naked before him she grabbed a pillow and covered herself, backing up into the headboard. “I can’t do this anymore.”
“What’s wrong?” AK asked.
“So many things. I mean you’re overwhelming me. It’s going so fast.” She stammered.
He stared at her.
She tried to smile, but all she could manage was a nervous chuckle. “A girl has to catch her breath, Earl, you’re giving me too much too soon.”
He went to the side of her and laid down. “Come here, babe.”
She eased down the sheets and into his arms.
“It’s okay. I know my lady. I knew when I told you, you’d need a moment to digest it.”
Valentina closed her eyes and let go a deep sigh of relief. She needed more than a moment. She needed a heart transplant.
“You can take some time. Let it sink in. You know why?” he asked.
“Why?” she answered softly.
“Because I’m not going anywhere.” He kissed her cheek and then her neck.
“I should leave,” she said.
“What the fuck for? Why?” AK lifted on his pillow.
“To think. To really think about everything. Not you switching gears in your career. I support you. I swear. I’m down with it. I am. But you’re looking for us to start our own thing. A permanent thing—and children. I need to think. I need to be able to answer you without hesitation.”
“Babe, don’t go. Damn, girl. I have to leave in the morning. Can’t you just be with your man? Please?” he asked.
She put on her panties and looked back at him. “Why are you leaving so soon?”
“Called a meeting with my label and my manager. Got the attorneys all ready for the shit storm. I wanted to celebrate tonight. Be with you tonight.”
Valentina put on her dress. “When will you be back?”
“Did you hear me? I just got home and you’re trying to leave a nigga? What kind of shit is that?”
“I need some space. I told you why.”
“Damn it, Valentina!” he jumped off the bed as she searched for her shoes. “Who does this shit? Who runs from a man when he pours his heart out to her?”
“Why are you yelling at me?” she asked.
AK began to pace. “I just opened up and put it all out on the line. Shit I’ve never done for another woman. Never! And look at you. You can’t get out of here fast enough!”
“You said you understood,” Valentina reasoned.
“I lied! I should have said I’m trying to understand, because I love you so much I’ll do anything to get through these walls you have around your heart. When your world crashed I was here. I was at your side. I put up with your shit, and did everything to hold you together.”
“Don’t do this,” she pleaded.
“I can’t find a way to reach you. Tell me the truth. Are you in this with me? Tell me now damn it!”
Valentina sighed. She looked down and shook her head sadly. She stood and went to him. “I love you. There is no doubt in my mind about that. I LOVE YOU. But am I ready for the package you offered? I don’t think so. You know me. I have to be sure before—”
“Go! Just get the fuck out,” he said. He walked into the bathroom and slammed the door.
“Earl? Earl!” she went after him banging on the door. “Earl!”
He didn’t answer.
“I’m sorry, baby,” she said through the door. “I swear I am. I’m ruining things for us. I don’t want to do this to you. To us. Go to New York and take care of your business. Give me this time to take care of mine. I’m going to get my act together. When you come back home, when you come back to me, you’ll have an answer. I swear it.”
The door opened. She smiled at his pout. He could never stay mad at her. She knew how vulnerable he was to her and she had to protect the trust between them. She didn’t want to hurt or abuse his feelings. She would never forgive herself if she did.
“Awe, baby. I love you, you know that.” She kissed him. “I do. Give me a little time so there will be no doubt. Okay? Just a little time.”
He hugged her. She rubbed his back. “Call me when you land,” she said.
“We’ll do it your way, Valentina, but this is it. I need to know that you’re in this with me. Do you understand? I need a hundred percent from you, baby. Or fucking cut me lose,” he said.
“I do. I get it. I understand,” she said.
Taking his hand they walked out and headed to the door. She saw the disappointment in his eyes and couldn’t leave him that way. She couldn’t do it. She turned and touched his face. They were in the hall, right before the stairs. He looked at her confused. She kissed him. She kissed him so hard and desperate he slammed her into the wall. She inhaled everything from his scent to his strength. He freed himself from his zipper and she hooked her leg high up around his waist. AK forced the seat of her thong aside and slammed into her. His fingers cut into her hips and he thrust his anger and frustration into her. Valentina winced. She held on to his neck and gave him her body. And just as she feared, it was forced and uncomfortable for them both. AK grunted his release inside of her. Valentina blinked away her tears.
“I’m sorry, I…” he began.
“Shhh… I’ll fix it. I’ll fix it between us I swear,” she took his face. She kissed him and eased down the wall. He staggered back and fixed himself in his jeans. Valentina went to the bathroom and cleaned herself. She came out of the bathroom to find him waiting for her in the hall. He smiled. She smiled. He kissed her before he walked her to the door. Outside in her truck she sighed. She backed into the street and knew what had to be done. She had to deal with this thing with Mattel once and for all. Deal with it and focus on the only future she was sure she wanted.
**
Mattel opened the door in nothing but jeans. He couldn’t believe that she was standing before him. He nearly dropped the bottle in his hand.
“We need to talk,” she said. She didn’t wait for an invitation. She went inside.
“What the hell are you doing here?” he threw the door shut and went after her.
“To talk. I want this to stop!” she paced. “I love AK, he’s the man I want. There is no future with you and me, Matt. I thought we could be friends, but it’s getting out of hand now. You’re fucking with my head!”
“Wait? I’m fuck
ing with your head?” he asked.
“I will not betray my boyfriend!” she shouted at him.
“Okay, Valentina, I’m sick of this shit!” Mattel threw the bottle of beer at the wall.
She looked to him shocked. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
“I said I’m sick of it. Sick of it!” he shouted at her until she backed up and away from him.
“What have I done?” she asked on the verge of tears.
“You claim you don’t want anything with me. Not attracted to me. Don’t see me that way. But then you—fuck!”
“Matt, calm down.”
“No! Your actions say different. And I can’t play this game with you anymore. Sit on the sidelines and watch you be with someone else. Listen to you write songs to me, about me, and then hear you deny it to my face!”
“I did not! I never did! My songs are about AK… Earl!”
“Bullshit! I’m not crazy. You get undressed in my house and walk around in your fucking panties. You sleep in my arms. What is this shit about? You’re the one in my fucking head!” He stepped to her. “I’m not in this alone. You have feelings for me! But you’re too got damn scared to admit it. I’m done with this bullshit!” He went back to the door. He pulled it open. “We’re done. I can’t be your producer. Don’t worry I’ll give you a good price for your tracks. Good night. Go… go back to him!”
“Matt! Please don’t do this.” She grabbed his arm. “I do care. You’re my friend. You have always been there for me. Especially when I needed you the most. We work perfectly together. Why can’t that be enough?”
“It’s not enough!”
“Why?” she whined.
“What the hell do you want? What do you want from me, Valentina? Do you want AK? Is that it? Then go to him, be with him! Leave me the fuck out of it.”
“Matt…”
“Go! I’ll get you another producer. The album’s almost done. Just go—”
She was on him, her hands to his face and her tongue swept over his. Nothing prepared him for the assault. However, as soon as his mind registered the pleasure, he took over. And owned her. She wanted to kiss him. He’d show her what it was like to kiss a real man.
Forbidden fruit. Valentina could barely breathe through the rush his kiss gave her. Pushed up against the wall he forced her hand above her head holding it by the wrist. His kisses were urgent. The probing of his tongue while his weight pinned her to the wall, weakened any thought of resistance. She opened up for him. She hooked her legs around his waist and welcomed the feel of his erection pressed up against her.
Matt let go of her wrist to access her breasts. She helped. There wasn’t much to her dress. She was braless. Her thong was all she wore beneath. He latched on to her nipple. The suction of his lips and the licks of his tongue were supreme. Tears sprung to Valentina’s eyes as her heart split in two. She couldn’t believe what she was about to do.
“No, Matt. Please don’t—”
But what she started could not be stopped. She felt her thong go down and off. The man loved her breasts. He loved on them until her pleas were reduced to soft sighs.
“Mmm, don’t,” she said in a barely heard whisper. Flashes of AK fucking her up against the wall just an hour ago surfaced.
“I love you,” he said. He spread her butt cheeks with his strong grip on both halves and rubbed his erection up against her bare sex. “I want you so bad, sweetheart,” he breathed.
The diamond at the end of the necklace AK put around her neck cut into her skin. She winced. His zipper went down. Her eyes opened. She put her hands up against the hard planes of Mattel’s chest and shoved, hard. “Stop! Stop it!”
Mattel did as she asked and stepped back. She knelt to pick up her torn dress to shield her nudity. Tears stung her eyes. Shame torched her on the spot between her legs that still tingled for him. “What am I doing? What have I done?”
“You know what you’re doing,” Mattel looked at her body. She couldn’t conceal enough of her.
“I don’t! That’s the fucking point! I don’t anymore.” She put her hand to her forehead. Mattel dropped both hands on either side of her. She was trapped between his extended arms. His forehead rested on hers.
“Don’t do this to me, Valentina. Not again. I love you. I’m in love with you. You’re torturing me. Choose me, and put an end to this.”
“I can’t do it this way, Matt. I can’t hurt Earl like this,” she said.
“Then end it with him.” His head lifted and their eyes clocked. “Tell him the truth.”
She lowered her gaze. “What truth?”
“That this is real. That you’re in love with me! Tell him we didn’t plan it. We didn’t do it on purpose. It happened and it’s real.”
“What if it’s lust? It could be lust. I don’t know what it is, and neither do you.”
Mattel withdrew. The look of hurt in his eyes shredded her. Valentina put her dress on. She didn’t care what he saw of her body. She did the best she could to put the dress on and cover herself, torn or not. She located her purse and torn thong. She intended to leave but stopped. He was standing there watching her. He said nothing.
She began to cry. “You’re right. We shouldn’t work together. We shouldn’t see each other. This is my fault. I’m a terrible person for doing this to us. To you. To him.”
“So you’re going to run back to him? Is what I offered you so fucking repulsive that you have to run from it?” Mattel asked.
Valentina cringed over the pain she heard in his voice. “He loves me, Matt. What do you want me to do? Break his heart? I can’t live with that.”
“I want you to be honest. Not with AK, and not with me, with yourself. For once in your fucking life just face the problem head on. You talk a good game, Valentina, can tell all of us how we need to get our shit together, but look at you! You’re scared. And the biggest thing you’re scared of is you!”
He walked off. He left her there. Valentina watched him go and heard the door to his room slam soon after. She dropped on the foyer step. Tears rolled down her cheeks. She honestly didn’t know what she wanted. She loved them both, in different ways. How was she supposed to choose? How long before the choice was made for her?
She hugged her knees and rocked on her heels. Her eyes kept going to the hall where he disappeared to. Finding the courage she set down her purse and thong. She kicked off her platform high heel shoes. She stood and walked toward his bedroom. She knocked on the door and came inside. He lay on the bed with his arms behind his head.
“Matt?” her voice cracked. “You’re right. I’m doing this. It has to stop. Matt, please look at me.”
He switched his gaze to her.
“The answer is no,” she began. “No, I don’t find the thought of us repulsive. You want the truth. I’ll tell you. I can’t think of my life without you. When I lost everything I hated myself the most. It’s hard when you face your mistakes and I’ve made a million of them. And then one day you showed up with a guitar and reminded me what kept me safe all those years I didn’t have a mother or father. It was the music. I wake up each morning in my bed or his, and I reach for the phone to call you. Every night before I go to sleep I call you. I write my songs… they’re about you. I’ve never been with anyone that I just fit with so perfectly but you.”
She sat on the bed and rubbed his leg. “It’s not your skin color that made it hard for me to see you. I didn’t see what you saw in us because it was so natural that I didn’t need to put a name to it. Do you understand? I kept calling you my best friend because the only other people in my life that fit that securely in my heart are Zephyr and Raven. Now I know it’s not just friendship with us.”
“What do you want, Valentina?” he asked.
She smiled. “I’m going to find out the answer to that question. I’ll take a few days off from recording. Don’t abandon the project just yet. Let me go work through my bullshit.”
“How long?” he asked.
�
�A few days. Okay?”
He extended his hand to her. She crawled across the bed and went into his arms.
“AK is ready to leave the business for me. He wants to get into producing only. He wants to start a life together.”
Mattel listened. She lay on his chest and eased her arm around him. “I won’t commit to either of you unless I’m a hundred percent sure. I have to be sure.”
She lifted her head. She could see how much he loved her and it hurt. Deep down she knew she’d taken advantage of those feelings without thought. And he didn’t deserve that. She eased up against him. She kissed him softly. She kissed his cheek. “I’ll call you in a few days. Okay?”
“I love you,” he said.
She smiled. “I love you too, Matt.”
She got up from the bed and headed for the door.
“Valentina?”
She stopped. “Yes?”
“I got a business offer to work on some artists in the U.K. I’m trying to decide on it. If I take it I won’t be back. I’ll wait to hear from you to decide.”
He might as well have kicked her in the chest. She couldn’t imagine him leaving, and not returning. “Oh? Uh, okay. I understand.”
“Goodnight,” he said.
“Night.”
She walked out of his room and through his house, only stopping to collect her things. Her heart was wedged in her throat. What was she going to do? How could she ever make the right choice?
Chapter Fourteen
Up in Smoke
Valentina heard the sirens. She looked up in her rearview and saw flashing lights. “Shit!”
“What is it?” Raven asked from the inside car phone.
“Cops, now I got this shit to deal with. Let me call you back.”
“Okay. I want to go to see Zephyr together. So call me. Bye.”
Valentina wheeled her truck as far off the side of the avenue as she could. Cars flew by and the squad car pulled up close to her bumper. She reached in her glove compartment. She smacked on her chewing gum and fished out her registration card. She immediately dug inside her oversized purse to find her wallet. To her left she heard the soft taps of the cop knocking on her window. She gave him her index finger to wait as she struggled to pry her license free of the leather flap.
